by Jodi Thomas
He seemed to be fighting himself. He touched only her lips with the tip of his fingers as he moved away.
They dressed in silence and he helped her in the buggy. Before he raised the reins, he turned to her. “You must think me completely mad.”
“Once more,” she asked with her hand resting on his arm. “Hold me once more before we have to go, Daniel.”
His control shattered. He pulled her wildly onto his lap and found her mouth. As the kiss deepened, he tugged at the buttons of her dress, shoving the material away in haste. His hands were as hungry as his mouth. He bared her breasts so quickly she felt the material rip.
He could no more explain his need for her than he could have denied it. He'd thought the taste of her, the feel of her, would satisfy the hunger inside him, but all it did was make him want more.
When he ended the kiss, she lay across his lap, her head cradled in his arm, her breast bare. He gently caressed her left breast as though he had petted her so tenderly for years. And, as he knew she would, she responded to his touch with a little sound that made him want to give her more, far more. She felt so good in his arms, warm, welcoming. A gift he hadn't asked for but could never return.
“I take it you've no objections to your husband's touch?” He closed his fingers around her flesh and watched her arch her back in pleasure.
“No,” she whispered almost mindlessly. “I've no objections.”
Daniel pulled her close, hugging her to him. “Then promise to come to me again, dear gift. Come to me again as you did tonight.” She was a woman of such fire and opinions, yet she molded to his desires without question.
He kissed her on the cheek and sat her beside him. There was no need for her to answer his request. He could see her answer in her eyes.
While she worked the buttons of her clothing, he drove toward the last stronghold of the Confederacy. The only place he knew of where men still fought a war already lost. His hands held the reins, but his thoughts were still holding Karlee.
TWENTY-FIVE
DANIEL WATCHED THE SHADOWS AS HE DROVE through the opening to a valley. He couldn't see anyone, but he knew they were there. Watching. Waiting.
A cliff rose on one side. The road narrowed so much that it would be impossible for him to turn the buggy around. He decided he should have told Karlee that the men surrounding Jesse Blair wouldn't have let him come alone even with Wolf vouching for him, unless she came also. They'd told Daniel he'd be shot if he entered the valley without his wife. Their reasoning was obvious; a man doesn't travel at the point of an ambush with his wife at his side. Despite Wolf's backing, Daniel was a Northerner.
A shadow materialized twenty feet in front of the buggy.
“Halt!”
Even though Daniel had been waiting, listening, he barely caught himself from bolting out of the buggy at the stranger's sudden appearance.
“Step down!” the faceless figure ordered.
Karlee squeezed Daniel's hand. Her calmness steadied him. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but once more she was proving her bravery.
“I have to blindfold you both.” The Southern voice softened slightly. “Don't worry. You'll come to no harm, Mrs. McLain.”
The man covered their eyes and helped them back into the buggy. He didn't tie their hands as Daniel had expected. With a jerk, the man led the horse, pulling the buggy forward.
Karlee's hand slipped into Daniel's. She held on tightly as they moved. Daniel listened, trying to guess first one direction, then another. Trees brushed the bonnet of the buggy from time to time. The road turned from rocky to smooth, then rocky again. They twisted so many ways Daniel finally lost his sense of direction.
The horse slowed, then stepped forward suddenly. Daniel smelled the familiar odor of a barn. The wind ceased, and doors closed behind the buggy as it came to a stop.
“You can remove the blindfold now,” a woman said in a voice low and kind.
Karlee was out of the buggy before Daniel could stop her.
“AmyAnn!” she shouted with delight and hugged the little mother as if there was no one else in the barn.
Several men stood around, unsure what to do. This wasn't the reception they'd planned. The women hugged and cooed over the baby as if a dozen men with rifles weren't circling them.
Daniel fought back a smile. Karlee seemed to think she was at a church social. Surely she must know the danger they were in. Unless Jesse brought his wife for the same reason he'd insisted Daniel's come. Assurance.
