by Rose Harper
I’m already so far past gone, it’s unreal. My sanity is a distant memory. The bloodlust I’ve fought for years to subdue, cannot be quiet anymore. There's just too much. Sitting down here from day to day, wondering when Camille is going to end my life, makes me want to give it all up. Revert to the person I once was. No one wants that to happen, but they don't have any fucking choice in the matter.
I’m through being a weak-willed little captive. I don’t care what I have to do when I have to do it—I will get out of here.
Grinding my teeth, I take every bit of strength I have left in me and force my body weight forward. All of my anger rises to the surface as I clench my hands. Yelling, I put every bit of energy I have left to expend and force my arm forward. The rope stays true, but I don’t give a shit. This rope isn’t going to hold me back any longer. I’m done. Done being a little bitch when I’m nothing of the sort.
Something has to give, and it’s most certainly not going to be me. I will enact my revenge on her. Give her a taste of her own medicine. She’s taken everything from me. Carina. My family. My freedom. Everything. It’s time to pay that bitch back in kind. And that’s going to start right now.
The ropes dig into the flesh of my wrist, but I grit my teeth and bear through the pain. My hand turns reddish in color, [RN1]the circulation being cut off from the force of my ministrations. But do I care? Hell no. At this point in time, I care about nothing but the need to feel Camille’s blood coating my hands.
Sounds from someone walking above me fuel my efforts. It won’t be too much longer, and she will be down here, taunting me like she has for the last several days. I’m surprised she hasn’t already, and that’s what drove me to try to escape. I’m not going to let her coming back ruin my plans. I will get free, even if I have to break my arm to do so.
When the door opens, I still don’t stop. In fact, I try harder. My wrists burn. Sweat trickles down the side of my face. My muscles bunch and bulge from my efforts. With each footstep falling hard on the dry rotted wood, it becomes even clearer that whoever was upstairs wasn’t Camille. And now, they’re on their way down here for me. A million thoughts run through my mind, but it lands on nothing concrete.
Readying myself, I narrow my eyes toward the steps leading down here. Yet, the person who comes to a stop on the platform with a self-satisfied smirk resting on his face is the last person I thought I’d ever see. He hasn’t had contact with our family in months, keeping to himself in California. Last I heard, he stole his baby mama and son away from Georgia so they can live out there with him. What the hell is he doing here?
“Declan?” I ask, confused. “What the fuck, man?”
Hurrying over to me, he drops a duffel by my feet. His eyes meet mine briefly before he makes work of the ropes, zipping through them with ease. “I don’t have a lot of time, man. I’m not even supposed to be here. But when I heard about Vinny and that bitch taking you, I had to do something. Valentino sent me word that you were holed up here and he couldn’t get you out, or he would blow his cover. So, here I am, motherfucker.”
Who the fuck is Valentino? I want to ask him hundreds of questions, one right after the other. But I refrain, feeling my teeth bite my tongue to keep from slipping.
“I thought you run illegal drugs for your pops,” I say when the last of the ropes fall away, and I gather my wits and stand to my feet.
Declan slaps a hand over his face, gagging. “Damn, man, you reek.” Shaking his head, he swallows a few times, probably holding back the vomit playing hockey with his tonsils.
Over a shuddering breath, he replies, “That’s not all I do, Teo. I do shit Vin doesn’t even know about. And for the love of God, if you tell anyone I was here, I’ll end you. No one can know about me and my connection to your family, got it? Now, clean yourself up, because I scouted Camille racing this way a few minutes before I decided I couldn’t sit idly by and watch this all go down.”
“Got it.” I’m still half dazed. Within two minutes, I’m free, standing, and he’s on his way out the door. It’s like my mind has whiplash, and it’s trying to play catch-up. But when it does, I blow. “Hey, what the fuck am I supposed to smell like? Bubblegum and roses? I’ve been trying to get out of here for days. I had to sit by unable to do anything when she told me Liam and Jake were after Carina. Instead, I had to play nonchalant, when what I really wanted to do was rip this entire goddamn place apart. For all I know, my girl is pushing up daisies right now.”
