by Roman Shepp
Men and women weren't trying to fight for a better world. They either let themselves be consumed by misery or they turned their backs on the world entirely and gave themselves over to sin. No part of Tony had been tempted to join them, although he had been intrigued by some of the women who teased him and looked at him with their alluring eyes. In his dreams he always had fantasized about women like that approaching him. Yet, the reality felt surreal. They didn't really want him. They wanted anyone. It was all so cheap and tawdry. If it was so easy to fall into that decadent arena, then what worth did their behavior hold? Tony wanted to believe his actions meant something. If he was going to be with a woman, then he wanted it to be because they shared some level of intimacy, like he and Jane had begun developing.
He cast surreptitious glances toward Jane as they walked along, although she didn't seem to notice. She was something of a woman of mystery. It seemed to Tony that she still was shaken by what had happened with Frank. He wished he knew what to say to her or Saeed. Both of them had been through trauma and Tony was at a loss about what to do. Anything he said seemed hollow, and he felt utterly useless to them.
The city had been in a worse state than he had feared. It wasn't a given they would find this bunker, but anything was better than being reminded of how far things had fallen. If only there was a superhero patrolling the skies, giving everyone hope. The preacher had been a good man, and Tony was glad there were good people helping those in need, but that couldn't last. There were too many people and not enough common sense. Eventually, it all would boil over.
He was glad to move to an area that was quiet. The sun had set, and the city was far behind them. He could just about make out the black silhouettes of the skyscrapers against the night sky. A faint amber glow bathed parts of the city, but otherwise he could see nothing but the stars and a few thin clouds. Now that they were out of the main area of the city he was confronted with the silence of the world. With no cars rolling along the roads there was little in the way of ambient noise. He was aware of his breathing, of the way his feet thudded against the sidewalk. Groot's tongue lolled out of his mouth. The dog looked curiously at everything passing him by. Tony's arms were beginning to ache. He and Saeed had been taking turns pushing the cart, but it soon would be coming up to a time where they could rest.
The problem was finding a suitable place.
They could not leave themselves vulnerable to attack, so they tried walking as far into the night as possible, losing themselves in the darkness. They ended up in a small building, which used to be an office of some sort. It wasn't a home and it wasn't a building with any obvious importance for survival, so it was unlikely anyone was going to come here. Even so, Tony jammed the door shut as best he could. There were a couple of rooms and a kitchen. There was a toilet as well, which was a relief.
Saeed and Jane explored the building while Tony delved into the cart and pulled out some supplies. Their dinner was not going to be a hearty one, but it would give them some vital nutrition. Groot yawned and plodded around the room as well. Tony lit some candles, which he had taken from the comic book store, and started separating the food into three piles. When Saeed and Jane came back Saeed looked down at the food and shook his head.
“Saeed, you have to eat,” Tony said.
Saeed looked down at the food again and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he nodded, although he wore a sad expression. They all sat down and shared in the meal. It was quiet. Tony wasn't sure what there was to say, and he didn't feel like starting the conversation. That never had been his strong point anyway. He was happy being by himself.
Now that they were out of the city he wondered how the dynamic between the three of them was going to change. They had been thrown together in unusual, stressful circumstances and had been through more together in these past few hours than Tony had been through with anyone else in his entire life. There still was much he didn't know about them, but he was glad he didn't have to go through this world alone. He didn't know what would have happened if he hadn't run into them. Sadly, he probably would have been killed by the teenage boys who were acting like a cult. The line between life and death was getting thinner all the time.
After eating he suggested they rest, but that they should stay on a watch schedule in case anyone came by. Tony declared he would take the first watch. He was exhausted, and feeling a little gross because he hadn't had a chance to wash. Yet, he knew the other two were in greater need of sleep than himself, so he could wait a few more hours.
As the other two and Groot settled down for sleep, Tony pulled out a comic book he'd grabbed from the store. It was a shame to leave so many of the things he loved behind, but there was no way he could have carried an entire library around with him, so a few had to do. In truth the glow of the candles did not provide enough light to fully enjoy the vibrant images of the comic, so he idly leafed through the pages. It was difficult to concentrate anyway.
While he read he thought about the way different heroes would have handled this situation. Superman and Captain America would have gone out to rally the people. The sheer force of their charisma and innate goodness would have brought out the best in people. Heroes like Batman and Wolverine would have prowled the streets, keeping to themselves, only helping where they were truly needed. Spider-Man probably would have been overwhelmed by trying to help too many people. They had powers, though. It was easier for them. Tony was just a man and it was so difficult to embrace the hero inside him. At times he worried that he didn't have it in him to be a true hero, but as he thought more he decided that if it was needed of him, then that was who he would be since there were no other options.
Jane had fallen asleep quite quickly. That was no surprise. He was glad she could get some rest. It didn't come easily for Saeed, though. The man was choking on sobs.
