by Amy Brent
“Do you want to stay for breakfast?” Amanda asked. Her voice was tense, but she seemed to be trying to hide it. “I was going to make french toast.”
“Yeah,” Cole said. “That sounds good.”
“Yeah!” James said, thrusting his fists into the air. “French toast!”
Cole went into the kitchen to help out. He and Amanda moved awkwardly around each other, blushing every time they bumped elbows. Cole found the plates and silverware with a little direction from Amanda, then he cleared the old magazines and junk mail off the table to make room. It felt strange for him to be this...domestic. Strange, but good. After the initial awkwardness passed, he and Amanda found a comfortable silence. He tried to imagine doing this every morning. Waking up together, making breakfast together, and spending time together as a family. When he was a kid, he used to love when his family shared meals together. Though by his teenage years he had grown out of that, and he would mostly eat in his room. He'd developed a habit of eating alone in the years since then as well, so much so that he rarely took the girls he dated—or slept with, rather—out to dinner. Usually it was drinks, then heading back to his place or to a hotel room for a romp under the sheets.
Maybe this was what he'd been missing. The simple peace of shared family time.
“You hungry, kid?” Cole asked when Amanda started serving the French toast slices.
“Yeah,” James said. He climbed into a chair. When Amanda set a plate of French toast in front of James, he looked up at Cole and asked, “Can you cut it for me?”
Cole exchanged a look with Amanda. A slight smile played across her lips.
“Yeah, sure thing,” Cole said. He sat next to James and cut up his French toast, then added some syrup.
“You forgot the butter,” James protested, a serious look on his face.
“Oh. Sorry.” Cole opened the tub of butter and spread some on the French toast. He had a bit of trouble spreading it, since the bread was already cut up. Amanda watched him struggling with it, and she giggled. Cole blushed and smiled at her.
After breakfast was over, Cole got up and walked towards the door. “I should really get going,” he said. “I need to shower and get changed. My fancy clothes are back at home.”
“Yeah,” Amanda said. She kept her head down, not meeting his eyes. “Okay.”
“Did you still just want to meet there?” Cole asked. “I mean… I'd be happy to come pick you up.”
Amanda turned and looked at her son, probably thinking about what a pain it would be to catch a bus with him to get to the church. She shrugged and gave Cole a small smile. “If you want to come by, that'd be fine.”
“Great.” He smiled at her. She finally met his eyes. He stepped closer, leaning in for a kiss, but she pulled away, looking at James.
“I'll see you then,” Amanda said.
Cole looked at James, wondering how much a kid that age understood about adult relationships and all of the complications that came with them. He supposed it was for the best if he didn't give the kid any reason to ask his mother awkward questions. “See you then,” he said, before he headed out the door.
During the walk back to where he'd parked his car, all he could think about was Amanda and James. He was almost certain that the kid had to be his. It all added up.
He just didn't know what he was supposed to do about it.
He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that be barely noticed the parking ticket on his car for parking too close to a fire hydrant. He pulled the ticket off the car and stuck it in his pocket. Considering everything that last night and this morning had brought about, it was worth far more than the cost of a parking ticket.
Chapter 11
Amanda took her time getting ready for the wedding. Michelle had sent over her bridesmaid dress the night before. It was emerald green, and fairly hideous, which seemed to be the norm for bridesmaid dresses. It didn't fit too well either, which was to be expected with how rushed the entire wedding was. There had been no time to go to a dress fitting or to get adjustments made. She had just given Michelle her sizes and hoped for the best.
Once she finally got herself into the dress, she looked herself over in the mirror. The dress was tight, hugging her curves a bit more than she was comfortable with, and the top pushed her breasts up so much she was afraid she was going to fall out of it. Though she supposed that Cole would like that.
When she thought of Cole, she had to stop and sit down on the bed. She still couldn't believe that she had slept with him again. Or that he'd spent the morning with her and James, having breakfast together like a normal family. It was something she'd thought about many times over the years. It was something she thought she could get used to.
She went to fetch James and get him ready for the wedding. She didn't have a suit or any fancy clothes for him; there was no way she could afford to spend so much money on a suit that he would grow out of in a few months anyway. So she simply dressed him in his nicest corduroy pants and a plain black shirt. He would probably end up getting cake all over it before the end of the night, but that was okay. She'd grown used to living a life filled with stained clothes.
“Okay, sweetie,” she said as she adjusted his shirt. “Cole is going to come by soon to pick us up, then we're going to go see your Aunt Michelle get married.”
“Is Cole your boyfriend?” James asked.
Amanda fell backwards until she was sitting on the floor. She didn't know how to answer that question, especially in a way that a four year old would understand. “I'm not sure. What do you think of him?”
“He's okay,” James said with a serious nod.
“Just okay?”
James shrugged. “We watched Sports Center together.”
“Yeah, I saw. Did you know that Cole plays football? You saw him on TV the other day.”
