by M. Sembera
Pulling his hand away from mine, he said, "Start talking."
After glancing around for a moment, I asked, "Do you remember when Sophia was a baby and you watched her overnight at your apartment because I had a meeting with Ramsden. And then I had that big bruise on the side of my face the next time I saw you?"
"You mean when I ask you to come home with me so you would stop getting hurt and you said for me to stop lying to myself? That you didn't need me to save or rescue you. That I needed to grow up and move on."
Defending myself, I said, "That's because you were looking at me like I was weak and I ..." before he stopped me, asking, "Is that it? You want me to move on?"
Frantically shaking my head at him, I said, "I'm sorry I said those things to you. I didn't know how to deal with what happened to me."
His expression softened slightly as he urged, "Go on."
Taking a deep breath, I shared, "Ramsden said he was taking me to some meeting at the old office building but when I got there... It wasn't... Ramsden hired him. He hurt me really bad. If Ignacio and his brother hadn't of showed up when they did, he would have... When they got there he had pulled my dress off, zip ties were holding my wrists to my ankles and I was on my knees. He kept saying how he was told to take his time." Stopping for a moment, telling him grew harder, as I envisioned my words as they happened. "He saved me Jacks."
"Isn't that what you hired them for?" he quietly asked as if he was trying to work something out in his head.
Shaking my head, I explained, "Ignacio made it clear when I hired them that they couldn't protect me. It was really just a fluke that they found out what was going on. He broke rules by getting involved and if he hadn't..."
"So why isn't his brother here? Why is it just him?" Jackson questioned.
Somewhat relieved that Jackson wasn't looking at me like I was pathetic, the look he did have was making me nervous.
The look in Jackson's eyes reflected more confirmation than anything else as he nodded his head at me.
"I'll help you out with that one," he said before asking, "Why didn't you say they saved me?"
Taking a breath, I started to answer when he cut me off.
"Same reason you didn't go to his brother when you found out Henley was in town?" he questioned before suggesting, "You do want to be rescued. You need someone to save you. As long as it's him."
"No, that's not true," I argued.
Frustrated and angry, he griped, "I saw the look in your eyes when you just told me he saved you. Anything I do to help you, you act like I've committed murder."
"You couldn't have done what he did," I shouted at him.
Jackson's face looked like I had just stabbed him in the chest as he growled, "Go to hell, Ren. He can have you 'cause I'm done."
His words knocked the wind right out of me.
Seeing Jackson's car pull out of the parking lot and speed down the road, I waited for him to turn around and come back. I stood there trying to convince myself that he was just mad and needed a minute to calm down. The longer I stood there, I realized I was fooling myself and that our relationship was over.
Feeling Ignacio's hand on my shoulder reminded me that he was there. I glanced up at him before returning my focus to the road Jackson left on.
"I'll drive you," Ignacio stated.
"My car is still at The Dog House," I replied.
Giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze, he stated, "You can get it tomorrow."
Nodding, I followed Ignacio to his car.
Sitting in the passenger seat, I wondered if I had said that to Jackson because I really felt that way or if what Jackson was saying was true. I wanted to think all the times I pushed him away was because I wanted to make sure he was safe and involved as little as possible. Over the years Jackson had done some really nice things for me and each time I threw them back in his face. And when Henley came back to town it made sense at the time but at the moment I had no idea why I didn't tell Jackson. Thinking it was possible I was having a hindsight moment, at the same time, Jackson looked like he had always known something I didn't realize myself.
It took a minute for me to notice, although Ignacio had started the car, he'd made no effort to leave the parking lot.
"I'm ready," I said ready to get home and snuggle with Honey.
"Where would you like to go?" he questioned.
Turning to him, I replied, "I only have one place to go."
With a serious expression he shared, "You know, the first few years, I half expected you to show up at my door."
Without a reason to lie to him, I said, "I thought about it a few times."
"What stopped you?" he asked.
Shaking my head, I answered, "You became the vice president of The Office."
Scowling at me, he stated, "You offered me the position."
"I know," I admitted before sharing, "I didn't want any involvement with it once I handed it over."
Tilting his head so he could look directly into my eyes, he questioned, "And now?"
"I am married to Jackson," I reminded.
Narrowing his eyes at me, Ignacio stated, "You are committing yourself to a man that isn't strong enough to hold onto you."
I never liked it when he referred to Jackson. Especially since I knew why he held a certain animosity towards him.
Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I glared at him.
"He's not weak," I assured.
Appearing agitated, he replied, "He's not for you."
Making a face at him, I spouted, "Oh, enlighten me please."
"He's not equipped to handle you. You need a man that is bred to be with a woman such as yourself."
Wanting to smack him, I decided one fight was enough for the evening as I snapped, "I need to be handled?"
"You need a man that allows you to be who you are and at the same time remain in control of the situation," he imparted.
Leaning back, I asked, "Did you just refer to me as a situation?"
