by Anna Lewis
“Wow your eyes are like emeralds in the morning,” he gave me a goofy, kid like smile that had me giggling.
“Good morning to you too,” I chuckled. Josh reached out to run his fingers along my jaw and he pressed a kiss against my throat. “Is it weird for me to say that you’re my soul mate?” he asked me and I couldn’t help laughing.
“I…well…” I didn’t really know what to say though and floundered a bit.
“It’s just that…I feel right with you, you know?” he clarified and I did understand what he was feeling.
“Oh, well then it’s not so weird, I feel the same.” Josh’s smile widened then and I felt his arms tighten around my waist. His lips descended on mine in a heated kiss that was only growing hotter, but then a knock on the door had us both jumping.
“Mommy…are you awake?” Gio’s voice came from just outside the door and I had to take a couple of deep breaths before answering him.
“Yeah, just a sec hon. Why don’t you go get the pancake stuff out and I’ll be right there,” I called. Gio replied with a muffled, ‘okay’ and Josh started laughing.
“Sheesh, imagine the look on his face if that door wasn’t locked,” he said and I shook my head at him.
“That’s not even cool,” I chuckled and got out of bed to take a quick shower and get dressed. Josh actually squeezed himself into my tight shower and we managed to get back and forth to my room without being spotted.
“You know at my place…I have a bathroom in my bedroom,” Josh said as he dried his hair and pulled on his jeans, going commando.
“What are you saying?” I asked him curiously, pulling on a long sleeved blouse and tights.
“I’m saying…maybe you and Gio can spend some nights over at my place…or something,” he said slowly. “Then maybe eventually you guys could move out of this place,” he suggested and my eyes widened a bit.
“Sure we can sleep over some nights, but…don’t you think it’s a little too soon to be talking about moving in?” I asked him, he simply shrugged.
“I just know what I want and…don’t want to waste time getting it. It’s you and it’s Gio.” His words were as sincere as his unwavering gaze and my heart squeezed a little in my chest.
“You already have us, but Gio’s been through a lot this past month alone and I don’t want to spring too many changes on him all at once,” I explained. A fleeting question entered Josh’s gaze though he didn’t voice it. I knew he really wanted to know what went on with Gio’s father, but that was all the past. I wouldn’t let memories of Chicago taint what we had going here.
“I understand, we’ll take it easy if you think it’s best,” he said with a nod. Just then Gio knocked on the door again and he poked his head in, as soon as his gaze landed on Josh he lit up with excitement.
“Josh you slept over!” he skipped into the room to give Josh a huge hug. “We’re gonna make pancakes, mommy makes the best pancakes every Saturday,” he filled Josh in as he carried Gio out to the kitchen and I followed behind them. Gio was still in his Spider-man pajamas and the TV was on, playing his morning cartoons. The scene had my eyes pricking a little bit, I could see the kind of father Josh could be to Gio and wanted it more than I’ve wanted almost anything.
So are we going to get cracking on these banana pancakes or what?” Josh asked, he glanced over at me from the kitchen counter. Gio was on his little step stool at his mixing station.
“Sure, since I have another helper, you can cook the pancakes on the stove,” I gave Josh his job and we all moved like…well a family, making breakfast together. As we sat at the table to eat, Gio was telling Josh more about his school and how it wasn’t so different from his school in Chicago. My cell phone rang and I hurried to go answer it, thinking it was Aunt Aida or work. But it was some unknown number so I simply let it go to voicemail.
“Mommy can we go to Central Park, Josh said there’s fun things there,” Gio asked as I got back to the table.
“Sure we can go to Central Park if you want.” Gio beamed at me and continued eating his pancakes, legs swinging happily under the table. I caught Josh watching Gio with a fond gaze and knew I was done for; he was definitely the one.
