by Roman Shepp
'Daddy!' Aaminah yelled, 'found you!'
Saeed chuckled as he crawled from under the table and stretched his limbs. 'This isn't really fair,' he said, 'you're much smaller than me and it's much easier for you to hide. You know something, I think it's your mom's turn to hide from you.' His eyes twinkled playfully. Nadya glared at him. Aaminah seemed happy with that and clapped her hands. Nadya scooped up the little girl and sat her on Nadya’s lap.
'I think you'd rather hear about how your father and I met,' she said. Aaminah nodded vehemently. Saeed rolled his eyes. Nadya loved telling the story. Saeed enjoyed hearing it. 'Your father and I both were alone, and in our culture, families help their children find a partner. Neither of us really were fond of the idea because it seemed part of an ancient way of doing things, but we decided to give it a try anyway. The first time we laid eyes on each other we fell in love. It was as though fate had brought us together. We only needed one meeting to know we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.'
'Well, I needed two,' Saeed said. He always did when Nadya told this story, and his comment always was followed by a sharp smack on his arm from Nadya.
'And we were fated to be together. A lot of people will say that love at first sight doesn't exist, but they are only the unfortunate souls who have not experienced it. It does exist, and we were brought together by the universe to give birth to you. If we never had met, you would not be sitting here now, and you are the most special thing in the universe.' Nadya kissed Aaminah on the nose, making her giggle. Saeed then wrestled his daughter up and lofted her high in the air, her giggles mixing with panicked yelps.
The yelps in his memory blurred into his own roar, a roar that echoed within his ears. They spoke of Satan, of great evil, but evil was poisoning this world. Saeed could not stand by while it seized the souls of the innocent. For Nadya and Aaminah he would fight. In their names he would do all he could to prevent the world from caving into anarchy. If he died while fighting that fight, then at least it would be a death worthy of them, and when he met them in the afterlife they would look at him with pride.
The robed figures had not expected anyone to come at them so violently, flailing their arms, kicking with everything he had. Their victims had been helpless, caught unaware and stabbed before they had any chance to retaliate, but Saeed was different. A man who had lost everything was dangerous, as the robed figures were about to discover.
Saeed's vision blurred. He did not know who he fought, only that he fought. His mind was filled with hazy images of robed figures, Oz and his brothers, Nadya and Aaminah. Tears stung his eyes as his fists and feet met flesh. The robed figures fell one by one, unsure how to tackle this madman. The scene was a mass of chaos and blood. In the dim recesses of his mind Saeed could hear Tony's voice, and then the solid thunk of wood against a human body. Groot growled and snapped his jaws, but Saeed wasn't truly aware of anything.
When Nadya and Aaminah died he had lost a piece of his soul and knew he never was going to get it back. He wasn't a part of this world anymore. He was tethered to the great beyond and only was waiting until he was called. He yelled until his throat was raw, until the robed figures lay at his feet. More blood was on his hands. The skin on his knuckles was torn, and he was breathless, but he was alive. Those he had been fighting were lying on the ground, unconscious or dead. The others had run away, and those they had been threatening with death had fled as well.
The robes were no more than blood-stained rags, courtesy of Saeed. He had done the most damage with his fists, but it hadn't made him feel any better. The hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach still was there, as were the shards of his heart that had shattered in that terrible moment when the two loves of his life had been torn away from him. Saeed dug his trembling hands into his armpits and turned away from Tony, ashamed of what he had become.
All his life he had tried being a good man and living a life of which he could be proud, but that just didn't seem enough anymore. The anger raged within him and he wasn't sure how long he could hold it within himself. He wanted to strike out at the world, at everything that had hurt him, until there was nothing left inside, because anger was less painful than sadness. It numbed him and burned away the throbbing taint of loss that grew greater with every passing moment.
“I was not expecting that. I don't think they were either,” Tony remarked, looking down at the men who had welcomed the return of Satan. Saeed's head hurt, and he wasn't sure how to look at himself anymore, or what Nadya and Aaminah would think of the man he had become.
“They're just kids,” Tony said, kneeling and pulling away the thick hoods that had obscured their faces. Saeed looked down at them himself and was filled with horror. They were so young. Teenagers mostly.
“They probably got a kick out of this,” Tony said. “Guess it's better that we stopped them now before they took this any further. I don't know what we're supposed to do about them now, though.”
Saeed sank to his knees. “What have I become?” he asked and tilted his head to the heavens. Spreading his arms wide, he leaned back on his haunches and looked to the heavens for guidance, but God was silent.
“Why have you forsaken me? What have I done?” Saeed asked, and then his words collapsed into incoherent sobs.
“Saeed, I know this is hard for you right now, and I wish I could take away your pain, but you're still here. Maybe you can try living for your family and be the best person you can be. I know it doesn't sound very comforting, but I just think that life goes on, and we must go on with it.”