While waiting for his answer, I remembered how much I liked that about him. When I needed it, all I had to do was be in the same room with him and I would feel at ease. Ignacio was in control without being controlling. Smiling at the safety in that memory, I knew he was right. The woman he knew did need those things.
Years ago, he told me the impression we made on each other would end one day. It finally had and this was that day for me.
"I apologize if that was offensive. My meaning behind it was..." he started before I stopped him, saying, "Just, shut your mouth."
"Excuse me?"
Smiling and shaking my head, I replied, "I know what you meant." The moment turned serious as I continued, saying, "You are the most remarkable man I have met in my entire life. You're loyal, principled and kind. I will never forget the things you did for me but at this time in my life, I don't need anything. My life has become my own over the years and I am fully capable of choosing what and who I want."
With a quick nod, Ignacio faced forward saying, "Home then."
"Yes, thank you."
33
A Fresh Start
The days following my arrest were interesting. Auggie showed up at my door the next morning with William and brought me my shoes and my car, without me asking. Sophia sent me flowers and came over to tell me how sorry she was about everything from yelling at me when she found out about Henley to thinking I wasn't capable of handling Marabeth. We had an honest conversation about my life leading up to her and after laughing that I should write a book about it, we were in a good place with our mother daughter relationship. When Mr. and Mrs. Thomas had me over for dinner and Mrs. Thomas congratulated me for putting Marabeth in her place, I almost fell out of my chair.
It wasn't long before everyone wanted to know what happened between Jackson and I the night of the soft opening. Apparently Jackson wasn't talking about it either. Getting in the habit of saying and thinking, 'it just didn't work out, it's over', I had a different feeling about it than I thou
ght I would. I didn't blame myself or him. What I did do was decide that Jackson was who I wanted to be with. I would rather be alone than to be with someone who wasn't him. My new found mind set, I felt, was a direct result of finally letting go of every part of my past. I chose Jackson. It was just bad timing I guessed.
Instead of feeling like I would never be happy, I recognized that I was happy. I was in love with Jackson and looking back, I had been since the day I met him. That made me happy. I was free from my past and my life really was my own. My routines fell by the way side and I started living my life.
~
My new found outlook on life prompted me to take action on Charlotte's behalf and make a phone call.
"Erin," I cheered when I received her patented, "Roberts' Residence."
There was a pause before she replied, "Rennillia dear, how are you?"
"Good," I answered before asking, "And you?"
She replied, "Very well, thank you."
"I'm calling about Charlotte."
After a moment she asked, "Who?"
Closing my eyes for a moment, I had to collect my thoughts and remember who I was talking to. Erin Roberts was Emerson's mother. Part of the social elite from the time she was born, Erin was grace and elegance. Always proper and refined, she was also not a fan of Amila, her son's marriage or their decision to adopt any of their children.
"Emerson's Daughter," I replied in an even tone.
"Which one is that dear?" she questioned.
Rolling my eyes, I answered, "She's seventeen."
There was another pause before she asked, "What about her?"
Taking a deep breath and choosing my words carefully, I replied, "She is a lovely girl, however, she is having some difficulties with social activity."
"What sort of difficulties?"
Trying not to out and out lie, I avoided her question, saying, "I feel Charlotte lacks the proper guidance that comes from someone with the appropriate background."
"That is a shame," she said, sounding sincere before informing, "I am far too busy to come for a visit."
Taking another moment of my own, Erin had not visited her son since he and Amila's wedding and it wasn't because she was too busy.
"I know you are. That is why I was hoping she could go to you."
"Here," she stated before questioning, "What do my son and his wife think about that?"
Clearing my throat, I admitted, "They don't know yet. I wanted to talk to you first."
The pleased tone of her voice let me know I was doing the right thing as Erin informed, "I need to prepare a room for her and dear, send me her measurements if you have the time. I will fill her closet for her."
"Thank you, Erin."
She cheered, "Oh of course, dear," and hung up.
Letting out a loud sigh, I felt like I had been holding my breath through my whole conversation with her.
~
Closing the doors to the dining room at the Roberts' house, I sat down at the table with them. I'd rehearsed my case for Charlotte going to Spain to stay with Emerson's mother so many times in my head, I almost felt like I had done this before.
Amila appeared nervous and Emerson looked confused. Thinking they were worried about my calling to have a little meeting about Charlotte, I gave a comforting smile.
"Okay, you both know that Charlotte is struggling here. She has come a long way in the past few months but things don't seem to be getting better for her," I shared before saying, "I have an idea. I haven't said a word to Charlotte about it because y'all are her parents and I wanted to talk y'all first."
Amila gave a weak smile as she said, "I just want her to be okay."
Nodding, I glanced at Emerson before saying, "What if she went and stayed with Erin for a little while."
Emerson snorted, saying, "Yea right."
Giving him a dirty look, I said, "I know it sounds strange for me to suggest this but I've put a lot of thought into it."
With watery eyes, Amila asked, "How could you think any part of that is a good idea?"
Emerson shook his head at me before looking off to the side.
