by Pratibha Ray
Krishna laughed, "Look, do not put me in the place of your children, guests or God. I am your sakha. You are my sakhi. This relationship is far more refined than any between two human beings. To give it a name is beyond the power and knowledge of man. It is in this that I take delight."
Sakha left. He promised to meet us.
We were walking along the royal road of Hastinapur towards exile. The citizens cried out at this sight. Hundreds prepared to follow us and came out on the road, leaving their homes. Yudhishthir restrained them, explaining, "Return and take care of ma Kunti, Dhritarashtra, Gandhari and grandfather Bhishma." Many brahmins did not agree to turn back. Where dharma was lacking, the lives and the dharma of brahmins would be endangered at every step. Therefore, Yudhishthir could not send them back. But, how would so many brahmins be looked after in the forest? Worried, Yudhishthir prayed to god Surya. Satisfied, Surya placed an inexhaustible copper vessel in his hands and said, "The most sublime gift is to give the hungry to eat, for that saves life. There is food for twelve years in this inexhaustible vessel. If anything is cooked in this vessel, till Draupadi has eaten, it will remain full. But once Draupadi has taken her share out of it, thereafter, for that day, the food will have finished."
Pranaming Surya, taking the inexhaustible vessel, accompanied by the brahmins, with a steady heart we advanced towards Kamyak forest. For feeding the hungry the inexhaustible vessel was with me. Then the attractions of kingdom, wealth, property, prosperity — all appeared insignificant to me. Now in the whole forest none — neither people, nor birds and animals, nor even insects and worms, would remain unfed. My sad heart filled with bliss and contentment.
Dressed as forest-dwellers, all the five Pandavs were walking on the royal road. I was in the middle. The people of Hastina were tearfully showering flowers on us. None was able to control himself. The women were ululating. The elders were chanting mantras. Some were offering their invaluable treasures. Then Yudhishthir said, "Let your affection and good wishes form our sustenance. We cannot take any gifts. Renouncing everything we are entering the forest. The rights to these are king Duryodhan's. It is enough for us that you are eager to give us gifts."
After going some distance I saw that on the way Duhshasan and Karna were waiting with some attendants. I thought that perhaps at the time of leave-laking Duhshasan had come to beg forgiveness. Departure washes away all hatred.
Duhshasan barred our way. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Yudhishthir said, "Brother, forget the past. In a household, anger, reproach, sulking keep occurring between brothers. Then time smooths out everything. Distance and absence bring the separated close. By the time we return after thirteen years, having forgotten everything, we shall have grown closer. Krishnaa too will have forgotten those matters. Take care of your aged parents, grandfather Bhishma and ma Kunti."
Duhshasan laughed loudly and mocked, "You are a great hero in words. What sweet speeches! You imagine that hearing sweet things I will become forgetful? It is to see what money and wealth you are taking along that I am waiting here. Except for one cloth and weapons you cannot take even a straw with you. This is the command of Duryodhan."
Laughing Yudhishthir said, "Why did you take so much trouble? We are complying with the orders fully. You can see that besides what we are wearing and our weapons, we are taking nothing. Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings and even footwear we have surrendered to the treasury and come away."
Duhshasan laughed, "You are a hermit! But Bhim? He must be taking along a bundle of food."
In a rude voice I said, "Lord Surya has gifted us the capability of feeding thousands of people to their hearts' content. Then why should Bhim bring along a bundle of food from Hastinapur?"
"It is not that easy to give up a habit," said Duhshasan. Having inspected our weapons thoroughly, he let us proceed.
We had gone on only a little when Duhshasan's voice cracked like a whip, "Stop, Yajnaseni! You can throw dust in my eyes but you cannot deceive Karna. Chheeh, chheeh! Despite being a princess you are so greedy for a few ornaments? Anyway, that is typical of a woman's nature! The husbands are unable to provide even one ornament. Therefore it is only natural to be greedy."
I stood frozen. He kept staring again and again at the necklace on my breast, the bracelets on my hands, earrings, wedding rings etc. In a muted voice Karna said, "Take off all the ornaments. The borders of the kingdom will have to be crossed wearing only a single cloth. This is the command of Maharaj. Do not misunderstand us. We are only following orders."
