by Pratibha Ray
Everyone was left speechless at my words. I saw Father's eyes brimming over with tears. Perhaps he was sorrowful. For, instead of having Hastinapur's prince, the third Pandav Savyasachi, as his son-in-law, he had here this mendicant Brahmin youth of unknown parentage. It was not that I had no regrets on this account, but I did not wish to increase the grief of Father and Brother by expressing it. Parents desire that their daughter should remain happy, be married to the best of men. But every daughter does not fall into the hands of an eminent man. And even if that happens, there is no guarantee of her being entirely happy. What was the point of expressing before them that sorrow for which there was no solution, which was not within the capacity of my parents to resolve? With a happy face I left for Ekchakra town. Pranaming my father I said, "You wanted the greatest hero of Aryavart to become your son-in-law. That is what has happened. All of us rejoice at this, including myself. May your blessings now be ever with me."
Father responded calmly, "Man's greatest dharma is to carry out his duties patiently. Whenever you have to assume any role, do not draw back from the duty facing you. That is how dharma will be preserved. I bless you. May you attain fame!"
I did not know then that my role would keep changing every moment; that I would have to carry out terrible duties amid an everchanging scenario.
They were ahead, the first two elder brothers, followed by the two younger ones. We were behind everyone else. He was walking keeping step with me, taking care in case I fell behind. I was going to meet my mother-in-law, the mother of a mendicant Brahmin's son, my most venerable mother-in-law! I would stand before her in these royal vestments. When my dress did not match that of her son's, she would at the very beginning consider me not as one of the household but as a visiting guest. That was why before setting out I had left behind all my ornaments except a single diamond nose-stud and two bracelets set with pearls as signs of a married woman. The flower-ornaments in my hair, arms, feet and round my neck felt most pleasant. I was wearing a white sari embroidered with cloud-dark spots. The dress was simple and easy for walking. My husband was glancing at me from time to time. Perhaps he was also praising my beauty silently. On having won me, perhaps some feeling of pride had arisen in his mind. Looking that way I, too, could not help being captivated.
Entrancing as Kamadev, the god of love, himself; a figure like Krishna's, firm and well-made; broad chest, clear lotus-eyes, beautiful limbs distinctively attractive. His face was a clear reflection of his mind. The very first time I looked at him I felt that his heart was pure and vast. He was likely to be unique in the world in generosity and patience. I did not know how such an idea came to occupy my mind at that time. I was counting myself blessed in obtaining him as my husband. Every woman desires in a man — heroism, beauty, courage, knowledge and wealth. I had obtained everything. Only wealth was wanting.
Considering the matter materialistically, it seemed that he possessed no wealth. But if you really looked below the surface, however, it would be clear that all wealth was his. The qualities that a man ought to have were all present in him. If he so desired, he could become the lord of the earth. Defeating all kings, he could acquire every treasure in the world. He had fulfilled the peculiarly difficult conditions of the svayamvar. Then wealth could not be something so very difficult for him to attain. Yet he was indifferent to wealth like a yogi, like an ascetic without any adornments. He was a mendicant. As though poverty enhanced his nobility. That such a hero should be poor was nothing but an index of the greatness of his mind.
I was going on walking, arguing with myself to establish my husband as the finest man in the world. Perhaps his poverty was causing some discomfort, but I was consoling myself by considering it as evidence of his nobility of mind.
I was feeling tired. I was stumbling along the forest paths. Pierced by thorns, my tender feet started bleeding and the blood got mixed up in the colour of the aaltaa on my feet. That was why it did not become apparent to my husband immediately. However much I was in pain, I did not say a word. So he did not get to know anything. When drops of perspiration began moistening my white dress, my husband said, "Are you suffering much? I am truly grieved. It is not proper that a mendicant Brahmin should marry a princess. Actually, if anyone had won you before me, I would not have pierced the target. We had come with the hope of acquiring gifts and food in the princess' svayamvar. What is it other than a quirk of fate that the princess herself should have been won!"
