He had stayed single throughout his life, afraid to get close to someone while working in life-threatening situations. Jeremy was the closest he would ever get to having kids, so he often took him to sporting events, on road trips—and recently they’d spent time together with golf and guns.
“Have you shot a rifle yet?” Ricky asked, pulling a hat over his bald head, muscles bulging as he adjusted his glasses.
“No, only pistols,” Jeremy replied.
“Well, you’re in for a treat today. I brought my M-16 for us to shoot.”
Jeremy felt his heart flutter with excitement.
“This bad boy is a monster. Hope you’re ready for it,” Ricky said with a grin as they jumped out of his truck. He retrieved a long alloy case from the truck’s bed before leading the way into the range. Jeremy noticed the NRA bumper sticker on the truck’s back window as he followed his uncle.
Typical second amendment nutjob.
Inside, they browsed the firearms covering the walls while Ricky paid for their reservation. The collection included antiques, pistols, and rifles of every sort. More were enclosed beneath the glass-top counters that ran the length of the room.
“Ready?” Ricky asked.
“Let’s do it.” Jeremy started to feel some anxiety creep in. He had heard stories of beginners like himself shooting high-powered guns and being knocked on their ass from the booming recoil.
Ricky started for the door with the sign above that read RANGE. He led the way down a narrow hallway, the large rifle case swinging from his arm. Ricky took a sharp left into their bay.
“This is us,” Ricky said. He splayed open his case along the back wall and pulled out his M16.
The rifle was a matted, smoky black and stretched more than a foot in length. Ricky kept it pointed toward the ground and looked into its scope, grunted, grabbed two magazines of ammunition, and proceeded to the bay.
He placed a pair of red ear protectors over his head, and Jeremy put his on too.
“Okay,” Ricky said loudly, smacking in the crescent-shaped magazine. “This is a powerful gun. Just because you can fire many rounds doesn’t mean you have to.” He spoke seriously. “Stay in control and focus on your target. Watch me first.”
Jeremy stepped back while Ricky mounted his position in the bay. He stood broad-shouldered, his body squared in a proper shooting position while the butt of the rifle planted into his right shoulder. His left hand held the body of the gun in front of the magazine, and his right was led by the index finger fitting snug around the trigger. He flicked his thumb to release the safety, drew a long breath followed by a steady exhale, and pressed his eye against the scope.
A flash burst out of the barrel with a BOOM. Ricky rocked back in a subtle motion as Jeremy noticed the target swaying from its hinges.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! The shots fired out in a steady cadence ten times as Ricky emptied the magazine. With each shot, the target in the distance ricocheted. He lowered the gun and called the target forward.
“Looks like I still got it,” he said with a cheesy grin. Ten holes scattered across the inner rings of the target, some overlapping others to make oval-shaped holes.
“Nice shooting, Uncle Ricky!”
“Thanks. Now let’s see what you can do.” Ricky changed the target paper and sent it back to its position. He loaded a new magazine and left the rifle on the ledge of the bay. “Step on up.”
He side-stepped to allow Jeremy in. Jeremy adjusted his earmuffs to ensure their coverage and slid into the bay with trembling hands. He picked up the M16 and felt the instant transfer of power flow from his fingertips into the gun, breathing life into it.
“Okay, remember what I said. Take your time and concentrate on your target.”
Jeremy nodded and assumed the same position Ricky had. His uncle remained a couple steps behind him. Jeremy’s hand still trembled and it took all his focus to steady it on the smooth steel.
“Is this on my shoulder right?” he asked.
Ricky craned his neck to get a better view. “You got it.”
Jeremy lowered his head and placed his right eye to the scope, closing his left eye. The target, though fifty feet away, appeared large thanks to the powerful scope. The crosshairs roamed around the seven rings as he fought to steady on the center. After a few seconds trying to pin down the target, Jeremy felt satisfied that his target was inside the inner black rings.
His hands steadied, and for a moment the world stood still. The sounds of the other guns blasting drowned into a hollow background noise. He could feel his eyes pulsing as they drew into focus on the target. The rifle no longer felt like an object in his hands, but rather an extension of his body.
Jeremy pulled back on the trigger, but it had more resistance than the pistols he had shot before. He kept the pressure down on the trigger and gave it an extra squeeze.
The flash and BOOM rang out in unison, and the recoil of the explosion felt like a nudge on his shoulder. He wavered in balance, not quite losing his footing.
“You’re good!” Ricky shouted. “Reposition and refocus on the target.”
Jeremy did as instructed, and to his delight he saw a hole on the outermost ring of the target when he looked back into the scope.
He braced himself on the second shot, knowing what to expect, and fired all the remaining rounds.
“Whoa,” he whispered to himself after finishing the magazine. Ricky called the target, to find eight holes in total; two were outside of the rings.
“Six of ten, not bad for your first time,” Ricky said. “What did you think?”
“This gun is wicked,” Jeremy said while he laid it back on the ledge. “How do I get one of these?”
I could come shoot this every week. I felt like God with that gun.
