by G. Brailey
“Here or with the girlfriend?”
“No, here…”
“Shall I open the door?”
“I’ve just closed it.”
“The girlfriend might have something to say.”
“This doesn’t involve Veronica, it involves you and me.”
Jason looked scared, but he sat down, pulling his hood further over his face, hiding in it.
“Can you take that hood down… just for once.”
“I like it up.”
“Yes, well I like it down,” said Zack, snatching at it. They tussled for a bit, but eventually Zack won, noticing how exposed Jason looked now, how self-conscious. He also noticed lacerations all over his shaved head, but he tried his best to ignore them.
“Right, that’s better,” he said, pulling up a chair. “Okay, mate, this is it. I have asked you nicely, and I know that Tracy has asked you nicely to leave me alone but you don’t seem to want to listen.”
“I could guard the place, make sure people don’t get in.”
“No, I don’t want anyone to guard the place, and most of all I don’t want you to guard the place, I want you to keep away. Now is there any part of that you don’t understand?”
“Are they expensive, these flats?” said Jason, on his feet now.
“Yes, they are, they’re very expensive.”
“If I won the lottery I could move in. Do you do the lottery?”
“Jason, listen to me…”
But Jason had darted into the living room.
“Do you do the lottery?” he said to Veronica, chucking himself down next to her on the couch.
“Sometimes, yes…”
“If I won the lottery I’d get a flat here, because then I could afford the rent.”
Zack came up looming over them. “Jason, listen, it’s the end of the line, mate. If I see you anywhere near this apartment block again I’ll take out an injunction and that means trouble… that means big trouble.”
Jason started to rock back and forth obsessively. Veronica couldn’t help but put her arm round him, shooting Zack a look at the same time. Feeling like he’d just kicked a puppy, Zack let out a noisy sigh, and after a few moments of deadlock, retreated back into the kitchen, cursing himself for bringing the boy up to the flat in the first place.
“Do you sign on?” said Jason, staring at Veronica and taking her by surprise.
“No,” said Veronica, “I work usually.”
“Doing what? Doing what?”
“Painting…”
“Like walls, and ceilings and stuff? I know someone who does that.”
“Like pictures… I’ve got a gallery round the corner in Puddlewell Lane.”
“I’ll buy one,” said Jason, “for my flat. I need some pictures. I like pictures.”
“Okay,” said Veronica, “come over one day and I’ll show you round.”
An hour later Jason and Veronica were watching Deal or No Deal and Zack, still in the kitchen, was sulking. Every attempt he had made to ditch this boy had failed, and thanks to Veronica he didn’t seem to be getting any further this time either.
“He should have taken the money!” said Jason jumping up, pointing at the TV and shouting out, “he’s a dick this guy, he was offered 18 grand and he turned it down, now look, he’ll be lucky to get 5 hundred! Ha! What a tosser!”
Zack could stand it no longer, he burst into the living room, stormed up to Jason and grabbed him by the sleeve.
“Right, come one, we’re going, I’m taking you home.”
“But the programme hasn’t finished, the banker might change his mind!”
“Hard luck,” said Zack, dragging him towards the door.
“Zack, just another ten minutes,” said Veronica.
“No…”
“You’re being unreasonable,” she said, the tone in her voice causing him to let go of Jason and turn towards her, “take him when the programme’s over, it’s soon enough.”
Knowing Veronica had got him off the hook, Jason sat back down next to her and threw her a cheery grin. Zack felt like punching him, but after a moment he returned to the kitchen yet again, and closed the door.
Jason managed to stay another hour, citing an episode of some soap or other to keep him there. Veronica was complicit in this, and to Zack it felt like they were ganging up.
“Right, that’s it, no more programmes, I’m taking you home!” said Zack finally, almost in triumph, plunging out of the kitchen and into the living room and switching the television off.
Jason knew he was on borrowed time and so making no more objections, he threw Veronica a sweet little wave at the door and followed Zack rather meekly this time to the lift and down to the car. All the way back to Holloway Jason said nothing, and Zack found himself increasingly emotional thinking he wouldn’t see the boy again, worried now as to what would become of him.
As they pulled up outside The Dealers Arms, Zack turned to him and said: “All the best, mate, take care of yourself now,” more affected by this farewell than he ever thought possible.
Jason nailed Zack with a look and it was a look that dented his soul. Then he scrambled out of the car and without turning back, walked swiftly away.
“He’s harmless enough,” said Veronica, on Zack’s return, “and he did save my life.”
“Oh for Christ sake! So let’s move him in here then shall we? Is that what you want?” Veronica flinched, she actually looked frightened. “I’m sorry,” he said, regretting his temper immediately, “I shouldn’t shout at the invalid, should I?”
“No, you shouldn’t.”
“Look, the boy needs help we know this, but I’ve done my best, and there is a limit for God’s sake.” There was no reply, and what with Veronica’s articulate silence and the memory of Jason’s desolation in the car, now Zack felt about as popular as a suicide bomber.