His words of comfort fell on deaf ears. Saeed could hear nothing over the sounds of his own sobs. All he wanted was to hear Nadya's voice again and the laughter of his daughter. When he closed his eyes, he could almost feel Aaminah running up to him and flinging her arms around him. It was the sweetest feeling in the world but now, as he folded his arms around himself, he was groping nothing but air. They were gone. Nothing was going to bring them back. The easiest thing would have been to end it all. He looked down and saw a knife gleaming in the sun. He reached out and picked it up. The blade was about six inches long, pointy and sharp with smooth edges. The handle was black leather. It was a simple weapon and blood stained the tip. It felt light in his hand, or at least lighter than he had expected. It would be so easy to end it all now, to feel the life slip away from him and join Nadya and Aaminah.
When he closed his eyes he could see them, standing there waiting for him. Nadya, with her cream skin and dark black hair, her full lips forming a wide smile, the love light in her eyes. Aaminah was by her side, holding Nadya's hand. She had her hair in pigtails and was beaming, a gap in her tooth where she just had lost one. Her skin was a darker shade than her mother’s, taking after her father in that regard, but in everything else she was her mother's daughter. Aaminah shared Nadya's eyes, smile, and general happy demeanor. His life had changed when he had met Nadya. Before her there had been nothing. He had been quite content to live alone and let life unfold as it would, but Nadya had turned all his hopes and dreams on their head. Then came Aaminah and everything paled in comparison. She made everything brighter and now that she was gone the light had dimmed in the world.
All he had to do was plant the knife in his stomach and it all would be over. He would be free of the pain and anguish. He could look up at the sun and it would be the last thing he would see. There was enough death in the world that his own wouldn't matter. He wouldn't be missed by anyone. Tony had shown him kindness, but he wasn't a friend. The only two people who truly mattered already had gone and Saeed's life had no meaning without them. Turning the blade around in his hands, he pointed it toward his stomach and closed his eyes, hoping that soon he would be with them again. His body shuddered with sorrow as he worked up the courage to release his grip on this life. Just as he was about to thrust the blade into his stomach and feel the warm blood seep out of him, he felt Tony's hand on his shoulder.
“You don't want to do this,” he said in a soft, c
alm voice, a voice that sounded as though it had been sent from the heavens.
“I must. There's nothing left for me,” Saeed moaned.
“That's not true. Look, I don't know you and you don't know me, but I don't think that your family would have wanted this. It's terrible that this happened, and even worse that we can't see those idiots get justice, but the answer isn't to remove yourself from the world. I told you before that my parents died when I was young. I don't remember them, not really, only vague memories. I never really knew them. I've always regretted that, but I've had to live for myself and you have to do the same now. I'm not saying you must move on right away because I can't comprehend what a loss this is to you but look around you. The world is madness and we're only going to get through it if we work together. We can't just give up and remove ourselves from the world.
“Like I said, I don't know you, but you seem like a good guy who had a family who loved you, and the world needs people like you. If we're going to get through this, then we need people who remember what it is to be loved and to be good, to do the right thing. If people like you kill yourself, then only the bad people will be left. As much as you love your family, I don't think they'd want you to leave the world in such a state. I'm sure they loved you because you were selfless and compassionate, because you did the right thing.
“It might seem like it is the right thing to do in this moment, but it isn't, and I don't want to stand by and watch you do this. You're still alive, and while you're still alive you can make a difference in the world. I don't know if I believe in fate, but I must try believing we survived for a reason. Maybe we're meant to help somebody, or maybe we're just meant to help each other. Either way, we're here and we can make a difference. The other thing is that if you kill yourself, then there's not going to be anyone else who remembers your family. They live on inside you, and I know that's not much comfort, but it's something at least.”
Saeed listened intently to his words and then dropped the knife. It clattered to the ground. He wasn't ready to die yet. As much as he wanted to see Nadya and Aaminah again he wasn't ready to die. Clasping Tony's hand, Saeed staggered to his feet and wiped his eyes.
“Thank you, Tony, thank you,” he said, although he still was a little dazed. It still would be a long road back for him, if there even was a way back, but he wanted to reclaim some semblance of sanity. He wanted to tell the world about Nadya and Aaminah to make sure they never would be forgotten.
Chapter Nine
Tony was out of breath at what they just had done. The other victims had fled, so now it was just he, Saeed, Groot, and a lot of dead bodies. Tony was glad when Saeed had dropped the knife. They hadn't known each other for very long but Tony always had believed it was better to be alive than to give up on life, even though Saeed had more reason to give up than most. His burst of anger had saved them, but Tony had a feeling it hadn't quelled the sadness within him. Saeed was a deeply troubled man. He needed help. He needed counseling. That was going to be an impossibility if the world stayed like this. Tony still held out hope that order would be restored to the world, but with every passing moment it seemed more unlikely, especially when people were so eager to turn to savagery.