“I did?” James's face scrunched up in concentration. He probably hadn't recognized Cole out of his uniform.
“Yup, that's right. He's a quarterback.”
“That's so cool! Do you think he could teach me how to play?”
Amanda smiled. James had wanted to learn to play football almost since he'd first learned how to talk. Amanda didn't really know the rules, so she hadn't been able to teach him anything, though she took him outside to toss the ball around whenever she could. “I think maybe he'd like that,” she said. “But you know, he probably has to go home after the wedding. He can't stay here if he's going to go be on TV playing football.”
“Will he come back?”
She stroked her son's hair, feeling a bit misty-eyed. “I don't know, sweetie. But maybe he will.”
“I hope so.” James bit his lip, a thoughtful look on his face.
Amanda caressed his cheek. “Me too, sweetie. Me too.”
She let James go off to watch TV while they waited for Cole to arrive. Amanda lingered in her room, her thoughts on the past. She dug through her closet until she found one of her old photo albums. It had been a long time since she took actual photographs, instead of taking digital snapshots with her phone. But she had a collection of pictures from back in high school, many of them taken by Michelle's mother. She used to take pictures all the time, whenever Amanda and Michelle were hanging out, and she had always made duplicates of the picture to give to Amanda.
She flipped through the pages, and she was surprised to see how often Cole was in the pictures. Sitting next to her on the couch while she mooned over him. In the pool at Michelle's house, splashing her playfully. She'd longed for him so much back then. He had always seemed like the perfect guy. Handsome, athletic, fun to be around. It had crushed her when the reality of the situation set in and she realized he wasn't any different from any other guy. Even Michelle's admission that she had told Cole not to call didn't help take away that heartache.
She looked at one of the last pictures in the album. It had been taken the night of her high school prom. She and Michelle were there in their fancy, expensive dresses. Amanda had gone to the
prom with Conner Williams. He had been a nerdy boy with braces, and she hadn't really liked him that much. But when he'd asked her to prom, she hadn't had anyone else to go with, so she'd said yes. But she had really wished she could have gone with Cole.
He was there in the picture, standing in the background, looking out of place in jeans and a t-shirt when the prom-goers were all dressed up. She remembered wishing that Conner would cancel. She had imagined being there at Michelle's house, crying because she had been stood up. Then, in her fantasy, Cole would have put on his father's tuxedo and escorted her to the prom. It would have been magical. At least, in her imagination.
But instead of sweeping her off her feet in a romantic gesture, he had fucked her at the graduation party and left her alone the next morning. Romance was never what it seemed to be in real life.
The doorbell rang. Amanda set the photo album aside. She was filled with more doubts now than she had been before. Seeing Cole again had made her feel like she was in high school all over again, but her high school crush had been nothing but a fantasy. And the reality was that Cole was a man with a reputation. A man who would be flying home after the wedding, leaving her and her son alone once again. She wouldn't let herself forget that again.
She picked up James and carried him downstairs. Cole was waiting at the door, looking rather nice in an expensive suit. He flashed a smile at her when she came outside, but she refused to let herself swoon over him.
“Hey,” he said, grinning wide. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” she said, keeping a neutral tone. “Yeah, I'm ready.”
They got into the car and headed to the wedding, and to what Amanda was sure would be the last time she ever saw Cole.
Chapter 12
Cole tried to strike up some conversation with Amanda on the ride over to the church, but she was oddly quiet. He wasn't sure what was wrong, or if he had done something wrong. When he'd left her this morning, they had been in a good place. Or at least he had thought. But now she seemed distant. As if she didn't want to be around him.
He told himself that it was his imagination. They had chemistry. He knew they did. This morning had proven that. Not just because they'd had sex. But because of how they'd spent time together, like a real family. He was sure that connection was there. He just needed to find a way to strengthen it. To make sure that Amanda saw what he saw. That they belonged together.
When they got to the church, he tried to hold her hand, but she had her arms full holding James. He would have asked her to sit with him during the ceremony, but she was a bridesmaid, and her place was up by the altar with Michelle. Blake had brought friends of his to be his groomsmen, so Cole didn't have a part in the ceremony. He ended up sitting in the front row, alongside his parents. And while his mother cried and the rest of the church's eyes were on Michelle, Cole's eyes were on Amanda. She looked beautiful, standing up there. He started to imagine her as the one in a white dress. Standing in front of a priest with him. Making their vows to each other.
He shook those thoughts off. They were foolish, he knew. Even if things started to work out between them, they were a long way off from thinking about marriage. But still, it was easy to imagine it. And it felt good.
The ceremony itself was fairly quick and simple. When it was done, Cole drove Amanda and James over to the rented hall where the reception was being held. There was plenty of food, and an open bar. Cole didn't intend to drink too much, but when Amanda continued ignoring him as the night went on, he found himself drinking more and more. By the time he stopped to think about how many he'd had, he was already quite buzzed. Enough, at least, that he had the guts to press Amanda in order to find out what was wrong.