A barreling laugh falls from Declan’s lips, earning a scowl from me in return. “She’s most definitely not pushing up daisies, man. That girl’s a tough cookie.”
“Why did you say it like that?”
“Carina is not dead because she’s killing everyone she believes knows about your disappearance. I had to watch her slit a guy’s throat with nothing more than a smile on her face and death in her eyes. Valentino’s men have spent the last five days cleaning up after her. Fifteen dead bodies in total and her number is still climbing. She’s lost her ever-loving mind.”
For the first time in several days, a genuine smile graces my face, and I’m instantly at ease. I should have known not to worry about my girl. She can take care of herself, and I look forward to the stories of how she ended those fuckers for trying anything on her. Hell, their death was probably the reason Camille has been making herself so scarce around here. The pathetic little bitch doesn’t want the big bad wolf to catch up with her.
“That’s fucking hot. I don’t care who you are,” I say, taking my clothes off. It’s going to feel fucking good to wash this nastiness off me. After spending so many days unable to move while you defecate on yourself, a nice hot shower and new clothes are going to go a long way.
Declan leaves me to it, heading for the stairs. But, at the last minute, I call him back. “What the hell am I supposed to do here?”
Casting a look over his shoulder, he quirks a brow as a smirk tugs at his lips. “Do what you do best, bro. Remind everyone in New York why they should be scared when crossing someone like you.”
14
CARINA
“Remind me again why killing those fuckers is not a good idea?” I ask as we walk away from our latest interrogation.
Valentino swears up and down it’s not a good idea to draw attention to ourselves. I, on the other hand, want it to be known what messing with me and mine gets you.
Cold. Dead. Placed in an unmarked grave or left behind for the alley rats to munch on. Makes no difference to me either way.
“Again. I’m tired of repeating myself, sweet cheeks.” Groaning, he rubs his hands over his face, then back through his hair. “You cannot draw attention to yourself. All your kills in the past were set up. They happened in a place that had no eyes and ears. Killing out in the open like this is too risky.”
Huffing, I shoulder my pack as we come to the mouth of the alley. Looking both ways, we resume a casual stroll through New York, exuding nothing but a serene calmness any regular tourist would show when visiting the great city for the first time.
I don’t know what’s happening with the bodies after I’m through with them. By now, I think the death toll is up to fifteen—or is it sixteen?—and I only thirst for more. And will continue to do so until Mateo is safely at home and that bitch is my final kill.
“You said the other night that Vinny had a computer you all couldn’t break into. Why don’t we go give that a try?” Valentino inserts. This is the millionth time he’s said something about it, yet the first time he’s come right out and said anything about going to take a look at it. Personally, I feel doing that will hinder us in finding where Mateo is. And anything that delays our efforts in finding my husband, I’m not okay with.
It’s no use. We’ve tried breaking into that thing ever since Vinny met the reaper. It doesn’t matter how many people try to crack the code on that computer, it always ends the same way—access denied.
I’m tired of it. More than once, I wanted to throw that laptop agai
nst the wall, feeling much better at the idea of it laying in pieces on Mateo’s study floor than taunting us from his desk. But, it seems Valentino is more intrigued by this piece of technology than even we are, and I know he’s not going to stop hinting around about it until we do. I just hate the thought of where we have to go to gain access to it.
“It’s back at the mansion,” I deadpan, allowing my unsavoriness at the idea of going back flow in my words.
Not to say that house isn’t lavish in its decorating. I just have no use for that place if Mateo isn’t there.
Just the thought of returning causes a sense of unease to slither through me. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m there without Mateo or the fact Mateo is out there with that raving lunatic. All my thoughts and emotions are on hyperdrive, making it insanely hard to focus when I need to the most.