“Now which one of these men is your Jesse?” Karlee asked AmyAnn.
AmyAnn pointed to her husband.
Holding the baby up, Karlee stood directly in front of the man who once laid, almost dead, on her dining table. “I wouldn't have recognized you, Jesse. You've gained some weight since your funeral.”
Jesse nodded and lowered his rifle. “Yes, Ma'am.”
“And this boy looks just like you,” Karlee added. “The spitting image of his old man.”
The father, barely into his twenties, grinned with pride. “We all think he does, Ma'am.”
Karlee looked at an older version of Jesse standing next to the new father. “And you must be Jesse's pa?”
The man nodded politely.
“I'll bet you're mighty proud of little Rip here,” Karlee said, as if just passing the time. “He's going to grow up to be a fine one.”
These men might be outlaws, wanted criminals planning to rob and murder for their cause, but they were also Southern gentlemen and Karlee reminded them of that fact. One by one, she met each, introducing herself to them and them to her husband. One by one, the rifles lowered and disappeared from view.
When the door sliced open and Wolf passed in, he stood in shock. “What is this, a church supper?” He knew these men, he had fought beside a few of them. He'd had to pull every favor he could to get Daniel, a Northern preacher, allowed to walk in their midst, and now Karlee had turned the secret meeting barn into a parlor.
He moved to Daniel's side and whispered, “We'd better get started before your wife has them singing a round of ‘Dixie.’ ”
Daniel held his hand out to Karlee. She joined him, still holding AmyAnn's baby in her arms.
Wolf cleared his throat. “Thank you all for coming tonight. I know it was at great risk for some of you. There's been talk about what to do in retaliation for Altus Blair's death. Before you decide, I want you to hear from Reverend McLain. He's my friend, and he went to the stockade to check on Altus. He was there the night Blair died. He's helped us before. I think we owe him a few minutes.”
Men who had argued bitterly against Daniel coming now stood politely and waited.
Daniel never turned loose of Karlee's hand as he spoke. His normally hesitant speech disappeared. “I'm here, not as a Yankee, or even a preacher, but as a man.” He glanced at Jesse. “A man who'd like to see his children grow up in peace.
“We have to stop cutting into scars. We've all lost enough blood. I saw some of you the night of the fire working together side by side with men you profess to hate. If we stopped the fire in town, we can stop the flames of injustice licking away at what we all know is right and fair.”
Karlee listened in surprise as eloquent words flowed from Daniel unrehearsed, as though straight from his heart. He presented his argument for letting the war die with Altus its last hero. He talked of a future for children where North and South weren't divided. He spoke of the opportunities here in Texas, and how he'd do what he could to help.
Slowly, Karlee realized the man before her, with all his shyness and gruffness toward her, was a gifted teacher. Not a holy, hellfire and brimstone preacher, but a man who believed in brotherly love.
She saw the goodness in him others must have seen all his life. An open heart that would tolerate no injustice. A man almost too kind to live in his time. An intelligence strong enough to allow others to think for themselves.
At first, she swelled with pride, then her cheeks burned. How could this man be the same
one who'd touched her in the dark beside the lake an hour ago? How could she ever hope such a man would love her? He'd been either upset or injured all the time she'd known him. She hadn't really seen Daniel McLain. And what she'd experienced up to now must have been the low points in his life while the same memories had been mountains to her.
As Daniel ended his plea, he handed Altus's glasses to the oldest Blair. “Let the war end here. Let your son rest in peace so that little Rip never has to pick up the sword.”
A tear rolled down the elder Blair's weathered face. Daniel gripped the man's shoulder in understanding.
An hour later, the Rebs agreed to consider Daniel's plea. Karlee hugged AmyAnn good-bye and allowed herself to be blindfolded and put back in the buggy with Daniel.
They rode in silence until the guard released them at a safe distance. Daniel took the reins in one hand and put his arm around Karlee in a natural gesture that almost made her cry. He didn't say a word as they drove home. She leaned her head on his shoulder and hoped he thought her asleep.
