by Lynn Messing
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Laura saw Todd plop himself down in front of his shape sorter as soon as they returned home, dump out its contents, and proceed to put the shapes back in. Normally, she would intervene to try to guide him to a more productive activity. But not today. Today, she was on a mission. She had been learning a bit about autism before, but now she would learn everything there was to know, and she would get her son back!
Laura was dimly aware of Calvin and Jerome entering the house behind her, of Calvin mechanically hanging up Jerome's coat and of him slumping into a chair while Jerome went over to Todd to try to join him in his play. Laura's mind was on the Internet searches she planned to conduct.
The Fire Rages
Calvin stepped off the ladder and put the newly-rescued girl into her mother's arms. He then turned to the fire chief to let him know that the building was clear.
He left the scene as soon as he could. The girl was probably a bit younger than Todd, but even their brief interaction showed that she could do so much more than Todd could. She had made eye contact with him. She had smiled at him and waved goodbye when he took off. She interacted more with him in those few minutes than his own son had in months.
That nonverbal exchange had been sheer agony. But as painful as that interaction had been, at least Calvin knew he had saved her life and that her mother wouldn't know the torment of having to bury her child. He was able to do good for them. Thanks to him, they would be able to go on to have full lives. Normal lives. He was able to make a positive difference.
He wished he could do something for his son, but he knew he couldn't. And every time he saw Todd, it was a knife to his heart. His son needed help that he couldn't give. His heart ached for his son, but he could do nothing for him.
He had been spending more and more time lately on firefighter duty; he might not be able to help his son, but at least he could help other people. Performing rescues helped him to feel a little less powerless.
A part of him felt guilty for abandoning Laura so much of the time, but he reasoned with himself that even when he was home, they didn't exactly spend time together. She was too busy investigating autism online in the hopes of finding something they could do to help Todd. He couldn't really blame her; after all, she was just doing what he was -- trying to find some way to help, some way to feel that she was making a difference. He hoped that she could find something useful in her research. But the neurologist had said that autism was incurable and lifelong; if the expert didn't know of any cures, how likely would it be that Laura would find one on the Internet?
Calvin's extra shift was finally over for the evening. Time to return home.