by Eden Robins
“Yes. Well, I certainly had a moment there, didn’t I?” she asked, suddenly embarrassed by the whole episode. What had come over her? That kind of thing had never happened to her in the past.
Or had it?
Rebecca searched her mind, carefully trying to find an episode like the one she had just experienced but no memory surfaced. And despire her amnesia she somehow knew no such thing had ever happened to her before. Another memory retrieved. Another step in the right direction. She thought about Dr. Everett’s words once again. He was right. She would remember everything eventually, she just needed to give her body and mind time to adjust.
“Thank you for your, um, help. I don’t know what came over me. I couldn’t calm down for some reason and as each second passed it got worse and worse,” she explained lamely, knowing that he was very aware of exactly what had happened as he’d watched the whole embarrassing episode.
Jason nodded his head. “You’re welcome. I was just doing my job,” he explained matter-of-factly.
For some reason his dismissal rubbed Rebecca the wrong way. It had been more than him “just doing his job”. He had been as affected by what just happened between them as she had. She was sure of it.
“Well, you sure are great at your job, Jason,” she said, smiling a little too sweetly. “Do all attendants kiss their patients to calm them down?”
Jason grinned. It was a very masculine, very knowing grin.
“Only the very, very good ones,” he replied in a low, seductive voice as his eyes danced with mischief.
Her heart did about a thousand somersaults. This man was dangerous. A smile like that could kill a girl! It was just too damn sexy, and absolutely all male.
“Um-hmm, I see,” Rebecca said, trying unsuccessfully to hold back her own smile.
Jason could tell that Rebecca was trying hard not to laugh. Considering what had just happened he didn’t blame her. But she was only partially successful. The corners of her mouth tilted up, the dimples in her cheeks appeared and her eyes lit with amusement.
That little smile was driving Jason crazy. How was it possible that this human female had such a profound effect on him? Her kind had never garnered his attention before, not like this, not in a serious way. He usually stuck to gargoyle females, his own kind, because that was the way it was supposed to be.
But none of that mattered as he looked at this little female, soft and small like a kitten but full of curves like a woman should be. Her hourglass shape, rounded bottom and full breasts drew his eyes to her again and again.
And then there was her face.
So full of youthful exuberance.
So open and alive.
It undid him. The way her whole face lit up. The way dimples framed her full, lush lips. The way her light blue eyes smiled with her. She took his breath away.
Jason needed to get over this.
He needed to be a professional. He needed to understand that whatever lust he might feel for her could never be. It didn’t matter that the urge to taste her had been irresistible. Even in the midst of her hysteria he could think about nothing else. He’d desperately wanted to calm her down but he’d also craved to touch, taste and feel her. He had given in to temptation, hoping it would accomplish both goals.
Luckily for him it had.
But that had just been instinct on his part, not intentional. It didn’t matter that his heart beat with hers or that they’d shared each other’s breath, the customary mating ritual of his people. It didn’t matter that his body, mind and soul screamed the life mate binding words, M’Tal. Ti sa movra. My heart. You are mine.
None of it mattered.
Jason’s instincts were wrong this time. They had never led him astray before but there was always a first time for everything. This was that first time. He could not—would not—mate with this witch. He had never heard of his kind mating with a human—ever, let alone a witch. In fact, gargoyles tended to stay as far away from witches as possible.
Besides, he wasn’t meant to have a mate.
Jason needed to continue his life as it was, without a mate, finding his missing mother, avenging his father’s death and carrying out his Chailo—protecting those in need from harm. He had to remember that this female was just part of his life quest. He would honor this job and Rebecca as just that. He would protect her with his life until she regained her memory.
Then he would move on.
That was how it needed to be.
Chapter Four
Rebecca noticed with a sense of loss that Jason’s face suddenly grew serious. She had been enjoying his teasing and wanted it to continue. Though they’d just met there was something about this guy that she liked. She couldn’t put a finger on what it was but it was there.
“Why so glum, chum?”
“What did you say?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
Rebecca felt her face grow warm. Why had she used that phrase? It had come out naturally, as if she had said it many times before, but she had no idea when or to whom. Still, it felt like something she might say to a close friend, not someone she had just met. Someone like Jason.
“Nothing. I just wanted to know why your face suddenly got so serious. One minute you were smiling ear to ear and now you look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Is something bothering you?”
“Bothering me? Nope, nothing comes to mind,” he said easily, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “But what about you? You came flying out of your room pretty fast. Is something on your mind?”
Rebecca snorted quietly. “Ye-eah, you could say that. Something is definitely on my mind. Like the fact that I might be losing it. Plus there’s that little tidbit about me not remembering much about who I am or what my life was like before coming to this place. There’s also that hysterical fit I had a moment ago. That has me a tad concerned too.”