Just as we were about to head out to Manhattan, that unknown number called me again. I hesitated in answering and let it go to voicemail again. I never got toll free calls or telemarketing calls, and the only ones who had my new number were Aunt Aida, my job, Gio’s school, and Josh. Biting my lip as I followed the guys to Josh’s Mercedes SUV, I began worrying about my ex, Giovanni, and how far his reach could go.
***
Josh ended up spending the entire weekend with us, he even came to have dinner with Aunt Aida again and she couldn’t be happier to see him. Sometimes I wondered if she more had a crush on him, than was pleased I found a good guy to be in our lives.
“How old is your Aunt again?” Josh asked and I chuckled. We were on the way back to my apartment and Gio was asleep in the backseat.
“She’s sixty-seven, God bless her,” I said, making him laugh. “I think she wants to cougar you,” I added and he laughed harder. My phone started to ring, for the fifth time that day and it was the unknown number, yet again. I put the phone on silent and tried not to have any outward reaction to my unease.
“What’s wrong, who was that?” Josh asked me, he glanced at me in concern and I shook my head with a smile, trying to brush it off.
“Wrong number or something, it’s nothing,” I said and he nodded briefly.
“So Gio’s birthday is coming up around Thanksgiving right?” he asked and I nodded. “Are you guys going to Chicago or staying here…?” he asked, clearly fishing for something.
“No, we’re staying here…I’ll have to figure out something to do for him though, I doubt he’ll enjoy a simple cake at Aunt Aida’s,” I joked. Glancing behind me I saw Gio was still fast asleep in the backseat.
“I’m sure we can figure out something fun, and hey why don’t you guys and Aunt Aida come by my place for Thanksgiving, my family will be up visiting,” he said eagerly. My eyes sort of widened at the prospect of meeting his family, though technically I did know his parents already. I knew he had a younger brother, who was a toddler before Josh moved away when we were kids, but that’s about all I knew of his family.
“You seem like you’re freaking out a little,” he observed with a small chuckle.
“No…it’s just that…I’m a little nervous is all,” I admitted.
“Don’t be, I mean, we’ll be family soon enough so sooner or later you’ll have to get used to my parents and such,” he said lightly, as if the future where we end up married and together was inevitable. More and more I was growing uneasy thinking about that, mostly due to those strange calls. This huge fear that Giovanni found us was lodging itself into my chest.
When we got home Josh carried Gio up and actually got him ready and settled into bed. Meanwhile I was busy pacing the living room restlessly, my phone ominous and dormant on the couch. Maybe I should change my number again…or maybe I was just paranoid. But then again shouldn’t I be? Giovanni is involved with the mafia for Pete’s sake. He could do anything, whatever networks he had access to could make it easy for him to have found us. Just when I was beginning to think we were safe in a city as big as New York.
“Hey…” I turned to see Josh leaning against the wall just outside the hallway, his gaze concerned. “You alright?”
“I’m fine…just antsy…” I said, still trying to think of some excuse.
“I can help with antsy,” he said and slowly walked towards me to wrap his arms around my waist. I wanted to let him comfort me, to make me forget about my fears, but they were too big. Suddenly the past I was trying to bury with our move was coming back in vivid color. All I kept remembering was Giovanni’s often angry face and his hateful words…usually followed by much worse things.
“I um…I have an early morning tomorrow…it being Monday and all,” I said awkwardly. Josh looked
down at me with real concern then and opened his mouth to say something. But Gio came walking out of his room then.
“Mommy…my tummy hurts,” he said with a waver to his voice and I quickly went over to him, almost grateful for his interruption.
“How bad does it hurt?” I asked and knelt down to push the hair from his face, he didn’t have a temperature or anything. So it was most likely just something he ate.
“I can pick up some ginger ale if you want,” Josh chimed in and I nodded.
“Please, that would be great,” I said and he was quick to go run the errand. Gio did end up throwing up his entire dinner and what’s worse the fever did come around.
“I don’t have to go to the doctor right mommy?” Gio asked me as I held him on the couch, a can of ginger ale in his hands.