He scooted his chair next to hers and took her hand. She had been quiet for a while, watching James dance with a group of other young children off to one side of the dance floor. When he took her hand, she looked up at him, a hesitant expression on her face.
“Amanda,” he said, trying to sort out his thoughts through the haze of alcohol. “Did I do something wrong?”
She frowned thoughtfully, studying his face for a long moment. Then she reached out and touched his cheek. “No. No, Cole, you didn't do anything wrong.”
Her words almost consoled him, except that she turned back away from him, her shoulders hunched. “Something must be wrong,” he said. “I'm not stupid. I can tell.”
“Just forget about it.”
“Why?” He shifted his chair so she had to face him. She turned her face away, but he leaned forward and made her look at him. “Amanda, I know I haven't been a part of your life for a long time, but we made a connection this weekend. I know we did.”
“Life isn't all about romance and magic, Cole.” Amanda shook her head, a sad frown on her face.
“Who says it has to be?” he asked. “Why can't it just be about two people making a connection. Feeling something for each other.”
“Are you saying you feel something for me?” She frowned deeper, finally meeting his eyes.
“Yes.”
“How do I know you don't just want sex?”
“Because...” Cole sighed and shook his head. “I don't know. Because I'm telling you I do. Because I want something more.”
“And you really think that would work?” She shook her head. “You live on the other side of the country. You have your career. And I have my son.”
“Our son,” Cole said.
Amanda froze. Her face went pale. She licked her lips. “Cole...I...”
“You don't think I couldn't figure it out?” He leaned back in his chair, looking across the room at James. The little guy was having a great time, dancing up a storm. “I get why you never told me, I do. But it's different now.”
Amanda shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. “No. It's not that simple.”
“Why can't it be?”
“Because it just isn't!”
She got up and stormed out of the room. Cole followed, catching up to her in the lobby. The music was quieter there, muted by the doors, and there was no one else around but the two of them.
“Do you expect me to believe you're really going to change, Cole?” Amanda asked, spreading her arms. “Am I supposed to believe that you'll stop sleeping around? That you'll take responsibility for your son? That you'll be there for him? You won't even be here tomorrow. What does that say about any kind of future we could have?”
“I can make a change,” Cole said. “Transfer to a different team. Maybe play for Philadelphia. I mean, I've got a contract, but I can find a way out of it.”
“And then what?” Amanda let out a wry laugh, shaking her head. “You want to play house? Pretend like we're a family? This isn't a game, Cole. I deserve better than that. James deserves better.”
“And I want to give it to you. To both of you.”
He stepped forward and placed his hands on her arms, looking into her eyes. “Amanda, I've had a lot of time to think these past few days. A lot of time to look at my life and realize all of the mistakes I've made. I made a lot of dumb choices. But there's been something missing in my life. Something missing for a long time. And I finally know what that is.”
“What?” Amanda asked, looking at him hesitantly.
“You.”
She slowly shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “But how do I know...?”
“You never know,” Cole said. “Not for sure. No one ever does. But I want to try. That's all I'm asking you to do is try.”
He gestured through the glass doors into the main hall. “James deserves a chance at a better life. The kind of life I can help provide for him. With a father, with a real family. I know you've done the best you can, but I've seen how hard it's been. Let me have the chance to make it up to you. To make it up to him.”
“And what if it doesn't work,” Amanda asked, “and James ends up getting hurt in the long run?”
“I promise you that won't happen. Even if things don't work out between you and me, no ma
tter what, I want to do right by James. Provide for him. Help you take care of him. I can afford to make sure he has everything he'll ever need. Clothes, food, the best toys. And a college fund.”
Amanda wiped the tears from her cheeks, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I do want to make sure he gets the chance to go to college. I don't want him to have to struggle the way I did.”
“Then let me help.” Cole took both of her hands in his. “Just let me try. Give me a chance.”
Amanda stepped closer. There was the light of hope in her eyes. “I'm not making any promises,” she said.
“I'm not asking for any.”
He pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. She held herself stiff for a moment, then she melted into his arms. Her hands slipped around his neck and she leaned close to him, their bodies melding together. The tension melted away, and just for that moment, everything was perfect.
They went back in to join the rest of the party, and Amanda even danced a couple of slow dances with him. They talked a bit about how they were going to handle this new and uncertain relationship. He still had to fly back home for the Monday night game, and there were some training and practice sessions that he wouldn't be able to miss. But they made arrangements for him to fly back out next week, when he'd be able to take a few days off. And the week after that, his team was playing in New York, which would give him the chance to drive down and see Amanda and James while he was on the east coast.
At the end of the night, Cole drove Amanda and James back home. They went upstairs together and Amanda tucked James into the bed. They stepped out into the hall and Amanda shut James's door.
Cole slipped his arms around Amanda's waist.
She stepped away, pulling his hands off of her. “Not tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I want to wait.”
“Wait for what?” Cole frowned in confusion.