Jason looked like he was about to crack a smile but he didn’t.
Instead he cleared his throat loudly and frowned.
“Well, there are those things, of course. That’s a lot for anyone to have on their plate. Would you like to sit down and talk?”
Rebecca was about to refuse but thought better of it. She didn’t quite get the attendant thing but if Jason was going to be hanging around for a while she might as well get to know the guy a little better. Or maybe she just wanted to get to know him a little better because of the way he sent her libido to the moon with barely a glance.
Scratch that thought.
Her libido needed to stay right here on Earth for now. There were too many other issues for her to deal with. She didn’t need another one.
No, for now she would just get to know Jason well enough to be comfortable with him when he hung around. That way she could focus on getting her memory back. Deflating that balloon of mystery around him would help her move forward and concentrate on what’s important instead of daydreaming about how hot Jason was.
Hot?
Oh yes, the guy was most definitely that. So hot she knew she should never, never touch. That’s how ladies got burned. That’s how she had gotten burned in the past. Playing with fire was one thing, marrying it was another.
Marrying? Was she married? She vaguely had a memory of a man in her life. But it was blurry and unclear. And she had the impression that he was no longer part of her life. She struggled to remember more but the memory stopped and the rest slipped away.
Another glimpse into her past.
Little by little she was remembering who she was.
That was a good thing.
“I’d love to sit and chat for a while, Jason,” she said with a smile. “Thanks for the offer. I most definitely have some things on my mind.”
“Sounds good. Where would you like to talk?”
“How about the atrium?” she asked. “I love gardening and I have a feeling that little room will help me feel close to nature.”
“I understand,” he replied. “Come on, let’s head over there.”
It was magnificent.
The garden itself wasn’t large but the varied flowers sprinkled throughout in small clusters were strategically lit with ground and wall lights. The result was a vibrant rainbow display that left one pondering not only the wonders of nature but also why someone was so thorough about making sure the flowers could be seen at night as well as during the day. Rebecca guessed that whoever built the garden must have been a night owl.
Sitting down on the couch, she enjoyed the way her body sank into its softness and how it hugged her curves lovingly. That was how a couch should feel, welcoming, soft and full of hugs. She snuggled into the cushions, staring out at the garden. She knew without a doubt that this atrium would be a place of solace and peace for her. She already felt herself calming down.
Until Jason sat down beside her.
He didn’t sit close but Rebecca wondered why he hadn’t sat on one of the wicker chairs across from her instead. His proximity was a little distracting, especially because she could smell the cologne he was wearing.
The spicy, clean scent was too damn appealing.
“I would have sat in one of the chairs but I’m just too big. I can’t fit comfortably in them,” he explained, answering her unspoken question.
“No problem. I understand. You are, um, quite large.”
Jason laughed out loud. The sound of it sent tingles up and down her body. Goose bumps formed along her skin. He had the sexiest laugh she had ever heard. It came from his chest, deep, husky and full. It was a real laugh. A genuine from-the-heart laugh. A man’s laugh.
“You think?” he asked teasingly. “I have been told that on a number of occasions.”
Rebecca couldn’t resist smiling.
“I’ll just bet you have. But don’t let it go to your head, big boy.”
Jason’s grin widened. “You’ve got a lot of spirit, little girl. I like that.”
Rebecca’s heart warmed at the compliment but the statement still caused her to frown.
“I don’t know about that. What I do know is I have a lot of confusion at the moment. About many things. And if you’re saying that because of our little encounter in the hallway, I don’t know if I’d call it spirit or just plain hysteria-driven desperation.”
“What really happened back there?”
Rebecca shrugged noncommittally.
“I lost it. I don’t think it was much more than that. I was lying in bed trying to sleep when panic set in. I have a feeling I’m not a very patient person, generally speaking, because the thought that I have to wait for my memory to slowly but surely come back to me, piece by piece, is not sitting well with me. I want it all right now.”
“Why are you in such a hurry?”
“Wouldn’t you be? Wouldn’t you want to know who you are, what your life is about, if you should feel happy about your life or sad, scared or mad? If it’s bad I want to know now so I can make it better. If it’s great I want to know now so I can enjoy it. I’m having a hard time with the waiting and the unknown.”
“Sometimes you just have to have faith that things happen for a reason,” Jason offered. “Do you believe that? Do you believe that things happen for a reason?”
Jason’s serious expression and intense stare made her wonder why that question meant so much to him.
She shrugged. “I don’t know what I believe, Jason. I have no memory of who I am.”
“Who you are is inside of you, Rebecca. It’s still right here,” he said, gently placing two fingers over her heart. “You don’t have to have a memory to know who you are. Just reach inside yourself and feel. Feel who you are and trust your instincts. Have faith in that.”
