by Anna Lewis
“Why is that?” Dr. Marrow asked again.
“I just haven’t...” Elu trailed off with a shrug. “I was resting.”
Dr. Marrow nodded, shifting his gaze to his desk with a slight grin and then looking back up at Elu with a knowing glance.
“Is there anything you would like to tell me today? Our last session before the blast was interesting because you looked incredibly happy about Xander and Anna Leigh even though you knew the ramifications of your actions,” Dr. Marrow explained.
“Of course I knew. I signed up for this job understanding human emotion and the potential for attachment,” Elu said, folding his arms across his chest.
“So, you don’t regret it?” Dr. Marrow asked.
“Well, no. Never. It was for my job and for the Federation. This is what I do,” Elu said. “The attachment is merely a result of living a double life.”
“That sounds difficult. How did you manage to separate your two lives without them co-mingling?” Dr. Marrow asked.
“Well, you know that better than I do, Dr. Marrow. You’re the one who trained me to steel my mind,” Elu replied.
“I did. That’s right,” Dr. Marrow said.
“And you taught me how to manage emotion from both ends of the spectrum, from positive to negative. I’ve been doing fine with it since,” Elu said.
Dr. Marrow raised a curious eyebrow.
“What?” Elu asked while raising his own. “Don’t give me that look. I know what I said last time. I was confused.”
“If I may be frank, Elu, you didn’t sound confused at all. In fact, it almost sounded like you were in love,” Dr. Marrow said.
Elu huffed.
“That’s preposterous,” he said with a shrug. “How could I be in love with two people, especially another man?”
“Have you ever heard of the attachment of B’khar?” Dr. Marrow asked.
“No, I’m not familiar with that,” Elu replied.
“It was common for your Burskai ancestors to participate in triad bonds where two men and a woman mate for life. They form this attachment called B’khar, originating from Bukhara who was the deity of loving triads. Your family history, as I understand, is rooted from these beliefs and will inspire your yearning for such a bond,” Dr. Marrow explained.
“I remember grandmother mentioning that, but I never understood it,” Elu admitted. “Are you sure, doc? I mean, we’re in a new century. Things are totally different.”
“You mentioned Anna Leigh was of a different alien species, but you never mentioned which one. Do you know?” Dr. Marrow asked.
“She’s of the Kuhlarai planet and tribes,” Elu replied. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Over my years studying different alien races, I came across a bounty of literature explaining love and marriage practices. For humans thousands of years ago, the monogamous couple was the standard, but they have since branched out to adopt more polyamorous practices. The Kuhlarai are capable of triad bonding between one female and two males, and the practice is rare but not unknown. Thus it makes sense the two of you would end up in the same bond,” Dr. Marrow explained.
“But I’m an agent. I can’t afford to be involved in this,” Elu insisted. “If I do, it could mean a great deal of heat from the Federation. I could lose my job.”
“Is that what you want, Elu? To be completely part of the Federation with no future prospects?” Dr. Marrow asked.
“It’s what I signed up for,” Elu replied.
“People change their minds all the time, Elu. No one would blame you if you felt otherwise after this long,” Dr. Marrow explained.
“But it’s my job...” Elu whispered while looking down at his hands again.
He shook his head, tears filling his eyes.
“I miss them so much,” he admitted through a shaky voice. “I miss Anna Leigh. I miss her touch. I miss having my best friend next to me.”
He sniffled, raising a hand to his mouth to stifle the sob that was threatening to surface. How many times had he cried in front of Dr. Marrow yet he still felt ashamed? He shook his head over and over.
“I wish I could change it. If only this had been another time or another place. What if I hadn’t been an agent?” Elu asked out loud. “I don’t understand.”
“What is it you don’t understand?” Dr. Marrow asked, concern filling his face.
“Why does it hurt so much?” Elu asked as a sob rattled his body.
