by S. M. Butler
He groaned. “That’s not fair when I can’t molest you in public.”
“All’s fair in love and war.”
As their eyes met, he tensed. Love? He’d never considered love before. It was something unattainable, something he was destined to live without. It was so easy to forget his life, to forget the obligation he had to the Reapers, not just to Nathan but his team when he was with her. She brought out the sunshine in his life, pulled him out of the darkness.
No. She didn’t bring out the sunshine. She was the sunshine. He wasn’t sure how that happened, but it had. When he spoke, his voice was low and rumbled out of his throat. He pulled her back to him, lifting her so she sat on his lap. “Are we at war, love?”
“Not the last time I checked,” she replied quietly, looking away from him. He caught her chin with his index finger and got her to look at him. Those dark eyes met his, shimmering in the sunlight.
“Then I suppose it must be love,” he murmured, half to himself. He leaned toward her. She met him halfway, tilting her head so they fit together. He tasted the chocolate ice cream they’d had at Pete’s, the hint of strawberry cheesecake they’d shared before the ice cream. His cock was already half-aroused just from her sitting on his lap and he lost himself in the feel of her body next to his. He’d have stayed like that forever, if he could.
“Jordan…” she breathed as they separated. Their eyes met and held for long seconds. His heart was ready to burst, to explode right there in his chest. He didn’t want to let go of this moment, of her, because once he did, there was no coming back here. He shouldn’t have started this, shouldn’t have continued it, but he was helpless to stop it now. He was so far gone nothing could have helped to pull him back.
“Come on,” he said, setting her on her feet and then getting to his own. “Walk with me. The doctor said I need to walk on this leg.”
She glanced at the brace he really didn’t need anymore. “I can’t believe you’re healing so quickly.”
“I’ve always been a fast healer,” he replied, the lie dropping off his tongue so easily.
He interlaced his fingers with her free hand and led her down the path further into the park. They’d have to turn around eventually and then face the rest of their lives, but for that moment, he was going to be greedy and keep her next to him. He’d pretend that this moment would last forever, right until reality came crashing down on them.
~*~*~
The quiet clink of silverware against plates was the only sound in the room. Penny pushed the potatoes around with her fork, not really hungry and yet, starving. Across from her, Tessa was doing much the same thing. Between them, Joe Hannigan, local sheriff, was the only one taking advantage of the food.
Some Christmas dinner. It was more like a funeral.
As he ate, Penny wondered if one day, Jordan would be sitting in that empty chair across from Joe. If he would want to meet Tessa. Shit, he probably already met her. It wasn’t like Jubilee was a big town. But she still wondered if the act of meeting the family she had left would be something he’d want to do.
They hadn’t really talked about the future, she realized. Well, they had a little. But the whole point of whatever it was they were doing was that there was no pressure. They had no label. They weren’t committed to each other. They were free to do anything they wanted. So why was it she hated the idea that she was driving away in the morning?
“So,” Joe said as he set his fork down. “I…uh… might have went up to Dallas for some things.”
Both Penny and Tessa looked at the man. He had a faint blush on him, like this wasn’t something he did normally. She supposed sitting between sisters who couldn’t stand each other wasn’t the best way to spend Christmas dinner.
“Let me get my bag,” he said, pushing away from the table.
As he vanished into the living room, Tessa looked at Penny. “He means well.”
“He’s fine,” Penny replied. “I didn’t know…”
“That I was seeing him?” Tessa finished. Penny nodded. “It was sudden. I wasn’t looking or nothing. But when I needed him, he was right there. Then I realized… I liked him there.”
Penny considered that and realized that she could apply it to Jordan, too. Except that he wasn’t hers, was he? They had great sex, they got along. He treated her like she was a queen. But in the end, she went her way and he went his. They had agreed to that no pressure sort of relationship, hadn’t they?
But it had been sudden. She hadn’t been looking and there he was.
“He gave you the ring recently?” Penny almost choked on the words. Why hadn’t they talked about this before now? Why were they both so damn stubborn?
Tessa smiled as she gazed at the simple little diamond on her finger. “It was the week before I called you. It took me that long to get up the courage.”
Penny blinked. Courage just to call her? Penny hated this whole thing, which was so super-charged with emotion and no logic it made her head spin. And yet, they couldn’t seem to get past it.
Before she could reply, Joe came back in the room with a couple of boxes. He set the bigger one in front of Penny and a long thin one in front of Tessa. “I don’t have any family left these days. But I love buying presents. So, I hope you don’t mind I got something for both of you.”
The shimmer in Tessa’s eyes almost forced tears into Penny’s. She took a breath as Tessa opened her box. Christmas had been a nightmare last time. And last year, they’d just let the holiday pass like it was any other day. Penny had sunk into work, too angry to come home. It was likely Tessa had done the same. They were both their mother’s daughter, she supposed, in that respect.
Tessa gasped. “You remembered.” She pulled out a gorgeous white gold bracelet. It had dolphins arched in a jump, like they were swimming in waves along the chain. Penny watched as a soft smile she’d not seen on Tessa’s face ever before positively radiated as she looked up at her fiancé affectionately.