“Well, this is a fully automatic gun. They’re around $15,000 and you have to go through mountains of paperwork with the FBI. So you might look at an AR-15, a semi-automatic, which is much easier to get and much cheaper.”
“I’ll have to look into that. Thanks, Uncle Ricky. That was fun. I’d love to do it again!” Jeremy couldn’t contain his giddiness. I haven’t felt that kind of rush since my first poker tournament.
“You can do one more mag, but we’ll have to plan a trip to the cabin if you really wanna open it up.”
Ricky instructed him on how to insert the new clip, stepped back, and watched as Jeremy fired ten more rounds.
18
June 2013
Friday afternoon dragged on and on. It didn’t help that it was eighty degrees out and not a cloud in the sky. Jeremy wanted to get to his grill and start cooking and drinking to celebrate the weekend.
His anxiety seemed to make the clock go even slower. The week before he had interviewed for a promotion into a team lead position. The interview had been with the three women managers in customer service: Terri, Shelly, and Nicole.
He’d cracked a joke to break the ice.
“Why did the scarecrow get the promotion?” Jeremy asked to three confused looks. “Because he was outstanding at his job!”
Cheesy, he thought. Cheesy as fuck.
Terri burst into laughter, always simple and easy to amuse. Her giggling rubbed off on Shelly, who joined her after some resistance. Nicole managed to contain hers, with a tight-lipped grin and her face flushing red.
“Good stuff, Jeremy,” Shelly said. As she was the highest-ranking person in the room, her compliment helped Jeremy relax.
They met for an hour, discussing a wide range of topics, from how Jeremy would handle certain scenarios in a position of leadership to his overall performance over the first year of his job. He had the advantage of being one of the team’s top three producers over the past twelve months—and that included a three-month ramp-up period where he wasn’t expected to handle a typical amount of calls.
Shelly explained that they were looking to fill three team lead positions: two for customer support, and one for the onboarding team. The onboarding team handled
new customer accounts and set them up for a successful start with E-Nonymous. Interviews would conclude on Monday, with a final decision expected to be delivered on Friday.
Decision day had arrived and Jeremy awoke with a churning stomach.
What am I supposed to do if I don’t get this promotion? The thought of settling further into a standard role as a customer service representative had nagged at him all week. He’d also started to develop doubt about his career path as a psychologist. He'd dropped out of the accelerated program, unable to balance school and work at the same time, and returned to the regular four-year plan.
Can I really sit in an office all day every day and listen to people for the rest of my life?
His inner psychologist tried to analyze his own behavior.
You’re just acting like a typical kid in his twenties, unsure what to do with your life, he told himself.
“But that’s not true,” he said aloud to himself one night at home. “I’m meant for so much more. I can be more than some overpaid shrink.”
These internal conversations had become frequent over the past few weeks. He refused to mention such thoughts to Dr. Siva, however, afraid of the lecture on disappointment that would surely follow. When it came to defending the science of psychology, Dr. Siva took matters to the extreme.
I could take my time in school, take some classwork off my plate, and focus on my job.
I could use the opportunity as a stepping stone to propel me into a future in the corporate world.
Working my way to a VP position at a company like this would be plenty. Make some good money, have the power to make decisions, and enjoy coming in to work every day. What could be better?
He’d tried to talk about his dilemma with Jamie, but she didn’t understand.
“My whole life I’ve seen people ‘follow the system,’” she told him. “Go to college, get a job, have a family, and work until you’re old. It seems to work for most people. I thought you wanted to be more than some regular Joe working a nine-to-five. Now you’re saying you want to give up on your dreams and settle?”
You’re the one still tossing pizza. Maybe he had accepted the world as it was—but he didn’t want to, however, the comfort and security of a steady job was tempting. Regardless of who might be correct, he knew sitting back and waiting for life to pass him would lead him to one day looking back on his life with regret.
I need this promotion. I’m already well liked by my peers and leadership. Just give me my shot to show what I can do!
The clock informed him that 3 p.m. was only ten minutes away. He’d seen a handful of coworkers go into a conference room with Shelly throughout the day, but couldn’t read their expressions well enough to know what had happened in there. Shelly always walked out of a meeting laughing, but that was just her own corporate poker face.
A finger tapped his shoulder, causing him to jump in his seat as he snapped out of the internal conversation he’d been having with himself. He spun around and his heart sank at the sight of Shelly’s heavy frame standing over him. Time for the moment of truth.
“Hey Jeremy, you ready to go have a talk?” she asked, her pointed nose directed down at him.
“Of course!” He jumped from his chair and walked behind her toward one of the conference rooms. As they passed by the onboarding team, where Nicole sat, Shelly tapped her bony shoulder and nodded her head toward the conference room.
Nicole locked her light blue eyes with Jeremy’s, brushed back her golden hair, and rose from her desk to join them.
No one else had extra people in their meetings today, Jeremy thought. Must be a good thing.
His hands started to sweat at the angst of waiting to hear the news. Of all the applicants, Jeremy had the least experience.
