by Tiana Cole
“Richard, what is…”
Standing at the door was an older woman and a young child. She had to look back and forth, since the boy resembled a younger, child-like version of Richard. Without saying anything, Chloe turned around and headed toward the sliding door that led to the patio. She quickly slipped her feet into flip-flops and made her way out the backyard door. The farther away from the house she traveled, the faster she went, until she was running through the woods that surrounded the back of the house.
Chloe ran until she reached the clearing. Then she fell down onto her knees and let the tears flow down her face. She put her head in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably allowing fluids to flow willingly out of her nose. She didn’t need to hear the reason why the woman was standing at her door because it was obvious: the little boy was Richard’s, and there was no denying that. All the signs pointed to it and his genes were strong. This meant that Richard had a child with another woman.
***
“Mrs. Douglas, I understand what you are saying, but I am not prepared to raise a child at this time in my life.”
“I know, but you are the father.”
“I don’t deny it, which is why I send you money to give to Suzie every month. But she…she was the one who was going to raise him.”
Tears formed in the older woman’s eyes. Richard wished that things could have been different, but he was young and foolish at the time.
Five years ago when he was in medical school in Pittsburgh, he had been dating Suzie Armstrong. He was just about to graduate and was nowhere ready to settle down. And then she got pregnant. With those two words of her announcement, Richard knew he wasn’t ready to be a father or a husband or even a boyfriend at that point. He loved medicine and desperately worked towards his future career. He was committed to that more than he could ever be to a woman or a child. Showing that he truly was weak, he stayed with her until graduation and then found an excuse to move back home.
And now, here, standing in front of him, was his son. Richard knew there was no denying him. But he had known this before they showed up at his door, since Mrs. Douglas had sent him a picture a year ago; a picture which he kept hidden in the furthest back corner of his dresser drawer. The boy had Richard’s bright eyes and pointy nose and his quirky mannerisms.
“I need to speak with my fiancée…” He turned and realized that Chloe was no longer standing beside him. He remained calm, allowing himself not to panic. “Can I call you tomorrow morning and we’ll talk some more?”
Suzie’s mother agreed, although she was hesitant about leaving, but she then gave him her phone number. He watched the little boy walk away and get into the car with the help of his grandmother. His heart gave a little tug when a tiny hand waved at him through the window, politely saying goodbye to a father he had never been given the luxury to meet until that very moment.
Once the door was closed, he turned and leaned against it. Everything in his life was about to become a lot more complicated. He knew there was no simple way to face this. He wasn’t planning on keeping this from Chloe forever, but at least he wanted to break the news to her in a much better way. This was cruel and heartbreaking.
“Chloe!”
He headed into the living room, but she wasn’t there. He checked the kitchen. He checked upstairs. He stopped for a moment to look at the jar of spaghetti sauce sitting on the bed. He questioned the reason it was there, but figured Chloe might have accidently brought it upstairs and had never taken it back down. Bathroom. Nope. Nope. ‘What the heck,’ he thought, as he picked up the jar of sauce and carried it back downstairs to place in the fridge.
He was back in the kitchen when he noticed that the pair of flip-flops she'd always left by the sliding doors were gone.
Richard slipped on his pair and headed out. He knew where she was: the clearing in the woods where they had picnics and had even made love a few times. It was a place she’d have privacy and be able to run to in order to get away. She always claimed it was the perfect place to go and think.
He made his way through the woods, shrews, and plants until he could see the sun shining meekly through the trees. The clearing was right there in front of him. He pushed aside the wild plants and there was Chloe. She was on her knees, and tears were streaming down her face and staining her shirt, resembling splatters of paint.
“Chloe, honey.” Her tear-stained face looked up at him. She didn’t say a word. “I think we need to have a conversation.”
“How long?” She said it so quietly that he didn’t really hear her. He furrowed his eyebrows and crouched down to her level.
“What?”
“How long?” She screamed at him this time, disturbing the peacefulness the creatures living in the woods were accustomed to. They scurried across, making shuffling noises in the grass. “How long have you known about the son you have had?”
“From the start.” The look of disgust that came across Chloe’s face was one that Richard had never seen and hoped to never see again. “I made a mistake.” He tried to tell her quickly.
“A mistake?” Chloe stood up. A child should never be a mistake: that was strike one.
“We were young. I met her while in medical school, she got pregnant and I came back home.”
“So the first thing you decided to do when you discovered you were going to be a father was to run?” She took a step toward him. “You ran because you were going to be a father?”
“Yes,” he admitted, quietly watching as her face contorted.
“You know what the worst part is? I thought you were different than that, Richard. But of course not: I was so wrong to think that. You are just like every other man I have ever known in my life. You are there for the fun and the sex, but when things get serious…” She trailed off and gave him one more look before giving up, “I’m going to my apartment. Don’t follow me.”
