by Claire Adams
“You’re welcome, Justin,” she said.
She was about my age and cute enough. At that point, I was pretty sure she had a thing for me, but I didn’t ever mention it. It would have been too weird for me, especially with the feelings I had for Anna.
“Have a good night,” I said as she made her way over to the front door. She was standing a little too close to me, and I hoped she wasn’t about to make a move. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that on top of everything else.
But she must have sensed how I was feeling because she said, “You too. If you need anything, you know where I live.” She winked. I smiled at her because she was a nice girl, and I really just didn’t know how else to react. She left through the open door, and I closed it behind her. I was relieved to be alone.
I went into Margie’s room to check on her. She was sound asleep and looked so peaceful. I decided not to admire her for too long because I didn’t want to run the risk of waking her up. I quietly left her room and closed the door behind me.
When I got into my room, I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. I felt so low, and I didn’t know what to do. At that moment, I felt like I was letting Tammy down. At her funeral, I promised I would take care of our little girl. After the fight that night, l felt like I couldn’t even do that properly. All I had to do was win this one fight, and everything would have been okay. But I failed. I lost.
And now, I didn’t even know what was going to happen, and that was the worst part, especially as a father who needed to take care of his daughter.
Anna popped into my head once more. She was so beautiful and smart, and for some reason, I just could not get her out of my mind. Part of me wished I hadn’t quit going to see her. She looked so broken hearted when I left, and I felt the exact same way now. Losing that fight might not have stung so much if I would have seen her face in the crowd. I was kicking myself for everything I had done these last couple of days.
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so I called a friend from the gym. Joe was a good dude with a good head on his shoulders. I figured he could help me get things straightened out. Maybe he could help me figure out what to do with this whole Markie thing.
The phone rang three times, and then he picked up. “Hey, man,” he said.
“Hey, Joe.” I tried not to sound as depressed as I felt.
“Tough fight tonight, huh?” he said, and I just wanted to break down at that point.
“Yeah.” I didn’t know how to really say the next part, so I just went for it. “I got myself in a mess, man.”
“What do you mean? What kind of a mess?” he asked.
“You know Markie, right?”
I heard him exhale sharply. “Don’t tell me you got yourself into some shit with him.”
“I did man. I feel so dumb. I bet on myself, and he gave me a loan. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I’m so scared about what’s going to happen. I don’t have that kind of cash. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone to him in the first place,” I said quickly. I was rambling, but I didn’t care. I only hoped Joe wouldn’t think less of me because of my mistakes.
“How much do you owe?”
“Ten grand,” I half mumbled into the phone. My pride was taking yet another hit.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Ten grand,” I said more clearly this time.
I heard him suck in through his teeth “Yikes. I don’t know dude. That’s a lot of dough to have to owe to him. You got anything you can sell?”
I started pacing the room. “No. I already pawned the things I could to pay some of the medical bills. I’m screwed.”
“What was wrong tonight?”
“I don’t know. My head just wasn’t in it,” I said.
“You need to figure out what was bothering you and start from there. That might help you figure something out. Sorry I can’t be much help.”
“It’s okay, man. Thanks for talking to me.” We got off the phone, and I climbed into bed. I was done with that day, with that week, with everything. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything for a little while.
I woke up, and the sun was high in the sky. When I looked at my phone, I saw it was ten. I never slept this late, but neither did Margie. I got out of bed and found her in front of the T.V. She was late for preschool, and at this point, I wasn’t even sure if I should take her in.
“I didn’t want to wake you, Daddy,” she said.
I gave her a hug. “Thanks, sweetie, but it’s my responsibility to be up with you. Would you like some bacon and eggs?”
She nodded her head, and I made her a late breakfast. I felt bad—just another thing to add to my growing guilt.
I ate breakfast with her. Though I mostly picked at my food. I was growing worried about the phone call I was going to have to make. The more I tried to forget about it and concentrate on my food and Margie, the more nervous I felt.
“I need to make a phone call really quick,” I said to Margie and then went into my room to call Markie. I needed to get it out of the way. I had an idea, and I was just praying he would be okay with what I had to offer him.
“Justin. Just the man I wanted to talk to,” Markie said into the phone.
“Hey. I want to make another bet.”
Markie scoffed. “Really? You think you’re really in the position to make more bets?”
I didn’t let him get any other wise cracks in. “If I can win my next four fights, you wipe the loan clean. You’ll make that money back through each of the fights.”
“What’s in it for me?”
“Money?” I didn’t know what else he was looking for.
“How about if you don’t win, you owe me twenty grand? And you’ll be in some serious shit.”
I didn’t even think twice about it. “Okay. You’ve got a bet.”
Markie laughed. “See you at your next four fights.” The line went dead.
Chapter 6
Anna
It had been three days since Justin basically walked out of my life. I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. He was constantly on my mind. Why did life have to be so unfair? I had gone over what happened a million times in the last few days. I even repeated everything from his fight last weekend.
