I laughed harshly. “Please, he could give a rat’s ass whether I came to see him or not. He would tell me it was a sign of weakness, grieving over the ill and worrying for nothing. Then he would make sure to point out everything wrong I’ve ever done in my life.”
Alex stepped in front of me, placing both hands on my chest. I closed my eyes, letting her touch soothe me. “Casper, I don’t know your dad, but I do know any father would be proud to have you as a son. But I also know it’s going to eat up at you if you don’t go in there and at least see him.”
I let out a long, deep breath. “Only if you come with me.”
“I don’t think –”
“Alex please, I won’t go in there unless you’re with me.”
She agreed, but I could tell she was just as nervous as I was as we walked back into the hospital. Dallas was now sitting with the girls and she had calmed down. She didn’t say anything to me as I strolled past them and down the hall to my father’s room. Colton was inside talking to him. I was sure he was trying to smooth things over before I got there. Colton looked up when he heard me approach. “Well, I’ll let you go,” he said, patting my father’s hand and stood up. He gave me a look on the way out saying, ‘don’t be a dick’. I made no promises.
I stood by the edge of the door with Alex clutched closely to my side. “Well don’t just stand there,” my father said harshly. I clenched my jaw tight and took a breath. I was ready to bolt when Alex encouraged me to take the next step. I walked over to the side of the bed. My father’s attention was on Alex. I heard him take a small gasp. I shouldn’t have brought her here. This was probably too much for her to take. I turned, looking at her now pale face, wondering what had her so stricken.
My father cleared his throat. “This is Alex, my girlfriend,” I said, daring him to say something nasty.
He looked her over. No doubt trying to figure out everything he didn’t like about her. “Have we met before?” he asked her.
She stood as still as a statue, not blinking. She just stared at my father. Her skin was cold and clammy. “Alex, are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. I just think I need some air.” She took off out of the room.
“Charming girl,” my father said smugly. I glared at him. “You really know how to pick’em. Probably better off she doesn’t talk much, less complaining.”
“I don’t beat them down until there’s nothing left of them. That’s what you do.” He smiled. “Why did I even come here?” I turned to leave.
“Casper, wait,” he called, slight desperation in his voice. I slowly made my way back over. “I just want you to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“What are you talking about?”
“How much do you really know about your girlfriend?”
“Enough,” I said through gritted teeth.
“I think you should sit down,” he pointed to the chair.
“Is this the part where we have the heart to heart? I can tell you now, don’t waste your breath.”
“What do you know about her parents?”
“This conversation is done. I don’t need you to tell me what I do and don’t need. Alex is my girlfriend and I love her.” He gaped at me. Eyes full of black. “Yeah, I said it. I. Love. Her. Turns out I am capable of caring for someone else besides myself. Unlike the black heart father who told me love was a weakness. Lucky for me I am nothing like you,” I growled, walking out the door.
“Ask her how I know her and I promise you, you will understand why I raised you the way I did. Love is a weakness and if you let it control you, you will fall. I learned that on my own. So you should thank me.”
“Thank you?” I spun around fast. “I owe you nothing.”
“And you will live nothing but a life of misery if you continue this ridiculous relationship with that good for nothing girl.”
“You shut up! You know nothing about her and this is the last time I will ever subject her to this horrible display of a pretend family. Next time, do us all a favor and make sure she kills you for real. And you can tell her no amount Viagra is gonna help that little prick.” My dad looked absolutely appalled. His face turned beet red. “Yeah, I know about your little problem. But don’t worry dad, my pecker still works perfectly fine. Always has and always will.”
“I am your father. You cannot speak to me like that,” he stuttered. “And you end this atrocious display of recklessness with that girl.”
I flattened my palms on the bed and got in his face. “I will die before I give up Alex and as for you. You can rot in hell.” I pushed myself up and walked out. I walked out of the hospital and out of his life for good. I didn’t even bother to say goodbye to my siblings. I was too pissed off. Where did he get off telling me I needed to break up with Alex? He didn’t even know her…but he acted like he did? I brushed it off. My father was just judging her. It was what he did best. He wouldn’t be happy unless I married some debutant.
I didn’t care anymore. I was done. I found Alex sitting in her car and she was smoking a cigarette. I paused for a second. Her head was out the window and she looked, scared. Okay, what the hell had her so spooked and when the hell did she start smoking? I opened the door slowly and climbed in. Alex jumped, tossing the cigarette, waving her hand frantically out the window. “Alex,” I said softly. “I don’t care if you smoke.”
“You caught that.” She slinked back down into her seat.
“It was kind of hard not to. I just wish you didn’t think you had to hide it from me.”
“I wasn’t. I just…I only smoke sometimes when I drink or when I’m really stressed.”
I looked at her strained. “What are you stressed about?” I reached out, placing my hand over hers. She pulled away and I inwardly cringed. “Alex?”
“I think I should take you home.”
The ride home was so eerily quiet. I had no idea what had freaked Alex out so badly and I was getting nervous the closer we got to my house. When she pulled up, I half expected her to turn off the engine and go inside with me, but she made no move to do so. “You’re not coming in?”
