“Where are you?” the man yelled. “Pearl!”
Eddie DuPre was in my house. He was calling my name.
He had come to hurt all of us.
“I know you’re in here, girl.”
His voice drew nearer. The third step from the top, the one that had creaked all my life, sounded out a warning.
“Don’t you hide from me.” Closer and closer. “I will find you.”
I couldn’t get myself to move except to tremble.
“I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I’ve got to.”
His voice came from the other side of my bedroom door, so close. Too close.
“I’ve gotta talk to you. Gotta tell you a couple things that’s important.”
He passed my door, going toward Meemaw’s old bedroom.
Daddy. I had to get to Daddy.
I rolled off my bed, praying that the springs wouldn’t betray me. They did not. Tiptoeing, I made my way to the window and pushed it up. It stuck, and I shoved it, feeling the fear-sweat beading on my skin.
“He’s going to save me,” I thought, trying not to make any noise.
One last shove and the window went up, thudding. I looked down at the soft dust mound under my window. I could jump and not get hurt. Then I just had to run like the dickens to find Daddy or Millard or anybody else. I sucked in breath before climbing out.
My bedroom door swung open, banging against the wall. Screaming, I turned, putting my back against the open window.
“Well, there you are,” Eddie said, eyes wild. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I didn’t answer, just stared at him.
“It ain’t warm enough to keep a window open.” He took a step toward me. “Shut it.”
We glared at each other. Time went slow, our eyes locked like that. Without giving it any thought, I ducked my head through the window and was half out, ready to dive to the ground below.
But Eddie grabbed my ankles and pulled me back in, making my face scrape and bump against the windowsill. He shoved me on the floor and leaned over me, holding me down by the neck.
“I told you I didn’t wanna hurt you,” he growled in my face, a line of spit hanging from his lips. “You done give me no other choice.”
The back of his hand connected with my cheek, and I tasted blood inside my mouth.
“Try and get away again, and I’ll do worse than that.”
Pulling me up by the arms, he hefted me over his shoulder and carried me out of the room and down the stairs.
“Mama,” I screamed.
Eddie laughed at me.
“She can’t hear nothing,” he said, stepping around the table and into the living room.
That was when I saw what made me more afraid than anything before in my life.
Mama lay on the floor, her head bleeding and her body not moving. Beanie was next to her, eyes closed.
“You killed them,” I screamed.
I kicked my feet against his legs and stomach and pounded my fists against his back. If he was going to kill me, too, I would holler and carry on so the whole town would hear me first.
“Shut up,” he snarled, grabbing for me and slapping at my legs. “Stop it.”
I didn’t obey. In fact, I got louder.
He dumped me on the living-room floor like a sack of potatoes. My head thudded twice against the hard wood.
“I said to shut up.”
“Are you going to kill me?” I shrieked.
“Not yet.” He looked down at me, his hands on his hips. “But you keep screaming and see if I don’t.”
I looked right at his face and let loose all the noise I could.
He kicked me in my ribs, making me curl my body and gasp for air. I watched him grab the shotgun from the floor between Mama and Beanie.
“You done?” he asked.
Even though it felt like it would break me in half, I drew in a deep breath and screamed like a wild animal one last time.
He laughed and shook his head.
“You ain’t gonna make this easy, are you?”
He pulled his fist up.
Jarring, sharp pain in my cheek.
All was black.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Opening my eyes proved a struggle. A thick crust glued the lashes together. Rubbing my eyes knocked most of the sticky mess away, but even then, they only opened a slit. I couldn’t see a thing. Wherever I was had no light to speak of. It was like drowning in dark.
Lifting my head sent throbbing, thundering pain shooting through my neck that traveled all the way down my spine. Still, I sat myself up and leaned against what I thought must have been a wall behind me. I tried not to think that there might be centipedes skittering near my head.
I decided to collect all of what I knew to be true to keep what I didn’t know from terrifying me. I was away from my home. True. Every part of my body hurt. True. It was dark and dry and hard to breathe where I was. True.
The fear, though, of not knowing where I was or if I’d ever get back home jolted me with a sick feeling all over.
Even though I tried to be quiet, a groan released from deep inside me.
“Well, sounds like you finally decided to wake up.” It was Eddie’s voice, and it was so close I could smell his foul breath before his face came into focus. “Good morning, sunshine.”
“Eddie?” I whispered. “Where are we?”
I could see him just enough to know that he smirked at me.
Fast as I could, I tried to push myself away from him. Digging my heels into the dust floor under me, I pushed against the wall, sliding to my right until I got stopped up in a corner. Then I pushed again, wishing I could break through and get as far away from Eddie as I could.
He’s going to save you. I heard Meemaw’s voice in my head. God’s going to save you.
“I ain’t gonna hurt you,” Eddie said, grabbing for me. I didn’t have any strength left to push his hands away. “Not unless you give me cause to.”
“Let me go,” I said, wishing I had even a little scream left in me.
“You gonna be a good girl?” he asked. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“You already did,” I said back.
He let go of me, and I sat still, so afraid of his fist I didn’t want to move at all.