I was pretty sure he’d had another fight, but he didn’t mention it to me on Monday. I figured he didn’t want me there. Ally must have read the signs wrong because why else would he have just quit seeing me?
It was the end of the day. My last client went home about twenty minutes ago. I was getting things cleaned up and ready for the following day. The last few days, no matter what I seemed to do, I just could not keep my mind off Justin.
I missed our sessions. I missed running my hands all over his muscular body, and I was feeling super disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. I hoped he hadn’t found a different masseuse. Just the thought made me jealous.
I was going over my finances, like I did every Thursday evening, when my darling little sister walked into the studio. I told myself I was going to try to be easier on her today. It wasn’t her fault that she read the signs wrong.
“Hey!” she said. She wore a red beanie, and it almost covered all her short dark hair. I always loved when she wore that beanie. It looked great on her.
“Hey,” I said, not matching her enthusiasm. It was too hard to put that much energy into it. I wasn’t feeling right. I was sad and tired.
“Are you okay?” she asked with concern in her voice.
I nodded my head. I didn’t want to tell her how I really felt. I didn’t want her to scrutinize the situation. I didn’t need that right then. After getting my hopes up the last time I saw her, I didn’t have it in me to explain things to her yet.
But to my surprise, she asked, “What happened with Justin?”
I had no idea how she could see through me so easily. She did tell me the other day that I was transparent, and I vowed to work on that. I couldn’t just wal
k around and let people read me all the time. It made me feel uncomfortable to think about strangers knowing my deepest secrets.
I looked at her for a minute before I spoke. “Justin broke up with me.”
Ally gave me a weird look. She seemed confused, “When did you guys start dating?”
“I don’t mean romantically. I mean professionally. He said he can’t come get massages from me anymore.” It was hard to say it out loud. It was hard not to hold onto any bitterness.
“Do you know why?” she leaned across the counter.
I shrugged. “I have no idea. He didn’t really give me a reason. I hope he is okay though. I’ve been kind of worried about him. He’s never canceled a session before. Not once.”
“Okay, but maybe he will still want to hang out? Maybe invite you to some of his fights?” I understood that she was trying to make me feel better, but it wasn’t working.
“You weren’t there Ally. It felt pretty final.” I cringed thinking about how things ended that day.
There was an awkward silence for a moment before she asked, “How’s the rest of your business going?” I felt like she had something else she wanted to say to me, but was trying to hide it. I hated when she did that.
“Good. I’ve been getting more clients each week. It seems my popularity is growing quite a bit,” I said. Work had been the upside of things for me this past week. My advertisements in the local papers were working. I even had a couple clients that were referred to me by other clients.
“So,” she began. I knew something was coming and that I probably didn’t want to hear it. “Have you talked to mom recently?”
“Not for a few days, why?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“Because they are coming to town to visit.” She cringed, as if waiting for me to freak out.
I groaned. Great. Just want I needed. I already knew what to expect from them. They were going to sit there and bug me about why I didn’t have a serious boyfriend yet. I could already hear my mother’s voice. “Anna, I was already married and had you by the time I was your age. You aren’t getting any younger,” and, “Before you know it, you’re going to be in your thirties and it’s going to be very hard to find a man to settle down with and have a baby.”
I hated when she said things like this to me. It wasn’t fair. I was my own person. I didn’t know why she wanted me to follow in her footsteps. She expected me to live my life the same way she lived hers. It was ridiculous. I loved her and my father more than anything, and they were great parents, but it irked me when she treated me like I was still a child living under her roof.
“I really don’t want to deal with this right now,” I said to Ally as I cleaned the trash out in the waiting room. It wasn’t much, just a couple of papers and a tissue, but I made sure to clean it every day. I wanted to present myself and my business as very clean and orderly. Who wanted to get a massage in a dirty place?
“I know!” Ally said suddenly. “Why can’t you just pretend to be settled down with Justin?”
I was shocked she would even suggest that. “I don’t know. Won’t they wonder why I never told them about him?”
“You could just say that you didn’t want to mention him until they met him in person.”
I nodded, slowly. “Yeah, but he made it pretty clear he didn’t want to see me anymore.”
“Stop. You don’t know that. He just said he couldn’t pay for massages anymore. Did he actually say he didn’t want anything to do with you?”
She was right. “No, I guess he didn’t. I’ll talk to him. I hope it works. As crazy as it sounds, I miss him so much already.”
“It’ll work. Trust me, I sense these things, and I’m never wrong.”
She was right about that.
I finished cleaning up the studio. “Do you want to grab some pizza?” I asked Ally. For once, I was excited by what she said instead of feeling irritated.
“Sure,” she said.
I grabbed my purse and made sure to lock the front door. I closed at six, and it was seven now. I was glad we were missing the dinner rush as we made our way to my car. I drove the six blocks south to the pizzeria.