“Saeed, you still awake?” Tony asked.
“I'm sorry. Maybe I should take this watch. I don't think I'll be able to sleep,” he moaned.
“It's okay. I don't know if I'd be able to sleep either really. I know you might not want to talk about it, but do you want to tell me about your family?”
Saeed remained silent for a few moments and when he spoke his words were hesitant. “They were everything to me. I never knew I could be so happy as when I was with them. We were like a little team. Nadya was the best cook in the world. Aaminah was the smartest child, far smarter than myself. She knew it too. I knew she would be a doctor or something,” he said.
In the faint glow of the candles Tony could just about make out a sad smile. Tony didn't want Saeed to get lost in the sadness of it all, though. He could feel Saeed cough again and his sobs wrenched Tony's heart.
“I never knew mine. Not really. They were Mom and Dad, but I couldn't tell you much about them. They died when I was very young. I've never been that close to anyone since then.”
“That sounds like a sad life, although perhaps it is better that you are not burned with the pain of having them taken from you.”
“I don't know. The memories you made seem pretty worth it.” His words hung in the air for a few moments. He hoped they provided some comfort for Saeed. “I never thought the world would end up like this. Where do you think it will lead us?”
“I do not know, but I hope we do not have to deal with people like the army we met.”
“I know...I'm sorry for what happened to you. What did she do to you?”
“Terrible things, but I am getting used to it by now. I wanted her to kill me, Tony. I know we are not friends. Maybe that is why I find it easier to tell you these things. I wanted to die, to be with my family again. I thought that there was no point living in this world without them, but then I...my wife came to me in a vision. Sent from Heaven. She told me that I was the only part of them that remained, and I had to live for them. My work in this world is not done. I do not know if I entirely believe her, but I will not dismiss this vision. I am... trying to be like I was before, but I do not know if I have it in me.”
“I do, Tony. You are a good man. Sadly, that seems to be a rare quality these days.”
“It does indeed. Do you know much about survival, by the way?”
“I do not. But I am sure we will find out these things.”
“There is a way back from this for you, you know that, right? I mean, life goes on, and it's not going to stop for you. I'm not saying forget them or anything, but what happened is a part of you now.”
“I know. In time all things pass. My only consolation is that they are in a better place. I know one day I will join them.”
“I hope it's not a day that comes soon,” Tony said. “I'm also sorry that we didn't go back to your home, or at least offer to do so. We were so desperate to get out of the city. I've been thinking about it, and I now realize you might have wanted to go say goodbye properly.”
“Thank you for the apology, Tony, but it is not necessary. I don't think I could bare seeing them again. Their souls have been lifted from this world and that is the most important thing. I would rather try remembering my home as it was when it was filled with life, not in those horrible moments at the end. I also do not think I want to talk about them anymore for the time being. I... I need to grieve. I need to figure out how to grieve. If you wish to sleep, I shall let you have some rest. I should take my watch now. I do not think I will be getting any rest myself. The nights seem long, longer than the days.”
“I hope they get shorter for you,” Tony said, and then offered the comic to Saeed in case he needed to take his mind off anything.
He doubted it would work, but at least the option was there. Then Tony turned around and closed his eyes. The floor was not comfortable at all, but he had Groot by his side. He draped his arm around the dog and was comforted by his warmth. Tony thought about Saeed and hoped the man's dreams soon would be better. If Tony just could help that one man, then perhaps in some small way he would be a hero worthy of his idols. With that thought playing on his mind he fell asleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Jane groaned as she felt herself being shaken awake. Opening her eyes slowly and yawning she suddenly jolted as she saw Saeed's bruised faced over her.
“I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to wake you for your watch. I thought of letting you sleep longer, but I thought you might want to do your part,” he said.
Jane pushed herself up and collected herself. She hadn't quite gotten used to being around Saeed yet. Awakening to his face was not the image she would have chosen, although it was hardly his fault that he looked like that.
“Thank you,” she said. “I will take over now. How long do you think it is until daybreak?”
“I do not know, not long though,” he smiled at her.
Jane nodded as she stood up and stretched. Saeed curled up and laid down next to Tony, who was snoring softly. Groot was sleeping soundly too. His ear twitched occasionally but other than that there were no movements from the animal. Jane twisted her neck from side to side and looked down at her hands. The skin still was scratched. Her knuckles ached as well, although she was glad that her self-defense lessons had paid off. She only wished she could have been able to use them against Frank, but seeing that man standing in front of her had made her freeze.
Jane's stomach growled, so she delved into the cart and pulled out a few biscuits, nibbling on them carefully. Looking down at the two men she wondered if perhaps she should run and try making it by herself. Being in the city with them was all well and good, but out here she was alone with strange men. So far, they hadn't given her any reason to mistrust them and she didn't fancy her chances of making it alone. Nobody should be alone in this world. It would be far easier to survive if they worked together. She knew some tricks, but she was sure these men must know more.