“Couldn’t hardly help it, could I?” He struck a match, holding it in front of his face, letting it burn toward his fingers. “You didn’t give me no choice but to knock you out. I couldn’t have you screaming for the whole town to hear. You would’ve spoiled my plans.”
The flame licked down the matchstick until it got near enough to singe his fingers. He dropped it into the dust, and the flame died immediately. Lighting another, he touched the fire to the inside of a lantern, filling the space around us with a dim glow. Still, I couldn’t tell where we were.
“Trying to figure her out, ain’t ya? You don’t got a idea where we are, do ya?” He held up a canteen. “Thirsty?”
“Aren’t you going to tell me?” I asked.
“Tell you what?”
“Where we are.”
“Don’t you worry about that.” He poured a little water from the canteen into a tin cup. “You gotta drink a little.”
“I’m not thirsty.”
“Drink it anyway.”
He put the cup in my hand. I sipped it. The water tasted like dirt and gritted between my teeth. I forced it in anyhow and handed the cup back for more.
Blinking against the muggy air, I realized I’d been in that place before. The lantern lit the room enough for me to see a bedroll and the steps leading up to a couple cellar doors. Up against the wall opposite me was a box. The box that had all the articles and pictures and Eddie’s dog tags.
He’d brought me to the cellar in the middle of the dust field. If only I could get out of there, I could get home. Thoughts of home reminded me of Mama and Beanie, bleeding on the living-room floor.
“Did you kill my mama and sister?” I asked, trying
to keep from crying, my voice shaking anyhow. “I saw them. Are they dead?”
“No. At least I didn’t aim to kill them. I just hit them to keep them quiet.” He smirked. “It worked, didn’t it?”
Clenching my teeth, I tried to keep him from seeing my relief.
“What are you going to do with me?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
“Are you going to kill me?”
Again, he didn’t answer.
“You don’t know what you’re going to do.” I put on a hard-edged voice like I learned from Mama. “It’s not such a smart thing to steal a girl if you don’t know what you’re going to do with her.”
“It ain’t so smart to sass a man like me, girl. You best mind your manners, little missy.” He stood and spun the cap back on his canteen. “Don’t think I won’t hit you again.”
He walked to the other side of the room, dropping the canteen in the dirt. From where I sat, I could get to the steps in a matter of seconds. The only problem was Eddie stood in the way.
“You got any food?” I asked, hoping he’d move out of my way.
“Nah,” Eddie answered, climbing up the steps and opening the door above him, peeking out.
I tried to listen for the sounds from outside. I couldn’t hear a thing. No creaking windmill. No chugging train. No sounds of people laughing or hollering. I decided to save my scream for when I thought somebody out there could hear me.
“Why did you take me?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you that yet.” He lowered the door and took a seat on the bottom step. Taking Daddy’s gun, he looked in the barrel. He cussed and threw it to the side. “Ain’t no more shells.”
“Are you going to try and get back at my daddy? I know Jimmy DuPre was your brother.”
His smirk was joined with a loud snort. “You figured out that much, didn’t you?”
“What are you going to do to him?”
“Well, I ain’t gonna just knock him over the head, I can tell you that.”
“Then what?”
“I’m going to kill him.”
I hadn’t wanted Eddie to see me cry. Weakness seemed to put him in a hurtful mood, and I didn’t want to get hit anymore. I couldn’t help it, though, the sobs wouldn’t stay in me. When I wiped my face with the collar of my sweater, I felt how tender my nose was. I wondered if Eddie had hit me there.
“I don’t know why you care so much about him,” Eddie said. “The man’s nothing but a liar.”
“He’s my daddy.” I snarled at him, hoping the anger would take the place of my fear. “He loves me.”
Eddie laughed like he was fixing to go crazy. He kicked dirt my way.
“That’s funny right there, did you know that?” he said.
“What’s so funny about it?”
“You know, Pearl, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” He made his way over to me and plopped down on the floor. “There’s something I’ve gotta tell you that’s gonna change a whole lot for you.”
I didn’t turn my face toward him but watched him out of the corner of my eye.
“Thing is,” he said. “This secret I’ve got’s been kept for a long time. Too long, you ask me.”
He tapped his foot against the dirt. His boots were about all the way worn through. The laces had been tied in a bunch of places where they must have snapped from years of use. They were frayed and worn thin.
“Lots of people don’t want you to know this secret.” He knocked his shoulder into mine, getting my attention back to his face. “But I do. Oh, but do I ever want you to know.”
“I don’t want to know,” I said. “I don’t care what you’ve got to say.”
“Well, ain’t it a good thing it ain’t up to you?” He groaned. “It ain’t something I can tell you all at once. Least that’s not how I want to do it. I been keeping it so long, I really wanna enjoy telling it. I can’t wait to see the look on your face.”
I thought of Daddy teaching Beanie and me poker on Christmas Day.
“You don’t want to show anything on your face, good or bad,” Daddy had said. “You’ve got to keep your face blank. Never break your poker face. Tuck your feelings in your cheek.”
