Losing It

by Zaria Garrison

  “That’s not fair. She’s not here, and she’s grounded too. Besides, that brat broke my phone.”

  “She’s visiting your mother. You could be there too. It was your choice to stay home.”

  “Oh, so only people who like Mom get any freedom around here? That is so not fair. I was in my room minding my own business. She came in here and started a fight. She broke my phone, and now I’m the one suffering.” She folded her arms across her chest and turned back toward the window.

  Leon sighed. On the one hand, he did not want to fight with Camille any longer. He knew increasing her anger was only pushing them further apart. He felt he needed to keep the communication lines open if he was ever going to get through to her about the drugs. On the other hand, he was a strict disciplinarian, and when he handed down a punishment, he and Sharmaine always stuck to it. They felt wavering did not allow for structure, which could lead to their children running over them. He didn’t have a third hand, but he also realized that Camille had a point. Her sister had intentionally broken her cell phone, and he had not had time to replace it.

  He thought for a moment before answering. “Listen, you can go to the mall, but there are some stipulations,” Leon said.

  She turned around and eyed him suspiciously. “What does that mean?”

  “I’ll have Otis take you in my car. You can pick out a new cell phone, and then come straight home. That’s it. I’ll call the store and let them know to put it on my account.”

  “Not Otis, Dad. He’s such a boring old man. Why can’t I drive my own car? I promise I won’t be gone long.”

  “That’s the offer, Camille. Take it or leave it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Tell that old goat I’ll be ready to go in a few minutes. But make him wait for me in the car. I’d die if anyone saw me with him.”

  Leon opened the door before turning to answer her. “I expect you both back within two hours.”

  Once he was gone, Camille opened her desk drawer and pulled out Danté’s phone number. She placed it inside her jeans pocket before leaving her room.

  Chapter Nine

  “Mommy. Wake up, Mommy.” Rodney placed his hand on Sharmaine’s shoulder and shook her. He waited a few seconds and then he shook her again, harder this time. He turned to his sister. “I think she’s sick. Maybe we should call Dad,” he suggested.

  Jeanna and Rodney had spent the last half hour trying to wake Sharmaine as she lay sprawled on her living room couch.

  Their visit with their mother had begun wonderfully earlier that morning. After exchanging hugs and kisses, the three of them followed Keisha into Sharmaine’s condo. Rodney and Jeanna sat down on the couch next to Sharmaine, and she smiled at the children. Sharmaine was elated to finally see them again.

  “Did you enjoy your breakfast at McDonald’s?” Sharmaine had asked her children.

  “Uh-huh,” Rodney answered. “Ms. Keisha bought me two orders of pancakes and a large orange juice. It was great,” he said, grinning.

  Sharmaine smiled at him. Although his appetite continued to grow, she was glad Rodney had outgrown his baby fat and was now thin and trim. She couldn’t help beaming with pride as she looked over at his little brown face.

  “And what did you have, Jeanna?” Sharmaine asked.

  “Eggs, sausage, and um ... I had an iced coffee.” Jeanna paused and dropped her head in shame when she noticed the look of disapproval on Sharmaine’s face. “Ms. Keisha said it would be okay,” Jeanna added. She stared at her feet.

  Sharmaine turned on the sofa to look over at Keisha. She was sitting behind them in a chair near the window.

  “Those iced coffees are mostly milk, Sharmaine. It’s not a big deal,” Keisha said.

  Sharmaine turned back to Jeanna. “It’s okay, sweetie. Today is special. I won’t fuss about it this time.”

  “I tried to get Camille to come, Mom, but she’s being mean and stubborn,” Jeanna said suddenly.

  “That’s okay, honey. I’m just glad that you two are here. Maybe Camille will come next time.”

  “Mommy, did you do all those bad things?” Rodney asked.

  Sharmaine looked over at Keisha for help. Keisha shrugged her shoulders and got up and went into the kitchen. Sharmaine turned back to Rodney. “No, sweetie, I didn’t do any of those bad things. It’s really hard to explain what’s going on, but it will all be over soon.”