Love.
So that was what love looked like.
“You like it, then?” he asked, hopefulness in his voice.
“It’s beautiful,” she said, her voice cracking.
Penny stared at the package in front of her. She had to admit, she was afraid to open it. How long had it been since she’d gotten a Christmas present? Not since her mother… well, Christmas had been before her mother had screamed at her that she was ruining her life and kicked her out.
“Penny?” Tessa’s voice broke into her thoughts. She glanced up to see both of them staring at her expectantly. Right. It was her turn, wasn’t it?
Carefully, she peeled off the pretty red ribbon, setting it aside as she pulled off the green and red wrapping paper. She was hyper aware of them staring at her as she did it. The box was plain white and gave nothing away. She lifted the top and stopped, staring at the book that sat inside.
“Wow,” she said quietly.
“I saw it online,” Joe said, rubbing the back of his head. “It reminded me of all those drawings you used to make when we were younger.”
It was an illustration book, a collection of art from an illustrator who worked for one of the big animation studios. Growing up, she’d had a dozen of these books. But this style… he was right. It was similar to what she’d used to draw as a kid. How did he remember that? It had been years ago. He was older than her, even older than Tessa by a few years, if she remembered right. Which would have made him an older teen or even an adult when she was a child.
She looked up to Tessa, who was staring at the book like she’d seen a ghost. Her pursuit of art had been the splinter of the relationship. The start of the crack that snapped the family in half. Would she see this book as a continuation of that? Did Joe even realize what he’d given her?
Penny swallowed and in a shaky voice, she said, “Um, thank you. It’s… perfect.” It was perfect. It really was. It was something she’d have bought for herself when she’d had visions of working in animation all those years ag
o.
“Yes,” Tessa agreed. “It is.” When Penny met her sister’s eyes, she saw no anger, just regret. But what was the regret for? For inviting Penny? For fighting with her? Which was it?
“Good,” the good sheriff replied as he laid a gentle hand on Tessa’s shoulder. “I’m glad.”
Before Penny knew what she was doing, she was out of her seat. She wrapped her arms around Joe and squeezed hard. “Thank you.”
He didn’t quite seem like he knew what to say to that. Or do, really. His hands were in the air, awkwardly floating. Then he slowly lowered them to her shoulders. She didn’t see it, but she knew he looked over her to her sister, maybe for help or advice, she didn’t know.
Then she pulled back, stepped out of the embrace, and picked up the book out of box. She hugged it to her chest. “Really. I love it. Thank you.”
She glanced at her sister, but she couldn’t tell what expression lay there. Tessa avoided her eyes, staring down at the bracelet in her hand still. She wanted to say something, but she wasn’t sure how or what to say. Before she made a bigger fool of herself, she retreated up to her bedroom.
Joe Hannigan couldn’t know what her interest in art had cost this family. How it had torn it apart. But that simple act of buying a book… He got her in ways she didn’t think her sister had. And wasn’t that the most depressing part of it all? Her sister’s fiancé understood her better than her own sister.
Penny sunk onto her bed, tossing the gorgeously colorful book onto a pillow, along with her glasses, and pressed her head into her palms. Her elbows bit into her knees.
Of course, she ruined Christmas. This was what she did, wasn’t it? She ruined everything. Tessa had asked her here to open up the long-closed path between them and she had just run from it.
But she hadn’t expected Joe Hannigan of all people to see her as she was. To understand her. Maybe that was why Tessa had fallen in love with him. Because he did have that innate ability to see into people like that. It was what probably was a strength in his line of work.
The soft knock at the door made Penny close her eyes, squeezing them tightly together.
“Penny?” Tessa’s voice was just as soft as the knock. “Can I come in?”
Penny didn’t answer for a long moment. Her heart pounded against her rib cage, faster and faster.
She raised her head as the door opened and Tessa peeked her head in. “Penny, can we talk?”
“If you want,” she whispered hoarsely. She wasn’t sure exactly what Tessa would say. There was no way to fix what she’d done.
Tessa let out a long breath through her nose as she came in and shut the door behind her. Slowly, she made her way over to the bed and sat down beside Penny. There was a long, anxious moment before she spoke. “We really haven’t talked since Mom died.”
“I think we said all there was to say back then,” Penny replied.
“We didn’t, though. Because you left thinking it was your fault.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“No,” Tessa said sternly. “Mom did what she did because she was ill. She had problems she didn’t tell us about. She kept it a secret.” She sighed, heavy and burdened. “I… I shouldn’t have yelled at you at Mom’s funeral.”
“Tessa—”
“Just… hold on a second.” She waved a hand to stop Penny. “I pushed you to do something that wasn’t right for you. You had every right to push back.”
Penny raised her head and stared at her sister. Was she hearing this right? “What do you mean?”
“Jubilee was stifling for you. Especially after Mom died,” Tessa said. “I thought… if things continued as they had before Mom died… then it wouldn’t hurt as much to lose her. But… all that ended up happening was that I pushed you out.”
“But I—” This time Penny stopped herself. What could she say to that? Tessa was blaming herself for Penny’s rebellion?