I made my face blank as I could, refusing to look Eddie full in the eyes. I pretended that I’d turn to stone if I did meet his gaze.
“The secret’s about you, Pearl.” Eddie inched his face even closer to me. “It’s about who you really are.”
“I don’t care.”
I’d spoken true. The secret he had was last on my mind. First was how to get away from him. I wondered if he would catch me if I made a run for it. I could throw a handful of dirt in his eyes, scratch my fingernails down his face, and scramble up the steps. I counted them. There were ten steps. I could make it up, push the doors open and scream for all I was worth. Somebody was sure to hear me.
“If I were you, I’d care. I’d care a whole lot,” he said. “You ain’t who everybody’s been letting on you are.”
Ten steps. I could make that in just a few seconds.
“See, you’ve been going on for, what, ten years as Pearl Spence.” Eddie’s mouth went on even though I wasn’t paying him much mind. “You’ve been living in that house and eating meals around that table with folks you called your family. They’ve been raising you as their own.”
He paused, and I glanced at him. He smiled the first real smile I’d ever seen on his face. It was a smile that would have made me trust him if I hadn’t known any better.
“I’ve been fixing to tell you this a long time.”
“Tell me what?” I put my focus back toward the steps and my freedom.
“Thing is, them folks ain’t your family.”
Slow and quiet and numb, that was how I felt. The world seemed to have grown thick. Just like the day when Daddy took the gun from Mr. Jones.
I turned back to Eddie. “What are you talking about?”
“Tom and Mary Spence ain’t your parents.” He smirked, and it made me feel sick how he enjoyed that moment. “They found you on the church steps when you was nothing but a baby. Your real ma didn’t want you. She threw you away like you was nothing.”
“The baby in the paper?” One of Beanie’s newspaper Christmas blobs was folded and sitting in my cedar box with my special things. I hadn’t known why I wanted to keep it. “That baby is me?”
As soon as I said the words, I knew it was true. I was nothing but an orphaned child.
“Well, look who’s finally caught on.” Eddie’s laugh spooked me all the way down to the heels of my feet.
Eddie’s words made it seem like my whole body was bobbing at the surface of a wide ocean, unanchored. I didn’t like the way that felt one bit.
Eddie grabbed my wrist, his calloused hand on my skin anchoring me to what I knew was true. Maybe the only truth he’d ever said. I tore my arm away from him, the rough spot of his palm scratching against my wrist. It stung, and I wanted to scrub it clean.
“You’re lying,” I whispered, wishing I could make his words untrue. I cradled my hand against my stomach more for comfort than because it was hurt. “I hate you.”
“You shouldn’t hate me,” he said. “I ain’t been the one lying to you your whole life. I’m the only one telling you the truth.”
“You made it all up.” I leaned away from him, wishing I had the nerve to run. “That baby could have been anybody. But it wasn’t me. Mama would have told me.”
“Would she have? I don’t know that you know her so well as you think.”
Eddie got right up to my face and smirked at me. I hated him more and more with each second.
Before I knew what I was doing, I spit right in his face. He flinched, and then, figuring out what I’d done, he hit me right in the eye.
I saw the starbursts behind my eyelids before I felt the pain. Tears spilled and added sting to the hurt. My eye would swell and turn all kinds of purple and blue and black, just like Mrs. Jones’s.
But I could run
with just one eye if I needed to.
Eddie used a bandana to wipe my spit off his face. He wasn’t smirking just then, and I decided that it was worth getting punched to see him without that stupid grin. I stared straight at him and forced myself to stop crying.
“If you ever pull something like that again …” He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to.
I knew from the way he glared all the way through me that he would kill me.
Eddie sat on the steps under the cellar doors, staring at me and smoking cigarettes. He smoked one after another, filling the air around us with more choking thickness. The light from above streamed through the gap between the doors, shining on just the left-hand side of his body. Only one of his eyes glowed blue.
We’d gone without talking about that secret of his for hours, at least I guessed it was that long. In fact, neither of us had said so much as a word. I figured he was real sore at me, and I didn’t care one bit if he was. He finished what had to have been his seventh cigarette and tossed it in the dirt, where it burned down to nothing.
“You love them?” he asked, gruff voiced. “Tom and Mary Spence?”
I nodded. The movement, small as it was, made my whole head ache. I would have done about anything for another sip of water but wasn’t going to ask him for any favors.
“Even though they ain’t your family?” He shook his head. “You still love them.”
“Even if they weren’t.” I still fought against believing him. I didn’t want him to be right.
“Why?” He wrinkled his forehead like he really cared about the answer.
“They’re my family.”
“But they ain’t.”
“So you say.”
“Well, let’s just say they are your family. It still don’t mean nothing.” He spit and it landed just a couple inches from my foot. “I never loved no one in my family.”
“Why not?”
“Because we were just plain awful to each other.”
“I heard about your folks,” I said. “Is it true?”
“What’d you hear?”
“About when you were little.”
“That? About how my old man killed my ma?” He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s true. How’d you hear about that?”
A Cup of Dust Page 25