“But there are so many unknowns up ahead. So many things I can’t see. And I can’t see behind me. So I’m stuck, stuck in this place in between. And I don’t know how long I can take it.”
Jason removed his fingers and stared out through the large window into the garden.
“I heard a story once. About a man driving down a deserted road late at night. He had someplace to go, somewhere very important. A heavy rain rolled in and the man had a difficult time seeing his way. A fog developed and became so thick that he could only see as far as his headlights. Beyond that was absolutely nothing. The man panicked at first, unsure whether he should stop or go forward. But he knew he had to move forward. He needed to get where he was going that night.”
“So what did he do?”
“He let faith and trust take over, Rebecca. He let himself trust that he was where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be and he maintained faith that even though he couldn’t see very far in front of him he could see far enough to move forward safely. And that’s just what he did. Although it was difficult, he moved ahead slowly, knowing he was getting where he needed to be and trusting that he was doing it the way that was best for him.”
“Did he get safely to his destination?”
“Yes, he made it to his wife’s fiftieth birthday party. He was two hours late but his wife didn’t care. She had heard newscasts on the radio and TV that night about a substantial amount of car crashes occurring due to weather conditions and had been very worried about him. All that mattered to her was that he had come home to her safe and sound,” Jason explained. “And in that moment, as his wife hugged him so tightly and told him how glad she was that he was safe, he knew he had done the right thing. He had faith and trust in himself and his life despite the unknowns and fears.”
Rebecca thought about Jason’s story for a moment. Faith and trust. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the knowledge that those two aspects of life had never been strong points for her. She knew in her heart that she had always depended on herself to get where she wanted to be. She had always thought of herself as the mistress of all that was around her and all that would be in the future—in complete control. Now she no longer had that control or that assurance that she was heading in the right direction. In fact, she had absolutely nothing to depend on in her life at the moment other than knowing the sun would rise and set each day.
Beyond that things were a bit blurry.
That in itself was freeing somehow. Rebecca felt released from ties she knew once bound her. Suddenly the world and all its possibilities seemed larger. All she had to do was trust that she would be okay and have faith that she was heading in the right direction at just the right time and pace.
While very liberating, that thought was still intimidating.
“I like that story, Jason. Thank you for sharing it,” she said with a small smile. “I would like to take comfort in your words. I’d like to free myself and allow my faith and trust to take care of things but that is very difficult for me. I don’t know if that’s something I’ve allowed myself to do before. Although I don’t have my memory, I have a strong feeling that controlling my destiny was a big motivating factor in my life.”
“As it is for many of us, M’Tali,” Jason said with an understanding smile. “It’s difficult to let go of what we know and have known and trust in those things we know little of. However, sometimes that’s the only way we can move forward. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes I do,” Rebecca said with a serious nod. “That’s a step many people never take in life. Instead of trusting and having faith they spend their whole life running on that giant treadmill, trying
to control everything but getting nowhere, or getting somewhere that brings them no joy. But enough of that, Jason. Tell me, what does M’Tali mean? I’ve heard you say it a couple times and I’m curious.”
“I think I’ll save that for another day and another discussion. It’s getting late. Do you think you can sleep now?”
Rebecca wanted to push him about the word but she could tell already he wasn’t the type to be pushed around. He was a free spirit in many ways, playing to no one’s tune but his own. Yet at the same time he seemed very strict in who he was and how he lived his life.
She would just have to be patient. But she promised herself that one day soon she would discover what his words meant.
“I think I am ready to sleep actually. Thank you. I’ve really enjoyed talking with you.”
“Same here. Why don’t I walk you back to your room so you can turn in for the night?”
“Works for me,” she said with a smile.
Rebecca felt like a little girl as Jason walked her to her room, watched her climb back into bed and switched the light off after wishing her good night.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” Jason said. “Same time, same channel.”
Rebecca smiled. She liked his dry sense of humor. With a serious face like his… It was the perfect combination.
“Good night.”
Jason shut the door and Rebecca was left to her thoughts once again.
Faith and trust.
She would work on that. She would work on herself. She knew she would remember who she was soon. She could feel it, that buildup as each memory returned.
It was only a matter of time.
It was only a matter of time.
Becca would be in his clutches again, and this time he would finish her. She would die and never be able to fulfill the prophecy. Chaos would finally reign and he would rule the world.
“Do you have any orders for us, Master?”
Xander, dark wizard, slowly turned to his minions.
The two gargoyles standing before him were not pleasant to look at. They oozed evil and their ugliness was beyond any gargoyle he’d met. Yet they were beaten where most gargoyles were proud. Their heads were bowed in deference. He had done that to them.