When he looks at me my skin always prickles as though my body recognizes him when he’s close. I can be talking to someone else with my back to the door, and the minute he walks in, I immediately know he’s there. Sometimes I wonder whether he has the same reaction to me. There is something between us even though Donovan doesn’t want to act on that something.
Taking a glass of some sparkling fruit drink as the waiter passes, I glance at Donovan again and let a small smile play on my lips when I see the frown on the girls face. She isn’t happy. Now her hands go to her hips as she whispers something frantically to Donovan. He looks pissed.
My heart would soar to the stars if Donovan were to become my guy. To have him only look at me the way he did at the beginning to that girl.
Harry looks at me that way, which has started to make me feel uncomfortable. He’s a really nice guy and I do enjoy spending time with him, but he isn’t Donovan. It isn’t fair to keep spending time with Harry when I’m sure he’s expecting more from me. Trying to talk to him and tell him I’m only interested in friendship though hasn’t been working out too good. He always seems to avoid the conversation by finding a distraction—a report to write or an errand to run. This tells me he knows what I’m going to say, but I hope he knows how much I want him as a friend. Anything else just isn’t possible.
“Mara, wake up.” Harry nudges me out of my daydream, sloshing my drink over the top of the glass onto the girl with Donovan.
“You bitch,” she cusses, her pretty face twisting into an ugly snarl as she tries to dab at the stain on her dress.
“Sue,” Donovan quietly whispers. “Apologize to Mara right now.”
I was about to apologize to her until she cussed at me. It was an accident that didn’t warrant such name-calling. Sue’s face is red with anger and her blue eyes sweep over me with disdain. I swear she looks ready to hit me. And Donovan looks ready to throttle her.
“I said apologize to her. That was uncalled for.”
“Donovan.” He meets my gaze and the rest of what I was about to say floats straight out of my head. Tears prickle at the back of my eyes as the full force of her resentment hits me like a slap to the face.
“What the fuck is going on?” Reece demands. And I know from his tone and the glare he’s throwing at her that he heard every word she said. “You need to leave. No one speaks to my sister like that.”
“So it’s okay for her to throw wine all over someone deliberately? Is that what you’re telling me?”
Callie pushes past Reece and goes right into Sue’s face. “It was an accident.”
“Look everyone. Can we calm down? I’m sorry okay. This is my entire fault for nudging Mara. I’m sorry,” Harry interrupts, shocking everyone into silence.
“C’mon. I’ll take you home.” Donovan grabs Sue’s arm and starts to drag her out of the room.
My heart feels heavy watching him leave with his hand on her. I know he’s only trying to get her out of here, but it still hurts.
The night is ruined for me now, and with Reece’s arms around me in comfort, I still want to leave. My bed is waiting for me to crawl into it, and only then will I let my tears fall.
Chapter Two
Donovan
Bringing Sue to the art show at the museum has to be one of the most idiotic ideas that I’ve ever had. Knowing Mara was taking Harry had pushed me in to finding someone as a date when really I should have gone alone. But being around Mara isn’t something I’m able to handle alone any more. Every day my will to stay away from her is slowly disappearing.
Mara is my best friends sister. And to make it worse, she is seven years my junior. But she’s the only girl ever to get under my skin—a place she’s been for a couple of years now.
Reece would be on me in two seconds flat if I ever made a move on his baby sister. I’ve always been around Reece and his sisters, but it was Mara’s sixteenth birthday when she’d literally knocked the breath out of me. That was the day everything between us started to become awkward. As a result, I gradually spent less and less time at Reece’s house just to avoid Mara.
At the time I’d freaked because of the age difference between us. So not right. Even now I can’t decide which bothers me the most; the age difference or that she’s Reece’s sister.
After dropping Sue off at her place, I’m now sitting in my truck outside Mara’s apartment building—my old apartment. Sue hadn’t been happy with me dumping her at home and leaving. She’d made it clear that I could have everything else…but that wasn’t on the cards. Boy, was she pissed when she discovered this little fact. My only thought was to get back to Mara to make sure she’s okay. The look on her face when Sue called her a bitch is on a loop in my head, which is why I’m sitting here trying to decide whether or not to go inside. If I do, Reece isn’t going to be too happy to see me there, checking on his sister, but at the same time I’m not going to settle until I’ve seen her for myself.
Climbing out from behind the wheel, I slowly head into the building using the key I still have.
The scent of fresh paint burns my nose and I grunt in displeasure. I hate the smell but I have to admit that the pale yellow walls and white trim is exactly what the building needed. The building only has four stories with Reece, Callie and Mara being on the third. Pushing my way through the door that leads to the stairwell, I notice these walls have been repainted white, making it seem so much lighter than the previous color of brown did. I always used to hate walking up these stairs—damn depressing.
Walking out on the third floor to another freshly painted hallway, I lift my head and freeze. Mara has her back against the wall to the side of the door with Harry standing in front of her—not an inch between the two of them.
That is so not fuckin’ happening!
“What’s going on?” I demand, my voice tight with anger.