“No, your fever isn’t too bad. This is probably just a passing bug, but you will have to stay home from school tomorrow at least,” I said and he sighed.
“Okay…” he murmured. I glanced over at Josh who was sitting on the floor and busy on his laptop. It was nearing one in the morning.
“You know you don’t have to stay Josh,” I told him and he glanced up at me, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
“It’s no problem for me to stay. Plus, I have to make sure Gio stays tough, no stomach bug can take us down,” he said and offered his fist to bump with Gio’s, making him smile.
“Really it’s alright, plus we’re going to try to get to bed soon,” I said, poking Gio lightly in the side.
“But I have to finish my ginger ale,” he protested. “I don’t want Josh to leave…” he pouted.
“Trust me Gio, sleep will help a lot more in making your stomach feel better. Okay?” I said more sternly and he sighed again, but didn’t protest. Instead he actually got up to walk to his bedroom. But he stopped just before the hallway and glanced back at me.
“Don’t make Josh leave mommy, he’s good. He’s not bad like daddy,” he said decisively then turned on his heel and went to his room. I stared at the spot he just vacated in shock. Gio’s never been so outspoken, yet I had a feeling he knew exactly what he was doing.
“‘Bad like daddy?’” Josh asked, echoing Gio’s statement. I closed my eyes briefly and sighed.
“His father isn’t a good man, which is why we left Chicago, I told you that before…” I said evasively, exasperation leeching into my tone.
“How come you won’t tell me about him?” he asked in a softer tone.
“Because it’s the past Josh.” I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I didn’t want to discuss Giovanni.
“But he’s Gio’s father, what if he wants to come around again? Don’t you think I should know a little bit about him?” he protested.
“Josh it isn’t like we’re married, okay? Look…I just don’t want to talk about it,” I insisted. He stared at me for a few tense moments and I stood up. “It’s late…I think maybe we should call it a night,” I said, my voice very tired all of a sudden. Josh closed his laptop and stood up.
“I’ll…call you tomorrow?” he said and I simply nodded. Without any more preamble Josh left. Glancing at the couch I saw my phone light up with a call from that unknown number. Anxiety rose in my chest and I had difficulty fighting through it. I needed to know if it was Giovanni calling, but then again I was terrified to know.
***
Joshua
Fuck if I could sleep after all that. I was worried about Gio and his stomach bug as well as frustrated over what he said. What Maddy refuses to tell me. Did his father hurt them? Was he just a douche who argued with Maddy all the time or what? What exactly was encompassed in Gio’s vague, ‘bad like daddy?’ Then Maddy went and got all defensive about it so that had to mean it was pretty bad, hell she moved to an entirely different state to get away from the man. Yet she wouldn’t open up about any of it…I just want to be there for her.
I debated calling her, but ended up pacing around and trying to get menial work done throughout the night. As soon as the sun started to rise over the city I grabbed my phone to call Maddy, of course there was no answer. I sent her a text: Can I come see u? No reply…after two hours passed when I knew for a fact she was awake I gave up and took a quick shower before heading into the office. The merger settled so there wasn’t much to do up top, I’d been spending more time at our offices making sure our pharmacists and other staff were melding well. Getting used to the new culture of the larger company.
But as I drove around the city I found myself wanting to go to the Bronx more than anything. I couldn’t take Maddy dodging me like this. With a frustrated groan I tried calling her again.
“Hey,” she answered on the third ring and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Hey, how are you? How’s Gio doing?” I asked while I pulled into a random parking spot to focus on the conversation.
“Gio is doing a lot better, his stomach is settled some and the fever is gone…” she said, her voice sounded off. She was clearly bothered by something.
“I’m glad to hear it…” I paused briefly before adding, “Look I’m sorry for pushing you last night. I know you don’t like talking about Gio’s dad.”
“I’m sorry for snapping at you…it’s just a sensitive topic,” she said with a sigh. “You know, Gio’s just really latched on to you and…he really wants a good father figure in his life,” she said slowly.
