I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. It was only slightly awkward with all of the padding on his shoulders.
"Good morning.” I whispered.
"Yes it is.” He groaned.
I laughed, throwing my head back. His lips met my neck and my laughter stopped abruptly.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked as he nibbled on my ear.
"Like a rock, you?" I asked gasping for breath and squeezing my eyes shut to focus.
"I never sleep well before a big game.” He admitted. I pulled his lips back to mine, having had enough with talking so much.
This time, it was my tongue that ran across his lip, begging for entrance which he hastily granted. His hands were gripping my hips, holding me against his body as tightly as possible. I attempted to wrap my hands further around his neck but the padding got in the way. I settled for latching onto them and pulling him closer to me. When he growled, I gave a light moan. Loving how his lips trembled against mine.
Just as my body started getting hotter, Andy's head jerked into mine, causing his teeth to puncture my lower lip slightly. He quickly pulled away as I yelled "Ow, Fuck!" And glanced around for what had happened. I realized that Chris had thrown a ball straight at Andy's head, which was dangerous when he didn't have his helmet on. I glared at him and grabbed the football which was now at my feet. Aiming and hitting him just to the side of where his nut cup would have been if he hadn't been slacking. He doubled over.
"Ashley!" I heard Dad yell. I bit my lip.
"Yeah," I asked timidly.
"You can't just go around hitting my guys where it hurts before a big game.” I sighed and walked over to Chris.
"Sorry. I guess I have a bit of a temper." I said sullenly as I helped him up. He had a light grimace from the pain, but other than that, seemed fine.
He gave me a nervous smile. "Guess I'm just glad you weren't aiming for the jewels.” I chuckled.
"I wouldn't do that on purpose.” I told him. "However, throwing a football at the head of somebody who's not wearing a helmet is a real dumb move.” I scolded him.
"Well y'all were going at it like you needed a room.” He laughed and I blushed scarlet.
"Were not,” I grumbled, making my way back to Andy.
"Yes, you were!" He taunted me on my way back over. Andy, who was laughing at my blushing cheeks, wrapped his arms around me.
"I don't like college guys anymore." I informed him. "They're all pervs.”
He looked troubled for a moment. "You still like me, though, right?" He asked.
I laughed. "Of course, I do. Apparently, we were hot enough for a bedroom." I whispered seductively.
I saw his eyes widen then light up. He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "You want me.”
My dad called practice as I laughed. "In your dreams Richmond,” or mine, I added silently.
The practice went by quickly and the game felt even quicker. They won by one field goal, making the entire crowd roar. I don't know how or when, but at some point during the game, Andy found me in the crowd and blew me a kiss when the team won. I just smiled and blew one back. Lindsey kept nudging me with her elbow singing 'Andy and Ashley sitting in a tree. . .”
After the game, Andy called to invite Lindsey, Bryan and me to a beach party; the players were celebrating the victory. I agreed but told him we had to go home and change first.
At my house, I lent Lindsey a dress that she loved. I slipped on skinny jeans and a tank top. Bryan had driven himself home to change and decided to meet us at the beach. We got there at about the same time. Lindsey and Bryan walked hand in hand while I looked around for Andy. Then I found him, I had a moment of clarity in my mind. He was with friends his age sitting around a fire, drinking a beer and laughing.
I looked on and realized that I couldn't see myself fitting in there. He needed somebody his own age, that didn't have my past, someone who could actually be around him when he drank. He should have somebody who was more mature than me, a person who wouldn't aim footballs at people's private parts. Andy required a girlfriend who simply wasn't me.
I quickly turned to Lindsey, almost panicking. "I have to go. I can't be here.” I looked at Bryan. "Can you drive her home?" I asked quickly.
He nodded and Lindsey asked, "What happened? What's wrong Ashley?" I just shook my head and ran to my car.