“Not tonight.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“My car is at your place.”
“Shit.” She bit her bottom lip, looking out the window.
I knew something was wrong. “Alex?” She refused to look at me and continued to stare out the window. I grabbed her chin, forcing her to face me. My eyes grew wide when I discovered her tear soaked face. There was a tightening in my chest as fear started to set in. “Alex, talk to me, please.”
She shook her head and I released her. “I promise I will never subject you to my family again.”
She laughed through her tears. “They’re not that bad.”
“Alex, you need to tell me what’s going on. You’re kind of freaking me out here.”
“I can’t,” she said, tears streaming down her face.
“I’m not getting out of this car until you talk to me.”
“Casper, you have no idea what you’re asking of me.” I could see the frightened look in her eyes. Whatever it was she had to tell me I knew it was serious. I also knew I wasn’t going to let her leave without talking to me first.
“Alex, you’re not going to scare me off.”
“Don’t be so sure of that.”
Now I was scared. I thought quickly and jumped out of the car, running to the driver side. I yanked open the door. She looked at me funny. “Hop over,” I gestured to the passenger seat. She didn’t argue and did as I asked. “I’m taking you home.” She didn’t speak as I maneuvered the car out of the parking lot and down the street. I thought she would feel better if she talked to me at her place, where she was more comfortable, or so I hoped.
I cut the engine off and turned to her. “You don’t have to talk about it now, but you do have to tell me what’s going on. I can’t help you Alex unless you talk to me.”
“It’s nothing you can fix.” She wouldn’t even look at
me and I had never been so scared in my life. She opened the car door and got out. I followed her inside. She didn’t slam the door in my face or try to make up any excuses for me to leave so I took it as a good sign. She went straight for the fridge and grabbed two beers, handing me one. Then she reached up into the cabinet and pulled down a bottle of tequila. She popped the cap and poured herself a shot. She slammed the glass down on the counter and closed her eyes. I sat down on one of the stools, bracing myself in case my legs gave out.
Alex grabbed another shot glass, filling it to the brim and pushed it in front of me. “You might need this.”
I pushed it back. “I prefer to have a clear head.”
“Humor me, please.” I hesitantly took the shot, placing the glass gently back on the table. Alex lifted her beer, taking a few gulps before meeting my eyes. I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what she had to say. I knew I couldn’t rush her. I knew I had to wait for her to start talking but the suspense was killing me.
“Alex, you need to talk to me. I’m kind of freaking out here.”
“Sorry,” she said, fighting back the tears. She turned her back to me, wiping at her face. I heard her take a breath and watched as her head slightly dipped back. She was trying to compose herself. I waited patiently until she turned around. “I guess you pretty much figured out I don’t like to talk about my parents.” I nodded not sure if she wanted me to answer or not. “There’s a reason for that. I was hoping to avoid this as long as possible, but after seeing your dad tonight. I can no longer hide it.”
I didn’t understand where she was going with this, but I let her continue. She poured herself another shot, took it, and closed her eyes. “My dad died when I was eight. He was murdered…by my mom and I was there. We all were.” She opened her eyes and looked at me. I didn’t know what to say and I could tell she wasn’t finished.
“When I saw your dad tonight, I panicked, afraid he would tell you everything. That’s why I ran out of the room.”
“Wait, what does my dad have to do with this?”
“Your dad was the one who convicted my mom. He’s the reason she’s in jail right now.”
“Alex, your mom killed your dad. That’s the reason she’s in jail.” I in no way intended to defend my father in any way, but I couldn’t let her live a lie. Believe in something that wasn’t true.
“No,” she shook her head, trying to steady her breath. I could see her hands shaking. I wanted to reach out and hold her, but I knew she would only pull away. “There was a surprise witness. She lied Casper, and that’s why my mom is in jail.”
“Alex, you need to give me something else to go on here because everything points back to your mom killed your dad, end of story.”
“If it was only that easy,” she sighed.
This time I did get up. I walked around the small island and wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her resisting at first. I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, pulling back. “Alex, you can tell me anything. If you need more time, I can wait. I’m in no rush and I’m not going anywhere. You can’t scare me off that easily.” She tried to smile but I knew it was forced. She pulled herself away and grabbed another beer from the fridge.
“It will probably be easier if I told you the whole story, starting from the beginning.”
“That would help.” I leaned on the counter, staying as close to her as I could.
“My dad was a schizophrenic. It was never an issue if he took his meds.” That, I did not see coming. I stood up, making Alex recoil slightly. “There’s a big misconception about schizophrenia. People tend to shy away from the unknown, but not my mom.” At the memory of her mother Alex smiled, a real, genuine smile. “When my dad was diagnosed the first thing my mom did was sit us all down and explain to us what was going on. She didn’t want us to be afraid of our own dad.”
“Why would you be afraid of him?”
She gripped the bottle of her beer, tensing. “In the beginning, before we understood what was happening, my dad would have what the doctor called ‘episodes’. He would go on random fits, rambling. He attacked my mom, yelling at her because the kitchen was a mess. It wasn’t pretty.
