by Amy Brent
“She’s hurt but she’ll be okay. They want to keep her here for about a week and just have an eye on her.” He looked at his gram and took a deep breath. “She’ll never get past this. She was so worried when we first found out about…the baby that we wouldn’t make it. She thought we weren’t enough. Mal had just started to relax because she was doing so well with the pregnancy and we were going to finally move in together. Now that’s all gone.” He pulled his gram close and cried again. “It’s all gone.”
His grandfather joined them which was when Mary and Rayna left the room to give them some privacy. “How are you holding up?” His grandfather shifted his gaze from Mallory to his grandson as he took in his appearance with a frown.
“I don’t know. It’s still so fresh and I can’t believe it.” Declan replied dimly as he blinked slowly. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and clicked on the pictures that he’d shot of the baby before they took her lifeless body away. The parents had been offered more time and they’d denied it though it might be something that they regret later. “Here she is.”
His gram burst into fresh tears as she looked at the images of the baby wrapped in a blanket and being held by her grieving parents. “I see a lot of you in her face, Deck. I’m so sorry. She’s beautiful.”
“I think she looked a lot like Mal.” His voice was cold as he spoke and the older couple looked at each other slowly. “That’s all we have of her and the urn when we get her…” He shook his head. “That’s all I will have to remind me of the life that I wanted so much.”
“You and Mallory still have each other. Don’t ever forget that.” Gram told him as he looked blankly at her. “You two can make it through this…you love each other so much.”
He didn’t know anything as he looked at his sleeping fiancée, her diamond ring on her left hand the only reminder of what they once shared. It was even dull in the light of the hospital room, which was glaring and artificial.
Declan had to balance his time the rest of the week between the hospital and school. Everyone was understanding of his circumstances and willing to give him some time off, teachers and the team both, but he needed to stay busy. He needed to distract.
Every time he was in that room looking at the shell of the girl that had been so passionate, Declan only felt guilt and sadness. She was sleeping a lot due to the heavy sedatives they had given her, so he was spared of conversation with Mallory which was both a relief and a curse. Nobody would understand their loss quite like Mallory, which was causing him to hold a lot of feelings in. Had he been talking to her, Declan would face reality.
CHAPTER 2
The week came to an end and they lightened up the medication to see how Mallory was doing. Declan was waiting with Rayna and her family in the waiting room so they could focus on Mallory and he couldn’t keep himself from pacing back and forth. He had talked to the doctor about some of the rules for the following few weeks, such as no sex or intimacy while her body went through the natural process following a birth. Declan couldn’t call it a birth in his mind and he tried constantly to get the images out of his head at night when he was trying to sleep. There were other things but he was more than willing to care for her while she got better. He thought about the card at home with the therapist’s name for her to call to get through the devastating pain she would be facing and frowned.
Declan didn’t know what to do as he kept glancing towards the hallway that the doctor would be coming from to tell them how she was. He looked back at Rayna and her family, who looked as devastated as he felt right now. They would be a huge part of her recovery, especially Mary. She was like a mom to Mallory and ready to do anything needed to help her. Declan caught her gaze and forced a weak smile at the woman who loved Mallory as much as he did. He needed to thank her for everything once he could find the words.
The doctor came down the hallway an hour later and they gathered around her as she looked around the group with a sympathetic gaze. “She’s awake and quite emotional about the situation at the moment. She’d healing well and I think she’ll be able to go home in the next few days to relax there. Her injuries are impressive considering the accident and there will be no serious long- term effect from any of them apart from a few aches and pains.” She took a deep breath. “I would recommend a chiropractor once she’s up to it, which isn’t typical of a doctor. I would just rather see her get that taken care of in another way than taking pills for pain. Declan knows some of the other basics as well, but I’d like to see her in the care of someone while she gets through this hard time.”
“Can we see her?” Declan asked as she frowned thoughtfully.
“I think that she needs a bit of time to herself. I’m so sorry. I know that it’s been a long week for all of you but Mallory is distraught right now. I am going to send someone in from psych to talk to her about it but perhaps you should all return tomorrow.” Her brown eyes were very apologetic as Declan turned on his heel to leave the hospital. He hurried through the heavy glass doors as they opened and blinked in the bright sun violently.
How could it be like this outside when his life was falling apart? He ripped his messy hair down from the band that held it back and strode to his car with shaking hands.
Declan drove to the one place that he knew he could escape this. Once he’d parked the car, Declan walked into the dim light of his former favorite bar with a sigh of relief in the darkness. This is what he craved. “Hey, stranger,” Keagan called from behind the bar with his familiar warm smile as Declan looked over. “Where have you been?”
“I don’t know.” Decline replied as Keagan took a closer look at him. “The usual, Keg. I need some liquor in my system fast.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Keagan asked in his light Scottish accent as he grabbed a heavy glass and poured his best whiskey into it easily. He leaned forward and looked at his friend with serious green eyes as Declan looked back at him.
He downed the whiskey in one long sip and slammed it back onto the bar as Keagan stepped back. “More.”
