The Fight Within

by Laveen, Tiana

  The woman simply stared at him, as if he were the stupidest motherfucker on God’s green earth.

  “I asked you for a joke…”

  “Yes.”

  “And instead, you offered an observation, which I was hoping would turn into a joke.”

  “Yes.”

  “And this is what you come up with? This is what you thought would tickle me? Touch my funny bone, get me goin’? Well, it doesn’t!” She cracked up, playfully slapping his chest.

  “Look! I started out with nothing, okay?”

  “And you still have most of it!” They both burst out laughing.

  “I’m sorry, baby.” He shrugged. “…I guess I’m just not in that mood, the right frame of mind. Shitty things happened in the last couple of days.”

  She nodded in understanding, then rested her chin on her folded hands.

  “You look like a little angel.” He grinned at her.

  “I’m not one, but I’ll be your new best friend.”

  He gripped her hard, forcing her lips into an urgent kiss. “I’m so glad. It feels good having a best friend that’s an angel.”

  “I don’t have any wings or a halo though. I must’ve lost my touch.” She smirked.

  “Nah, my dick would disagree.”

  “Your dick thinks I have wings?”

  “No! That you haven’t lost your touch.” He laughed and kissed her forehead.

  “I’m no angel. Only babies are angels…”

  He traced her shoulder in slow circles as he looked away from her, going deeper within himself.

  “Sean, you look so upset. Is there anything I can do? I’m really sorry about Kyle.”

  “Nah, don’t be sorry. I needed to know the truth. That’s not what I was just thinking about just now though…” He sighed.

  “Oh.” she looked at him in a puzzled sort of way. “What is it?”

  “One thing you just said reminded me of something.”

  “Oh. What?”

  No more masks. No more costumes. No more veils…

  “I’m going to tell you something. Something you said just a second ago reminded me about it. It’s important to me because it changed my life. I’m going to tell you, and…” He massaged her scalp with a light touch when she rested her cheek against his chest. “When I finish, I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything, okay?”

  “…Okay.”

  “Just hear me out, and thank you for making me feel safe and loved. Thank you for letting me feel like I can tell you anything. Thank you for being a true treasure…”

  *

  You said you were going to go first. –FINDERKEEPER

  I tell you what, how about a warm up? –Sapphire Storm

  Are we doing Jazzercise? You teach yoga? –FINDERKEEPER

  Jazzercise? Yeah, you’re an 80’s baby for sure! LOL –Sapphire Storm

  LOL. What’s the warm up? –FINDERKEEPER

  Never mind. I should’ve known you’d be difficult. LOL. I had a great time with my boyfriend last night. I feel so close to him, we are so connected. –Sapphire Storm

  You never told me you were dating your Siamese twin. I find that a bit reprehensible. –FINDERKEEPER

  LOL. You are insane. –Sapphire Storm

  No, I’m in-my-chair – *wink* –FINDERKEEPER

  You are a mess, lol. I took a selfie with him. Wanna see it? –Sapphire Storm

  Are you in it? –FINDERKEEPER

  Yeah. –Sapphire Storm

  So you’re going to ruin the Wizard of Oz brick-by-yellow-brick road we’ve built? No, I don’t want to see it. –FINDERKEEPER

  LOL. Come on, FINDERKEEPER! It’s time, right? I can break the ice. How about I just describe myself then? We’re friends, we should be able to do this by now. –Sapphire Storm

  Okay fine. Lay it on me. –FINDERKEEPER

  First, tell me what you THINK I look like. –Sapphire Storm

  Women, I swear. Okay, you’re hairy, 3’5, your head is shaped like a cube of ice, and your feet are wide and flat, like a platypus’. You also smell like two-day-old sautéed onions and sauerkraut, but that last detail has nothing to do with how you look. I still care about you though. You’re messed up, but we can get through this together. –FINDERKEEPER

  LMAO. Dumb! –Sapphire Storm

  No, you’re not dumb, just short, hairy, and walk a bit odd. –FINDERKEEPER

  I hate you. LMAO –Sapphire Storm

  Go ahead and ruin my perfect vision of you. Display the man that stole-eth thine heart, too. Seriously, show me the pic, it’s cool. –FINDERKEEPER

  Okay. Here we are. –Sapphire Storm

  Sean waited a couple of seconds for the picture to load and then…

  And then…

  …His heart fell to his goddamn feet…

  For there, on the screen, stared back a photo of him and Treasure, kissing under the cabana with their arms high in the air, clutching colorful drinks and yelling ‘Cheers!’