“She stuck by his side and helped him through his struggle. My mom never gave up on anybody.” Alex looked down at her fingers, fidgeting with the label on her beer. “That night, my dad came after Jaxson and me. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Jack had just graduated high school and was out at a party. Jasper was in his room and Jacob was sleeping. My mom had just put Jaxson and I to bed, she was reading us a story when my dad came home, belligerent.” Alex peeled back the label, tearing it into tiny pieces. I put my hand on her shoulder and she flinched, taking a step away from me.
“My mom told us to go to sleep and rushed down the stairs to see what was going on. He snapped. I crawled into Jaxson’s bed when I heard glass breaking. Then my dad came barging into our room screaming that we weren’t clean. I didn’t understand why he was saying that and tried to explain to him that mom gave us a bath. He took me first, dragging me into the bathroom and filling the tub. I was too frightened to move. He left and when he came back he had Jaxson. He threw him on the floor and insisted we had to be clean. Jaxson started crying. So my dad went after him first. He told him he didn’t have to cry anymore. He was going to make it all better.”
Alex placed her palms flat on the table, needing a moment. “Alex, you can stop if you want. Do you need a break?”
“No, I’m fine,” she insisted, stepping further away from me. Catching her breath, she continued. “He picked Jaxson up and forced him into the tub and then he came after me next. I screamed and cried, begging him to stop, but he just kept repeating that we were dirty. He forced our heads under the water. He was drowning us. Jasper heard the commotion and came to see what was going on. When he found us, he pushed our dad aside. My dad screamed, shoving Jasper into the wall. I remember that first breath felt like my last.” Tears streamed down her face but she pushed on.
“Jasper jumped right back up, attacking our dad. He screamed at us to run. Jaxson pulled me out of the tub, but Jasper was only fifteen and not strong enough to hold our dad. He managed to hold him off long enough for us to get downstairs where I found our mom lying unconscious on the floor. Blood was dripping from her head. I shook her over and over again, begging her to wake up. She sat up gasping, her eyes wide and frantic. Instinctively she pulled Jaxson and me into her. ‘It’s okay, everything is going to be okay,’ she whispered over and over again. My dad stood in the kitchen, his lip busted open. My mom jumped up and shoved us behind her. My dad advanced on my mom and she told us to run, but I refused. I didn’t want to leave her alone. Jaxson was dragging me out by my arm. I was able to slip free. I reached for one of the knives on the counter and jumped in front of my mom to protect her. I didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident. He came at us so fast I didn’t have time to react. The blade pierced his stomach.” She looked down at her trembling hands as if she could still see the blood on them. “He stumbled backwards. My mom scrambled to get us out of the room. My dad ripped the knife out of his gut and swung at my mom, cutting her arm, but she didn’t dare scream.”
“He grabbed her by the back of her hair and held the knife to her throat. I had never been so terrified in my life.” She was shaking uncontrollably. I was just about to ask her to stop when she started again. “Jack saved us. He still never told us why he came back to the house but lucky for us he did or my dad would have killed our mom and us. He knocked our dad out and caught our mom before she fell to the floor, but her first instinct was to get us to safety. She told Jack to get us all out of the house and call 911. Jack did as she obeyed. First Jaxson and me and then Jacob and Jasper. Then Jack went back into the house. I knew I should have stayed in the car. I knew I should have listened to Jasper, but I just had to make sure my mom was okay. I ran back into the house where I found my mom standing over my dad, knife in hand. There was blood everywhere. He was still breathi
ng, but barely. Jack was in the corner, knocked out. I ran to my mom. She dropped the knife and hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I couldn’t leave her.
“She hugged me again. My dad sat up, ripping her from my arms. I flew back to the floor. He had her pinned down, hands around her throat. I panicked and ran upstairs to my parent’s room. I found my dad’s gun and ran back downstairs. I aimed the gun at my dad and shot, but I missed. The blast woke up Jack. My dad whipped his head around and leapt for me, knocking the gun out of my hand. The only thing I remember next, were the gun shots. I scurried out of the way before he fell on me. I looked up to see my mom take the gun from Jack’s hand.”
“Jack killed your dad?” She nodded, unable to speak. “There’s a whole lot of this not making any sense. If Jack killed your dad then why is your mom in jail? From what it sounds like it was self-defense.”
“It was, but your dad was a better lawyer than what we could afford. See, my mom made us swear to tell the cops it was her who shot my dad. Jack was eighteen and could be legally tried as an adult. She didn’t want to risk him going to jail. She wiped his finger prints off the gun and told him to take me outside and wait for the cops to arrive.”
“I still don’t understand how your mom was convicted.”
“The jury didn’t believe in her self-defense plea. My mom didn’t want us to relive the nightmare through a trial so we were never put on the stand. She wouldn’t even let Jack speak up in her defense. The multiple stab wounds and gunshots didn’t help either and without our testimonies the jury swung in favor of the prosecutor.”
“She has a hearing in a few months and I’m going to try and appeal her case. She doesn’t deserve to be there, Cas. She was just protecting us.” This time when I reached for her, she didn’t pull away.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”
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