“Can’t the internet help you with research?” Theo typed on his cell.
“My teacher wants half of the research to come from actual textbooks and not just facts from the internet. I’ll visit the town library and hope they have the books I need, and ones published this century.” I sighed.
“What’s the paper on?” Arielle asked.
“It’s for my econ class on income distribution, which I’m clueless about.” I hugged my arms over my chest as my anxiety built up again. I was still getting back in the swing of things with my academics after being away for so long.
“Don’t panic. I’ll help you,” Marshall offered.
“I can too. You’re in luck—I’ve taken a few econ courses and still have all my old textbooks you can borrow,” Arielle said. “Also, Maison’s library is much better than the town library. If you’re free tomorrow or Sunday, I can take you there to check out some books.”
“Really?” I cleared the sudden rasping in my throat. Why would she go out of her way to help me?
“I have some free time to kill, unlike Theo, who waits until the last minute.” She threw a napkin at him. He knocked it away as he looked up from his cell.
“Speaking of time to kill, I don’t have any left, so if we’re all done here, I’m going to bounce.” Theo nudged Marshall to move. “Marsh, before I forget, my gramps has an extra ticket to the Phillies game next Saturday if you want to come with us.”
Marshall stood and straightened his pants and shirt. “I’d love to. And dude, don’t call me ‘Marsh.’”
Theo gave him a one-arm hug, tugging him to the front of the café. “What’s with the ‘dude’ stuff?” He shook his head, then said something else to Marshall I didn’t catch.
Arielle waited for me as I climbed out of the booth. “I expected Marshall to melt under the table when Theo started talking about his date.”
“Booty call is more like it,” she said. “I love Theo to death, but he’s a manwhore. It’s better if Marshall moves on. He’s too young to fall in love with someone who won’t appreciate him the way he deserves.”
“You’re speaking from experience?” I pulled my backpack over one shoulder. Arielle opened the door for me.
“I’ve had crushes on people, but I haven’t fallen in love yet,” she announced.
“Crushes on what type of people?” I started walking down the street. I had loved, and loved hard, and look where it had gotten me. Arielle didn’t seem the type who would hand over her heart easily.
“You want to know their personalities or gender?” The teasing lilt to her voice didn’t go unnoticed.
Flustered for no other reason than it just being Arielle and her honesty, I started walking faster. “Whatever you’re comfortable telling.”
“Hey, we’re not running a marathon here.” She left a fleeting touch on my elbow, making me slow down.
“Sorry.” I stopped at the corner. Both Marshall and Theo seemed to have forgotten us. The duo was more than three blocks ahead.
“No big deal,” she said as we waited for the green light. “My crushes have all been fifty-fifty.”
“What does that mean?” I shifted from left to right.
“Half men, half women. The first crush I ever had was on my PE teacher in grammar school. She had the best-looking legs I’d ever seen on a woman. She always wore the shortest of shorts.”
“Your first crush was on one of your teachers, and a woman?” Most of my grammar school and middle school teachers had been middle-aged and married. I could honestly say not one of them had rocked my boat.
“I had some hot teachers, but Miss Mayne was my first. After that it was older students,” she said. When the light changed to green, we walked ahead. “I had a huge crush on the lead singer of a garage band called The Baby Makers when I was fourteen. He had jet-black hair he grew to his butt. He also rocked the guyliner.” Her lips twitched, and color came to her cheeks. “He taught me how to put on fake eyelashes the correct way.”
“He gave you makeup tips?” I snickered.
“He did for all his female fans. Last I heard, he’s a Tina Turner impersonator at some drag bar in Vegas.”
I paused midstep and tried to choke back laughter. I failed and let it rip, covering my mouth to stop from hurting Arielle’s ears.
Her smile vanished, but her eyes softened. “You should laugh more. It sounds great.”
I cleared my throat. “Are you crazy? I sound like a cross between a donkey and a hyena.”