When they reached the back porch, he kissed her head and said simply, “We're home.”
She climbed down from the buggy and went inside while he took care of the horse. She was dressed for bed when he came into the parlor.
Without a word she crawled beneath the covers and mumbled, “Good night.”
Daniel sat down on the edge of the bed. “What is it?” He knew something was wrong.
“You were good tonight.” She rolled to face him. “No, it was more than that. You were great.”
He brushed her hair back over her shoulder. “You weren't so bad, yourself.”
“What I did was nothing compared to what you did. You opened people's minds with your words.” She swallowed hard, trying not to say the next words. “Folks probably wonder how you could have married me.”
Then Daniel understood. “Karlee, you've had far too much Gerilyn for one day. You're a fine wife, and I'm a lucky man for this marriage. Now go to sleep.”
“Aren't you coming to bed?”
“I've work to do in the study.” He smiled down at her. “Thanks for an interesting evening.”
Karlee closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep, but the way Daniel had touched her kept drifting through her mind. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but sleeping alone tonight wasn't what she hoped for. She almost wished she could have been the wife who died after knowing the completeness of his love rather than the wife who lived and would never have but a part of him.
At dawn, she awoke still alone. She tiptoed to Daniel's study. He was sound asleep in his comfortable chair, his leg propped on the old box he used as a dresser. Books lay open around him, and a pencil still rested in his fingers. Papers were scattered across his lap and a blue ribbon wound its way across the mess.
Karlee moved closer, watching him sleep. The first rays of sunlight danced in his hair and across the handsome lines of his face. Asleep, he looked much younger. Young enough to still believe in loving.
He was resisting her, she thought, and himself. He had passion in what he said, and what he felt. He'd proved that last night at Caddo Lake. He wanted her, or at least he wanted to touch her, but he kept himself just out of reach. Because May had died, he'd condemned himself to a life without love.
She brushed his hair lightly. A curl circled around her finger. If he were waging battle over feelings for her, she aimed to make it a little harder for him. Karlee loved him more every day and figured she had a lifetime of love stored up.
Thirty minutes later, Karlee placed a cup of coffee beside his chair and knelt in front of him. She'd brushed her hair and scrubbed her face, but left on her nightgown. As she watched him sleeping, she unbuttoned her gown several buttons and leaned forward.
Her lips touched his lightly at first, bringing him into morning slowly. He moved with her, taking her kiss as a part of his dream.
She leaned forward, brushing her body over his arm as the kiss deepened. Her hand slid timidly beneath his open collar and covered his heart. It was pounding. He was alive whether he wanted to admit it or not.
Daniel jerked suddenly, fully awake. “Karlee!” His eyes reflected his surprise at her nearness.
“Good morning,” she answered as she moved only inches away. “I brought you coffee.”
Daniel frowned and plowed his hair back. She could see him growing distant. “Coffee is fine, but you need not wake me so personally.”
“I thought you liked my kisses?” She wasn't being coy, simply asking a question.
He looked away. “I do,” he answered. “But… I can't…”
“You can't what?”
He closed his eyes. “I don't know if I can make you understand. I'm not sure I do.” He turned his face toward the window. “Years ago, I gave my love wholly and completely to another. To sleep with you, to have children with you would be wrong. Don't you see, Karlee? I've nothing to give you but a husband during the day. We'll never share the nights.”
“But last night…” “Last night was a mistake that kept me from sleep most of the night,” he snapped. “I thought I could touch you and get it out of my system. I was wrong. The feel of you still lingers on my hands.”
Karlee smiled. The battle was nearly over, and he didn't even know it. “All right,” she said. “If that's what you want.”
“That's the way it has to be between us.” He sounded so determined, but his words were forced. “I've told you that from the beginning.”
“I agree,” she answered. “Only, since you unbuttoned me last night, don't you think you should button me up this morning?”