It’s just … without Mateo by my side, I feel … incomplete. Like a piece of my core is missing and I’m just idly awaiting the infamous implosion to occur that happens during all explosions.
It hurts to breathe when I don’t know if Mateo is safe or not. Call me a little bitch all you want, but that’s how it feels. Where I came to Mateo shattered and broken, through all his faults and domineering attitude, he pieced me back together. He’s the glue that held me together, and until now, I didn’t realize that.
“Val, can I ask you a question?”
Giving me a side eye, he barely nods his head while the light turns, and we begin crossing the street.
“What does it feel like to … to be in love?” I stumble over my words.
Jerking his eyes to mine, I see a questioning light resting just beneath the surface of his curious gaze. “Why would you think I know anything about love?”
“Just a question,” I say with a shrug of my shoulders.
Sighing, he forces his attention ahead of us once more. I start to think he’s not going to answer my question, but then he opens his mouth, and the words start tumbling out. Words that damn me completely.
“Love is more of a feeling than a simple word,” he says. “It’s the way your soul latches onto another, feeling as if it needs that other piece of itself or it will fade into nothingness. Love is the emotion you feel when you see the light in their eyes and the evening sun shining behind them and your heart feels like it’s about to burst. It’s the catch in your chest when you’re close to them. The knot in your throat when you think you’re about to cry, but you’re not. Love consumes you more than anything can ever possibly compare.”
No. Shaking my head back and forth, I try to reason with what he’s saying. But nothing I seem to come up with will allow me to do such a thing. All his words ring true to my ears, and even more so with the level of surety behind them. Valentino may be a hardened man, but it’s clear he’s just as soft.
“I … ” I can’t even bring myself to say it. This entire time, Mateo was supposed to be nothing more than a business arrangement. A partner. Not a lover, a friend, a soul mate. Just a motherfucking companion.
“You love him, don’t you?” Valentino asks. It causes Domino to stop and turn toward me, eyes flickering with intensity.
“You do, don’t you?!” he yells, then looks around us at the people gawking and moves closer to me, whispering, “You love Mateo; that’s the whole reason you’ve been freaking out, isn’t it? It’s not because he belongs to you; it’s because you love him.”
Again, I can’t bring myself to say it. Hell, I can’t even bring myself to the point to think about allowing those words to fall from my lips. It’s not something I know. Nothing I’ve been raised to expect. Love has always been a figment of a person’s overactive imagination.
At least, before Mateo. Now? I’m not so sure.
“Would you keep your voice down,” I deflect, huffing.
“I don’t have to keep my voice down, little girl. Now answer the goddamn question.” He thinks it’s so easy to merely say those words when all my life I’ve been raised differently. Hate has been the form of love in my household since the moment Luca didn’t take his mark out. I don’t know how to love, or even if I should be given the chance.
“It’s not that easy to say,” I reply indignantly.
“Why? Because you think it will take away from you being a badass?” he asks, rounding on me. “Newsflash, Carina, admitting you love Mateo would make you even more of a badass because most women would fear his wrath for even uttering those words. Mateo isn’t the most loveable guy out there. If anyone could love Mateo and get away with it, you could. Hell, the motherfucker thinks you shit gold. Giovanni and I got that out of him before you went nuclear on his father.”
That’s news to me. “What?”
“Why do you think he went all caveman on you? It’s because he finally came to terms with the fact you mean something to him, and not just as a stepping stone to raise his family another notch on the food chain.”
Mateo loves me? Every part of me, no matter how demented, deranged, or certifiable that may be?
“He loves me?”
Barking out a laugh, Domino’s eyes shine with pure eagerness. “Yes! He’d kill a member of his own familia for you, and you and I both know familia means everything to him.”
This entire time, I thought …
Jesus … I believed we were just together because of our sexual and business connection with one another. I’m so blind. Now that he’s pointing it out to me, I did notice the subtle differences Mateo had toward me. He was still a dick, but he didn’t make me feel cheap, unwanted. The only time he made me feel used was in the best of ways. He became softer, more relaxed when it was just the two of us. He was a completely different man.