I felt vaguely bad for ditching Andy, but we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. I was only doing him a favor, so he could be happy.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Andy's POV
I was sitting around the fire with some of my friends, anxiously waiting for Ashley to show up so I could introduce her to them. I drank sprite tonight, knowing how uncomfortable it made Ashley the last time I had a beer.
My buddy, Tim, had just told a funny joke when I felt somebody tap my back. I spun around to see Lindsey. Quickly I looked around for Ashley, a little confused when I couldn't see her. "Where's Ashley?" I asked.
Lindsey had a confused but pained look on her face. "I don't know what happened. One second she was fine, and the next she was running, saying she couldn't be here.” She said in a daze, as though she couldn't really figure out what had happened.
"What do you mean she was running? Where'd she go?" I asked immediately.
Lindsey pointed down the highway. I could just barely see Ashley’s figure running to her car. I bolted after her. I might have made it to her too, if only everybody hadn't been stopping me to tell me how good of a job I did at the game. "ASHLEY!" I yelled.
I saw her twist her head right before she opened her car door. She just shook it and climbed in, driving away moments later.
'What the hell just happened?' I asked myself, running my hand through my hair, deciding what I needed to do.
I turned around to find Lindsey and Bryan standing there. I walked up to them. "Do you guys have any idea why she left?" I asked slowly.
Lindsey just shook her head, close to tears. Bryan bit the inside of his cheek. "I don't know exactly what happened. One second she was fine, looking for you. Then she found you and her face just looked like she realized something. I don't know what she realized. I think it made her mind up and hurt her at the same time." He said, shaking his head to get his thoughts in order.
"What the hell?" I growled to myself. I hated it that she wouldn't talk to me about these things. I'd talked to her about running away, but she can't help herself. I called her phone.
After a few rings, I was sure it would go to voicemail. Instead, I heard her voice. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Where are you? I'll meet you there." I told her quickly.
"You can't follow me, Andy." She told me softly.
I growled. "God Damn it, Ashley! What the hell is going through your head? I don't even know what's wrong." I said, at the end. My voice was pleading.
"Just stay at the party. Celebrate your victory, okay? You did an amazing job out there today. Now you need to spend time with your friends, drinking and having a good time. I understand, okay?" She said. I heard her voice break towards the end.
"What are you talking about?" I asked irritated.
"Just enjoy your party, Andy." She whispered before ending the call.
CHAPTER NINE
Ashley's POV
I walked into my house and found my brothers playing with blocks on the floor. "Hey, guys!" I said, trying to keep my voice from wobbling with tears. "What are we playing?" I asked.
"Bwocks," Perry exclaimed.
I put on an exaggerated smile. "Oh cool, can I play?" I really needed to get my mind off of Andy. The look on his face when I left, then the sound of his voice on my phone, made me feel so bad.
They both looked like I had given them a million dollars. "hew," Louis said, pushing me a couple of his blocks.
"Thank you, buddy!" I said, ruffling his hair.
For the next half an hour, I played blocks with my little brothers. They managed to keep me distracted. But soon enough, the doorbell was ringing. Dad answered it
and came into the living room. "Ashley, Richmond's here. Why does he look like he was run over by a freight truck?" He asked.
I shrugged and went back to playing with the blocks. "Aren't you going to answer the door?" He asked, confused.
I shook my head, two tears falling from my eyes. "No," I whispered.
Dad just looked at me concerned.
"Is everything okay honey? You two seemed fine at the game today.” He said, shifting from one foot to the other, definitely uncomfortable with the conversation.
I shrugged. "We were." I said my voice breaking. I looked at Perry and Louis, who were watching me with concern. I gave them the best smile I could and told them I'd be right back. I walked over to Dad. "He's a college guy Dad. He needs to be with people who are like him. People he can enjoy a drink with, who like going to parties. That's not me. I can't do that. Every time I smell alcohol I feel nauseous. It's not fair to him.” I said, crying lightly now.