“I’m ten years older than you. But when Dad died, I was the same age you were when Mom died. I had forgotten how hard it was.” Tessa drew in a long breath, her chest expanding as if she were inhaling her courage to continue. “I know you don’t remember him.”
“No,” Penny whispered, her heart aching inside her. “Mom always said I was like him.”
“Yes,” Tessa said. “When he died in that accident, she lost that love for art she had. I remember the change in her. I remember how sad she was. I remember… she tossed out all the paints and canvases she had, and all the work she had created while he lived. I think… if we hadn’t been there, she would have done what she did years before she did it. She stayed… for us.”
The two were silent for a while. Penny wasn’t sure what to say. They’d never talked about Dad either, had they? She glanced at her sister. “I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”
“You didn’t,” her sister replied. A sad smile lifted at the corners of her mouth. “I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length for years. You reminded me of Dad a lot. All those sketches and drawings you did as a kid. You were good… like Dad… and that made it hurt more that he was gone. I think Mom saw the same thing and I think that’s why she pushed you in a different direction. But you weren’t meant for it.”
“Art doesn’t pay the bills,” Penny intoned. It was what Mom had said when she’d found out Penny had dropped out of school. Tessa had echoed the same sentiment a month later.
“But it makes you happy,” Tessa said quietly. “I want you to be happy.”
Penny stared at her sister. Tessa’s face was open. She could see the grief in her eyes. They’d really made a mess of their family, hadn’t they? By avoiding each other, refusing to meet the other halfway… “Do you want me to go back to school?”
Tessa shrugged half-heartedly. “Not if that’s not what makes you happy.”
It was strange to hear that admission from her, the sister who had told her she was ruining her life. Penny frowned. “Why now? Why tell me this now?”
“Because I should have said it a year ago,” Tessa said quietly. “You are the only family I have. Even if Joe and I get married, you’re still my sister. I just… it surprised me downstairs. Joe has this way with people. He just knows what makes them tick. And it made me realize that… I had ignored what made you tick. What you were passionate about.”
“What about the town?”
Tessa snorted. “They can think what they like. They accepted Dad, for all his big city views and his art is all over this town. They love you as much as I do.” Tessa reached over and swiped a tear from Penny’s face. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying. “If you’re happy in the city, then that’s where you should be. But I want you to know that this is always your home, too.”
Penny looked around her bedroom. It was the same as it had been when she left. Pale blue walls with little white clouds painted on. Mom had done that when she was five. On the opposite wall from where she sat, covered up by her own old drawings and the dresser she’d painted with Mom, there was the mural of a sunset. She’d known all her life that it was their father’s work, but she couldn’t remember him painting it. She couldn’t remember him. Would it be the same as her mother? Would she forget what Mom looked like once the pain of her death faded?
“Come downstairs,” Tessa whispered.
“And do what?” Penny asked.
“Just hang out with me. And Joe. He didn’t mean to upset you and I think… that’s my fault, too. We should have talked long before this, long before the night before you leave again.”
Penny considered the words. Considered the invitation. This was why she’d come, wasn’t it? To patch things up with Tessa? Instead, she’d been avoiding her, using Jordan to do it. She winced. She liked Jordan a lot, but had she been using him just to keep from being around Tessa?
“You could invite Jordan,” Tessa said, as if she were reading Penny’s mind.
“What?”
“Come on,” Tessa smiled. “The whole town has seen you two together. It’s all Mrs. Parker wou
ld talk about at her last appointment.”
“It’s not… I mean, we’re not…”
“Whatever it is or isn’t, I know you like him.”
“Yes, but I’m leaving tomorrow,” Penny said. “It’s better if it’s not a thing.”
“If you say so,” Tessa said. With an effort, she pushed to her feet. “I’m going to go back downstairs. We’re going to watch some cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies. You’re welcome to come join us.”
Penny’s gaze fell to Tessa’s left hand, where the dolphin bracelet now sat, twinkling in the golden light of Penny’s room. Tessa was making the effort. Didn’t she deserve that same effort back? She had spent most of this vacation with Jordan, which she had loved so much, but tonight… well, maybe tonight was about family. Her family.
“Maybe one movie,” she said quietly. When she met her sister’s gaze, she chuckled a little. “I’m going to mock it if it’s some Scrooge heroine going back home to sell her dead relative’s estate only to meet the handsome handyman that’s fixing the house for her.”
Tessa grinned. “Joe’s going to hate watching these movies with us.” She held out her hand to Penny. “I’ll make the popcorn.”
Penny grinned and took her sister’s hand, letting her pull her to her feet. She took a moment to grab her glasses from the pillow. As she put them on, her gaze landed on the book and she faltered. She glanced at her sister. “I really do love the book.”
“I know,” Tessa replied. “It’s perfectly you.”
She linked their arms and they headed back down the stairs together.
21
Jordan stretched out his foot, flexing and relaxing his calf muscles in his leg. He’d removed the boot, testing out how well the wound had healed. Bea stood by the door; her arms crossed with a scowl on her face. He stood up, ignoring his wince as he put weight on the leg. She had something on her mind, and he didn’t think he was going to like it.