I was taciturn by nature. Over and above that I was hesitant to speak like a garrulous teenager with a husband I hardly knew. I only said, "Whatever is ordained by God is true. Therefore, what is the use of worrying over what might have been? It will be more meaningful to be happy about what has taken place."
In an extremely loving tone my husband said, "Drupad's daughter! I am blessed in having won you."
Shyly I said, "It is equally true for me."
Stumbling over a stone on the path I was about to fall. He stretched out both arms and supported me. Ashamed, I gathered myself. Politely he said, "Devi Krishnaa! Till now I have not taken your hand observing the rituals. Our marriage will take place after mother has blessed it. If you have no objection, you can pass through this difficult forest terrain taking the support of my hand." Saying this he stretched out his strong and beautiful hand to me. Without hesitation I placed my hand in his palm. What of mine could I not give to him who had already won me rightfully?
Holding hands we two kept on walking. Now I could realise why Devi Janaki had chosen to leave the royal palace and proceed to the forest with Ramchandra. She was herself the world-mother and must have known how romantic it was to walk on the perilous forest paths hand-in-hand with her husband. How fulfilling it was and blissful!
While walking, my husband said, "I had heard that King Drupad had resolved to make the third Pandav his son-in-law and that the princess had also acquiesced in this. Unfortunately, all five Pandavs fell into death's maw and finally he was forced to make a poor Brahmin his son-in-law! All Panchal countrymen are grief-stricken over princess Krishnaa's fate. I trust you have not suffered on this account?"
I realised that the brave youth was testing me. He had caught some hint of my weakness for Arjun. Was he jealous of Arjun? Well, he might be. What was unnatural in that? If a woman got attracted to a lovely statue, even that was unbearable to her spouse. This little secret of the hero's heart could not remain hidden from me. Without hesitation I said, "There is pain in my heart. Not for myself, but for him. The very soul of righteousness and courage to meet such an unnatural end! I cannot believe it, but it has happened. He was fated to depart in this fashion. What regret should I have for myself? I, too, knew that the finest hero of Aryavart who would be able to fulfil the conditions of svayamvar was Arjun alone. I knew only this much that he who was respected by Krishna was Arjun. Therefore, he whom I have obtained as my husband is in my eyes Arjun himself. I have obtained the greatest hero of Aryavart and he has already won Krishnaa's respect. Is this false?"
In a grave voice he said, "I have heard that thanks to Krishna's foresight the five Pandavs have escaped from the house of lac alive. If Arjun is alive and approaches you someday, then what will you do?"
My heart danced with joy. Spontaneously I said, "Need I say what the duty of a housewife is? If I find so noble a person at my door I shall greet him with appropriate hospitality. The guest is Narayan. If I do not do so, my dharma as a housewife will be destroyed. Not only this, I shall request him to befriend my husband."
"Why so?" he asked, in surprise.
"My husband is Arjun in my eyes. So he will be another Arjun. It will be only natural if the two Arjuns become friends."
My husband smiled in amusement. Touching my hand tenderly he said, "I had heard that the princess is adept in the scriptures. Then I believed that for women to know the scriptures meant learning them by rote like parrots. But now it appears that you have not memorised the scriptures but internalised them. You are not only knowledgeable but
full of wisdom too. I admit defeat before you."
We went on walking in step. The other brothers had gone on ahead. Looking at them I was thinking, "I am blessed getting two such elder and two younger brothers-in-law. The eldest brother is courteous, calm and patient like a god. His very sight inspires respect and veneration. The one who is behind him is as huge as he is handsome. Beside him any man is dwarfed. Looking at him my mind is filled with fear. Following him is one who, like the others, is blessed with beauty and is full of happy thoughts and playfulness. His nature is such as evokes the desire to make friends at the very first encounter. Last of all is the youngest brother-in-law. His personality has a unique attractiveness. By nature he appears shy and sparing of speech. He does not open his lips unless it is necessary. Showering affection on him will give joy."