They entered the conference room, Nicole sat down, and Shelly stood at the door to allow Jeremy to enter before closing it. He took a seat with his back facing the window. Shelly and Nicole sat down next to each other and they both stared at him for what felt like an eternity of awkward silence.
“As you know, today is decision day for the team lead positions,” Shelly said. “We wanted you to have the weekend to process the decision, whether good or bad.”
Nicole nodded in silence and scribbled something on a notepad.
“I’d like to start by thanking you for interviewing and expressing interest in the role,” Shelly continued. “We had many qualified candidates and had some hard choices to make.”
Oh shit, here it comes. Jeremy felt doubt try to grasp his mind.
“We were really impressed and you became a dark horse candidate for the position,” Shelly said slowly.
Just spit it out already!
“I’m happy to offer you the position of team lead for the onboarding team.”
“Thank you so much!,” Jeremy said excitedly before realizing he would be off to a new team. “So I’m switching to onboarding?”
“Yes,” Nicole said. “We’re going to grow the onboarding team and feel you would be the best person to help me do that. You’ll report directly to me and work as the number two for the team.”
They both smiled at him happily.
“I won’t let you down, I look forward to working with you,” he said to Nicole. “Thank you for this chance.”
“I know you won’t,” Shelly said. “We’ll be announcing the new team leads on Monday morning. It will be yourself, Tyrell, and Dominic. I know you are about to take off for the weekend, so we just ask you don’t share this with anyone on the floor until we make the announcement.”
“Okay,” Jeremy said. “Thanks again.”
Shelly rose and extended a hand to Jeremy. “I look forward to working more closely with you. Welcome to the team.”
Nicole had a wide smile. “See you Monday. We’ll talk more then about your new role then.”
“Sounds good, have a good weekend,” Jeremy said as he let himself out of the room.
He returned to his desk to find he only had a few minutes left of his work week. Tyrell sat at the desk behind Jeremy and couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he watched Jeremy walk back with a slight pep in his step.
Tyrell’s skin was black as night, but his grin revealed glowing white teeth. He started to bob his head and pointed at Jeremy. “Let’s go get some drinks, Jer. Time to celebrate.” He kept his voice low. “I already told Dom. He’s down.”
“Yeah, man, let’s roll,” Jeremy said as he started packing his backpack. “We going to JD’s?”
“You know it.” JD’s was host to most of the E-Nonymous happy hours as it was only a mile away.
“Cool. I’ll see you guys there. Gotta go call the lady and let her know!”
Jeremy left the office and walked out of the building with a sense of accomplishment.
I did it, he thought, and jogged to his car to call Jamie.
19
October 2013
Across the country in South Carolina, a trial was set to begin. A twenty-year-old boy had opened fire on an elementary school. He had killed twelve children and two faculty members before his gun jammed and police apprehended him.
The shooting had occurred three years prior to the trial’s opening statement. The defense prepared to defend their client under the insanity plea—if they could prove the defendant had committed the crime in a mentally ill state of mind, he could avoid jail time and be sentenced to time in a psychiatric facility.
Jeremy had filled in Dr. Siva on his new promotion and received his professor’s typical unsupportive response before he changed the topic.
“What do you think of this case?” Dr. Siva asked Jeremy in their monthly meeting.
“Honestly, I think it’s bullshit,” Jeremy said.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Dr. Siva said matter-of-factly. “While it may seem like an easy way out, it’s really not.”
“Even if this kid is insane, he doesn’t deserve to avoid the consequences of his actions.”
“Who are you
to decide?” Dr. Siva asked, sitting up stiffly in his chair.
“It’s the law—you can’t kill people. He killed kids, lots of kids. No way should he be able to get away with it.”
“Are you religious, Jeremy?”
Jeremy paused, wondering at the relevance of the question.
“Never mind,” Dr. Siva said. “The point is that there are thousands of cases of mental illness that go undiagnosed. Mental illness is frowned upon in this country. You’d be surprised how many people have been executed or are rotting in a cell that actually need medical treatment.”
“That doesn’t take back what they did.”
“Look, I’m not condoning this kid’s actions, please understand that. I got chills hearing about the scene he left behind. I feel for the families, but that doesn’t mean the shooter has a healthy mind.”
Jeremy fidgeted in his chair.
“I’d like to ask you to follow this trial. Not as an assignment, but as a chance to gain some valuable insight about a dark topic within our field of study.”
Jeremy looked at Dr. Siva, trying to wrap his mind around what he was saying.
“Keep an objective mind,” Dr. Siva said. “Put your emotions aside and keep your ears open to the facts. There will be some highly experienced psychologists testifying in defense of this young man. Pay close attention to what they say. Remember, at the end of the day our job is to help people fighting battles within themselves.”
“Okay,” Jeremy said softly. “I’ll follow it.”
“Very good. I look forward to us discussing this trial.”
Jeremy felt sick to his stomach. The thought of keeping an open mind to the horrific acts done by this monster made him doubt his future occupation.
One day I could have some loony axe murderer in my office, and I might need to defend them?
“Thank you, Dr. Siva. I look forward to it as well.”
Insanity (Insanity Series, Book 1) Page 10