However, all these feelings were jettisoned the next morning when Zack ran over to Londis for a pint of milk. As he turned from one aisle to the next he saw him, wearing exactly the same clothes as the day before, ten yards away. They held a look for a moment and in that moment Zack felt all Jason’s vulnerability and insecurity transfer to him, and his confidence transferred back, just like with Susan, suddenly their roles were reversed.
Zack went up to the counter to pay, glancing over his shoulder once or twice as he made small talk with the assistant, then he left. On the other side of the street he turned back and saw Jason in the shop window, his gaze resolute, watching as Zack fumbled with his keys, and as he opened up the door and went inside.
Zack said nothing to Veronica about it over breakfast, but told her that they were going away.
“Not Derbyshire again,” she said, looking rather alarmed.
“No not Derbyshire, somewhere a bit more user friendly than that.”
Zack convinced Veronica to keep the gallery closed for a while, offering to pay the overheads. After all, how could she hump paintings and sculptures about the place with broken limbs? She couldn’t he told her and she needed to recuperate. Veronica hated this feeling of dependence, it went against the grain, but she consoled herself that she would have to give in to it for the time being. She couldn’t even lift a paintbrush at the moment, so she would take a sabbatical and use the enforced idleness as thinking time.
Miriam was furious that Veronica had gone trotting back to Zack Fortune, who she had counselled against almost right from the word go, but she was still surprised to get a phone call from Veronica telling her that they were leaving town.
“Where exactly?”
“Not sure yet, it’s a surprise.”
“Like Derbyshire?” said Miriam, bitterly.
“I need to get better.”
“And why can’t you get better here?”
“And why can’t you be happy for me sometimes?”
“Because you’ve been duped by this bloke, that’s why.”
“That is such rubbish, Miriam!”
“He’s a wom
anizer and an opportunist and you could do so much better.”
“Well at least he’s making sure the gallery survives,” Veronica snapped, “he’s paying all the expenses, everything, so I don’t have to worry about it, so I can get better at my own pace.”
“Guilt, that’s all, because his ex-girlfriend pushed you down the stairs.”
Sam was surprised when Zack called telling him they were leaving town. “Right now? Today?”
“But I told you.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think it was a done deal, what’s the rush?”
“You know that old phrase… just because you’re paranoid…”
“Yes I do,” said Sam, “very well as it goes.”
“Did I tell you that kid Jason is hanging around all the time, and who knows what Susan’s up to.”
Sam’s reply was muted. “Well, let us know how you get on and where you are.”
“It’s not forever, mate, it’s just a stopgap.”
“Oh sure, I know that.”
“Anyway, how are you?”
“Champion, I’m going back next week.”
“Already?”
“I can’t kick around here all day, Clarissa would kill me.”
“Listen as soon as we get settled you’ll come and see us?”
“Absolutely, for an hour or so, but don’t expect me to sleep there, I’ll get the horrors, you know what I’m like with open spaces.”
As they set off in the Mercedes they passed Jason, pacing up and down outside the shop. He saw the car go past, and he saw their things piled high on the back seat and it made him want to scream.
“No!” he yelled out loud, “fuck, fuck, FUCK!!”
He knew he had gone too far, he knew he had freaked the guy and he also knew what that meant, he’d lost him, possibly for good. He was close to exploding as he raced along to an alley that ran down behind a pub. Dead bottles were piled high in a small dumpster waiting to be collected. He grabbed one, smashed it against a wall and pushing his sleeves up he drew the jagged glass across his arm, once, twice, three times. He knew exactly where to do it, he’d done it so many times before.
When he was starting on his other arm he was aware that someone was watching. He saw them dimly walking in slow motion towards him, but by the time they reached him, Jason had sunk to his knees and then, he could see nothing at all.
CHAPTER 28
Even though Zack was with Veronica, and seemed to be committed to Veronica, Justin was still overjoyed at the idea of them living close by. He had found them a small stone cottage with an enormous garden that ran down to Creed Mill River, the same cottage that had featured in all sorts of tourist brochures and calendars as quintessential Cotswold accommodation, the place was charm itself.
It was situated at the end of quite a wide track, and was the only building there. Fields stretched out all round it and the old fashioned front garden was framed by a small white picket fence. A path led up to a wooden porch as old as the house itself, surrounded by chimney pots stuffed with flowers. As boltholes go, it seemed perfect.
Veronica loved the place, she loved everything about it. She felt safe once the door had closed behind them, as though huge weights had been lifted from her. After lunch they set off to explore.
Strolling along the High Road, in and out of little shops, Zack was reassured by the normality and the tradition of Creed Mill Bridge. All the recent horrors seemed to have sunk back into the abyss and for the first time in months, Zack felt whole again. The visions had stopped, Susan had wreaked her vengeance, but ultimately had failed to destroy him or Veronica, Sam had forgiven him for beating him half to death, Clarissa and he had survived all the madness, and poor old Jason had been swept from their lives like debris left behind at the end of a day’s trading at a fruit stall. Veronica had stuck by him through all of this and was nothing less than a saint in his eyes. He was determined to make it up to her, and in his own way thank her for her faith in him, which despite everything, seemed to be unshaken.