  Jeanna reached out and hugged Sharmaine. “I knew you didn’t do it, Mommy. Grandma tried to make me believe it, but I never did.”

  “I’m so glad to hear that, honey.” Sharmaine hugged her tightly. “I know things are confusing right now, but I promise you, with God’s help, we will get through it just fine.”

  “Sharmaine, are you gonna eat this food I bought? It’s getting cold,” Keisha said as she suddenly came back into the living room.

  “I’m sorry. I completely forgot. Would you bring it to me on a plate, please?”

  “Sure,” she said, grabbing the bag.

  “Oh, and could I have a bottle of water? There are several in the refrigerator.”

  Keisha nodded her head and walked into the kitchen. She took a plate from Sharmaine’s cabinet and laid her Egg Mc-Muffin on it. Then she went to the refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of water. Several minutes later, she returned to the living room. Sharmaine and the children were laughing loudly.

  “What did I miss?” Keisha asked. Sharmaine tried to stop laughing and catch her breath. “Rodney ... he told us a joke ... about a ...” She double over laughing again.

  “It was about a frog and an elephant in a bar,” Jeanna said. She giggled loudly.

  Keisha sat the plate and the water on the coffee table in front of Sharmaine. “I guess you had to be there,” she said, looking at the three of them strangely as they continued laughing loudly.

  “I’m sorry, Keisha. We are just being silly, Sharmaine answered. She smiled and winked at her kids, then turned back to Keisha. “Thank you. I haven’t eaten all morning.” She took a bite of her sandwich then washed it down with a gulp of water.

  “You’re welcome. Do you need me to do anything else for you before I leave?”

  “No, Keisha. You’ve done so much already.”

  Sharmaine stood up and walked Keisha to the front door. “Thank you for bringing the kids over. I really appreciate everything you do for me.” She reached out and gave Keisha a hug.

  “I’ll see you later.” Keisha waved good-bye then walked down the steps.

  Sharmaine rushed back inside to the children. She sat down and finished her breakfast while they told her about school and everything they’d done since they had last seen her more than four months earlier. They also told her about their visit with their grandparents and how upset Camille was.

  Sharmaine listened intently, trying to hide her anger and disappointment. After she drank the last bit of her water, she looked excitedly at them both. “Guess what I have?” she asked them with a mischievous grin.

  “What?” they answered in unison.

  “A Wii! It’s hooked up in the den. Who wants to play?”

  “Me first,” Rodney squealed.

  “Come on. Jeanna, you can play me after I beat the pants off your brother,” Sharmaine said. They all ran into the den.

  Halfway through the game, Sharmaine began to feel woozy. Her heart was beating fast and she started sweating profusely. She fanned herself with her hands. “Jeanna, will you get me a bottle of water from the kitchen?” she asked. Sitting down on the couch, she waited for her to return.

  “Here, Mom. Drink it slowly,” Jeanna instructed.

  She took the bottle of water from Jeanna and tried to take a few sips. She thought there must be a hole in her lip because whenever she drank, the water dribbled from her mouth and ended up all over her blouse. Exasperated, she put down the bottle.

  “I’m sorry. I’m spoiling your fun. Jeanna, finish the game in my place. I just need to rest a moment,” she said.

  “Ar
e you sure, Mommy? You don’t look so good,” Rodney said.

  “Yes, I’ll just watch.”

  Sharmaine didn’t want to admit it, but she felt worse than she looked. Her stomach was churning and she felt warm all over. She tried watching the children play, but her vision was becoming blurry. The game icons danced across the TV screen as if they were taunting her.

  “I won. I won!” Rodney yelled.

  Sharmaine tried her best to muster up some enthusiasm to congratulate him. “That’s great, honey. Let’s go back to the living room for a while and just talk,” she suggested. She tried to stand up, but fell back onto the couch. “Whoopsie,” she said.

  Jeanna reached for her arm. “Let me help you up, Mom.” She noticed that Sharmaine’s speech was slurred and her eyes were glossed over.

  Sharmaine didn’t know why, but she began to giggle as she stood. “You’re a good kid,” she said and then burst out laughing.