Calmly I said, "Ma Kunti has made me promise not to bear hatred towards you. You are Mother's dharma-son, to be respected by us and dear to us. I am a married woman. Maya had stopped me from taking off the ornaments because of this. That is why I have them on. Ma Gandhari has granted permission for this."
"Gandhari is the queen-mother. We work under the king's commands," said Karna grimly. Duhshasan said in a coarse voice, "Before force is used, give up the ornaments yourself, lovely one! After taking off the ornaments, your beauty will not be diminished!"
Nitambini and Maya had come along to see us off. Maya took off all the ornaments from my body, even the nose-stud. Nitambini decked my arms, neck, hair etc. with flowers. In a sweet voice she said, "Sakhi, you are appearing pure and incomparable like a hermit-girl. Maya is very mysterious. Had you not listened to her, you would not have fallen into this predicament."
'I was unable to know how I was looking in ornaments of flowers. But my husbands were looking at me enchanted. I was getting lost imagining my incomparable beauty. Arjun quietly whispered, "How lovely do you look thus! After having seen this, why thirteen, I wish to live in the forest for three hundred years! Ornaments must be painful for your delicate limbs. It is only flower ornaments that suit you."
In shyness and delight I forgot the sorrow and pain of separation from the loved ones.
Suddenly I noticed Karna gazing at me fixedly as though enchanted. Not an eye was blinking. Flames of perverted lust were not burning in those eyes. A sweet, compassionate, muted light of affection was visible, lit secretly in a hesitant eagerness. My heart leaped. Then I cursed myself. He who was the cause of such gross insults to me — his infatuated stare was thrilling me! Chheeh! Not a jot of self-respect remained within me.
Glancing at him indifferently, I stepped ahead. Duhshasan and Karna again kept following us.
A little ahead among other people we came across Harita, guru Drona's wife, and Karna's wife, Rituvati. Trays of offerings in hand they were waiting on the extreme border of Hastinapur. The women of the city were waiting there to bid farewell.
Harita embraced me and said, "Krishnaa, forgive my husband. Despite being a preceptor and a brahmin, he did not act as he should have. He kept watching silently when they insulted you. As a result of this all his merit is destroyed. Know that by your curse their dynasty will be annihilated. He is dependent on the Kauravs, therefore, he keeps tolerating injustice. I acknowledge all his offences. Please do not curse my only son, Ashvatthama. May God ensure your welfare. You are the intimate sakhi of my lonely life. Only you can understand how much I am pained by your exile."
Laying my head on Harita's breast I, too, shed a few tears. I said, "Dear to my life, Harita! As Ashvatthama is your son, so is he like a son to me. I pray for your welfare. But, sakhi, who am I to forgive guru Drona? I am just a woman. In the eyes of scholars and wise men a woman has no status of her own. Honour and insult, character, nobility etc. — nothing is hers. This has been proved by my insult in the Kuru court. He whom I forgive-will God forgive him?"
In the midst of this Rituvati caught my hand — "Queen Krishnaa! I understand the burning anguish of your heart, for I too am a woman. The behaviour of my husband towards you — for that he himself is no less remorseful. The whole night he kept cursing himself; kept saying repeatedly 'In the great war it is death that will be the penance for my sin'. You will laugh if I speak of my husband's nobility. But, believe me, his character is appearing in this
light because he has fallen into the company of the Kauravs. The anguish of the insult that day in the svayamvar hall was sharpened on account of being with the Kauravs. He grew inhuman. I know that he has committed a crime. As his wife, I beg forgiveness on his behalf. Rituvati's eyes were tearful.
Calmly I said, "Ma Kunti has made me promise that I shall not entertain any hatred towards her dharma-son. I have promised her. It is on her single word that I accepted five husbands. Therefore, despite his having insulted me in the Kuru court, I will say nothing to Karna. Remain happy, Rituvati! May your husband and sons prosper!"
I noticed that from a distance Karna was straining to hear our exchange. His eyes appeared moist.
Taking me by the hand, Rituvati stopped me. Taking valuable ornaments from the tray her attendants began to put them on me As though bitten by a snake I shrank back, "What is this? Why ornaments? What will a forest-dweller do with ornaments?"