  So, what do you think? Don’t look at me, I’m hideous! LOL! –Sapphire Storm

  He couldn’t type. Couldn’t speak. He could do nothing but stare…

  FINDERKEEPER? Are you still there? –Sapphire Storm

  Yeah… –FINDERKEEPER

  He finally mustered the strength to move his fingers and start to type, but then she asked a question…

  What’s wrong? –Sapphire Storm

  Nothing. Nothing at all. You’re beautiful. –FINDERKEEPER

  Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. –Sapphire Storm

  Hey, I need to take care of something real quick. Can I talk to you in, like, an hour or two? –FINDERKEEPER

  Uh, ok. Sure. Are you sure everything is ok? –Sapphire Storm

  Yes, everything is fine. –FINDERKEEPER

  It couldn’t be. You would’ve made a joke of some sort right then. LOL –Sapphire Storm

  No, seriously. Everything is fine. I just need to take care of something. Talk to you in a bit, ok? –FINDERKEEPER

  Ok. –Sapphire Storm

  He immediately logged off and slammed his computer shut, veering back from the damn thing as if it had suddenly grown fangs and morphed into a snarling, growling mess. But in moments, he burst out laughing, falling onto his bed like a sad sack until his laughter grew so tight and loud, it bubbled in his damn chest, and tears formed in his eyes.

  “I don’t believe this shit!” He tried to sit up straight to no avail. “Oh my…damn.”

  He pulled out a dresser drawer and began to collect various odds and ends, putting things together just so. After a few minutes, he jumped up from the bed and hightailed it up the hallway to the small closet near his kitchen. Whisking the white shutter doors open, he removed his black leather jacket, slid it on, and grabbed his wallet. He burst out laughing a few times during the process. His heart swelled and beat fast within his chest, making him feel a little more insane as he juggled a plethora of emotions.

  This shit has to be destiny or something. How the hell does something like this happen?!

  When he opened his apartment door, the dull hallway lights bathed him in the science experiment gone wrong slime green. He locked the door behind him. All the while, his head throbbed from the crazy pressure of it all. This development required action, and he knew just what to do…

  *

  I shouldn’t have done it…

  Treasure looked at her computer for the longest time. She wasn’t sure what had sent her Internet buddy off and running, but it happened right after she’d shown the photo of her and Sean. Even after meeting the love of her life, she still enjoyed chatting with FINDERKEEPER every now and again, for he was the golden ticket—the one that gave her permission to laugh, even when life didn’t seem quite funny at all. He kept her grounded during her internal battles and struggles with this new dating world, and so much more. Through her talks with him, she’d become more optimistic, growing, changing a bit, gathering the inner strength she’d forgotten she possessed after being e
motionally devastated from a marriage built on watery hopes versus concrete trust.

  Truth of the matter was, she and Jackson used to be in love, but they’d changed, grown apart, and it hadn’t happened overnight. No, it occurred gradually over the course of their tumultuous relationship. In this new phase of her lifetime, she’d wandered out into unknown territory. FINDERKEEPER was a riot, but a realistic soul nonetheless…and it didn’t matter what he looked like…what they both looked like. There was something significantly more important at play here.

  What mattered most was that she was happy…and she wanted to give the man a glimpse of the smile on her face, the one given to her by a beautiful man named Sean Mahoney. Before all this had happened, FINDERKEEPER had held her hand, via the Internet, with his well-timed humor, unaware that there were far too many evenings she’d log on, her eyes full of tears and her heart full of sorrow. Memories haunted her, making her believe she was playing a starring role in a nightmare that wasn’t soon to end. His medicine gave her a dose of wisdom wrapped in joyous laughter, and she greedily wolfed it down like the elixir that it was. He brewed it just for her…and she felt special because of it.

