by Amy Brent
“When do you start?” he asked, and I sighed.
“One week from today. They wanted me to start sooner, but out of respect for you, I compromised.” I heard him let out a breath as he reached over to take my hand. “I am not going to contact you after I am gone.”
“Do you love me?” Landon asked. I stared forward.
“Yes, more than anything, but it is wrapped in guilt and all of the wrong that I’ve done. I blame myself as much as I do you…we’re even here. I knew what I was doing when I went to Belize, but I didn’t think it would hurt so much to see you with someone else. I was so wrapped up in need, and I fucked up by staying with you. I got into something I couldn’t handle. I need to heal now and figure out who the hell I am.”
“You’re Lily. You’re a beautiful, compassionate woman who feels so hard and who made a mistake. Life isn’t pretty, as you know. It is difficult, and you learn things the hard way sometimes.” I looked at him to see his eyes intent on me as he tried to smile. “We’ve all been there. I hate myself for losing control and knowing that you saw me in my cottage like that. We both know we needed to be together, but it didn’t happen that way.” His eyes locked on mine. “I am going to miss you around here.”
I walked out to my desk a little while later with his blessing for the job, even though it didn’t make me feel any better. I still felt blank inside and not at all like myself, but I was going to make it through this.
I spoke to my aunt every night, pouring my heart out to her. Brian moved out right away, and I was alone, fighting the urge to call Landon every moment as I prepared for the beginning of my new life. We saw each other at work, but I was busy training my replacement and only spent any real time with Jasmine.
She knew everything as well. She didn’t judge me while I cried and let my feelings out at my now-empty apartment. Jasmine talked to me as all the emotions flooded me and helped me through the long nights.
The week I was still with Landon, every day passed by too quickly. Soon I was walking out of those doors forever. His new assistant was a perky blonde and she was smart, someone who would help him a lot. I didn’t think about any other possibilities as I met Jasmine for dinner and drinks, toasting my new job. It was a brilliant company, just as Landon had told me, and I knew it would be a great step for my future. I just wish it was happening under different circumstances.
I went to the new office every day, smiling and ready to learn. I did so much of that, using what Landon had taught me as well as what my new supervisor did. Murphy was a smart man who had been in law just over twenty years, and he had been a partner for most of that time. They handled finances for some of the wealthiest people in the world, protecting celebrities from fraud and theft. I knew it was an excellent opportunity, but still.
I went to see my aunt Amy the first weekend after I started. We stayed up late eating ice cream and watching movies once I met her boyfriend over dinner and drinks. He was caring and funny, everything that I had ever wanted for my aunt after she took over caring for me. She looked happy and so in love, making me feel bittersweet inside as I celebrated their happiness while I was so alone.
Landon
Life was empty without Lily. I felt worse than when I’d split up with Nadine, but I kept a smile on my face as I went to work every day and pretended everything was fine. The trip had been beautiful, and according to what I told everyone in the firm, I had enjoyed myself. I laughed at their stories of the beaches and the drinks. They had done what normal people did when they were at a beach or a bar; they didn’t fall in love with their assistant as they fucked her behind closed doors and behind foliage.
When I was alone at night after being at a bar with friends, I’d think about what could have been done differently. Did I push her too much? I remembered going to Belize, the story of how she didn’t have a place to sleep, how she knew I would offer. That hadn’t been my doing. That was all Lily, making me realize she had to have known we would end up together. Didn’t she know that I loved her then? Didn’t she know that it would be so much more than a night or a week?
Maybe neither of us knew when we jumped in. Maybe we were both stupid. I looked out over the city from my desk, telling myself everything was peaceful now. The firm was doing well, and my assistant was helpful and keen. There was no attraction whatsoever to Kristen, and we worked together on only an intellectual level, making me miss the moments with Lily when we slipped into lust. I would never see my couch the same again, or my desk, and I considered replacing both for the millionth time. I knew it would never make me forget her, but her name faded from the minds of colleagues. I saw the satisfaction on Marilyn’s face when she met my gaze, confident she was the reason Lily had left.
She was so wrong. Nobody ever asked me about Lily, and I offered nothing. I just became a robot. I worked all hours of the day and went home to sleep after drinking with friends at the bar. There were a couple of one-night stands to try to satisfy my needs, but it was useless.
I still loved Lily, and I wondered how much time she would need to see that.
I jumped at the chance to have lunch with Murphy one afternoon to catch up. We didn’t see each other too much, being busy with our firms, but I wanted to see how Lily was progressing. I half hoped she’d come along, but it was just the two of us at the café. I sat down and ordered a glass of water from the waitress who popped by before I grinned at Murphy.
He was about ten years older than me and a legend in the world of law. I looked at him as a mentor of sorts. We took the time to order some entrees before talking shop. That was easy to do when two lawyers got together, and we compared cases and clients throughout the meal before the conversation faded, giving me my chance to speak up. “How is Lily doing over there?”