Chloe walked away from him, her heart breaking with every step she took. She didn’t look back. Even the thought of looking at his face made her sick to her stomach. This time it was the truth. How could she have been so wrong about everything?
She made her way upstairs and noticed the jar of spaghetti sauce was missing. She threw some clothes into a bag, knowing that for now, she wasn’t capable to make any decision until she calmed down and had a clear head to think all of this through. Although, she still believed her feelings about the situation would still stand. She looked down at the ring on her finger, wondering if she should leave it on the nightstand. She didn’t. That move was too final, and right now all she really needed was time to think about everything.
She threw her bag into the back seat of the car. Her tires screeched against the cement as she pulled out of the driveway. She knew all the neighbors would be looking at the recklessness of her driving, but she really didn’t care. Every little thing in her life was falling apart now. What the neighbors thought and gossiped about was the last of her worries.
***
Richard had stayed outside while Chloe was in the house. He didn’t want to get caught in the crossfires of her angry rage and he knew even if he begged her she wouldn’t stay. He assumed she was packing clothes and exiting his life for the time being. He wondered what he would find when he headed back into the house and how it would affect him to sleep alone. When he heard the harsh slamming of his front door, he knew it was safe to go back into the house.
The bedroom wasn’t destroyed like he'd worried it would be, and checking the closet, she didn’t take all her clothes, only a few items. Hopefully that was a good sign and not a bad one. He went over to the bed and stared at it. It was the place where he had made love to Chloe so many times, and now tonight he would have to sleep in it alone. How on earth could he do that without going crazy?
As he closed his eyes, he thought about the little boy who had been standing on his doorstep a little while earlier. He had spent the first five years of his life with his mother, and in one tragic accident, the only person he had known wa
s a piece of him was taken away from him in the blink of an eye. In a matter of seconds, pronounced dead.
Suzie’s mother couldn’t raise him. She was far too old to at this point in her life and she was preparing for retirement. But could Richard? He never really thought about having children (or at least ones he would have to see all the time) until Chloe came into his life. She had changed so many things about how he saw life and the lives of others. And now when he really needed her standing beside him, she was gone. And it was possible that it was for forever, because of his inability to share the most intimate and shameful detail of his life. It tainted the perfect image of him that Chloe had held so dearly. If he‘d been honest from the beginning maybe it would be different, but maybe not. He couldn’t necessarily say that he was being dishonest; he was just withholding information that he believed would never surface and ruin his relationship like it just did.
He knew that Chloe didn’t matter at the moment, even though every piece of his heart felt like it had been shattered into millions of tiny pieces. What mattered was his son, Benjamin. He had to finally step up and be the father he should have been five years ago.
Pulling the phone from his pocket, he thought about how different his life was going to be once this phone call was finished. He would be a full-time father. A small smile spread across his face. Maybe this would all work out in the end.
“Hello Mrs. Douglas. This is Richard. When can Ben move in with me?”
Chapter 13
Chloe leaned over the toilet and threw up for the fourth time since she'd woken up two hours ago. She grabbed a few pieces of toilet paper and used them to wipe the corners of her mouth. Flushing the toilet, she hoped that this would be the last time for the rest of the morning that she would need to make a mad dash into the bathroom and throw up her breakfast. Julia was helping to keep people from noticing, but eventually someone would realize that Chloe couldn't possibly be going to the bathroom so many times, especially in the hurried manner it had been the last couple of rounds, without a serious health reason. And once others started to question it, it would only be a matter of time before Richard would hear the rumors.
She pulled the bottle of mouthwash from her pocket, having learned the hard way that it came in handy to keep it with her during the morning hours. Rinsing her mouth out, the engagement ring on her finger caught the light streaming through the window.
Her heart broke thinking about Richard. She hadn’t really made a decision yet, but every time she saw him, her heart shattered into smaller and smaller pieces. He had kept a huge secret from her. A secret that honestly shouldn’t have been a secret in the first place. That was one issue, and then the second issue was the fact that he had left his pregnant girlfriend when she needed him most. She wondered why she even tried to have a relationship with him. Why didn’t she learn the first time?
She knew that she needed to give Richard his ring back until she'd made a decision. It didn’t feel right to carry it and wear it in the manner that she had been doing while deciding what she would do in an emotional game of limbo. But it also meant that it would involve talking to him, which was something she was not yet prepared to do. For two weeks she hadn’t said a thing to him, and she would continue that streak for as long as she physically could. He would stop by her office whenever he had a moment, but she refused to speak or even look at him. When he would leave, the tears would collect in the corners of her eyes and start to flow down her face. She’d tear tissues out of their box and quickly soak them while drowning in her sorrows. She blamed everything on the pregnancy emotions and hormonal imbalances, but she knew it wasn’t true. She loved him, but wasn’t sure she could ever get past what he had done and how he had kept it a secret from her. The fact that she was currently pregnant only added insult to injury.