  Her imagination roamed wildly with thoughts of what could have gone wrong that evening. Was it over? Did she say something to cause him alarm? After a few moments of careful deliberations, all she could do was sigh. Gathering herself from her bed, she made her way into the massive cherry wood cabinets in her kitchen and plucked a smoky gray coffee cup from the cupboard. She set it on the dark granite island countertop and shuffled on red slippers to the pantry, in desperate search of her filters and the canister of Maxwell House.

  Might as well make me something to stay awake and get some work done…

  Asia and Brian were sound asleep as it was three in the morning, so she kept her movements quiet, lest she wake them from their hopefully peaceful slumbers.

  “Ahhh!” She jumped when an abrupt knock sounded at the door, followed by the bell being rung, and then knocking once again.

  “Who the hell is at my house at this hour?” Taking a deep breath, she cautiously made her way to the front door. Peeling back the foyer side curtain ever so slowly, she took a peek.

  What in the…?

  …She knew those blue Nike shoes with the stark white laces all too well…

  “Sean? What the hell is Sean doing here?!” She flicked on the porch light, snatched the chain off the door, and undid the locks in rapid speed, exposing the man when she pulled the door wide open. Before she could say ‘hello’ or demand answers, the brute brushed past her, entering the dwelling without hesitation. His vibrant green eyes jumped around as if he were on some narcotic and he bounced from foot to foot as if trying to keep up with some strange tempo that only he could hear.

  He’s acting like the crazy coot on the train that day!

  “Sean!” She closed and locked the door behind him, forcing him to acknowledge her presence.

  He grabbed her into his arms, his hands firm on her upper thighs. When he pressed his lips roughly into hers, her tight muscles loosened as she fell into his insistent embrace like liquid love. Then, he pulled away and his sexy tone broke the sensual trance.

  “We need to talk.” He pointed to her parlor room couch, so they made their way over and sat side by side. For a moment or two, they waited in silence, words unsaid weighing heavily in the air.

  “What’s wrong?” She reached for his hand, a bit anxious.

  The man turned toward her and ran his thumb back and forth across her knuckles, giving comfort for something that seemingly was hard for him to utter. He’d been chock full of confessions as of late, and she hurt on his behalf. Her anxiety mounted as the silence continued. And then, he burst out laughing.

  “What’s so funny? I need some answers because it’s three in the damn morning and you were beatin’ on my door like you were on fire!”

  “If I was I hope you’d call my brother.”

  “Sean! Stop joking around and tell me what’s going on, please. You’ve got me worried.”

  “I know.” He rolled his eyes and gave her a placating smile. “I know, yeah, sorry about that. Look, I want to show you something.” He released her hands and reached into his pocket, removing a roll of papers. “Here, take this…”

  Treasure looked at the odd offering, the mass all bound together with a red rubber band.

  “Go ahead, unroll them.”

  Her eyes met his as she hesitated. She traced the edge of the spool, feeling the thin paper against her index finger. If she continued, she was certain it would slice her flesh clean open, a paper cut to make her morning all the more complete. Clearing her throat, she slid the rubber band off and placed everything on the glossy table before them. Sitting inside the wad was a small, slightly smashed red rose. Its strong fragrance wafted to her, robust, sweet, and fragrant. Picking up the flower, she gave it a hearty sniff, loving the scent.

  “Thank you.”

  “Look at the papers…” He leaned back casually, propping his arm behind his head as he worked his shoes off with the tip of his toes. Once he’d removed the things, he brought one leg up onto the couch, flexed his toes in his white, thick socks, and smirked…unnerving her with his sexy, strange ways. “What are you waitin’ for?” He gave a light chuckle.