Humbly Rituvati said, "It is my husband's command that I should deck you in all my ornaments. You are his brothers' Wife. On your going from here in such a mean dress he will have to suffer gross insult. King Duryodhan has no rights over these ornaments. All these are Karna's property. Knowing that Duhshasan would take your ornaments away, Karna sent me word to wait here with all my ornaments." Karna's favourite companion Asmita arrogantly said, "Do not be amazed at this small matter, maharani! Best of givers, maharaj Karna does not hesitate to give away his all, even his very life, as a gift."
Sarcastically I said, "He gestured Duhshasan to take away my ornaments and asked you to wait here with ornaments! An excellent instance of giving gifts indeed! But, Rituvati, even these ornaments are not earned by Karna himself. For, Karna did not become king of Ang on the strength of his own prowess. The royal crown on his head is the kind gift of sinful Duryodhan. Therefore, how can I accept Duryodhan's property? However, I shall remember. Karna's reputation as a giver shall also be tested. You took such pains for me, I am grateful."
Karna's face fell on hearing my words. Duhshasan flared up, "Alas! What gross injustice has king Drupad committed by handing over such a rare gem as Yajnaseni to such eunuchs! Now if he sees Yajnaseni proceeding to the forest in such a miserable state with her beggar-husbands he might wish to do penance for his sin by handing over his daughter to the valiant king of Ang, Karna. Princess! Now discarding these beggars accept wealthy and valiant Karna, or any other person. For, you have retained your chastity despite having five husbands. If you accept one more husband, then this indestructible chastity will not be affected a bit. So splendid a woman as you is to be enjoyed only by kings, not by beggars."
Duhshasan's vulgar comments infuriated Bhim, "Fool! Your bragging is but momentary. Just as you are piercing queen Draupadi's delicate heart with such insulting words, similarly shall I cut open your heart and offer it as arghya before her. Those who are supporting your comments, them too shall I send to hell..."
Noticing Bhim's fury, Yudhishthir took hold of him and calmed him down. I kept thinking that in future if anyone protected my self-respect and honour it would be this outspoken, transparent, quick-to-anger Bhimsen. He who, failing to protect the honour of his wife, to avoid war, instead of saving the honour of the kingdom, adopted renunciation and non-violence, might be a great soul of dharma. But actually he was a coward. One might feel devotion for such a person, but love was impossible.
30
Where generous nature spreads herself out spontaneously for the world, there how insignificant does man become because of his narrowness and selfishness! This I experienced immediately on setting foot in Kamyak forest.
After walking for three days along the banks of the Ganga, we entered the forest. The wonderful beauty of that place swept away all our grief, tiredness and depression.
Tall bamboo groves. Over them a verdant curtain of touch-me-nots. Behind them a teenaged girl was playing hide and seek. Sometimes she could be seen, sometimes she hid in the greenery of the forest. There was an indomitable urge in her to befriend us, yet she was full of shyness. Tinkling laughter, rhythmic steps, and suddenly her voice merged into the silence of the forest. I kept gazing, but she would not come in front. Yudhishthir, noticing that I was tired said, "Look, from time immemorial, Tandravati, the daughter of the mountains has been flowing incessantly on this difficult forest path, so far away from its birth-place. She has not grown tired! Her goal is the sea. While flowing to the sea she keeps turning the barren earth green. This is what life is. While progressing towards one's goal on the path of life, if a man is unable to bring about the welfare of his friends and relations, country and society, then what sort of life is that? Of what value is this body? The sea does not quench our thirst — the sweet water of the river does. Of what use is that property that does not remove the poverty of others? Today Duryodhan is the ruler of Hastinapur and Indraprasth. But if he is not interested in the welfare of his subjects, what is the use of that throne? Yajnaseni, the lessons that we shall learn during these twelve years of exile will be far greater than all the education we have had so far. It will provide happiness. It is for our welfare that God has sent us into the forest."
On the other side of the thick bamboo grove a waterfall could be seen. The sky hung over the greenery of the forest like a blue pandal. Could the sky be so blue! Deeper than the blue of the sky were those mountains. Small bits of white clouds had been sprinkled over them. There layers of clouds looked like the marks of ashes on the body of a yogi in meditation.