He looked down at the kids surrounding him. They all were dead now, their blood staining their robes. They looked as though they should have been in school. It was a mystery how they had become involved in this in the first place. Did they really believe this, or had it just been a way for them to murder and freak people out? They certainly didn't seem like members of an ancient order that worshiped Satan. Unfortunately, Tony thought, they had a point. This certainly wasn't a realm for God anymore. Everyone had gone mad, as though they had been infected by sin, and it seemed unlikely there was any way back. How could things go back to normal? Even if the army or police rode in and declared that everything was going to be okay, Tony didn't know how the world could get back to normal. Too much damage had been done. Too many lives had been lost and too many institutions had been destroyed. Too many crimes had been committed and the scars never would heal.
The city had been broken, and he couldn't imagine the rest of the country was faring any better. Ben was dead too. His only friend, killed by these mad boys. It wasn't a heroic death. Ben wasn't defending anyone. He didn't have to die at all. There was no meaning to anything. Saeed had lost his family. Everyone else out there either was killing or being killed, or at least it seemed that way. Tony wasn't usually one to cry, but as he looked up at the bright sun he was almost overwhelmed with emotion. He buried it deep inside himself, though It wasn't going to do any good to be a slave to his sorrow.
Saeed still wasn't looking normal but at least he was back on his feet. Groot looked sad. It was hard to tell a dog's mood, but he whimpered a lot and his tail lay flat against the ground. Ben had owned Groot since he was a pup and the two of them had shared a strong bond, a bond that had been severed.
“You know, I never quite worked out how to live in the old world and I sure as hell don't know how I'm going to live in this one,” Tony said. Saeed didn't respond. He still was staring into space, mumbling incoherently. Tony caught the odd word here and there. Saeed mourned his family and challenged God.
“Why did you forsake me? Why have you abandoned me? What did I do to fail you?”
Tony didn't have any answers for him. He didn't think God would give him any answers either. He didn't say it to Saeed, but a thought passed through Tony's mind that the people who had died actually may have been the ones saved by God. They didn't have to endure this broken world, unlike the ones who were left.
“Should we do something about the bodies?” Tony asked.
He didn't know why he should keep asking Saeed, but something told him it was important that he did so. If he ignored Saeed, then the man truly would be lost. Tony had to remind him that he was alive, that he was a part of the world. Tony looked down at the bodies. It seemed undignified to leave them strewn upon the ground like that, but he didn't know what else to do. He'd covered up Ben's body, but he couldn't give any of them a proper burial. They all were just left to lie there to rot, forgotten. Others would pass through here and wonder what had happened. It would have to be left a mystery for them.
Tony certainly wasn't going to stay here any longer than was necessary. But where was he going to go? The only sanctuary he knew was the comic book store, and at least there was enough reading material there to keep them occupied for a long while. There was his home too, but he didn't know how long they could hole up there, and it was a lot smaller than the store. He wanted to go back home, just to make sure his things were alright, even though they didn't seem to matter anymore. Nothing really mattered.
“I guess we should head back,” Tony said. Saeed nodded. He bent down and picked up the knife, sharing a glance with Tony, for Tony was afraid he had changed his mind and was going to end his life.
“You have a bat. I should have something,” Saeed said.
Tony pressed his lips together in a grim smile as Saeed slipped the knife into his pants. Tony hoped he was telling the truth and wasn't keeping the knife in case he suffered a weak moment and wanted to leave this world. Leaving the dead bodies behind, they walked through the streets of the city, lined with cars and vehicles that were useless. Smoke still was rising in the distance and Tony was sure that as they walked past buildings they were being watched. The hackles rose on the back of his neck, but he dared not look in the windows. He carried Groot for as long as he could. The dog still seemed sad.
“It's funny really. Just yesterday I was looking at my life, getting annoyed at myself for being stuck in a rut. I wanted to do anything to change it,” he said, wanting to say anything to fill the silence that was becoming unbearable.
“But now I wish things were normal. I really have no idea how we're supposed to live in this kind of world. What are we supposed to hope for? What are we supposed to strive for? It feels wrong just trying to survive. Then again, my life wasn't exac
tly filled with achievements before this.
“I was a consumer, living life vicariously through entertainment. I guess it filled a hole in me that I didn't know how else to fill, but it only really distracted me from the emptiness inside. I had a dream of reading every book, watching every movie, listening to every song, even though there were so many of them all it was overwhelming. I guess that's another change we must deal with. Everything I loved is no more. God, I'll never get to see if Marvel would have pulled off Avengers: Infinity War.” At that moment he caught himself and felt ashamed. That complaint felt so petty when compared with what Saeed had had to suffer.
“Anyway, I guess that things will get to normal eventually. Things go in cycles, right? We can get through this. All we must do is wait it out. It'll be interesting to see how things do change after this. I'm definitely going to keep things in mind. Because when this is over I'm going to write one hell of a comic book about everything that happened here. I'll dedicate it to Ben, I think, and to all the others who lost their lives.”
Tony ran out of steam after that. They walked on in silence, even though Tony felt it pressing down on him. The longer they were quiet the more he had to face the fear that rose within him. At least when he spoke he could distract himself and use up some of his nervous energy. He already had faced down a thug with a gun, though. What else could he do?