  She looked down at the curled papers and spread them open with both hands. After reading a few lines, her mouth dropped open, and feelings of embarrassment flooded within her. That was simply short-lived, for soon her heart raced with new, feverish anger, her body temperature swelled, and her pulse raced. With narrowed eyes, she lifted her sights back to him.

  “How’d you get this?! This is my personal business!”

  She pointed in his face then tossed the papers onto the floor, discarded, out of sight.

  “It’s not your personal business.” He chuckled, looking all the more relaxed on her couch. “It’s our personal business.”

  “What? You think I’ve cheated on you?! Well, I’m sure you read everything, Sean! I haven’t been cheating with this man… He was just someone to talk to! Yes, it’s a dating website but we never spoke sexual to one another; matter of fact, he’s been a great help to me but never mind all of that! How creepy of you to go into my private things and then have the nerve to bring it to my attention!” She went to rise from the couch but was only met with him gripping her harshly around her waist and forcing her down upon his body. Laughing, he layered the side of her face with sweet kisses.

  “Where do you think you’re going, huh? Calm down, Treasure. Jesus! I didn’t go through your shit, okay?”

  She looked him in the eye, studying him hard, searching for a shred of mendacity, an inkling of deception.

  He looks to be telling the truth…

  “Well then, how did you get those emails?”

  “Instant Messages.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yes, whatever, how’d you obtain them?”

  “From my computer…”

  She stared at him a long while, failing to understand. Finally taking her out of her misery, he lifted her and repositioned her between his thighs, pressing her into his chest, acting as a comfy chair, before he told her the miraculous story.

  “Treasure, I didn’t know it was you…I’m FINDERKEEPER.”

  “What?!” She looked at Sean dead in the eye, certain the man was at his old comical tricks again.

  “Did you notice how he, well me, got offline all of a sudden? I had no idea we’d been talking on there until you showed me that photo… I honestly thought you were some stranger I just enjoyed chatting with from time to time.”

  All she was met with were his smiling green eyes, a half smirk that reminded her of a crescent moon lying on its back, and a look of pure love dripping off his expression. Covering her mouth with one hand, she chuckled…then chuckled yet again.

  “Are you serious?!” she finally managed.

  “Yeah…I’m serious.” His smile slowly faded.

 
“Look…” He scratched his temple, briefly closed his eyes, then glared at her, his expression grave. On a deep breath, he began—“I’ve heard about shit like this happening, usually like on one of those morning news shows about long lost loves finding each other around Valentine’s Day, things like that. This is funny and not funny at the same time, but on my drive over here, I was able to calm down a bit and process it all. You know, in retrospect, I shouldn’t be surprised about this.” He squeezed her shoulder. “You came into my life for a reason, and it was for more than love. I’ve changed for the better because of you. When you first contacted me on there, I replied back to you as sort of a challenge to myself, just as I told you during our cabana date.”

  She peeked over her shoulder and smiled at him, kissed his nose, unable to resist touching him one second longer.

  “But uh,” he nodded and looked away, as if afraid to stare her in the eye, “this Sapphire Storm person became a counselor of sorts to me. In helping her, I helped myself, and the things you were saying, Treasure, made me question how I saw life in general. You had no dog in the fight, ya know? You didn’t know me, or at least didn’t think you did. We weren’t tryna get with one another, just as you said…but I felt things for Sapphire Storm, things you feel for a really good friend that has your back.” He quickly lowered his head, as if trying to collect his thoughts.

  “It was like you knew just when to contact me, just what to say. Sometimes, you’d just say, ‘Hello. Have a great day.’ It was always right on time,” he said, clearly working through a complex puzzle of thoughts. “I would look forward to speaking to Sapphire because she showed me how to be a better man for you…for Treasure. I wanted to become the man she was seeking, the kind of guy she deserved. I wanted to be the prototype, but not for her. For you.”

  “Let me ask you something. Why did you use the name FINDERSKEEPER?”

  He cracked a grin. “’Cause of my job. Sometimes I find good things, which I keep or sell online.”

  She smiled and nodded in understanding.

  “What about you? Why the name Sapphire Storm?”