“I want to be that for him. I want to be there for you both Maddy,” I said and she sighed.
“I don’t know…I just think that maybe we should take things a bit slower is all. He’s getting really confused about things,” she said, making excuses. I knew she was making excuses for something.
“Confused about what? He knows we’re together, he knows that I love you guys that I want to be a family,” I insisted.
“I’m not ending things with you Josh, calm down,” she said quietly.
“It feels differently. If you don’t want to talk about Gio’s father then fine, I won’t bring him up again,” I said, hating how tight my chest felt. Maddy and I never argued. There was a long stretch of silence where we simply listened to each other’s breathing.
“Can I come by tonight?” I asked her eventually.
“Aunt Aida is actually coming over tonight with some soup for Gio, she feels bad, like she poisoned him or something,” Maddy said. I shook my head back and forth, why was she trying to put distance between us?
“Okay then…tomorrow maybe?” I realized that I sounded pathetic, but I didn’t care that much.
“Yeah…maybe,” she said cryptically. “I have to go, I’ll talk to you later,” she said just before hanging up. Shaking my head, I started the car and headed to work. Whatever was really bothering her I hoped it’d blow over, if she didn’t want to talk to me about it I could live with that, as long as she didn’t cut me out of her life, or Gio’s.
***
Maddy
It’s been nearly a week since I saw Josh last, I wanted to see him. I missed him, lord knows Gio is constantly asking for him. But I just…I was afraid of Giovanni, what if he really did find us and came around. I wasn’t sure he’d hesitate to hurt Josh in order to get to Gio and I. I couldn’t have Josh hurt because of me.
“Mommy…can we have dinner at Josh’s house?” Gio came walking into the kitchen with his big green eyes looking up at me. “He said we could…” he added, clearly he was nervous about asking me, but I could tell he really missed Josh.
“Tell you what, I’ll give him a call,” I said and Gio smiled happily.
“Okay!” He skipped into the living room to grab my phone and handed it to me. I took a breath before calling Josh, who answered on the second ring.
“Have you decided to stop freezing me out?” he answered.
“I’m not freezing you out…I was wondering if we can come by for dinner?” I asked slowly.
“Of course, I’ll be right over to pick you up,” he said, almost as eager as Gio was. Soon Josh was knocking on the door
and Gio hurried to answer it for him.
“Josh!” he hopped into his arms for a hug and I felt bad for keeping them apart for so long. They had a bond.
“I missed you man,” Josh said as he set Gio back on his feet. When his eyes met mine he gave me a small smile, mirroring my shy one. Gio took Josh’s hand and pulled him fully inside. “Hey…” he said kind of awkwardly.
“Hey,” I said in kind, hating that things were awkward between us. I went over to give him a hug and he held me for a long time. Encircled in his warmth I was able to relax some.
“So how about we get going, I thought ordering a pizza tonight would be better than cooking,” Josh said after he let me go.
“Yay, pizza!” Gio practically rejoiced and I had to laugh. Gio chattered the whole drive to Josh’s penthouse. Telling him every facet about his week and Josh listened with interest the whole time.
Gio and I had been to Josh’s place only once before. It was definitely fancy, a two story penthouse on the Upper West Side with great views of the city and Central Park. Gio loved his house of course, he had video games, including a Wii and could really be his sometimes hyper self, running around the wide spaces.
Having dinner with Josh was just like usual. There wasn’t any tension and we easily fell into our rhythm. Gio and I ended up staying late of course, mostly because Josh didn’t want us to go home.
“Can we sleep over mommy?” Gio asked me, his voice groggy, we were watching Minions on Netflix and it was way past Gio’s bedtime.
“Sure honey we can sleep over,” I said, giving in. I glanced at Josh who had a little smug smile on his face. Shaking my head at him while he picked Gio up he simply stuck his tongue out at me and carried him to bed. When Josh came back down he laid behind me on the couch and wrapped an arm around me.