Daniel looked at her. First at her eyes, then his gaze lowered to her nightgown with a two-inch opening at her breasts. “I'm not a saint, Karlee.”
“Yes, you are.” She shifted slightly so that her gown opened more. “Saint Daniel. Ready to sacrifice your whole life for the love of one who died. Well, prove it. Button me up.”
Daniel faced her and began at her throat as if the task she asked of him was nothing. But as his hands slid against the sides of her breasts, sweat broke out on his forehead.
“If I touch you again like I did last night, there'll be no stopping.”
“I didn't stop you last night, Daniel.”
He finished the buttoning, his hands shaking slightly. “Don't expect me to sleep next to you again.” His voice was gruff. “After touching you, I don't think I could lie next to you without…”
“Whatever you want, dear,” she answered sweetly. “I'll make sure you have it.”
She stood and left, knowing she'd win. It might take a week or a month or even a year. But eventually, she'd win.
All morning, Gerilyn's barbs had no effect on her. Karlee simply remembered the way Daniel had touched her at the lake. If she were so deformed and ugly, he wouldn't have caressed her so. She could almost feel his strong fingers working fire over her skin.
Gerilyn didn't notice Karlee lost in a daydream. Her pattern of speech sped up, as though she felt the need to talk faster and get everything into the lecture.
Valerie stayed the morning, feeling a need to protect Karlee. They worked on the girl's graduation dress while Gerilyn pouted with boredom.
Finally, when Valerie left and the twins were down for a nap, Gerilyn asked, “How does it feel, Cousin, to be a hand-me-down wife? I know you've had seconds all your life. Well, now you have another woman's husband.”
Karlee didn't answer as she poured tea.
When Gerilyn didn't get a response, she wandered on to another topic, having no idea her words had hurt Karlee.
“I think I'll venture down to the docks when it cools a little and see if there is a boat leaving in the morning. I've done about all the good I can do here.”
“I'll dress the twins and go with you.” Karlee brightened.
But her good mood soon faded as she walked through the market. Something was wrong. She wasn't sure what, but she could feel it in the air, in the way men greeted one ano
ther, in the absence of children and women outside and in the stores. Trouble was blowing in like a summer storm.
While Gerilyn checked on passage, Karlee stopped to talk with Valerie's mother. “What is it? What is happening?”
Valerie shook her head. “My madre will not speak of it. She says talk brings trouble walking in.”
Ida passed with her arms loaded down with fresh bread. “That could be true, child. Listen to your mother.”
Karlee busied herself with other conversation, knowing she would get nothing out of the two women. As she left the store, Valerie followed.
“I must know,” Karlee whispered, hoping Valerie would confide in her.
“I'm not supposed to say. But you're not from around here and don't know what's going on.” Excitement danced in the girl's eyes the way it does in only the young when danger is near.
They sat on a bench outside the bakery. “There is a man named Cullen Baker. He's plenty mean. Folks say he killed his first man when he was nineteen and liked it so much he keeps killing. He was a raider during the war, not caring which side he robbed and murdered. But since the war ended, he picks on mostly Yankees. So, some folks hide him out and think he's somehow good. But my madre says there is no good in him.”
“But how is this Cullen upsetting the whole town?”
“Baker and his men robbed an army shipment a year back. They killed the guards and took everything, wagons and all. The rumor is one of his men betrayed him and kept part of the goods. Baker has bragged that he'll ride into town tonight and take back what's his. He says he'll kill anyone who helped the traitor.”
“But he can't just ride into town. The sheriff, the troops.”
“The federal troops don't have a cavalry big enough to chase him. Tempers have been boiling for months. They say there will be a riot tonight over the way the courts have been handing out justice.” Valerie looked truly frightened. “Some even say bodies will hang from the trees come morning.”
Karlee stood. “When you close tonight, you and your mother come home with Ida. I'll make room for you both at our place.”