He leaned forward and cradled his head in his hands, staring at the tears that fell from his face and decorated the tile floor. He allowed himself to cry knowing that he was meeting later with his superior where he would have to remain calm and collected. This job had taken a harder toll on him than he had originally thought, the tears continuing to roll down his face even after the sobbing had subsided.
“I’d recommend confessing to Xander your true feelings. It would likely mean a great deal to him,” Dr. Marrow said.
“But that’s not in the Federation’s best interest,” Elu rebutted.
“Elu, you’re an amazing worker who has accomplished a great deal for the Federation over the past seven years. Perhaps this is your calling to go separate ways,” Dr. Marrow said. “Don’t you want to give yourself the happiness you deserve?”
Elu nodded slowly while sitting up, accepting the tissue Dr. Marrow handed him.
“Take a chance. Give yourself what you know you deserve,” Dr. Marrow said.
“That would compromise everything,” Elu said. “I might have to give up more than my job and integrity.”
“Do you think it’s worth it for the love that you felt in your triad?” Dr. Marrow asked.
After a moment of silence, Elu nodded. He didn’t want to say the words out loud. It might be documented or used against him, though he didn’t think his therapist would ever do such a thing. After all, what Dr. Marrow was suggesting was in opposition of the Federation’s best interest.
“Do what you feel is best for you and your triad,” Dr. Marrow suggested. “And please, don’t hesitate to call me if you feel upset again. I’m always here.”
Dr. Marrow stood and reached over the desk to shake Elu’s hand. The two stood for a moment in knowing silence, Elu smiling when Dr. Marrow smiled.
“Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
“You’re a good person, Elu,” Dr. Marrow said. “Don’t ever forget that.”
Chapter 2
Anna Leigh looked down at her wrist's watch app, watching the digital display change from 12:01 to 12:02 through her green skin. She sighed. A nurse walked past the open office door as she sat with her boss, studying the way he shuffled through documents on his digital desk.
“Well, Anna, it looks like there’s an opening for a nurse position at Log Station 86 on the planet Kuhlarai,” he explained.
“That sounds good, Mr. Jones,” she said. “I think I’ll take my leave in between just to make the transition easier, so I can settle in with my mother.”
“May I ask why you’re returning to your home planet?” he asked. “You seemed so happy here.”
“Well, I think I just need a change of scenery,” she replied.
“You haven’t been here more than six months, Anna. Why change so quickly?” he asked again.
Anna Leigh shrugged, twirling a lock of black hair around her green-skinned finger while looking down at her knees. The sound of commotion came from up the hall and she listened to it briefly before responding.
“It just feels like the right thing to do,” she replied. “I would love to be with my mother and recover from that awful blast three weeks ago.”
“It’s not terribly uncommon in this line of work, but I understand. You have my support and recommendation. I hate to be losing such a wonderful nurse, but I know they could use your exceptional capabilities on Kuhlarai,” Mr. Jones said.
“Thank you, sir. I appreciate that,” Anna Leigh said.
“It w
as my pleasure to work with you. Take your time packing and let us know if you need anything,” he said.
Anna Leigh nodded with a smile and stood, turning to leave the office. One of the attendants waved to her and she waved back before leaving the hospital wing, breathing in the scent of disinfectant as she walked through the log station. It smelled like lavender. Panic rippled through her chest as she walked by the robot that was polishing the floor and she picked up her pace to get to her room faster. Inside, she shut the door and leaned against the cool metal, taking deep breaths until her heart stopped racing.
That lavender smelled exactly like Elu’s pen, she thought wearily, remembering Elu's scented pen from the picnic she'd had with him and Xander. I wonder where he is and how he’s doing.
Since the incident in the hallway, she had dropped Elu as a patient and effectively blocked him from her life. She didn’t answer his calls or texts, each one pleading for her to reconsider the situation.
“I could make you very happy,” he had said in one of his messages. “And we could visit Xander. It could be like before.”