To break the meditation of the yoga-immersed mountains, the leaves and flowers of the trees had turned into nymphs in the rain. But the concentration of the mountains was not broken. The clouds were gradually falling off like ashes from the body of the meditating sage, turning into coverings for the foothills, blessing the earth with rain. Clouds here were free like wild birds. They were floating about as they wished, seeking the meaning of life.
Various types of creepers, trees, plants were intertwined; many kinds of flowers and fruit, big and small — nature in all her expanse was spread out, hinting at co-existence and amity. The trees standing on the earth were engrossed in striving for light. To drink in the sun each was striving to go higher and higher. Here each was mighty in its own place. All were tall, lovely, strong. But man! He wants to rise by making others small. Even if it was unjust, adharma, he would oppress others. The proof was the behaviour of the Kauravs towards their Pandav brothers.
The magic of solitude had entranced everyone. Yudhishthir grew philosophic. Arjun seemed lost in poetry. Bhim was thinking that we were the lords of this place. Nakul was admiring himself in the waters of the spring. Sahadev was seeking out a path in the forest and determining our future task.
In an enchanted voice I asked, "So, twelve years of exile will be in this Kamyak forest! Building our hut on the banks of the Tandravati, we will live in peace."
Yudhishthir asked Sahadev's opinion. He said, "Kamyak forest would be desirable from every point of view if the Kirats did not live here." Surprised, Yudhishthir asked, "What is the problem if the Kirats have their habitation here? We will make friends with them. It will lessen our sorrow of leaving friends behind. We will get integrated with them."
"But they will not become our friends. Out of fear of the Kirats even sages do not come to perform ascesis here. Brahmins and kshatriyas do not even enter Kamyak forest for fear of the atrocities of the Kirats."
I asked, "But what is the reason for enmity between them and brahmins-kshatriyas?"
Sahadev explained calmly, "One of the Kirats, Jara Ekalavya had prayed to guru Drona for education. If a child of Kirats is educated with princes, the princes might take it otherwise. Out of fear of the Kauravs, Drona refused the prayer of Kirat Jara. Jara did not give up. He made a clay idol of Drona and concentrated on practising archery before it. He mastered this art. Later, hearing of this and noticing Ekalavya's remarkable ability, Drona was worried that he would surely defeat and kill the Kauravs. To protect the Kauravs, Drona, on the pretext of aski
ng for a guru's fees, cruelly asked for the right thumb of his simple, devoted, single-minded disciple, Ekalavya. How will the Kirats forgive that insult of the Kauravs and that fee demanded by Drona? That is why they are bent upon destroying the Aryans root and branch."
Bhim said, "But Yudhishthir and Arjun had pleaded in favour of accepting tribal Ekalavya as a disciple. Every man is equal. Therefore, Jara was not inferior in any way to a brahmin or a kshatriya. The Pandavs had interceded with Drona. Still, for the sake of the security of his employment learned Drona did such a deed. What is the fault of the Pandavs in this? Will the Kirats not understand this?"
Smiling sadly Arjun said, "People forget a hundred favours done to them. But a single harm and insult they remember all their lives. The Kirats may not be our foes, but they are enemies of kshatriyas. After coming away from enemies in Hastinapur, will we find happiness here in facing enemies again? Let us go to some other forest. Let the Kirats live in peace..."
"Impossible! We shall give up this place out of fear of the Kirats? With Bhim present, will the Kirats display their might?" said Bhim angrily.
Yudhishthir said, "Violence and anger breed sorrow and are harmful for both sides. The victory won through violence may bring wealth, possessions, kingdom and power, but it does not give peace, friendship and happiness. It is not right always to adopt the path of violence. There is yet another magic for winning over the enemy. That mantra is known to Yajnaseni. Therefore, it will be good if she makes the arrangements for our living peaceably in Kamyak."
I understood Yudhishthir's hint. Eagerly I said, "In Kamyak there will be no distinction of class, caste, race. The injustice inflicted on Ekalavya will have to be made up here. There is enough cause for the Kirats to hate the Aryans. But by binding them in chains of friendship we will have to bring about the great union of Aryans and non-Aryans. In my hands is the inexhaustible vessel. Every day in Kamyak forest Kirats and Pandavs shall sit together to eat. I shall personally serve the food."