Now that I know the truth, that makes getting him back even dire. Because someone like Mateo loving someone like me? That shit’s rare. It’s like one of the fairy tales normal parents read to their children at bedtime. It makes them feel all warm, safe and protected, even when they should never feel such a thing. Where good overcomes evil.
I was blind to all of that. But now I’m not. No matter the anxiety running through me at the idea of falling prey to such a finnicky emotion, I can’t deny the inevitable. Especially since …
I love him, too.
Valentino practically vibrates with barely refrained excitement as we make our way up the stone steps. I can’t resist the urge to roll my eyes at him, knowing in the dim lighting that he can’t see me. He’s acting like such a child right now—a child who’s about to get exactly what he’s been begging for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning. No one should be this exuberant about trying to hack into a laptop that seems to be unhackable.
“Why are you acting so … childish?” I ask, stepping past him to open the door. My hand grasps the smooth metal as I click it open. Its monstrous door slowly creaks open, the sound of it grating my ears.
Before I can get the door fully opened, it’s jerked out of my hands. Two sets of Calvetti eyes are glaring down at me before falling on Domino who stands just behind me. They look menacing, murderous. Like they could rip the life right out of me and wouldn’t care a bit.
“Where the hell have you two been?” Giovanni asks, standing in nothing more than a pair of worn jeans and a wifebeater. It’s the most dressed down that I’ve seen any of the Calvetti men wear.
It looks out of place like he doesn’t belong here.
Standing right beside him is Lucio, only he’s wearing nothing except a pair of designer jeans that hug his muscular frame to perfection. His ab muscles ripple as he inhales a large breath. The light dusting of hair doesn’t detract from his rather sadistic appeal.
It’s not lost on me that all the men in this family are walking gods. It’s just the way they carry themselves that detracts from their handsomeness. They would rather put the fear of God in you than for you to find them attractive. Especially Gavino. You’d think with his scars and rugged appearance that he would be the most off putting of them all, but that’s simply not the case. He’s just
misunderstood.
“Jesus, put some clothes on, will you?” I can’t help but to gawk at them even though the chastisement easily falls from my lips.
“After you tell us where you’ve been,” Giovanni says, then freezes. All the blood rushes from his face, leaving him pale white and looking a bit terrified. “Who’s the new guy?”
Even though he asks, I can clearly tell he already knows who the joker is standing beside me, looking like he’s about to cream in his jeans over the thought of that blasted laptop.
“This is Valentino Bianchi,” I say. “You may know him by John Stewart.”
Lucio’s eyes widen. “No fucking way.”
“Trust me, I had the same reaction you did when he started stripping.”
Both Calvetti’s eyes flick to mine, hardening. “He stripped in front of you?!” Giovanni bellows, his jaw clenching in anger.
Rolling my eyes, which seems to be something I’m doing a lot lately, I answer, “Not like that. Damn.”
“Where’s this infamous laptop I’ve been hearing so much about?” Valentino inserts, causing both Calvetti brothers to go literally insane.
“You told him about the laptop?!” Giovanni barks.
“What the hell, Carina?!” Lucio booms.
With the way these two are acting, you’d think this was my first rodeo. Trust me, if Dom saw Valentino as a threat, he would have been ended right then and there in his office. But no, he’s standing here right now, probably with the ability that none in this house are apparently capable of.
“I didn’t kill him because I thought he would be useful,” I retort.
Valentino chuckles. “As if I would give you the chance to get a one-up on me.”
Hesitantly, I place my hands against their bulging chests and move them out of the way. Making my way inside, I prepare for a fight on my hands. If it’s one thing none of these men like, it’s allowing someone into their home they don’t know. And Valentino, they certainly don’t know. He carries this aura of darkness around him that would put anyone on high alert.