"Sweetie, what are you talking about?" He asked, rubbing my arms lightly.
I shook my head. "Nothing, don't worry about it." I said as another tear fell.
I went to the door. "Ashley, are you okay?" Dad asked, wondering if he should get rid of Andy himself. I nodded. "I'm fine.”
I opened the door to see a much disheveled looking Andy. He looked a mixture of relieved and annoyed to see me. "Hi." I said softly, crossing my arms across my chest.
"Hi? You run away from me at a party, tell me that we're done dating and hang up on me. All you can say is 'Hi'?" He asked, running his hands through his hair while pacing across the steps.
I shrugged my shoulders, telling myself to keep my voice calm, keep my poker face strong. "What else should I say?" I asked.
He looked at me hopefully. "How about 'I'm sorry about what I did. It was a mistake and I really want us to forget it ever happened."
I felt a sob rise in my throat, but I held it back. I blinked a few times to keep my tears from spilling over. "I can't say that," were the only words I could manage.
"Why?!" He asked desperately, holding onto my shoulders. "Why can't you just give us a chance? You're always running away. Why won't you just stop?" He asked, sounding agitated.
"Because I'll End Up Like My Mother," I yelled! Immediately covering my mouth with my hand, wishing I could take it back.
He looked so confused. "What?" He asked after a moment.
I stayed silent, praying for God to reverse time and let me not say that. "Ashley, what do you mean?" He asked softly.
I moved away from him and sat on the porch. "I'm already too much like her. The same hair color, eyes and, face. I hate her. I hate that I give her this control over me. I hate that I run from everything, but I can't stop myself. I never wanted to hurt you. Andy, honestly, I didn't. But you can't be happy with me. I'm going to drag you down like she did with everybody she met. You won't get to follow your dreams. I can't have that on my shoulders.” I paused, trying to catch my breath. The mixture of crying and talking was wearing me out. "I'm pathetic, okay? Lindsey is the first friend I've had for longer than I can remember. I even tried to avoid that.” I couldn't keep talking, so I just cried.
Andy rubbed my back soothingly. "Tell me about your mom." He said softly.
"No." I said on a sob, shaking my head.
"Please tell me? I won't hold it against you." He whispered against my shoulder.
"Yes you will. You won't be able to help it." I told him.
"Let me decide." he coaxed.
I was silent for a few minutes, deciding if I should actually tell him. "I know that Lindsey told you about my Mom being an alcoholic." I began. After the date, Lindsey had texted me, telling me she'd told him. I hadn't minded much. I was actually numb about the whole subject.
"That's all I thought it was at first. I thought she just liked drinking. As I got older, I realized how often she went out partying, just how little time she spent home. I used to beg her to stay. Not to leave me with the babysitter, but she'd go anyways. One night, the babysitter ended up getting sick halfway through the night, so she dropped me off with my Mom.” I shivered at the memory. "She shoved me into a closet, telling me to keep my mouth shut. The closet doors had these shades on them, making it so that when I looked out of the slit, I could see the room. I watched my mother do a line of cocaine. At the time I didn't realize what it was. I learned a few years later in a health class.”
"That was the first time I'd ever seen my Mom do drugs, but not the last. After that night, I guess she felt free to bring her bad habits home because there were more and more parties. I was allowed to play in my room for most of the night, but then she'd shove me into my closet and tell me not to come out until she came to get me. I still don't even know what was happening, or why I needed to be in the closet. She had countless amounts of 'boyfriends'. None of which stayed long. We moved twelve times, I think, from the time I was five until I was ten. After that, she met Steve, and we moved in with him. I thought she had changed, that she loved me now. Then I was packed up and shipped off to Dad's before I even realized what had happened.”
We were both silent for a while before Andy spoke up. "Honey, I don't know how hard that must have been, but I can imagine. I'm so sorry you went through that. I just don't understand why you can't be with me.”