How could it possibly ever be like before? She tossed clothes into a suitcase. How could he assume I would want to be with only him?
As she stuffed her suitcase with the few items she had brought with her, she shrugged her shoulders. A strange tingle had formed in the past few weeks which concerned her. Walking over to her mirror, she lifted her blouse and inspected the area that was itchy. The mirror revealed a few rows of scales on her back, reflecting the light of the two suns coming through the window. They glimmered as she ran her fingers over the smooth skin.
How are they scaly but smooth?
No other symptoms had developed with the scales, but they occasionally itched. She grabbed the bottle of lotion from the dresser and applied it liberally before tossing it into her bag. It helped, but she knew she would have to reapply later in the afternoon, possibly even during her flight back to Kuhlarai. She checked her wrist again and shut her suitcase, zipping it closed before picking it up from the bed.
On her way out the door, she considered stopping by Elu’s room to see if he was still there.
No, she thought. Why bother? I’m too angry at him and I don’t think it would bode well for either of us.
She sighed and continued walking to catch up with the group boarding the connecting ship to Kuhlarai.
“Please, take your seats immediately. Flight 407 to Herringer and Kuhlarai. Ar'ka nak blak vander,” said a voice over the intercom.
Anna Leigh located her seat near the window and placed her bag in the storage bin above it. While she made herself comfortable, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through her messages. She came across one from Xander.
“Don’t forget the strawberries,” it read with a smiley face following the statement.
It was the last thing he had sent her before the explosion. She assumed his arrest would prevent him from having access to his phone, so she hadn’t tried to contact him since. Above his messages were plenty from Elu which she hadn’t yet deleted. It made her stomach flip just to look at them, quickly closing the app and opening up her contact list. She clicked on her mother’s number and held the phone up to her ear. It rang briefly before clicking.
“Hi, Mother,” she said weakly.
“Hello, dear. What’s the matter? Is the flight making you sick?” she asked.
“No, I’m just upset over everything that happened,” Anna Leigh admitted with a sigh.
“That’s to be expected, my dear. I can’t imagine how I would feel if that happened to me,” her mother said. “The news made it seem much worse. How bad was it?”
“It was just a typical explosion. It’s nothing we haven’t ever seen before, but it really rocked me,” Anna Leigh replied.
“I understand. Is that why you’re coming home?” her mother asked.
“That’s part of the reason, yeah,” Anna Leigh replied.
“Well, tell me what’s on your mind, sweetie. You have plenty of time on your flight and I’m sure you have nothing to do,” her mother said.
Anna Leigh sighed, looking down at her nails. The red was chipping away and revealing the pale green skin beneath. She bit her lower lip.
“Yeah, I guess I could talk about it,” she admitted.
“I’m all ears, honey. Talk to me,” her mother said.
“It’s just... Elu and Xander. Do you remember me mentioning them?” she asked.
“Of course,” her mother replied. “They seemed like such nice boys.”
“We were so closely bonded and that incident with Elu where he was... where I found out he had lied made me feel hurt. I was really hurt. I feel totally betrayed by how he had deceived us,” Anna Leigh explained. “I don’t understand why he would do such a thing. It was awful.”
“Jobs like that can make people extremely lonely. Do you think he really meant to hurt you or was he just doing his job?” her mother asked.
“I feel like he knew exactly what he was doing and he hurt us anyway. That’s the worst feeling ever,” Anna Leigh replied.
“I know. You told me he was an agent and I’ve encountered those people before. It must have hurt him, too,” her mother said.
Anna Leigh scoffed.
“If it did, it wasn’t evident. How could he pull off such a thing and still feel emotions? It’s such a horrible thing to do to be in that business,” Anna Leigh said.
“It’s certainly not the most morally sound job, no. A lot of those people end up without friends because of their missions,” her mother explained. “Such isolation could really hurt a person.”
“Mother, are you taking his side?” Anna Leigh asked, rubbing her right temple out of frustration.