The two of us were behind them, walking hand in hand. Not once did they look back, as though they were keen to walk out of sight as fast as possible. They won my respect at the very first meeting. I wanted to express all my affection and tenderness towards them.
They passed out of sight. Because of keeping pace with me, my husband got left far behind. I was by his side. My hand was caught in his firm grip. As though we two were roaming alone in the desolate forest — engaged in a quest for what happiness? Still, why be deprived of the pleasure of walking together?
Suddenly my husband said poetically, "Princess, do you know what I wish at this moment? I wish we two could get lost in this forest. No one would be able to find us. No one should spoil the bliss of this solitude."
Softly I replied, 'There is romance in living incognito. But in the world to roam hiding one's face is to lose fame. Destroying the wicked is the duty of a hero."
In a teasing tone he said, "For living in the forest incognito one has to destroy the wicked at every step. Without killing ferocious beasts one cannot stay alive in the jungle."
Calmly I said, "Wicked human beings are more terrible than the ferocious beasts of the jungle. Beasts kill others in order to live. But a man slays his fellow-men merely to feed his ego. That is why heroes are born on this earth for preserving dharma. Aryaputra! It is your heroism that is the consolation of mother earth. For the earth glories in giving birth to heroes."
Taking my hand, my husband was guiding me through a stream flowing below a grove. He said, "Even if I ever have to live in the forest, it will not trouble me, for you will be at my side to keep inspiring me to preserve dharma."
7
The other brothers had reached home some time back. They were waiting for us there. After our arrival they would tell their mother the good news. After some time we two reached there. To get to the courtyard of the frail hut we had to stoop low. Suddenly my mind was filled with despondency: "Alas! Such a strange, untidy, frail hut! Even our horse or dog would not be able to stay here! That my husband is brave there is no doubt. But he is eking out his life in such penury as cannot even be imagined!"
Truly, what a difference there was between the dreams of a virgin's mind and the reality! The palace of Hastinapur and this potter's hut of Ekchakra town — What a contrast! I would have to spend my entire life here!
The next instant I collected myself: "You fool! Take hold of yourself! It will be foolish for princess Krishnaa, bride Krishnaa, to be distraught and agonise. The bride Krishnaa will be able to live tranquilly in this potter's hut."
These five sons. But not the five Pandavs. Still, one was with me and there were four others. It was my good fortune, that they lived harmoniously together in joy and sorrow, danger and distress, of no consequence. My brother was by himself. Moreover, he was my twin brother — neither younger nor older. Since childhood whenever I heard of anyone else having more brothers, I would also wish for several elder and younger brothers. The elder brother would give me a father's affection and the younger brother would provide an offspring's love. Dhrishtadyumna being a brother of my own age was full of his own distinct individuality.
Seeing the five brothers together. I thought: "God has heard my prayers. In the midst of so much penury he has given so much wealth — two senior brothers-in-law like two elder brothers and two younger ones like sons! What do I lack any more? It is the prowess of these brothers that is my wealth, my greatness. I, a kshatriya princess — what more could I expect?"
I was trying to remain happy whatever the circumstances. Perhaps, this is the natural inclination with which man is born. Perhaps, that was why, standing before the frail dwelling house of a potter, I was trying to be happy, considering myself rich.
The elder brother cast a calm, sweet glance at me. He knocked on the door, calling out to his mother. That glance of his immersed my heart in such affection that I began musing in my heart, "This pure-souled great man is worthy of worship."
The elder brother called out exultantly, "Mother, today we have brought a priceless thing. Open the door and see! Your sons have not returned empty-handed."
Overwhelmed with shyness I stood with head bowed. The elder brother was describing me in terms of a priceless object. My heart was thrilled with joy. From within, an easy but firm voice, their mother's, spoke: "My sons, whatever you have brought divide it amongst the five of you equally!"