Mara and Harry both turn their heads and watch as I walk closer to them. Harry swallows a few times and starts that nervous twitch he has going on with his fingers. Ignoring him, I meet Mara’s stare and watch as for a split second her eyes light up with hope before the light goes out.
I’m not stupid and know she’s attracted to me—this isn’t me being vain either. A few weeks ago I’d had her in my arms after she’d had a run in with Reece and I’d felt her quiver against me. I’d wanted nothing more than to pick her up and carry her into my bedroom, but I hadn’t. When she was back home in Alabama I had peace, but now, I constantly have to sit back and watch her with other guys who wanted one thing from her. I have a feeling though that Harry wants more than to get into her little panties, and that’s killing me. If I continue pushing her away she’s going to end up with someone like him. That should make me happy for her, except the thought of her being with someone else tears me in two. So I guess I’m not there yet, and I’m not sure I ever will be.
“You going to speak or stand there glaring at me all night?” Mara asks, stepping away from Harry.
Rubbing my forehead, I look between the two of them and smile inwardly when Harry starts to edge toward the stairwell.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Mara. Bye.” Harry hesitates, his gaze sweeping towards me before he quickly runs back to her. After giving her a quick kiss, he heads towards the stairs, leaving me alone with her. With my girl. Fuck!
“Where’s you’re date?” Mara asks as she crosses her arms, which pushes her breasts up making her cleavage deeper.
I bite back a groan, and answer, “She’s back at her apartment.” I take a step closer. “My only thought was to check on you. Are you okay?”
After a second or two of silence, she nods. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
I hear what she’s saying, but I really don’t believe her because she won’t meet my eyes.
“Mara,” I step into her space, “don’t lie to me. I’ve known you for years and I know when you’re lying.”
When she finally meets my gaze, I watch as a lone tears slips down her face and I long to wipe it away. She lo
oks everywhere, her gaze going back to some unseen hurt. “I was looking forward to the show tonight, but…you showed up with her, and then, well, I just wanted to be home.”
Showing up tonight with Sue had been self preservation if I’m totally honest, and knowing I hurt Mara and made her sad when she should have been having a good time is like a kick to the gut. Unable to keep my hands to myself any longer, I reach out and taking hold of her arms, I pull her into mine.
She buries her face into my chest as I wrap my arms tightly around her, holding her against me. Seeing her upset hurts—it hurts a lot.
“Mara, babe.” I slide my fingers through her dark curls and hold her face against me as I bend my head and rest my mouth against the top of her head. Mara’s hair smells of fresh flowers and I breathe it in deeply as I kiss the top of her head. “I’m sorry. I only brought her with me to stop me from getting closer to you…but here we are.”
Mara lifts her tear stained face—her eyes questioning. I cup her face in my hands and use my thumbs to brush them away. Without thinking, I bend and kiss her cheek to catch a wayward tear. She inhales as I freeze. I shouldn’t have done that!
Our lips are mere inches apart; my heart feels like it’s about to explode through my chest. I want nothing more than to close the gap between us, to finally taste her. Instead, I push her away from me and clear my throat.
I brush the loose hair behind her ear before pulling my hand back and shoving it in to my pocket. “Go inside Mara, and I’ll see you later.” I need to learn to keep my hands to myself.
“Why?” she asks.
“You know why. Dammit!” I shove my hands through my hair, frustration ripping through me. I want to be with her but we both know why I can’t. Just as I turn away, the apartment door opens and Callie appears from behind it.
She looks over her shoulder before looking between the two of us. Obviously checking to see where Reece is since I’m alone out here with his sister.
“You coming in?” Callie opens the door wider so Mara can enter, but I take a step back.
“I’ll see you both later,” I whisper, hoping Reece doesn’t hear me. I can do without him throwing his suspicions out at me right now. Especially when the suspicions would be spot on.
Callie doesn’t say anything as I make a dash for the stairwell to head home to my empty, dark apartment. I suppose it isn’t as bad as I make it out to be. It’s a large open space for the living part of the apartment with a separate room for a bedroom, office and bathroom. It’s just too damn quiet being on my own after spending a few years rooming with Reece.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about moving back home. I own a large, empty house that is peaceful and secluded. I can lie out on the deck and just listen to the sounds of living in the country—the gentle breeze that rustles the leaves on the trees and bushes. Even the early morning wake up calls from the birds would be peaceful. It would certainly be better than waking up here to truck horns, as the drivers get impatient in early morning traffic.
I really don’t know what the fuck to do any more. When my parents were killed in the car crash and I suddenly found myself alone, it was Phoenix, Reece and their families that helped me keep my shit together. So pursuing this thing that’s between Mara and me isn’t something that we could go into lightly. We’re practically family and I already know Reece’s feelings on the subject, and Mara’s mother wouldn’t be too happy either…or would she?
Chapter Three
Mara
“We’re going home.”
“What? No way. You go with Callie. I’m staying here.”
“Mara stop being damn stubborn. Mom’s apologized for blaming you, and I thought you were cool with that,” Reece says, frustration clear in his voice.
“I am okay with that, but I’m happy here and I don’t want to go home. Besides, I’m in the middle of my art course. I can’t just get up and leave on a whim.”