  With Rodney on one side and Jeanna on the other, Sharmaine stumbled out of the den and down the hallway to the living room. Why am I so dizzy? she wondered. She looked to her left and saw two Rodneys. Then she turned to her right and saw two Jeannas. I need a doctor. Call 911, she said. At least she thought she’d said it aloud, but the words didn’t come out of her mouth.

  Her children stared at her with worried looks on their faces. She stared back, desperately trying to remember who they were.

  As soon as they were in the living room, Sharmaine plopped on her stomach onto the couch and passed out cold.

  “Is she okay?” Rodney asked his sister.

  Jeanna wasn’t sure, but she didn’t want to alarm her little brother.

  “She probably just needs to rest for a few minutes. Come on, let’s just leave her alone for a while,” she said.

  Jeanna and Rodney reluctantly returned to the den and the Wii game. They played alone for more than an hour before returning to the living room to check on Sharmaine. She was snoring loudly.

  “Let’s let her sleep a while longer,” Jeanna said. She took her brother back to the den and they picked out a movie from Sharmaine’s collection. Periodically, Jeanna left Rodney alone while she checked on Sharmaine, who had not moved from her spot.

  Finally, three hours later, they tried unsuccessfully to wake her up.

  “Maybe we should call Ms. Keisha. She’ll know what to do,” Jeanna suggested.

  “Good idea,” Rodney said. He handed his sister the cordless telephone. Jeanna dialed Keisha’s number, but there was no answer.

  Sharmaine groaned on the couch and stirred.

  “Mommy, are you awake?” Jeanna rushed to her side.

  Sharmaine’s eyes opened for a few seconds and Jeanna thought she was trying to say something, but she couldn’t understand her. Sharmaine stared at her a moment, then closed her eyes again.

  Sadly, Jeanna walked away and dialed her father’s cell phone number.

  Leon answered on the third ring. “She’s what?” he asked.

  “I think she’s sick, Dad. We can’t wake her up.”

  “Where’s Keisha?”

  “She left hours ago. We tried to call her, but there’s no answer. Please just come and bring a doctor for Mommy,” Jeanna said.

  “Just stay calm. I’m on my way.”

  Leon hung up the phone then went to the kitchen and grabbed his car keys from the hook on the wall. He was out the back door before he remembered that Otis was still at the mall with Camille and his car. They were over an hour late returning and he was beginning to worry. Now he had to also find a way to get to Jeanna and Rodney.

  He went back into the kitchen and grabbed the keys to Sharmaine’s car. It had been sitting in their garage since she moved out. Leon took one look at the car, and bittersweet memories flooded his head. The 1964 vintage Mustang had been restored and painted Sharmaine’s favorite shade of bubble gum pink. He’d given it to her on their tenth wedding anniversary. Vividly, he remembered the look of shock that was quickly replaced by a huge smile when he’d given it to her. He sighed loudly then returned inside to the kitchen once more.

  He sat down on a bar stool at the counter and dialed Jackson’s number.

  He was pacing around the kitchen an hour later when he heard the front door open. He rushed to the front entryway, expecting Jackson and the kids. Instead, he was greeted by Camille and a mountain of excuses.

  “Dad, the line at the cell phone store was so long. It was crazy. Then I had to wait for them to program the phone and show me how to use it. Then I came outside and I couldn’t find Otis, so I went to the food court for a drink and—” Camille stopped talking when she realized her Dad was not listening. He was standing by the front door, looking out of the side windows. “What are you looking for?” she asked.

  “Oh, um, your brother and sister are not home yet,” he answered.

  “Okay, well, I’m going to my room now,” she said. She rushed to the stairs and ran up to her room, thankful that he was so preoccupied.

  Leon snatched open the front door as soon as he saw Jackson’s car coming up the driveway. He rushed outside to wait for them. “Jeanna, Rodney, are you two okay?” he asked as soon as they stepped out of the car.

  “We’re fine, Dad, but I’m worried about Mom,” Jeanna answered.

  “I told you she’s going to be okay,” Jackson said. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

  Anxious to speak with his brother, Leon told the kids to go upstairs to their rooms until dinnertime. He assured them their mom was going to be fine. Then he hugged and kissed them both before they went up the stairs.