The elder brother stood stunned and plunged into a deep reverie. The others looked at one other and remained silent, waiting. My husband became grave and appeared depressed. As for me, I was even more confused, surprised and full of shyness. I pulled the anchal of my sari well over my head.
The door of the hut opened. In front stood the loving, compas sionate, beautiful mother. Like Annapoorna, Mother appeared to me all-plenitude and calm as the veritable embodiment of allsuffering earth, looking at me with eyes full of surprise and remorse, yet entranced.
I touched Mother's feet. She lifted me up with a touch as delicate as when hands cupped falling flowers. In a faint, remorseful voice she said, "What have I said! I had thought my sons were returning after collecting alms. But this is a princess of heavenly beauty!"
With bowed head the elder brother spoke, "Yes, Mother, this is Drupad's daughter, princess Krishnaa. According to the conditions of the svayamvar, piercing the target your third son has won her. She has come to obtain your blessings before getting married."
"Oh Lord! What a dilemma! What shall we do now? If my word is not obeyed then I shall have spoken an untruth and that will be a gross insult to me. By not obeying your mother's command all of you will violate dharma. And if, following the command, all of you marry Draupadi then that is an insult to her, an undying limitless shame. What shall we do now so that while my word is not proved false and dharma is safeguarded, Draupadi's honour is not tarnished?"
The elder brother said, "Ma, obeying you is our lives' first and supreme aim. Let your words be true. We shall all marry Draupadi."
Possibly the other brothers indicated their agreement in silence. My husband was silent but appeared despondent. My mind rebelled. Did I have no say? Then what was the meaning of the svayamvar? Why did Father prescribe such significant conditions for it? Which conditions had these brothers fulfilled for marrying me? I had placed the garland of bridegroom-choice around the neck of one already. By law, and according to dharma, it was he alone who was my husband. He had won the prize. Why should I accept the other brothers as husbands? Would that not destroy my dharma? The very idea was ridiculous: one woman to live as the wife of five men! There would be no other such instance in the world. Why should I silently bear such an insult? Was I a lifeless statue? Lust-crazed by my beauty, bereft of reason and judgment, would these brothers impose upon me their whimsical authority and should I accept that?
Disgust was welling up in my heart for the elder brother. In his eyes I could clearly make out the secret flame of lust.
I was furious with my husband. Was this the same heroic warrior? Why did he not rebel hearing that his wife was to be turned into an object of enjoyment for his elder and younger brothers? With a single exclamation why did he not ring down the curtain on this
ludicrous drama? Could any man share his wife equally with others? Was that the proof of manhood?
Perhaps no one paid attention to my rising anger. In a sorrowful voice Mother said, "I know that you will obey my command. All of you are devoted to dharma. But princess Krishnaa has been won by the third one. Therefore, rightfully it is he who is Krishnaa's husband. What about his opinion?"
The elder brother spoke warmly, "True, it is he who has won Krishnaa. Therefore it is up to him to take Krishnaa's hand in marriage. We should not be guilty of disobeying Mother and he should marry Krishnaa — this is the world's judgment. Therefore, Brother, it is you who have to resolve the problem."
With bowed head my husband spoke out clearly, 'The command that has issued from Mother's lips and which you have accepted, is my dharma. I would have been happy to have Krishnaa to myself. But that will violate dharma for I would have to defy Mother's command as well as yours. You, too, have already said that we shall all marry Krishnaa. I do not wish to disagree with this and incur sin. With you, the elder brother, yet unmarried, how can I marry first? I would rather my happiness be less than my dharma suffer. Destroying dharma, violating the commands of my mother and elder brother, the happiness that will accrue to me will not really be happiness. This will not bring pure contentment to my mind. Therefore, we shall all enjoy the princess equally. She will be the wife, according to dharma, of us all."