“She’s fantastic. She keeps me completely organized and everything runs smoothly. Why did you let her go?” Murphy asked, and I felt my face fall. I looked across the street as if something interested me. “Oh . . . that’s why.”
“That’s why what?” I asked as casually as I could muster while he gave me an understanding look.
“While she is a brilliant girl, I sense that she is missing something in her life, or perhaps someone. Did you initialize the process because of something between the two of you?” Murphy asked. I looked at him and nodded slowly. “That was a good plan, but something obviously happened. I don’t think the girl does anything but work and go home, apart from dinner with a friend of hers from your building that she talks about.”
“That would be Jasmine.” I filled in the blank and he nodded.
“That’s the girl. Lily speaks highly of her,” Murphy said. “She never mentions dating anyone and looks sad sometimes when she thinks nobody is looking. I see it a lot.” Murphy looked curiously at me. “What happened?”
“I don’t even know. There is so much between us, but I wonder if it’s too much sometimes. It kind of imploded on us, and Lily surprised me when she took the job and left. She didn’t do it for the original reasons at all.”
“Should I apologize for taking her?”
I thought of Marilyn and shook my head.
“No. She’s in a great place now. It will work out the way it’s meant to,” I said, adding a positive note to the end of my sentence as he chuckled.
“Is it the age difference? You do know there are twenty years between Nancy and I, right? It has never caused an issue at all.”
I took a bite of my steak and chewed it slowly.
“You never worked together. That adds an ugly element to things.” I sipped my water, and he seemed to consider my words.
“You don’t know.” Murphy looked at me. “Lily is a lovely girl, and I suspect you were good together. Why don’t you reach out to her?”
I promised her space, but it had been a couple of months. Lily didn’t seem to be moving on with anyone, so maybe I would. We finished our meal and headed back to our respective offices as I mulled the idea over. I just wanted to talk to her again.
I ended up meeting friends at a bar after work, and I was surprised when I looked up to see Lily walking in with Jasmine and a guy. I gave the guy a hard look until I saw that he was holding Jasmine’s hand. Lily moved to a stool beside them as I watched her carefully from the table I was at, taking in every detail.
Lily looked a bit thinner than before, but still gorgeous. Her hair was cut just a bit shorter and curled around her shoulders, moving with her. I remembered what it had felt like to have my hands in it. She smiled and laughed in what seemed like the right places, but something was missing from her eyes. I reached for my beer as someone walked over to her, hugging her with one arm over her shoulder as she looked back with a smile.
It was the boyfriend I’d met at the office. Was Murphy mistaken in thinking she was single? Was she back together with Brian? I watched them carefully as they talked casually, but they didn’t act like lovers or enemies.
When Lily stood to go to the bathroom, I excused myself and followed her. I planted myself in the hallway where she’d be certain to see me. When she came out, she bumped into me because of the crowd of people rushing both the men’s and women’s bathrooms. “I’m so sorry . . .” Lily’s voice drifted off as she looked up and met my eyes. “Landon.”
“I saw you come back here and wanted to say hi,” I told her as she licked her stained lips and stared at me. “Murphy says you’re doing well at his firm. He enjoys you.”
“It’s a great firm and just as successful as yours. It’s a pleasure to work there, just different.” Her face fell as she looked down at the floor, and I reached out to touch her soft skin, lifting her eyes to mine.
“How are you?” I asked her as our gazes locked.
“I miss you,” Lily admitted, and I cupped her face with my hands. I could do this and anything else I wanted to her since we were no longer working for the same company.
“I saw Brian here. Are you with him?” I asked her directly, and she shook her head.
“We talk when we come across one another, but no, we’re not. He’s mentioned getting back together a few times, but I keep telling him no,” Lily said as envy flooded my veins. “He doesn’t know why I ended things. I think it would change his feelings.”
“Are you seeing anybody?” I demanded, my face closer to hers as people bumped into us.
“No, Landon. I meant what I said about needing space. Adding someone else to the mix wouldn’t do anybody any good,” she said sadly as she gave me a disappointed look. “Are you?”
“Not seriously,” I assured her, slowly sliding my hand down to take hers before pulling her away from the bar and bathrooms to a more private corner. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” I pushed her against the wall gently before I kissed her hungrily, hearing her moan as she melted into me. The time apart seemed to fade as our lips went right back to the familiar passion.
“You’ve slept with someone?” Her voice in a moment apart broke my heart for a moment as I slipped my hands into her hair and stared into her eyes.
“Nothing matters except for this moment, Lily. I was lost without you,” I promised her as she blinked at me for a moment. “I want to see you again, Lily. I want to be a part of your life again.”
We were kissing deeply again when hands yanked us apart and I looked into the angry face of Brian.
“Who the fuck is this, Lily?”
“You remember from my old firm, right? This is Landon,” she said as her face flushed a dark pink.
