He’d wrestled with the thought for days now. And it was the only solution that made sense. Although, he wasn’t ready to get down on one knee and lay his heart on the line. Just the thought of loving someone else and losing them made his blood run cold. No, it was best their marriage was based on something more reliable—common goals.
The welfare of their children would be the tie that bound them. Finn’s chest tightened when he realized that he knew less than nothing about babies. He would need help and lots of it. That was where Holly came in. He needed her guidance if he wanted to be the perfect parent—or as close to it as possible. Without her, he wouldn’t even know where to start.
He assured himself that it would all work out. After all, Holly was the mother to the Lockwood heirs. Their fates had been sealed as soon as she became pregnant. They would have to marry. And he would do his utmost to keep his family safe.
Holly leaned back. “I’m almost finished with the last details for Project Santa. I’ve reviewed the list of volunteers, state by state and city by city. I’ve been trying to determine whether there are enough volunteers to transport the gifts from the airports to the designated outreach centers.”
Finn welcomed the distraction. “And what have you determined?”
“I think we need a few more drivers. I’ve already posted a request on MyFace. I’ll wait and see what the response is before I take further steps.”
“Good. It sounds like you have everything under control.”
The fact that they worked well together was another thing they could build on. It would give their marriage a firm foundation. Because he just couldn’t open his heart—he couldn’t take that risk again.
A gust of wind made a shutter on the house rattle, jarring Finn from his thoughts. It was really picking up out there. So much for the sunshine in paradise. It looked like they’d soon be in for some rain.
“Finn, we need to talk.” The banging continued, causing Holly to glance around. “What was that pounding sound?”
“I think it’s a shutter that needs tightening.”
Holly closed her laptop and set it aside. She got to her feet and moved to the window as though to inspect the problem. “Do you have a screwdriver and a ladder?”
“Yes, but why?”
“I’ll go fix it.”
“You?”
She frowned at him. “Yes, me. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not one to sit around helplessly and wait for some guy to come take care of me.”
“But you’re pregnant and have doctor’s orders to rest. You shouldn’t be climbing on ladders. I’ll take care of it later.”
She sighed loudly. “I’ve been following his orders and I’m feeling much better. But if you insist, I’ll leave the house repairs to you. Besides, there’s something else we need to discuss.”
“Is there another problem with Project Santa?”
“No. It’s not that.” She averted her gaze. “Remember how I asked you for a letter of recommendation?”
Why would she bring that up now? Surely she wasn’t still considering it. Everything had changed what with the babies and all. “I remember.”
Her gaze lifted to meet his. “Have you made a decision?”
“I didn’t think it was still an issue.”
“Why not?”
“Because you won’t be leaving Lockwood, unless of course you want to stay home with the babies, which I’d totally understand. They are certainly going to be a handful and then some.”
“Why do you think I won’t leave to take that new job?”
Finn sent her a very puzzled look. “Because you’re carrying the Lockwood heirs. And soon we’ll be married—”
* * *
“Married?” Holly took a step back.
What was Finn talking about? They weren’t getting married. Not now. Not ever.
“Of course. It’s the next logical step—”
“No.” She shook her head as her heart raced and her hands grew clammy. “It isn’t logical and it certainly isn’t my next step. You never even asked me, not that I want you to or anything.”
“I thought it was implied.”
“Implied? Maybe in your mind, but certainly not in mine. I’m not marrying you. I’m not going to marry anyone.”
“Of course you are.” His voice rumbled with irritation.
“This isn’t the Stone Age. A woman can be pregnant without a husband. There are plenty of loving, single mothers in this world. Take a look around your office building. You’ll find quite a few. But you won’t find me there after the first of the year.”
Had she really just said that? Oh, my. She’d gotten a little ahead of herself. What if he turned his back and walked away without giving her the recommendation? And she didn’t have the job. It was still iffy at best. And without her position at Lockwood to fall back on, how would she support herself much less the babies and her mother?
“You’re really serious about leaving, aren’t you?”
She nodded, afraid to open her mouth again and make the situation worse.
“Do you really dislike me that much?”
“No! Not at all.” In fact, it was quite the opposite.
She worried the inside of her lower lip as she glanced toward the window. The wind had picked up, whipping the fronds of the palm trees to and fro. She did not want to answer this question. Not at all.
“Holly?” Finn got to his feet and came to stand in front of her. “Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to drive us apart?”
“You...you’re making this sound personal and it isn’t.” Heat rushed up her neck and made her face feel as though she’d been lying in the sun all day with no sunscreen.
“It is personal. It couldn’t be more personal.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s not like you and I, like we’re involved.”