“No, never. I’m just trying to get you to see his perspective. Maybe he really did love you. It sounded genuine whenever you told me about them,” her mother replied.
“It felt genuine. I think that’s what hurts the most,” Anna Leigh said.
“Maybe it was genuine, dear. You never know. Have you spoken to him since the incident?” her mother asked.
“I’m afraid I’ll scream at him if I try to talk to him,” Anna Leigh responded.
“Well, that sounds pretty normal,” her mother said. “How is your head? Your skin?”
Anna Leigh looked down at her lap with a puzzled look.
“Why are you asking about my skin?” she asked.
“I want to know if you’ve developed any strange symptoms,” her mother explained.
“Well, I do have these weird scales on my back. I haven’t mentioned them because I figured they were from the heat,” Anna Leigh said.
“They are a symptom of your emotionally yearning, your body's reaction to being separated from your life mates. The scales won’t go away until you’re reunited with them. It is a rare but not unknown symptom that occurs among Kuhlarai women,” her mother explained.
“What do you mean?” Anna Leigh asked.
“You must have two life mates, not one,” her mother explained. “As you know, Kuhlarai children may be conceived by a triad bond of two males and one Kuhlarai female. When you were born, the sages of our people predicted that you were meant for such a triad bonding.”
“You know I don’t believe in that ancestor stuff,” Anna Leigh said. She knew the old ways and the sages, but until now she seldom paid much attention.
“Surely you don’t believe those two men just fell into your life for no reason, do you?” her mother asked.
Anna Leigh sighed.
“I don’t know what I believe,” she admitted.
“Perhaps it’s time to talk to the ancestors and see how you’re feeling. I’ll light a candle for you,” her mother said.
“No, mother. Please, don’t do that. I’m just confused,” Anna Leigh said.
“I know, darling, but your confusion will pass soon. Give it some time. I think it would be a good idea to talk to Elu very soon to see where you stand,” her mother suggest
ed.
“I don’t know, mother. I don’t want to bother him,” she said.
“He must miss you like you miss him,” her mother said.
“I don’t miss him,” Anna Leigh said quickly, catching a sob in her throat before it could escape.
Silence came from the other line. Anna Leigh imagined her mother making the same knowing face she had always made whenever Anna Leigh wasn’t being entirely honest. She exhaled loudly.
“It has been difficult to sleep in an empty bed. I’ll admit that much,” Anna Leigh said quickly. “But that doesn’t mean I miss him.”
“Your body seems to indicate otherwise. It’s okay to admit you miss him, Anna Leigh. Anybody would in your situation, especially when your bond was that strong,” her mother explained. “Denying these emotions will only make it worse.”
A single tear ran down her cheek and she wiped at it, hoping no one could see her silently crying in the corner of the ship.
“I know, mom,” she said in a low voice. “I just don’t know how to express it.”
“Well, when you get back, I’ll make you a hot cup of tea and run you a hot bath. How does that sound?” her mother asked.
Anna Leigh smiled warmly.
“That sounds wonderful, mother,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Of course. I’m here for you, always. I just want you to be happy and I don’t want to see you suffering because of some complex emotions. You can get through it. I believe in you,” her mother said.
“Alright. We’re about to take off, but I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay?” Anna Leigh said, wiping at another errant tear.
“Have a good flight. Try to catch a nap,” her mother said.
“I will. Thanks, Mom,” she said before hanging up the phone.
She sat leaned back in her seat and placed her phone in her pocket, looking out the window pensively.
I still love him, she thought. But I’m not sure how to forgive him. Mother says it will take time and I don’t want to be without my sweet Xander. Why can’t this just be a simple thing like cheating?
Anna Leigh shook her head. It was far from simple. Nothing could change the fact that Elu had betrayed them, but the ache between her legs grew stronger each day and her scales were starting to tingle. She couldn’t deny her physical yearning for his touch, for them both to be pressed against her naked body in a heated embrace.