Reece is driving me crazy. For the past couple of weeks, since the art show, he’s been acting all weird. Today, he’s been hovering around as though he wants to say something to me, but doesn’t have the courage—and now I know why. Things at home will probably be strained if I go back. I’d much rather give Mom a wide berth for now after the things she accused me of. It really hurt when she said it was my fault Dad had gone and fucked someone else. Then he’d gone and gotten that someone pregnant and the result was Dahlia being born. It was messed up because I wasn’t even born then. All these years no one had known, except for Reece, but I’d been the one who had gotten the blame because I had been the only one home when Mom had discovered Dahlia. So although Mom may apologize every time we speak, which isn’t often, I’m still not ready to go back and face her.
My eldest sister, Amanda, has been on me about coming home. She was positive that the first homecoming would resolve the problems and I would finally have it off my mind. The thing is, it isn’t playing on my mind all the time. My head is so full of my art course that I don’t have time to think about other things. When I do give my brain a rest, in slides Donovan. My family, although I love them, aren’t really on my mind 24/7, but I’ve no wish to say that out loud to Amanda. She’s very much like our mother with what comes out of her mouth and her mannerisms.
Now that she’s finished college, she’s moved back home while she works in the new law firm in town. If you ask me she’s only doing all this because she has her eye on marrying someone who can give her the life she wants, and that she’s set her sights on the new lawyer. He is kind of cute in an older man kinda way.
“For God’s sake Mara! Stop switching off and listen to what I’m saying.” Reece snarls, his lips twisted in anger.
He is definitely pissed that I keep tuning him out.
“Will you answer me?” he growls.
I guess I should be listening to what he’s saying instead of daydreaming.
“I didn’t…um…catch what you asked me.”
“Fuck.” He stomps off toward the window while running his hands over his bald head.
I snicker.
“This isn’t funny.” He turns to face me. “Are you listening this time?”
Nodding, I bite my lip to stop the grin from spreading across my face.
“I was saying that your art course is only a week in to the six week program. That means you can start the other one, which is starting up in two weeks when we get back. So my question was, will you be okay with traveling back with Donovan because I’m taking Callie on my bike? And before you say anything, going home isn’t really negotiable because Phoenix and Thalia have decided to move their wedding forward and it’s happening next weekend.”
News about the wedding makes me stop and think. I love weddings, which reminds me to check my phone. I’d received a message from Thalia titled ‘Wedding,’ but I’d been running late for class and with everything else happening; I’d forgotten to read it.
“What are you doing now?”
“Thalia, texted me before but I forgot to read it.”
Grabbing my phone, I unlock the screen and bring up Thalia’s message. The scream I issue makes Reece jump and I almost laugh.
Running over to my brother, I throw myself into his arms and say, “I’m going to be a bridesmaid.” Jumping out of his arms just as quickly as I jumped into them, I dash toward my bedroom. “I’m going to pack.”
“Fuckin’ hell Mara, is that all I had to tell you to get you to agree? I really don’t understand women,” he mumbles, following me into my bedroom.
“Look, we both know why I’m not too keen on heading home, but if there is a wedding happening then hopefully there will be more to do than sitting at home with Mom.”
As I grab my bag from the top of the closet, it suddenly dawns on me that I’m probably not the only one going home for the wedding.
“Is everyone coming home?”
“Yeah. Why?”
This should be fun. “No reason.”
That means my sister Sarah will be home as wel
l. She’s had a crush on Donovan about as long as I have and she’s two years older than me—that’s two years closer to Donovan’s age.
I’m not going to worry about her right now because we do have a sister code, and she won’t go after the same guy I’m in love with. But she doesn’t know you’re in love with Donovan.
Sighing and shoving the thought of my sister and Donovan out of my head for now, I open the drawers on my dresser before turning back to Reece. “Can you go and do something else while I pack? I’d rather not have my brother seeing my bras and panties.”
I grin as a look of pure horror fills Reece’s face and he races from my room before slamming my door behind him.
My clothes tend to be more towards comfort than fashion. I practically live in jeans, and back home, I live in those as well as shorts. But my underwear, I have a tendency to splurge. All my panties and bras were bought from Victoria Secrets with my hard-earned cash.
For the past two years, I’ve been blogging. At first it started out as a way to pass time, but my reviews of art books and art shows I’ve attended has really taken off. Mara’s Thoughts has over sixty-seven thousand followers, which makes my heart flutter every time I think about it. I’m not sure how that happened, but I’m not about to ignore something that I’m good at—something that I’m respected for. I’m not sure how people would feel if they ever discovered I’m only eighteen and that I was sixteen when I started the blog. My family are still unaware of my hobby or job.
About seven months ago, a publisher approached me and asked for rates for art book reviews as well as reviews for fiction novels set around the art world. Of course being seventeen, and constantly having to ask my mom for money every time I needed something or every time I was going out with friends, I jumped at the opportunity to get paid for doing what I love. And it’s a publisher who is paying me so it’s not like I’m taking money from the actual author, right? I’m also honest with my reviews even when it’s a paid review. If I don’t like the book, I say so.
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