  When they were gone, he asked Jackson to follow him into the kitchen. He got them both a soda from the refrigerator. They sat down at the counter.

  “All right, Jack, tell me what’s going on. How is Sharmaine? It can’t be good. It’s written all over your face.”

  Jackson popped the top on his drink and took a long sip before answering. “She wasn’t sick, Leon.”

  “But Jeanna said—”

  Jackson interrupted him. “The kids probably did think she was sick, but I can promise you that she wasn’t.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “When I got there, Jeanna let me in, and I found Sharmaine passed out on the couch. The kids said she’d been like that for several hours. I asked them what happened before she—well, went to sleep is what I said to them.” Jackson took another sip of his drink.

  Leon looked at his brother with anticipation. “Well, what did they say?”

  “They were playing video games when she said she wasn’t feeling well. She stumbled around, laughed, and then passed out.” He paused. “Leon, Sharmaine was drunk.”

  “You are out of your mind. Sharmaine doesn’t drink.”

  “Sharmaine has been doing a lot of things you never thought she’d do, baby brother. I’m telling you. I was there. She was drunk as a skunk.”

  Leon eyed him skeptically. “Are you sure?”

  “I tried to wake Sharmaine when I got there. She opened her eyes for a few seconds and they were bloodshot. The kids were so worried. I began to think that maybe she was sick, so I went to the kitchen to get a cool towel for her head.” He paused again, and took another sip of his drink. “Her trash can was full of wine bottles and beer cans. I don’t think she drank anything in front of them. All they remembered her drinking was some water. She was probably plastered when they arrived.”

  Leon stood up and walked to the other side of the kitchen. “You have to be mistaken, or there must be some other explanation. She knew the kids were coming today. She wouldn’t do that. If she’s nothing else, Sharmaine has always been a good mother.”

  “When are you gonna stop defending her, man? Sharmaine is not who you think she is. I know it’s hard to accept, but the last few months are proof of that.”

  “I’m not defending her. This just doesn’t make any sense. Sharmaine never even took a drink at parties. Now you are trying to tell me she was so drunk she passed out. I don�
��t believe that.”

  Jackson stood up and joined his brother by the sink. “You didn’t believe she was in that sex tape either, did you?” he asked.

  Leon turned his back to him. He tried to contain his confusion and disappointment. “It’s like I never knew her. All these years I’ve been married to a stranger,” he said softly.

  “I know, man.” Jackson placed his hand on Leon’s shoulder. “Maybe it’s the wrong time to bring it up, but I hope this means you won’t be sending the kids over there again.”

  Leon turned and looked at his brother. “I don’t want to decide right now. I’m still processing this new information.” He sighed loudly.

  “Just take it one day at a time, man.”

  “I think Camille is using drugs,” he suddenly blurted out.

  “What?” Jackson stared at him. “No way, man. What makes you think that?”

  Leon checked the back stairs and the doorway to be sure no one was nearby listening. He returned to the counter and sat down. Jackson followed him and took a seat next to him.

  “The other day, she ran out of here upset because she didn’t want to visit her mother. She was gone for hours. I thought she’d run away. I even called the police.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been here in a flash,” Jackson answered.

  “It was late and I didn’t want to worry anyone if it wasn’t necessary.” Leon sighed. “Anyway, I decided to look around the house and I found her out back in her old playhouse. She had crawled inside and fallen asleep. I woke her up. Then, as we were walking back to the house, I could have sworn I smelled marijuana on her clothes.”

  “Leon, man, are you sure? I mean, she was lying around outside. Maybe it was something else you smelled.”

  “The playhouse has a wooden floor. It’s not like she was lying on the ground. I know what I smelled.”

  Jackson slowly shook his head. “What are you going to do about it?”

  “I tried talking to her, but of course she denied it. I was going to ask Bishop Snow to recommend a good teen counselor we could talk to.”

  Jackson suddenly stood up and walked toward the back door. He grabbed the door knob. “Come on, man. Let’s go search this playhouse. If she’s hiding drugs out there and getting high, we need to put a stop to it now.”