Thinking of the advice Mrs. Thomas gave me, I replied, "Well, she's almost eighteen and whether you like it or not she will leave. At least this way we know she's safe and in a controlled environment."
Appearing to take my suggestion seriously, Amila said, "Staying with Erin doesn't sound like a loving place for her."
"I know but she has that from us, what she needs is a fresh start and the skills to handle herself appropriately," I assured.
Emerson blurted, "Like you?"
Narrowing my eyes at him, I snapped, "I'm hoping this will keep her from turning out like me."
"My mother is never going to agree to that," Emerson stated.
Irritated with him, I blurted, "Then how come when I called her she said yes?"
There was a look of betrayal in Amila's eyes as she asked, "You called her?"
Reaching out, I held her hand and shared, "I wasn't trying to go behind your back or anything like that, I swear. What would have been the point of coming to y'all with my idea if she hadn't said yes? I didn't tell her anything that was going on either."
Squeezing my hand, she nodded, saying, "I don't want her to go anywhere."
Nodding back, I acknowledged, "I know," before sharing, "She can't stay trapped in this house not facing the world around her, I know from experience. And she's not ready to deal with it either. At least this way you're giving her a chance to grow and when she comes back maybe none of the things that have happened will matter anymore."
Both Amila and I looked at Emerson when he said, "She's right, it's worth trying."
Amila's eyes filled with tears.
Emerson stood up from his chair and leaned down to Amila. Placing his arms around her shoulders, he kissed the side of her head.
"I know you think I don't love her like you do. And I might not, I'm not her mom, but as her father, I would go to hell and back for her. My mother isn't the most nurturing person but she won't let anything happen to her."
Letting go of my hand, Amila wrapped her arms around Emerson. Nodding into his chest she started to cry.
"I'll give y'all some privacy. Is it alright if I go up and tell Charlotte?" I asked.
Emerson nodded at me with tears in his eyes as he replied, "Thank you, Ren."
Giving him a soft smile in return, I left the dining room and headed up to Charlotte's room.
I tapped on Charlotte's door before opening it. She was sitting on her bed with Honey on her lap.
Looking over at me, she said, "Lola brought her in here. She was chewing on her doll's head."
"Did she mess it up?" I asked.
Shaking her head while looking down at Honey as she petted her, she replied, "Just made her hair messy but I brushed it out for her."
"Did you decide whether to take your GED or homeschool the rest of the year?" I asked.
Shrugging at me, Charlotte mumbled, "What difference does it make."
"Well, if you'd like to go to Spain, it makes a big difference," I informed.
Her head instantly snapped up as she blurted, "What?"
Smiling at her, I said, "Emerson's mother, Erin, lives there."
"And?" she coaxed.
"And if you think you can be polite and behave yourself, this is your chance to get out of here for awhile and see the world."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Really? You're Serious?"
"Yes!"
Sliding Honey off of her lap, Charlotte jumped off of her bed and squealed, "Ren!" hugging me tight.
Hugging her back, I started to get emotional. I had grown so close to this girl in such a short period of time. In just a few months I went from not being able to stand looking at her to missing her before she had even left.
34
Caring for People
When I found out that Amila and Charlotte went to the annual mother daughter brunch a
t The Society together, I was happy for them. I hoped at some point in the future Amila and I could have a girls day out with Charlotte and Sophia.
The time before Charlotte was leaving had dwindled down to just a few days. I thought it was a good idea to put all the things she and I figured out together in one place and list things that would make her time with Erin easier. Making a sort of guide book for her, for while she was in Spain, helped me feel better about her leaving. In the mean-time, I was enjoying my own mother daughter time with Sophia.
Helping Sophia rearrange the furniture in her living room, I started to get as frustrated as she was with making everything fit.
"Why did you buy all this?" I asked, pushing her new loveseat to the corner of the wall."
Laughing, she replied, "I have no idea. I guess I wasn't thinking about how small this apartment is."
With a heavy sigh, I sat down on the couch I had just pushed across the room for the third time, saying, "Y'all really should just buy a house. It's not like y'all don't have the money."
"I know!" she blurted before sharing, "Ailin wants to wait until he has the money to at least put a down payment on one."
Confused, I asked, "Isn't your money his money?"
"Yes, mama. He doesn't look at it that way though," she replied.
Raising an eyebrow at her, I asked, "How does he look at it then?"
"Out of stubbornness," she laughed, explaining, "He says he doesn't feel like he's being a man if he's not the one supporting his wife."
Rolling my eyes, I said, "I guess that's sorta right... It's better than marrying you so he can live off of your trust."
Shrugging, she agreed, "Yea, I know it is," before saying, "I wish it didn't matter though."
"What do you mean?"
With a slight frown, she said, "He's great about everything."
Shaking my head at her, I laughed, "You realize you're complaining about having a good man."
With a heavy sigh, Sophia said, "I know but it's like... So what do I give him? I have money he won't spend, I'm a horrible cook and...it's just me."
I could feel my eyes tearing up, thinking of Jackson, as I imparted, "Maybe that's all he wants."