“It’s a miracle,” Sky says, smiling at her brother. “You reminding us of something we have to do.”
“Ha ha,” Joey replies and as they head out the door Sky jumps on his back.
“What about you guys,” Kellin says to Aaron and Zack. “Do you have girlfriends at home?”
Zack has found some clean clothes, but I’m pretty sure from what I’ve seen that if he hadn’t, he would go to the signing in just his boxers.
“Nah,” Zack says with a shrug. “I’m a free bird.”
Aaron rolls his eyes. “Free bird my ass. You’d love to have a girlfriend.”
“Then why don’t you have one?” I ask.
Zack puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a quizzical brow. “This life makes meeting chicks really hard.”
“All the bras?” I say with my eyes wide.
He chuckles. “That’s not the same thing as having a relationship.”
“Ah,” I say with a nod. “You Aaron?”
“Not at the moment. Just trying to concentrate on the band and I’m starting up a recording studio where I’ll do mixing while we’re not touring or working on new songs,” Aaron replies with a shrug. “Speaking of which, I’d love to mix something for your band, Kellin. I saw some videos you guys have online. I love that one that has the bands name in it.”
“The band’s kind of taking a break,” Kellin says, and his eyes drop to his feet.
Aaron thumps him on the back. “It happens. Most guys are in different bands before they end up with the ‘one.’ It’s like relationships. I’m sure you’ll find a fit that’s right for you. When you do, you know how to hit me up.”
Kellin’s eyes come up to mine, and I swallow hard before looking away.
“Thanks, man,” Kellin replies.
He doesn’t say he’s not looking for another band.
And I wonder if he’s really ready to give up this dream.
Chapter 32
I inhale through my nose as I stare at Kellin through the pane of glass that separates the studio from the control room. He has his eyes closed as he sings into the microphone, and a part of me wants to smile, while every other part of me feels cold. California is amazing, and it’s been great to meet so many amazing bands that he and I love. What isn’t great is the nausea rolling over me now as I watch him in the recording studio. Chris, the owner of the label, said this was just about giving us both the experience of all aspects of the music business, but to me, it’s feeling more and more like a way to convince Kellin he should be a musician and not the businessman behind the music. We’ve been shadowing bands for two weeks — going on their tour buses, hanging out at their shows, soundchecks and their signings and now we’re in a recording studio where Kellin is the one being recorded. I stretch my hands out in my lap as he slowly opens his eyes.
“How was that?” he asks us, and all I can do is nod.
“Amazing,” Chris says, and he turns to me. “It’s crazy that this is where this whole business started for me, in a crappy studio I made in my parent’s basement.”
“Look at you now, a successful businessman,” I reply with a weak smile as Kellin comes in from the studio.
Chris winks at me and looks up at Kell. “How do you like it?”
Kellin runs his hands through his hair as he drops down on the couch behind us. He shakes his head, the smile still plastered on his face. His eyes find mine, and it slips a bit.
“It’s fun,” he replies, but the words don’t match his tone.
I bite my lip as guilt seeps into my veins, warming my face uncomfortably.
“So what’s next?” I ask, swallowing hard.
Chris leans back in his chair, making a steeple with his hands. “Time to mix the different tracks into one perfect song. It’s a shame we don’t have the rest of the band to record their parts.”
Kellin leans forward on his knees, licking his lips. “Yeah, but it was pretty cool to be able to record the guitar and bass myself.”
Chris shrugs, a smirk on his lips. “But a singer needs a band.”
My feet slip from where they’re propped on the plastic wheels of my chair.
“The guys all have careers,” I reply and my tone is way sharper than I want it to be. I clear my throat, rubbing my palms against my jeans. “So it would be hard.”
Kellin chuckles. “Except for the philosopher.”
“Which one is that?” Chris asks, and an eyebrow is raised.
“Schmidt– the screamer,” I reply, and Chris nods, but his eyes seem to have faded with a thought.
It’s a thought I don’t want to know.
“Well,” Chris begins, signaling Kellin to come over with his hands. “Let’s get mixing, eh?”
“I’m going to go see what Geoff is doing,” I reply, standing. “Probably more relevant to my internship than this.”
Chris gives me a smile. “You can totally stay if you want. It’s important for you to understand everything that goes into the music you’re promoting.”
I look down at my feet before sitting back down. Chris starts to explain the crazy equipment in front of us, and I try to concentrate because I know I should, but my head feels like it’s spinning. Chris’ words are jibberish to me, but Kellin’s brow is furrowed in concentration. When he smiles and laughs at something Chris says I do, too, but it makes the rock in my stomach sink further, and I know I need to say something to Kellin. Chris is skirting around the subject, but I know that Undertow is looking for a new singer. He keeps mentioning how good the band is despite their history with Jace Smith.
I wonder if Chris knows Jace approached Beneath the Tides Taking, too and that’s why he’s so gungho on getting Kellin onboard. I shake my head, and a metallic taste fills my mouth. Kellin is good. Too good to be wasting away in some cube in a bank.
I inhale, but the breath sticks in my throat and I feel like passing out.
“Umm…I’m going to go to the ladies room,” I manage to force the words out before walking out of the room.