She frowned and pressed her lips together. “Please don’t demean yourself in front of me.”
“I wasn’t. I’m just stating a fact.” Even Dad hated my laugh.
“I’ll have to change your mind. But first I have something that will make you smile.” She opened her bag and took out my phone.
I almost hopped and clapped. “You found my phone.”
“I took it when you dropped it after your attack last Saturday. I meant to return it to you, but time ran away from me,” she said, a noticeable question in her voice.
“That’s okay.” I snagged my phone from her, inspecting it. It looked the same, down to the black smudge on the back from a magic marker.
“My aunt told me you rode in the ambulance and stayed at the hospital.” I pocketed my cell and scraped the toe of my sneaker on the pavement.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. It wasn’t the heat, but the phone call, correct?” She didn’t fidget or rock like I did. She appeared unaffected, unlike me with my heartbeat echoing in my ears.
“I had a bad reaction to the phone call. I have an anxiety disorder. Any little thing can set me off. Just a warning.” Noticing we were blocking the middle of the sidewalk, I started walking again.
Arielle joined me, her arm brushing mine. “I’m just glad you’re okay. You gave me a scare.”
“Trust me, I didn’t mean to. I scared myself and my family.” I shifted to the left to give us more space. “At least the good days outweigh the bad ones.”
“The reason you came here to start fresh is because you’re a former drug addict or alcoholic?”
Whoa, there. I lurched back in shock. Arielle kept her footing, looking completely unruffled by the zinger. I stammered, unable to answer.
“No,” I gasped. “I’m not a former addict of anything.”
“Good. I asked to get it out of the way. But something is still chasing you, a nightmare you can’t escape.” She lifted her hand to my face but then set it down on my shoulder. “If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here to listen. But you’ve had those offers already, right?”
I nodded, the heat from her palm seeping into my shirt and down my arm. For once I didn’t move away, and I enjoyed the sensation.
She broke away first and searched in her bag, producing a smartphone. “Would you mind giving me your number? I have some things to do tomorrow, but I’ll be free later in the afternoon. I’ll call you to give you a heads-up, and we’ll meet.”
I exhaled my pent-up breath, pleased she’d changed the conversation. Would I be one of many numbers saved in her phone? I rattled off my number. Her fingers were speedy on the touch screen.
“Got it.” She pressed her thumb down.
“Looks like I got it also,” I said, slightly dazed by her attention as my cell buzzed in my pocket.
Chapter TEN
THE AGP sorority house didn’t look any different from the last time I’d visited. The only noticeable changes were the newly cut front lawn and the banner Arielle had created to welcome the new class, which now hung over the awning.
I rubbed my arm and the goose bumps that had sprung up there. Even though the temperature had dropped to welcome in autumn, I wore jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and the Chucks Arielle had seen on me many times before. I refused to go down the path I had with Larissa, dressing to impress. But at least I wore lip gloss.
Rolling back my shoulders, I marched ahead and up the front steps. Before I knocked or rang the doorbell,
the door opened, and two girls appeared.
“Hey!” They greeted me with a lot of peppiness.
“Um, hi, I’m here to see Arielle,” I said.
“She’s in her room.” One girl beckoned for me to enter and then walked out onto the porch with her friend and their packs of cigarettes and lighters.
“Thanks.” I shut the door. The foyer was empty, although I did hear the faint sounds of music in the background. I walked up the stairs to the third floor, passing more closed doors. The hall was eerily quiet until I’d almost reached the end, where I heard two people talking loudly in Arielle’s room.
“Ari, I don’t understand why you have to be this way. Why can’t you, me, and Dennis hang out like we used to?” the female voice I didn’t recognize pleaded.
“We can’t go back to being the happy trio again. It’s too complicated,” Arielle said in a much calmer voice.
There was movement and tapping or scraping. “Are you worried people will judge? I thought you didn’t give a shit about—”
“Robyn, don’t go there. It was a mistake.” Arielle sounded more exhausted than angry.