“I don’t know your definition of involved, but I don’t think it gets much more involved than you carrying my babies.”
“Finn, we both agreed after that night together that we wouldn’t have anything to do with each other. We mutually decided that going our separate ways was for the best—for both of us.”
“That was before.”
“The pregnancy is a complication. I’ll admit that. But we can work out an arrangement with the babies. We don’t have to live out of each other’s back pockets.”
“I don’t want to live in your back pocket. I want to provide a home for my children and their mother—”
“I don’t need you to take care of me or the babies. I can manage on my own.”
“But the point is you don’t have to. I’m here to help. We can help each other.”
She shook her head. “A marriage of convenience won’t work.”
“Sure it will, if we want it to.”
Holly crossed her arms. “Why are you so certain you’re right? It’s not like we’re in love. This thing between us will never last.”
“And maybe you’re wrong. Maybe the fact that we aren’t in love is the reason that it will work. There won’t be any unreasonable expectations. No emotional roller coaster.”
“And that sounds good to you?”
He shrugged. “Do you have a better suggestion?”
“Yes. I think some space will be best for everyone.”
“I don’t agree. What would be best is if we became a family—a family that shares the same home as our children.”
“And what happens—” She stopped herself just in time. She was going to utter, What happens when you get bored? Would he trade her in for a younger model? But she wasn’t going there. It didn’t matter because what Finn was proposing wasn’t possible.
His gaze probed her. “Finish that statement.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It was definitely something. And I want to know what it is.” He moved closer to her.
His nearness sent her heart racing. It was hard to keep her mind on the conversation. No man had a right to be so sexy. If only real life was like the movies and came with happily-ever-afters.
“Holly?”
“I honestly can’t remember what I was going to say. But it’s time I go back to New York.”
Finn’s eyes momentarily widened in surprise “What about the project?”
“The event is ready to go.”
“You just said you had a problem with transportation.”
“That...that’s minor. I can deal with it from anywhere.”
His gaze narrowed. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
She settled her hands on her hips. “I am. You don’t need me here. You can email me or phone, but you no longer need my presence here.”
“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?”
There were so many things she wanted him to say. But she feared they were both too damaged—too cynical about life to be able to create a happily-ever-after.
And instead of trying and failing—of taking what they have and making it contentious, she’d rather part as friends. It’d be best for everyone, including the babies.
But finding herself a bit emotional, she didn’t trust her voice. Instead, she averted her gaze and shook her head.
Finn sighed. “Fine. I’ll call for the chopper.”
“Really?” He was just going to let her walk out the door? It seemed too easy.
“It’s what you want, isn’t it?” He retrieved the phone.
“Yes, it is.” She turned away and walked to the French doors. They were usually standing open, letting in the fresh air and sunshine, but not today. She stared off into the distant gray sky. Dark clouds scudded across it as rain began to fall.
She couldn’t believe he was just going to let her walk away. A man who liked to control everything in his life surely couldn’t live with just handing over his children with no strings attached.
In the background, she could hear the murmur of Finn’s voice. He’d lowered it, but not before she caught the rumble in it. He wasn’t happy—not at all. Well, that made two of them. But they’d have to make the best of the situation.
Her hand moved to her abdomen. It wouldn’t be long now before she really started to show. She didn’t even want to guess how big she’d get carrying not one but two babies. She had no doubt her figure would never be quite the same. But it would be worth it.
To be honest, she’d never thought of having children before. After her family had been ripped apart, she told herself she wasn’t getting married or having children. She’d assured herself that life would be so much simpler when she only had herself to worry about.
Now she had two little ones counting on her to make all of the right decisions.
She turned, finding Finn with his back to her as he leaned against the desk. He certainly was different from Josh. Where Josh was a real charmer, Finn only gave a compliment when he truly meant it. Where Josh ran at the first sign of trouble, Finn was willing to stand by her. So why couldn’t she give him a chance to prove that he truly was an exception?
He certainly was the most handsome man she’d laid her eyes on. Her gaze lingered on his golden hair that always seemed to be a bit scattered and made her long to run her fingers through it. And then there were his broad shoulders—shoulders that looked as though they could carry the weight of the world on them. She wondered how heavy a load he carried around.
Something told her he’d seen far too much in his young life. And she didn’t want to add to his burden. That was never her intention. With time, she hoped he’d understand that she never meant to hurt him by turning down his suggestion of marriage.
Finn hung up the phone and turned to her. “We can’t leave.”
Surely she hadn’t heard him correctly. “What do you mean we can’t leave?”
“There’s a storm moving in and with these high winds it’s too dangerous to take up the chopper.” His gaze met hers. “I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted off the island.”