When I get to the bathroom I put my hands on either side of the sink and fight the urge to splash water on my face. I know it will make my makeup run and Kellin is already suspicious. Every night he asks me if I’m enjoying myself, and every night I nod while my insides scream. Kellin should be a singer. I don’t know what’s holding him back from telling me. My eyes rise to the reflection in the mirror.
Purple hair. Gray eyes. Cat-eyeliner and sad lips.
Me. I’m the reason Kellin is holding back.
It has to stop.
~~~
Kellin twirls the CD case against the table, and his eyes come up to mine.
“It’s cool that they let you design the cover,” he says leaning towards me and I nod.
“It’s good graphic design experience. Way better than some of the stuff I’ve done in school. The assignments have always been so basic,” I reply.
“Marketing really seems to fit you, especially the design part,” Kellin comments, and his smile is soft. He heaves a sigh. “I know you keep saying you’re enjoying yourself but it doesn’t feel like it. Tomorrow we should go see some sites.”
I swallow hard, putting down the fork I’ve been using to make designs in my spaghetti noodles. “That sounds good.”
“But?” Kellin asks, reaching across and squeezing my hand.
I look up. “Being a musician fits you.”
Kellin’s eyebrows knit as he shakes his head. “Where’s this coming from?”
“That’s what Chris has been trying to show you.” I nod to the demo he’s been playing with. “I don’t think his office interns typically get to record their songs.”
“Ree, the guys and I already called it quits,” he begins, and I cut him off with a shake of my head.
“The other guys all have jobs– a stable life figured out,” I say, and Kellin’s lip twitches. “Except for Schmidt, but that’s not the point. I get why they don’t want this, but you can still have a shot. You could go sin
g in another band.”
“I have a life with you,” Kellin says, but his eyes dart around the room, looking at anything but me.
“I don’t want you to give up on being a musician because of me. I’ll be waiting for you no matter what– whether you’re managing a bank or traveling the world.”
Kellin rubs his neck as his eyes drop from mine. “A part of me wants to be a musician, and another part of me thinks it’s unreasonable. I mean we’re adults now.”
“Makeshift Chemistry and KMS are all adults,” I point out, and Kellin’s eyes come up to mine.
“But they’re in established bands,” Kellin says. “You know how hard it would be to start from scratch.”
“I don’t think you’d be starting from scratch,” I reply, standing and going over to him.
He pulls me into his lap and puts his head in the crook of my shoulder. “Undertow?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s what Chris is thinking,” I reply, and just as I do Kellin’s cell phone vibrates across the table.
He spins it, and Chris’ name is on the screen.
I’d like you to meet Undertow. Can you guys come out for a game of pool around 7?
Kellin scoffs, and I turn, putting my arms around his neck.
“It’s kind of your shooting star,” I say, and he shakes his head, pressing his forehead against mine.
“No, that’s you, Reese.”
Acknowledgements
Another book comes to an end, and I’m sitting here wondering exactly what to say. I feel like I say the same thing every time, but the thank you’s to my family, friends and readers ring as true today as they did five years ago. As I sit here now, it’s been 5 years and 4 days since I published my first book. Looking back, twelve books later, I’m proud of where I am and the fact I’m still pushing forward. I’m not famous, but I sell books every day and that’s what’s important to me. I started publishing books because I wanted to reach people and provide them with novels that would make them think and feel. I hope I can continue to do that.
Thank you for your support and reading my novel. I look forward to publishing the next twelve. I hope you’ll stick around for the ride.
Always,
Cassie
About the Author
Cassandra doesn’t remember a time when she wasn’t writing. In fact, the first time she was published was when she was seven years old and won a contest to be published in an American Girl Doll novel. Since then Cassandra has written more novels than she can count and put just as many in the circular bin. Her personal goal with her writing is to show the reader the character’s stories through their dialogue and actions instead of just telling the reader what is happening. Besides being a writer, Cassandra is a professional photographer known for her automotive, nature and architectural shots. She is happily married to the man of her dreams, and they live in the rolling hills of New England with their daughter, Hope and dogs, Bubski and Kanga. For regular updates visit Cassandra’s website www.cgiovanniauthor.com and sign up for her newsletter.
Cassandra can be found on:
Goodreads
Facebook.com/cassiegiovanni
Instagram / Twitter @cgiovanniauthor
Other Novels By the Author
Upper Young Adult
In Between Seasons – Post-Apocalyptic Romance
Walking in the Shadows – Romantic Suspense
Coming of Age
Out of Beat (Boys of Fallout, #1) – Contemporary Romance
Behind the Lens (Boys of Fallout, #2) – Contemporary
Adult
Love Exactly – Contemporary Romance
Finding the Cure – Contemporary Romance
Flawed Perfection (Beautifully Flawed, #1) – Contemporary Romance
Faded Perfection (Beautifully Flawed, #2) – Contemporary Romance
Children’s
The Adventures of Skippy Von Flippy
Mystic Mayhem (Finding Freckles, #1)
Bermuda Bounce (Finding Freckles, #2)
COMING SOON
Finding Perfection (Beautifully Flawed, #3) – Adult Contemporary Romance
Rebel Cause (Boys of Fallout Book 3) Page 16