He got the feeling that Veronica knew he was thinking along these lines when she looked up at him and gave him one of her blinding smiles. They were killers these smiles and never failed to arouse him. He suggested they went back, advising that she had probably walked around enough for one day, which was a ruse. He wanted sex with Veronica that was the truth of it. They had resisted the night before, wary of the injuries, the organizing of limbs and the avoiding of pressure points, but back at the cottage as they lay on the bed together, they seemed to have an innate sense now of what to do, and set about each other, maybe not as ferociously as in the past, but with just as much intensity. The sex this time was celebratory, the putting up of two fingers to the world. They had been pushed down into the depths and held there, but here they were through sheer force of will shoving their heads up again over the water line and gulping air.
Justin insisted that Zack and Veronica join him for dinner that night, so while Zack and Justin laboured over a large skillet of paella on the stove, Veronica looked round the house.
Veronica decided she adored just about everything in Justin’s house, the reclaimed wood, the ceramics, the paintings, the chaise longue, and the grand bathrooms that were big enough to live in. But Veronica spent most of her time in front of the pin board, fascinated by the old photographs of Zack with various girls, smiling up at him, all obviously besotted. There was one strange photograph though of Zack with his head obscured by a white light. It was clearly Zack, but Veronica found it odd that Justin should think it worth bothering with. She took it off the board to look closer.
“So what’s with all the weirdness?” said Justin to Zack in the kitchen, opening another bottle of wine, “still weird, less weird or what?”
“I made a decision re: the weirdness, Justin, I’ll tell you about it later.”
“She’s stunning by the way, your Veronica…”
“I know she is, and she’s honest and intelligent and compassionate and uncomplicated…”
“And she’s much better than you deserve.”
“And she’s much better than I deserve,” Zack recited back to him, “and listen to this…” but Zack didn’t have time to elaborate because Veronica walked in and interrupted them.
“What’s this?” she said, holding the photograph up.
“You haven’t put that thing back up again have you?” said Zack, serious suddenly.
“No, of course not…”
“So where did you find it?”
“On the pin board next door.”
“You can’t have done.”
“I did, just now…”
“Well I didn’t put it there,” said Justin, not sure if Zack believed him.
Zack grabbed the photograph, tore it up and chucked it into the bin. “So, that’s that,” he said, “job done.”
“And so is this,” said Justin, “sit yourselves down.”
“Tremendous house, Justin…”
“It was a bit of a mess when I bought it, but I wanted space… I do like space. So anyway, help yourselves. Now, who’s going to say grace?”
“That’s Justin’s idea of a joke.”
“How dare you, I go to church and everything.”
“Liar…”
“I bloody do, I was hoping you’d come with me on Sunday.”
“I’ll come.”
“You and me then, let his Lordship remain a heathen all his life.”
“This is so good,” said Veronica, after the first mouthful, “you are clever.”
“Don’t say that to him, his head’s the size of a pumpkin as it is.”
“Shut up, Fortune, what do you know? Did you read that book by the way?”
Zack was on the verge of changing the subject, when Veronica piped up. “What book?”
“A book that Russell wrote called ‘The Circle of Death’.”
“How did you get hold of that?”
“A friend of Justin’s gave it to him, and he to me.”
&n
bsp; “Interesting?”
“It was as elusive as the man himself, nothing particularly illuminating.”
“Edward seemed to think it would help.”
“Well it didn’t, end of.”
Justin glanced at Veronica in the silence, shooting her an uncertain smile. “And the cottage is okay?”
“Brilliant,” said Veronica, “we just love it there.”
“There’s all sorts of stuff going on by the way, I must give you the local paper before you go.”
“Like?”
“Fairs and festivals, and village fetes…”
“Oh right up my street! I haven’t been to a decent village fete in bloody years,” said Zack, causing Veronica to kick him under the table. “He doesn’t care what I say to him, do you Justin?”
“You don’t know the half of it,” said Justin to Veronica, with feeling.
“Yes, well, let’s just leave it to the imagination, shall we?” said Zack, hastily, throwing Justin a warning look.
Zack knew that Justin had drunk a couple of bottles of wine before they came and yet another one while he was cooking. He was rather nervous now of what he might come out with and Justin knew he was, so just to wind him up, Justin embarked on a few lurid tales only to have Zack butt in and change the subject every time.
“Okay, mate, you’ve made your point, anyway Veronica knows I’m a shit so you’re preaching to the converted somewhat.”
After dinner they retired to the living room where Veronica was drawn back again to the pin board, greedy for more history.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do here for three months,” said Zack to Justin, forgetting for a moment Veronica was in the room.
“How about doing nothing?”
“I thought that was the general idea,” said Veronica, over her shoulder.
“Well yes it is, of course it is.”
Zack offered Justin a tight smile. He knew he should be looking forward to three months of idleness, but there were the stirrings of panic within him. He thought back to the one night he was supposed to be doing much the same in London, the night he ended up with Sid, then unconscious and on a rape charge.
“I’m not too good at all that… you know I’m not.”