Declan was dizzy when he felt someone sit beside him and he blinked slowly as he felt his pain seem to disappear within his body. “Deck. It’s been a while.” He knew the voice but his memory was blank.
“Merry, leave him be. He’s got something heavy on his mind.” That was Keagan. Declan leaned forward and rested his head in his hands as he took a deep breath. “I called Rory to come and get him. There’s no way Deck is getting into a car this drunk.”
“I could take him.” Her light voice spoke up again and he tried to place it.
“Fuck that. You’ve been drinking yourself. I’m calling you a cab and he’s leaving with Rory.” Keagan shot back as Declan slipped forward to rest his body against the wood. “Shit. What the hell happened to you, Deck?”
He came to in a car and looked around slowly as Rory was pulling up to his house. “Welcome back.” His friend said dryly as he met Declan’s gaze. “Your ass is going to bed. I don’t know if you were trying to drink yourself to death or not, but the tab is covered.”
“Thanks, I guess.” Declan told him as Rory got out and helped him into the house. It was still very much his with small touches of Mallory here and there and Declan stumbled to the kitchen for a bottle of water. The sight of the ultrasound picture from their first visit stopped him in his tracks and he let out a sob. “Fuck.” He tore it off of the fridge and threw it on the ground as Rory came up to grab him. “She’s fucking gone.”
“I’m sorry, Deck. I know what happened today and I am so sorry that this happened.” Rory told him in a broken voice as he took his best friend to his room. He was in close contact with Rayna’s family about what was going on since Declan had shut himself off so much. “You’ll see her soon, it’ll all be okay and you’ll find your way back together.”
“How? We’ve lost everything.” Declan replied angrily as he threw himself onto the bed. One inhale and all that he smelled was Mallory’s sweet body spray and her cocon
ut mint shampoo. Declan gripped the pillow tightly as he smelled it again and tried to fight the memory of them from the last time she was here. She’d finally agreed to start really packing and move in as well as to setting up Lindsay’s room.
That was the day before the accident. Mallory had been so uncertain of their future following the news of the pregnancy and a part of him would give anything to go back to that day. He’d do everything different from the beginning to prevent that accident from happening. “Just give it time,” Rory suggested as Declan curled his body up on the bed and remained silent. “Get some sleep, buddy. I’ll be on the couch.”
Declan woke up with the sun shining into the windows and rolled onto his back to look around. He could still smell her in the room but Mallory wasn’t here. He felt his stomach clench and placed a hand on his forehead as pain throbbed behind his eyes. These was the sure signs of a hangover but he hadn’t drunk that much in a few months.
Where was Mallory? Shouldn’t she be yelling at him right now? She hated it when he drank too much.
Declan stumbled out of bed to get some water and aspirin before he made the smoothie that always helped his hangovers. He walked slowly as he took slow breaths and glanced into the living room to see Rory sleeping on it with a blanket pulled over his body. What the fuck? Declan kept going into the kitchen and grabbed the water before his eyes moved to the floor to see something crumbled up and sitting in the middle of the floor. He grabbed it before he got the bottle of Advil and opened it to down a few pills with a large gulp of the refreshing water.
Declan unfolded the paper to see the ultrasound as fresh pain filled his heart. Mallory…she might see him today. He grabbed the counter as the room spun around him and took several hoarse breaths. “Calm down, Deck,” Rory told him softly as he stood beside his best friend.
“I forgot for just a while. I was coming out to find Mal and…” Declan’s voice trailed off slowly.
“You’ll forget a lot when you drink as much as you did last night.” Rory had a serious tone to his voice as Declan slowly glanced at him. “Cut this shit. You need be strong for your girl, Deck. You have a lot going for you beyond all of that. Don’t fuck it all off.”
“I don’t know how not to do that.” He admitted as he opened the water and sipped it. “I feel like shit.”
“Get some water down and take a shower. We’ll attempt food after that and you can try to go see her.” Rory suggested as Declan nodded.
Declan managed to get a cup of coffee down and took a long hot shower as he tried to force his stress out of his body. The water ran down his skin as he soaped up and cursed the memories and emotions that were taking over his cock. Declan missed Mallory so much in every way possible but at the moment, he played back one of their many times in the shower.
Once they’d eased into a relationship and after she found out she was pregnant, the hormones had kicked in hard and she had been willing to have him all of the time. The shower was a favorite for Mallory and he groaned as he reached down to stroke himself sadly. It was nothing like what he wanted and Declan only felt disappointment when he came all over the shower wall with tears in his eyes. He rinsed the conditioner out of his hair and turned off the water slowly before he stepped out into the bright room.
Declan brushed out his hair and pulled it back before he wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped into the bedroom. He threw open some windows before he slipped into some worn jeans and a long- sleeved Henley and stared into the mirror. The circles under his eyes were prominent and Declan shook his head slowly before he grabbed some Converse from the closet.