It was a pay by the slice place, so we went right up to the counter. Ally and I both ordered two slices of pepperoni and a medium drink. I paid for our meal when they rang us up, and Ally grabbed the table number. We stopped by the soda fountain and filled up our cups. I led her to a table by the entrance.
It was quiet, as most people had probably already eaten dinner at that point. It was a Thursday night, and they seemed to be a little slow on Thursdays, which is why it was my favorite time of the week to eat there.
We sat and played on our phones while we waited for them to bring out our pizza. I was starving. Between work and worrying about everything with Justin, I hadn’t eaten much the last week.
I looked through my emails. Sometimes I had questions from potential clients, but most of the time, I received emails telling me when someone booked or canceled a session through my website.
Today I had two requests for new clients and one email indicating a regular had canceled her morning session the following day.
“You should call him now,” Ally said as we ate our pizza a few minutes later.
“While I’m eating? Yeah, that’s going to be so attractive. Every guy wants to hear a girl chew pizza in their ear.”
“You don’t have to talk to him for an hour. You can call him really quick and then get off the phone and eat your pizza,” she explained.
She was right. I knew she just wanted to hear what he would say and how he would react. Ally loved playing matchmaker, especially for me. I didn’t know whether to be thankful or disgusted.
“Fine,” I said. I put down the slice of pizza I was eating. I was only three bites in, and it was so good, but this was Justin we were talking about. I had to scroll through my contacts to find his number. I was so nervous when I pushed dial. I felt like a high school girl calling her boyfriend for the first time.
It only rang twice before he picked up. “Hello, Anna,” he said. He sounded like he was happy to hear from me, which helped me relax a little bit.
“Hi, Justin. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
Ally held up a thumbs-up sign.
“No, no. Not at all. What’s going on?”
“This is going to sound a little random because I know you don’t want to come by anymore, but do you think maybe you can stop by my studio tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. I just have something I wanted to discuss with you.”
He laughed, “It can’t be over the phone?”
“No. I’d rather do it in person. If you’re free. I mean, if not, it’s okay. We can figure out another time or something.”
“Anna,” he said with another laugh, I assumed to stop my rambling. “It’s fine. Tomorrow works out great for me.”
I smiled. “Okay, good. Thank you.”
“What time?”
“Whatever time works for you?”
“Is ten okay?” he asked.
I smiled because that was his normal appointment time.
“Ten is perfect,” I said.
“Alright, I’ll see you then.
“Okay, bye,” I said and hung up the phone as soon as he said bye.
Ally laughed. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I laughed and shook my head at her. “Just eat your pizza.”
I was glad it had been so easy to ask him. I was starting to feel better after everything that happened on Monday, but I couldn’t help how nervous I was already beginning to feel. I still had almost a full day to get through.
I only had one client the next day, and I figured I would just cancel with her. She had been a regular for quite some time and wasn’t going to miss a session. I’d give her a discount to make up for it.
Ally looked at me like she was waiting for something.
�
��What?” I asked her.
“Shouldn’t you be thanking me? I told you he had a thing for you. My signs are never wrong, sis. When are you going to realize that?” she said.
“Thanks. But um. No. Nothing has happened yet. What if he thinks I’m crazy?”
Ally rolled her eyes. “He isn’t going to. He’s going to agree to it because he can’t stand to be away from you, and this is a chance to be your fake boyfriend, which will possibly turn into a chance to be your real boyfriend.”
She sounded sure of herself, but I didn’t want to jump in and believe her again. I didn’t want to be let down if he didn’t really feel that way.
After I took Ally back to her car by my studio and went home, I couldn’t help but think about what might come of this arrangement. I didn’t really think we would start dating for real, but I did let my fantasies run wild when I took my shower.
I pictured us kissing. We would realize instantly that there was an undeniable connection between us. I pictured my parents leaving and him ripping my clothes off and ravaging my body in ways I never thought possible. I went to bed with my vibrator in hand and slept peacefully through the night.
Chapter 7
Justin
I had mixed emotions the next morning when I woke up. I took Margie to preschool and went back home to get ready for my meeting with Anna. She called me the night before asking if I wanted to come see her at her studio because she had something she wanted to ask me. My mind was racing all night with the possibilities. I was a little nervous about what exactly it might be. I had to admit I was really excited to see Anna. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
She didn’t explain what she wanted to talk about; she was being pretty cryptic. I was curious. Intrigued. And nervous. After the way I left on Monday, I didn’t think I would ever hear from her again. And now I was going to see her.
She picked the perfect time. Margie was in preschool and would be there for a few more hours. I would have to pick her up later in the afternoon, but at least I could have a conversation with Anna without worrying about Margie running all over the place. I didn’t mind her tagging along with me, but sometimes it was just easier to go to places alone.