“So what are you saying? That we’re stranded here?”
“Yes.” He didn’t look any happier about it than she did.
“What are we going to do?”
“You’re going to wait here.” He turned toward the door. “With Emilio and Maria away, I’ve got a lot of work to do before the storm. I won’t get it all done tonight, but I can at least start.”
“Wait for me. I want to help.”
She rushed after him. There was no way she was planning to stand around and have him do all of the work. She knew her way around a toolbox and power tools. She could pull her own weight.
Hopefully this storm would pass by the island, leaving them unscathed. And then she’d be on her way home. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep her common sense while around Finn.
Her gaze trailed down over Finn from his muscled arms to his trim waist and his firm backside. The blood heated in her veins. Enjoying each other’s company didn’t mean they had to make a formal commitment, right?
Wait. No. No. She couldn’t let her desires override her logic. She jerked her gaze away from Finn. It had to be the pregnancy hormones that had her thinking these truly outlandish thoughts.
She was immune to Finn—about as immune as a bee to a field of wildflowers. She was in big trouble.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
WHY WAS SHE fighting him?
The next day, Finn sighed as he stared blindly out the glass doors. No matter what he said to Holly, there was no reasoning with her. She was determined to have these babies on her own.
He knew that she wouldn’t keep him from seeing them, but he also knew that visitation every other weekend was not enough. He would be a stranger to his own children—his only family. His hands clenched. That couldn’t happen.
He’d never thought he’d be a part of a family again. And though he had worries about how well he’d measure up as a husband and father, he’d couldn’t walk away. Why couldn’t Holly understand that?
He didn’t know how or when, but somehow he’d convince her that they were better parents together than apart. If only he knew how to get his point across to her—
The lights flickered, halting his thoughts. The power went completely out, shrouding the house in long shadows. After a night and day of rain, it had stopped, but the winds were starting to pick up again. And then the lights came back on.
Finn didn’t like the looks of things outside—not one little bit. Normally there weren’t big weather events at this time of the year, but every once in a while a late-season storm would make its way across the Atlantic. This just happened to be one of those times.
Finn rinsed a dinner plate and placed it in the dishwasher. Yes, to Holly’s amazement, he did know his way around the kitchen. He was a man who preferred his privacy and he didn’t have a regular household staff in New York, just a maid who came in a couple of times a week.
But here on the island, it was different. Maria and Emilio had a small house off in the distance. They lived here year-round. Maria looked after the house while Emilio took care of the grounds. They were as close to family as Finn had—until now.
He ran the dishcloth over the granite countertop before placing it next to the sink. Everything was clean and in its place. He wondered what Holly was up to. She’d been particularly quiet throughout dinner. He made his way to the study.
Though she wouldn’t admit it, he could tell the storm had her on edge. He was concerned, too. The tide was much higher than normal and the wind was wicked. But this house had been built to withstand some of the harshest weather. They’d be safe here.
Now if only he could comfort Holly, bu
t she resisted any attempt he made to get closer. He wondered what had happened for her to hide behind a defensive wall. It had to be something pretty bad. If only he could get her to open up to him.
He was in the hallway outside the study when the lights flickered and went out. This time they didn’t come back on. He needed to check on Holly before he ventured outside to fire up the emergency generator.
He stepped into the study that was now long with shadows. He squinted, looking for her. “Holly, where are you?”
She stood up from behind one of the couches. “Over here.”
“What in the world are you doing?”
“Looking for candles in this cabinet.”
“There are no candles in here. I have some in the kitchen.”
She followed him to the supply of candles. There were also flashlights and lanterns in the pantry. It was fully stocked in case of an emergency.
“Do you think we’ll really need all of this?” She fingered the packages of beef jerky and various other prepackaged foods.
“I hope not. The last I checked the weather radio, the storm was supposed to go south of us.”
“And I think it’s calming down outside. That has to be a good sign, doesn’t it?”
When he glanced over at the hopefulness in her eyes, he didn’t want to disappoint her. He wanted to be able to reassure her that everything would be fine, but something told him she’d already been lied to enough in her life. So he decided to change the subject.
He picked up a lantern. “I think this might be easier than the candles.”
“Really?”
Was that a pout on her face? She wanted the candlelight? Was it possible there was a romantic side to her hidden somewhere beneath her practicality and cynicism?
Deciding it wouldn’t hurt to indulge her, he retrieved some large candle jars. “Is this what you had in mind?”
She nodded. “But we won’t need them, will we?”
Finn glanced outside. It was much darker than it normally would be at this time of the day. “Come on. I have a safe place for us to wait out the storm.”
Her Festive Baby Bombshell Page 10