Rory was dressed in new clothes as Declan stared at him and he told him that he’d run home quickly but he was going to go to the hospital with him if Declan wanted him to. He did, so they walked out to the driveway where Declan looked curiously at his car parked to the right of Rory’s. “I had Kurt drive it here and he got a ride back to his place. I didn’t know if I’d be free today but classes were canceled so here I am.”
“Thanks, man. I need someone and I don’t want to hassle Gram and Grandpa. She’s dealing with enough already.” Declan shook his head slowly. His grandma was heartbroken over the loss of her great-granddaughter and he was trying to keep her out of it as much as possible.
“I’ll bet.” They pulled out of the driveway and onto the main road where Declan started to worry. What was he supposed to say to her? He loved her more than anything in the world but had never had to con fort someone through something like this. Declan felt clueless and for a moment, he hated his parents for never truly dealing with issues that came up when he was still with them. He’d always just pushed things aside and moved forward but right now he was locked into a place of heartbreak and pain. This was all so new to him and he pressed his hands to his temples as he sighed slowly.
Rory parked in the lot and looked at his friend for a long moment. “Ready for this?”
“I don’t know.” Declan answered honestly as he stared forward at the tree in front of them. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Just be there for her. It’ll fall into place.” Rory assured him as they got out of the car reluctantly.
CHAPTER 3
The guys saw Rayna sitting in the waiting room alone as they walked in and Declan frowned as she glanced at him with wide eyes. “Have you seen her?” His voice was abrupt and she nodded as she teared up.
“She’s talking to Mom,” Rayna said as he stood a few feet in front of her and glanced down that hallway furtively. “Sit down, Deck. I need to talk to you.”
He moved to the chair a couple spots away from her as Rory sat down across from them. “What?” Dread filled his heart as he waited to hear what she had to say and Declan pressed his lips together.
“Well, clearly she’s really upset. This is all hitting her very hard.” Rayna started as she worried her hands together in a knot. “She…she wants to come to my house when she’s released from the hospital, Deck.” He stared forward as the fact that she’d never truly moved in settled uncomfortably in his stomach.
“She doesn’t want me anymore?” Rayna wiped a tear away at his words and her mouth opened and closed.
“I don’t think it’s that. She doesn’t want to burden you since you have school and the team…my mom is home all day. She can take care of her for a while.” Rayna made excuses as Declan stared forward with narrowed eyes and felt his heart drop. “She’ll come to her senses but she’s devastated right now.”
“Can I see her? Does she want to see me?” Declan asked as he felt Rayna’s eyes on him.
“Of course. She’ll be done with Mom soon and you can go right in.” Rayna replied as he pressed his feet into the ground firmly. Rory moved beside him but Declan was only focused on the fact that she wasn’t coming home to him. It resonated in his brain as his head started to pound and he closed his eyes tightly. “Don’t worry. She just takes things really hard. She’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think she’s faced this before. I am not all that reassured.” Declan told her as he started to massage his temples hard as if to increase the pain.
“Deck. You’re here.” Mary said as he blinked and looked at her. “Are you okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine. Just a bit restless.” Declan shot a look at Rory to tell him to shut up as his best friend looked back at him in disbelief. The last thing Mallory’s family needed to know was that he was drinking himself into a coma. “How is she?”
“Sore. Heartbroken.” Mary glanced at Rayna to see her give a small nod. “Oh. So you know?”
“Yes, I know that she’s not planning on coming to my house.” Declan replied bitterly as Rory winced. “Should I go to see her or does she want to skip over that as well?”
“Deck. Stop this.” Rory shot out as decline gave him a weary look.
“Declan, she’s a mom that just lost her baby. She’s really upset and just needs some time.” Mary assured him as she stepped forward slowly.
“
I’m a dad that lost my baby too. Oddly enough, I’m pretty upset too and I thought we’d work through it together.” Declan said as he stared boldly into her pale face. “I didn’t think she’d run from this.”
“I’m sorry. It’s what she learned after her parents passed due to her family.” Mary admitted as she sat down and swiped her thumb across her cheek to catch a tear. “I tried to convince her but she’s just…not all here.”
“I am going in just to look at her and hold her hand. I need to see her and then I’ll leave.” Declan decided out loud as he stood and walked away from the group. The walls seemed to close in on him as he continued down the hallway to her room blindly. There were people passing him but Declan didn’t stop until he was pressing his hand against the door softly. He rapped softly on the door and heard her soft voice saying to come in before he pushed it open. “Mal.”
She was frail and pale in the bed as she rested against the pillows gently. “Deck.” A tear slid down her cheek and she looked towards the window sadly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He asked her weakly as he sat down beside her and stared closely into her face.
“I lost her.” Her voice was so small and he reached out and took her hand as it remained limp in his grip. “I was supposed to protect her.”
“You did nothing wrong. He did.” Declan felt tears in his eyes again as he saw the remaining wreckage from the accident spread out in front of him. “He’s the one that hit you. He’s the one that took everything.” He clutched her hand as he rested his head against the pink blanket. “I could’ve been driving. That way I would be here and the two of you would be okay.” He felt her hand shake and took a deep breath. “Do you remember everything from when you got here?”