Light began streaming through the office windows. Jane walked over and blew out the candles. The wisps of smoke trailed through the air and the black wicks glowed for an instant before dimming. She decided to let the two men sleep a little longer. They would need all their strength in the coming days. In truth, she could do with a little more sleep herself, but she was glad to have her head clear again. The exhaustion had taken its toll, and while she didn't feel at her best, she was refreshed and could think about things more clearly.
On her own, her thoughts turned to Frank and how quickly his darker personality had revealed itself. She wished she did not think about him so often, but he often found a way to worm into her thoughts. That was something he was immensely good at, although over the years she often had thought about him willingly. It wasn't so long ago that the two of them were lying in bed together, his fingers circling her bare stomach, her hair splayed over the pillows, his lips promising her the world. He'd spoke of how he wanted to make the world a better place. How he wanted to reform the system to help those who really needed aid. To spread the wealth so the poor could have the same opportunities as the wealthy. He spoke with such passion and zeal that it had been intoxicating to get caught in the wake of these promises and her heart had beat more strongly than it ever had before.
For a time, she had wondered how she ever could have been so lucky. It hadn't mattered that he was married or had a family. His wife didn't understand him like she did. Now Jane realized that was just a lie she had been telling herself. The only person who knew what was going through Frank's head was Frank himself. The promises he had made her had been lies and the dreams she'd had were left in tatters. He'd preyed on her desire to make the world a better place and used that to slither his way into her bed and her heart. It wasn't the first time she'd shown bad judgment when it came to a lover, but it was the longest mistake she'd made, and the one that hurt the most.
All that time, all those feelings, all the moments shared together were things that she never would be able to reclaim. Maybe it was time for her to stop thinking about him, finally to put away that bad investment. But when she thought about him she also thought about the family he had left behind. That always had been the thorn in her side, the one thing that had held her back. When she had been alone with Frank it had been easy to let the world melt away and believe she was the only thing that mattered to him, but reality always came back. There had been little sympathy for his wife as Jane had bought into the lies Frank had told her. The kids, though...that was another matter entirely. Frank always had been a good father, up until the end anyway. It was one of the things she loved about him, and she had hoped that one day they would have had a family together. It was time to let that go now. Enough. Enough...
It was time to think about her family instead. Her parents were all the way down in the southern part of the country. She wrung her hands anxiously as she thought about them. They were simple people and she hoped they were safe. She wished she had warned them.
When she thought about the state of the country it was impossible to not think about the state of the world as well. It was doubtful the terrorists would have been able to strike at every major country across the planet. However, it was possible, and even if they hadn't, there was no guarantee the other countries would send aid. Without any electrical equipment it was impossible to communicate with them. Maybe the rest of the world had left them for dead. Maybe they deserved it for how they had let down their people. Jane rubbed her eyes and her temples. They seemed to ache more often than not nowadays. The images of what she had seen so far in this new world were haunting. Was there a place for her? She had spent so long pursuing her career she had neglected interests outside of that realm. Now that it was gone, she wasn't sure who she was.
She went into the restroom and tried the faucet, hoping to splash some water on her face. It groaned, and a single drop fell in
to the sink. Sighing, she glanced in the mirror and looked at her reflection. She looked older than she remembered. Her hair was matted and twisted together. Some of it was dark with grease and sweat. There was a scab on her forehead. How had that gotten there? Her nail polish was cracked. Jane remembered a time when she was a fresh-faced youth with nothing but optimism. She was going to change the world and take no prisoners while doing so. Headstrong and determined, she'd worked her way up the career ladder and never had stopped to rest. There was always something to do. Always some new challenge to overcome. Now that all seemed to be gone.
No.
There still were challenges to face. They just had changed their nature. Jane hadn't changed that much over the years. She had managed to overcome everything that life had thrown at her. She had thrived in male-dominated environments and she had carved out a fine career for herself. Now was not the time to doubt herself. She was going to make it through this apocalypse no matter what. Maybe one day she even would see her parents again. They probably were worried sick about her. They always did worry too much.
Returning to the main room, Jane noticed a comic book lying in between Saeed and Tony. Picking it up, she flicked through the pages and smiled to herself. If only real life could have been as simple as that.
Tony stirred and looked at her. She dropped the comic book and turned back to the cart, rummaging around for food.
“How did you sleep?” she asked.
“Better than I thought I would,” he said.
“Do you think we should wake him?” Jane asked, nodding to Saeed.
“No, I think he could use some sleep. I spoke with him a little bit last night. He's really torn up. I mean, I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I just can't comprehend what he's been through.”
“Nor can I. Maybe somewhere along the way he'll find his purpose again. It's different for me. My parents are down south. I doubt I'll ever see them again.”