Should I walk away, pretend I was never here, and text Arielle some excuse why I couldn’t make it? Or go ahead and interrupt? She could handle the situation, but maybe she needed some support like she had offered me?
The other voice grew louder, on the verge of screaming. I purposely stamped my feet on the floor and made some coughing sounds as I approached Arielle’s room. The wide-open door showed Arielle bracing back against a desk with the other woman standing toe-to-toe with her, much like one would for a kiss.
The woman from the night of the AGP party who had hung all over Arielle, now with her hair styled as though she had just left a salon, was boxing Arielle into her desk. Arielle twisted on her sandals, anger flashing on her flushed face. I had to admit, she still looked great, even pissed. I could never have pulled off the zebra-striped halter top she wore because I had no boobage. She was the opposite of me, and possibly someone Arielle had once been attracted to and had a relationship with.
Arielle quickly sidestepped away and seemed to sigh in relief. She met me at the door. The woman crossed her arms and frowned.
“Sorry for interrupting,” I said to Arielle, who smiled in gratitude. My face started to warm.
“There’s nothing to interrupt. Robyn’s just leaving, right?” Arielle glared at her unwelcome visitor.
Robyn huffed and scooped up a silver-colored leather satchel off the bed. “This conversation isn’t over. I will bring Dennis into the discussion if I have to. Understand?”
Arielle clasped the side of her door. “Do what you have to do. It still won’t change anything.”
“We’ll see.” Robyn marched forward, pausing to stare at me in hostility. “Tutoring middle school underachievers now?”
I tucked my fingers in my palm. Where did this bitch get off—
Arielle took my arm and tugged me behind her. “Real mature, Robyn. Leave before I say something I may regret.”
Robyn huffed, and with a curl of her upper lip, dramatically flipped her hair over her shoulder and stormed out of the room with an exaggerated hip swagger.
Arielle rolled her eyes. She still held my arm, her hand helping to warm my face further.
“You have some interesting friends.” I tugged on my arm.
She finally released me, but not before she squeezed the inside of my elbow, leaving pleasant tingles behind. “Robyn isn’t really a friend. She’s—”
“An ex-girlfriend?” I asked.
“Not exactly. Things between us are complicated.” She went back over to her desk. “I won’t bore you with details.”
But I wanted to be bored with the details, which I didn’t think would be boring at all. Had she juggled Dennis and Robyn at the same time? Was that why Robyn was so angry? But why would she want to be with Arielle again?
Arielle balanced her palms on her desk and lowered her head. She inhaled and exhaled several times. When she finished, she faced me with a more pleasant expression. “Usually when I get upset or angry, I paint as an outlet to push out the nasty. But since we have plans, I’ll settle for some deep breathing and happy thoughts.”
“I meditate,” I blurted, trying not to wince at my booming voice. “I learned some great breathing techniques. Meditation helped me last year with some difficult times. I can teach you some if you’re interested?”
She grinned wide, showing a nice row of white teeth. “Only if you paint with me sometime soon.”
“Uh….” My artistic skills were beyond sad. Writing and researching, no problem. But drawing or painting a bowl of fruit? A total nightmare.
“If you can walk into Robyn screeching and not lose your cool, you can handle some watercolors.” Arielle pulled a book bag over her shoulder. “On the way back from the library, we’ll stop in at the art studio, and I’ll show you what I’m working on for my art midterm.”
“Sounds great. You’re the only artist I know personally.” I wished I had some sort of talent I could show off to impress her.
“The midterm is easy. My final is a killer. I have to create an art expo featuring one specific idea and present it to the entire department at the college art gallery.” She took a set of keys off the wall and swung the ring around.
“It’s open to the public?” I asked, more than interested in seeing her creations.
“Yeah.” She motioned for me to move out to the hall. “Just another step in getting my degree in art therapy and a shot at my master’s.”