Chloe made her way back to her office, making sure to shut the door behind her. If the door was shut, there was less of a chance of seeing Richard when he walked by and pretending like she didn’t want to speak. She was certain though that she didn’t want to see him. She was a stronger believer of the mantra ‘out of sight and out of mind’, and hopefully practicing it would ease her pain. But then there was another part of her, deep inside, that wanted to see him every second he walked by. That part of her wanted to approach him and tell him that she was having his baby. That part wanted to tell him she was sorry that she didn’t handle the news of him having a son very well and that she wanted to make things work. It was just as harsh for her to turn away from his child as she thought it was harsh if he decided to turn away from the one she was carrying. This part of her, however, clashed with her pride, which wouldn’t allow her to be the one to return to him desperately. This was something she learned because of the trials and tribulations of her last relationship. Richard hadn’t been truthful with her. That was the bottom line. Could she trust that he would be truthful with what he wanted to do when she told him they were going to have a baby? Or would he just run like he did the last time? Actions often spoke louder than words, and his past actions screamed words that she never thought she’d hear when it came to Richard.
A knock on the door pulled her out of her deep brooding thoughts. She didn’t say anything because if it were Richard, her response would be welcoming him in. Another knock came and she remained silent once again. Then the door slowly opened, creaking with every inch the door opened.
Richard stuck his head into the door and stared directly at Chloe.
“Hello,” he said, as his voice greeted her. His deep baritone voice was so welcoming.
Chloe continued to work on the paperwork she had to complete before leaving. She'd been working on it before she was sidetracked by her thoughts. She added two more things to her to do list and felt her stomach give a little lurch. Not now, she thought to herself.
“How have you been?” he asked, trying to make conversation.
She continued working on the paperwork and another roll of her stomach came churning out against her will.
“I understand why you are mad, but I swear I was planning on telling you. I just never found the right moment.” He tried to explain himself to her.
She was very immersed in the specifics of her paperwork. Chloe closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She couldn’t go running out of the office while he was standing there. If he didn’t figure out she was pregnant by now, he would at least think she had the flu that had been going around.
“I would love for you to officially meet Ben,” he shared, trying to lighten the mood.
Chloe stopped what she was doing and looked up at him. She opened her mouth to speak, but then immediately stopped herself. She actually would've loved to meet his son, but she knew she couldn’t. Not until she had made a final decision. It wasn’t fair to the little boy for her to come into his life and then disappear indefinitely if she decided she wouldn’t be able to marry Richard after all that happened. Ben had already lost too much and another woman out of his life would become definitive in the boy’s psyche. Julia had told her that Richard was having a rough time with him.
Richard waited a few more moments and then turned around and left, closing the door behind him. He had really thought she was going to say something when he mentioned meeting, but she didn’t. The frustration of not knowing what she was thinking just kept building inside him with every day that he saw her. It was unsettling to know that at any moment she would decide the beginning or the end of the rest of their lives. Currently, he felt suspended in thin air.
Chloe continued to stare at the spot where he had been standing. Her heart broke. She had really thought that Richard was the one. Everything about him made her feel special and safe and loved. She wanted to marry him and have their baby, but that dream vanished when she discovered that he once did run away from the woman who was having his baby and that he was capable of doing it again. She took a deep breath and mulled over the facts and her feelings over and over again.
Chloe put her head in her hands and l
ightly massaged her temples, trying to relieve the tension of her stress-built headache. Seriously, what was she going to do? Everyone was giving her his or her two cents worth about her relationship, and until she made her own final decision, it would just keep happening. She couldn’t even go to the grocery store without people questioning what was happening between them. She closed her eyes and remembered the previous day she endured:
She had thought the workday was never going to end. She had hated to go to work ever since the day she walked out on Richard. She had loved her job until this, and now getting up in the morning was torture. She wanted nothing more than to stay under her covers. And the morning sickness definitely wasn’t helping: it was a constant reminder that she was having Richard’s baby.
Chloe stepped into the grocery store. It was only five minutes before the first person approached her.
“Hello, dear.”
“Hello, Mrs. Evans.”
“I didn’t see you when I was at my appointment yesterday. Your door was closed.”
“I was extremely busy yesterday.” Chloe tried to walk away from her, but she followed. She knew where the conversation was going, and she had no time or desire to hear it.
“I’ve heard some rumors about you and Richard,” Mrs. Evans said, pouting sympathetically.
“Well, rumors are rumors for a reason. There’s no evidence to confirm their truth.”
“I sure hope so. You two make such a nice couple, and now with that really handsome young man added to your lives, it couldn’t be a more exhilarating time for you, I can imagine. It is such a tragedy that this was how Richard ended up getting his son.” The story that everyone in town was spreading was that Richard had tried to get his son when he'd discovered the truth, but the mother wouldn’t allow him to see his son. They painted her as a greedy, manipulative woman who only wanted Richard’s money and kept full custody to entrust that he would pay child support money or else they would go to court over it.