I sighed. "I can't go partying. I won't have a normal college life. I hate alcohol because I've seen what it can do. The other night, when you ordered a beer, I about had a panic attack. I can't ask you not to drink, but I can't be with you if you do. That's not fair to you. What if I start using people like she did? What if I start to make the same mistakes?" I asked, stating my worst fears in life. "I can't do that to you, and I won't. I'm so sorry Andy. You don't deserve somebody like me in your life. You need somebody who can celebrate with you, go to beach parties with people your own age and not worry about the messed up person you brought with you." I said.
"Ashley, stop." he said calmly. "You can't decide things like this for me. I'm perfectly able to make up my own mind about things. When it comes to you, I'm already made up. I don't know how it happened, or when it started, but I love you. I don't know what it means yet, but I felt like my world had ended when I watched you drive away. I want you in my life. If that means no drinking, then I won't drink. If I can't go to parties with my friends, then I won't.” I cut him off.
"No, that's not okay. You need to go to parties with your friends. You need to keep those people close. I saw you tonight, around the fire. You looked so happy. I won't take that away from you, we’d both resent me for it. I need you to have a happy life because I love you too. But that doesn't change anything. I'll still end up hurting you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that." I said, shaking my head.
"You're hurting me now, Ashley." He said, his voice pleading. "Don't you see that you're running? That if I let you leave right now I won't get you back? I don't want that. I am happy with you, alright? I'll go with you to see a therapist or something, but I won't let you go. I can't let you go." He said, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing me to his body.
I sobbed into his shirt. "I don't know what to do." I said, clinging to him.
"Let me stay." He whispered, kissing my head. "Just let me stay.”
I sat there, clutching his shirt in my fists, battling with myself on what to do. Should I stay, for once, and be selfish? Or run, like always, because it's best for him?
CHAPTER NINE
Andy's POV
'She loves me?' I kept repeating to myself in my head. If it's love, then she won't leave. She'll let us be together, and I'll help her be happy. Promises to her kept running through my head, but none of them seemed to fit. How could I promise her things would be okay when she's so terrified of herself? I always knew she was strong, but here, seeing her on the brink, was heartbreaking.
'She loves me. She won't push me away. She loves me. She won't push me away.' I kept praying. Maybe if I said it enough, it'd be true.
"Ashl
ey, baby, let me stay." I said against her hair, dropping a kiss afterward. She took a ragged breath and pulled away a little, looking into my eyes.
"I can't promise you anything, but I can't leave you. I'm sorry, it's so selfish of me, but I can't." She said. A look of sorrow in her eyes, sorrow for me because she's staying. I had all I could do not to yelp with joy.
I pressed a kiss against her lips. "I love you, Ashley. Believe me when I say that. We'll make it work, I promise." I whispered to her.
CHAPTER TEN
Ashley's POV
I felt so bad for telling Andy I'd stay. Not that I had any intention of not staying. I couldn't help feeling as though I'd let him down in some way, making it so that he'd missed a chance at happiness. I love him. Which is weird, because I didn’t even see it coming? One second, I was fine just dating him. The next I felt like my heart was beating so hard it would fall out of my chest. What did that football player do to me?
"Talk to me." Andy murmured against my hair. We'd been sitting on my front porch for the past half an hour in silence.
"I don't want to hurt you, Andy. I can't help feeling like I did something wrong when I said I wouldn't leave.” I whispered, looking into the distance.
"Please don't change your mind.” He said, panic seeping into his voice.
I gave him a half smile and cupped his cheek. "I won't change my mind. I'm just worried that you'll change yours.” I explained. That was the truth of it. No matter how awful I felt about agreeing to be with him, it just made it even harder that he could leave at any moment.
"I'm not about to change my mind.” He said, his arms squeezing me closer to his body. I nodded and we sat in silence for the next few minutes.
"Do you want to meet my brothers?" I asked randomly.
Kickoff for Love Page 6