She locked the door, glancing at me over her shoulder, now more relaxed than when I had first entered her room. It was obvious she was proud of the direction she was taking her life. Unlike me, who was still trying to take one day at a time, and the nights without any nightmares were an accomplishment.
“I CAN’T believe how easy it was to find the books for my paper.” I tucked one of the textbooks under my arm and hefted up my bag filled with more books, including papers I’d printed out online. Arielle graciously used her student ID for me to access some websites, and she took care of printout costs.
“Maison’s library is a mecca of information. It’s one of the top college libraries in the nation, with over two million books,” she said as we made our way toward the Fine Arts building.
“That’s incredible. Thanks for helping me.” I held back the urge to hug her.
“It’s not a problem. I’m glad to help. I also have a couple more books back in my room you can borrow.” She slowed her stride so I could keep up. I just couldn’t compete with her long legs and energetic enthusiasm, especially a few times when I’d lagged behind as she walked up and down the aisles pointing out books I should check out—not that she criticized.
“When would you like me to pick them up?” I asked.
“How about after we hit up the art studio—ah, shit, I forgot.” She blew a curl away from her eye and glowered at the darkening sky.
“What’s wrong?” I scanned the area.
“The art studio is off-limits tonight. One of my professors is giving a talk for some hoity-toity people in town.”
“How about next week?” I took out my cell to check the time. I had spent most of my afternoon with Arielle.
“I’ll hold you to it.” She lowered her bag to the ground. “It’s near dinnertime, so I understand if you have to go home or have something else to do, but if you don’t, want to kill the evening with me?”
“What do you mean?” A mixed group of people around our age passed us. I moved to the side along with Arielle.
“Most of my sisters are going to a party at another frat down the street. I’m not really in the mood to party. Instead, I’m planning on watching the first season of a specific show you told me about when we first met.”
“Sex and the City?” I swallowed back a giggle.
“Yes.” She clapped. “One of my sisters has all the seasons on DVD. She let me borrow the first season. Let’s
order a pizza and watch a few episodes. What do you say?”
“You’d rather hang out with me on a Saturday night eating pizza and watching an old TV show than go to a college party?” Arielle had done so much for me already. Why the extra step? Did she feel sorry for me?
“I enjoy hanging out with you.” She shifted closer and set her hand on my shoulder. “I want us to be friends.”
Again, why me?
I must have shown my thoughts on my face because she dropped her hand and tapped her fingers on her hips. “I genuinely like you, and you need more friends in your life. I want to be one of them.”
“Oh-okay,” I swallowed down my nervousness and nodded. She wouldn’t hurt me the way Larissa had. And she wasn’t ashamed to be seen with me in public, if today was an example. Maybe it would help if I enjoyed a relaxed night with a friend, like I used to do with Matilda.
She exhaled loudly. “You had me worried you would say no.”
“Just you and me? Not Tris or anyone else?” I hated the needy tone in my voice.
“Just us,” she said, much softer, and brushed the side of her hand on mine.
I fisted my hand to stop from grabbing her. “Let’s go, then. Also, I can’t eat pizza unless it has pepperoni on it.”
She wiggled her nose and grimaced. “How about we negotiate half pepperoni, half veggie?”
“Works for me.” I hefted my stuff in my arms and walked alongside Arielle back to the sorority house with a sudden burst of energy.
I’D JUST finished calling Aunt Eloise to tell her I would be having dinner at the AGP house with some of the sisters and would watch a movie with them. She was perfectly fine with me staying there but still wanted me back by midnight, which I agreed to. It was much easier to let her believe I’d made friends with the sisters, because I didn’t want more questions thrown at me. But I expected some, especially with Jo in the background asking about me. She was probably going to be upset or maybe even jealous. If she was either, I would just have to deal with it.
Arielle left me alone in her room to get the pizza. I would never invade her privacy, but I checked out the pictures hanging on her walls and the ones on her dresser.
Rage to Live Page 11