“Your boss,” Brian said, looking from her face to mine.
“Former,” Lily reminded him, trying to steer him away from the truth.
I saw the moment it clicked in Brian’s mind when he turned to give her a dark look before walking away. I pulled her against me as a cry reached my ears. “Baby, it’s okay.”
“He knows. He figured it out, and he knows,” Lily said in shock as she looked up at me. “I never wanted to hurt him, Landon. He was trying so hard with me, and I never wanted him to find out what was happening.”
“He’ll be okay once he’s had some time to recover,” I promised her, remembering the way he had looked at her. It had been filled with hatred, making me worry.
I led her out of the bar once she said good-bye to Jasmine and her boyfriend, quiet as I held her hand and led her to my car. I drove her right to my place without offering an alternative, and she came along in silence.
We ended up in the bedroom right away, stripping our clothes off as we made up for the last few months of no contact. I kissed Lily all over her body, teasing her about how I was going to fatten her up a bit with some good meals while we worked it off in other ways. Lily laughed and held my hair tightly as my tongue lapped at her sweet pussy.
It was like being home when I sank inside her, even with the condom on. I sensed she had her guard up given my vague confession early, but we were going to talk about that once she was finished screaming my name again.
Lily
I fell against the bed as my body pulsed with my release, breathing in and out. I resisted letting him pull out of me, but Landon moved slowly, tying off the condom before he tossed it into the trash. “I have missed that so much.”
“I have too, despite your thinking right now,” Landon said as he looked into my face. “I am a man, and sometimes we try to fill a void, Lily. It’s idiotic on our parts and solves nothing. I knew you were the only woman I wanted.” His words didn’t make me feel much better since I couldn’t bear the idea of sleeping with another man. Brian had tried several times after the breakup, but I always turned him away. I knew he was angry and hurt now after catching me making out with my former boss, as I’d told him there was nobody else. I wasn’t stupid enough to think it looked like the first time between Landon and me. We were well versed.
“I just couldn’t want another man,” I admitted after a moment. “The idea of it hurt so much, even when it was someone familiar trying.”
“Brian?” Landon asked with a dark gaze. I nodded. “He’s not going to let you go that easily, Lily. I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling about him.”
“He’ll be okay. He just needs to adjust,” I said, even though I felt uneasy as well. Brian had never displayed violence toward me, though I’d seen him get into a few fights at parties with other guys over nothing. It wasn’t frequent, but still . . . I wondered if he was capable of hurting me.
Brian had asked if there was someone else when we’d broken up. I’d always told him no, to spare him the pain involved in my confession. I hadn’t wanted to lie to him, and the guilt had plagued me, but I’d done it to protect him. Now he knew everything.
“I can keep you safe,” Landon said as he leaned down to kiss my neck tenderly, making me smile.
We both worked a lot but usually met up afterward to have dinner somewhere and stay the night at an apartment together. Everything was great with Landon and me. I still had my insecurities and worries, but I tried to focus on the way he treated me.
Landon confessed that he had pinned Marilyn down and she’d admitted they hadn’t slept together that night. She’d tried, but he was unresponsive given his state of mind. He then got her fired once all the partners realized she was trying to get ahead by using each of them. It wasn’t unheard of in any business, but none of them were willing to stand for it. I remembered the way Landon and Marilyn had looked together on the couch, and I shuddered every time. She had seemed too comfortable, and now that I knew he’d been drunk, the image in my head made sense. She wanted Landon, and that was her chance.
Landon admitted that he got her fired because of the way she’d acted with the knowledge of us. When I left, it couldn’t hurt anyone, but she was a known gossiper, and the gossip was often unkind. Marilyn was out to hurt people with her words and would have made it out to be much worse than it was. Landon didn’t want my reputation to be ruined in any way and thus pushed for her termination, with the help of several other partners.
Landon preferred to stay with me
every night for safety as much as love, but he had a conference to go to for a long weekend before the holidays. I assured him I would be fine and made plans with Jasmine to have dinner. He left, and I spent Saturday decorating my apartment before dressing to meet her at a place nearby.
The restaurant was new and modern with sleek tables and mood lighting all around, which made me smile. We were seated and ordered drinks as Jasmine looked around slowly. It was dark, but you could see who was sitting at the tables and the bar, and she was a naturally curious person. Her eyes were wide when I looked at her after reading a text from Landon. “What?”
“Brian is at the bar.”
I shrugged.
“He’s looking right at us, Lily. I think he might have followed us or something.”
I slowly turned my head to look, not willing to make eye contact but admittedly curious. Brian was at the bar, staring intently at me, but I was more surprised by the woman beside him.
“Marilyn,” I whispered as I turned to look at Jasmine again. “How did he meet her? What’s going on?”
“I recognize her now. I was so focused on Brian that I didn’t even see her.” Jasmine sipped her Cosmo as she gazed thoughtfully at me. “That can’t be good.”