by G E Griffin
“Must be a mechanic thing.”
“I guess. Anyhow, you and Drew were lucky to have each other by the sound of things.”
“Yes we were. But the fact of the matter is, he’s gone now, and I’ve been left on my own, trying to find a way to carry on. But he was such a massive part of my life that I have no idea how to start again, even after two years.”
I could see her eyes beginning to fill with tears, before she shook her head and forced a smile. I tried to find some words to help.
“One small step at a time, Faith. It’s the only way. Look at your options and work out what it is you want, then figure out how to set about achieving it. The fancy term for it is ‘back casting’.” Christ knows, I’d sat through enough ‘power of positive thinking’ kind of seminars to be able to quote some of the crap they promoted, but in this case I thought it might actually be helpful.
“Well, I’ve done the whole happily married to my soul mate thing. I’ve had my once in a lifetime love, which I know is more than some people ever get to experience. I can't expect to get that lucky twice, and I have no expectation of it happening again. Been there, done that, crossed it off the list. And to be honest, I met Drew when I was so young, that part of me thinks that although I didn't choose to be where I am now, maybe I should make the most of it.”
“What do you mean exactly?” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this.
Faith sat quietly for a minute as she stared at me.
“I never intended to chew your ear off like this, Caleb. But if you don’t mind, as I seem to be experiencing verbal diarrhea this evening, I suppose I might as well go the whole hog.”
“Yeah, you might as well. I told you, I’m a good listener, and nothing you could say would shock me,” I assured her.
“Okay. Well you see, Drew was my first proper boyfriend, in fact my only proper boyfriend. The only guy I've ever slept with. I never cheated on him, and he never cheated on me.” Faith spoke with a quiet certainty that I envied - at least she had that positive memory to hold on to.
“You were both very lucky to have that kind of trust between you.” I'd have sworn I had that kind of a relationship with my wife. That was, until I caught her in our home, in our bed, being banged senseless by some other fucker. I pushed those memories out of my head, annoyed that I'd let them resurface to unsettle me yet again, and turned my attention back to focus on sweet little faithful Faith.
“I know. But now I’m single again, I can't help but be curious, and think maybe I should branch out and experiment more. After all, I’m single, with no ties, and I’m certainly not looking for any kind of a serious relationship, so what’s to stop me? Thing is, how to start the ball rolling. Drew and I were really good together, and I always enjoyed sex. But I never had to make much effort to initiate things, because Drew always got turned on so easily. Trust me, Drew was always up for sex,” she grinned.
“That sounds great. But seeing as you’ve just said you enjoy sex, surely that’s a great starting point?”
“Well, yes and no. You see, I’d like to start dating again, just casually, but I have no real idea how these things work. As I said, I never exactly had to put much effort in with Drew, seeing as he was always interested in sex, anytime, anywhere. We were both pretty open minded and happy to experiment, so I'd say we tried pretty much everything you could think of, which means I'm certainly not some inexperienced shy virgin. But that was only with Drew. With someone else, how would I know what would be expected? How should I act? Who should make the running? How soon would sex be expected? Should I initiate things or wait for the bloke to make the first move? Would he think I was easy if I seemed keen? Or frigid if I tried to act cool? And am I really ready for this as everyone seems to think I should be, or would I just freak out and ruin everything anyway?”
“Jeez, Faith, you really have a serious case of over thinking things going on here!” I shook my head in disbelief. “You just need to relax and let things take their natural course.”
“But don’t you see, that’s just it Caleb! I don't know what the natural course is any more, if I ever did.”
“Well, you’ve taken the first step in deciding you want to date again. And from what you’ve just told me, I’d say you have a pretty healthy libido tucked away somewhere that just needs kick-starting, so that’s positive.”
“I really hope you’re right. And seeing as you seem to know so much about these things, what I was wondering…what I wanted to ask you…”
She sat there looking agonized, as she restlessly shredded a paper napkin in her fingers.
“You might as well just say it. Come right out with whatever it is you’re trying to get off your chest.”
She took a deep breath and then slowly blew it out again.
“I would like to ask a favor from you, Caleb, before you leave London and head back home. A really big favor actually. And you can say no, and I won’t be in the least bit offended.” She was speaking really quickly, as if she might change her mind if she thought about it any longer.
“Just spit it out, Faith.” I smiled in a bid to try to coax out of her whatever it was she was trying to say.
“Caleb, I’m assuming you’re very experienced, that you’ve slept with a lot of different women?”
“I’m a free agent, Faith. When my marriage ended, I decided I didn't want that kind of commitment any more. So any offers that come my way, if I feel so inclined, well then I take them up.” I frowned, thinking maybe I was about to get lectured.
“Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging you, far from it,” she hastily assured me. “What I’m trying to establish is that you’re experienced in bed, and that you know how to keep things uncomplicated. You’re happy to just have sex and nothing more.”
“Yes, I am,” I agreed.
“So. The favor I want to ask is… would you consider having sex with me, Caleb? Tomorrow evening, which happens to be Valentine’s Day, to mark the beginning of a new era for me? It would be just one evening, before you head back to the States. No strings, nothing more than sex. You see, I really need someone who knows what they’re doing, and won’t be fumbling around so it all ends up horribly embarrassing. I take it you are good between the sheets?”
“Hell, yeah! Fucking awesome actually.” I might not have been such a terrific lover while I was married, but trust me, after Cassie’s accusations, I’d taken all the appropriate measures needed to rectify that situation.
Faith’s request undoubtedly took me by surprise, but already my mind was weighing up the pros and cons of what she was suggesting. She was freely offering me sex, and I had to admit I was tempted, even though she was nothing like my usual type. The flirty brunette, Maria, who’d come and sat with us a couple of times at lunch, was more the kind of woman I’d usually pick out. But it’d had clearly taken a lot of guts for Faith to come right out and proposition me like this. No dressing things up, just putting it out there. I admired her for that.
So, could I do what she asked of me - fuck her, then walk away? One evening of sexual pleasure shouldn’t pose any kind of a problem for me, seeing as it was the way I operated these days. And I could put all the experience I'd gained over the last couple of years to good use, to be a considerate lover for her, to start her return back from the lonely place where she currently existed. Maybe I could be the safe pair of hands she needed, to help her transition back to a more normal life again.
Was a one night stand really what she wanted though?
“Faith, are you really sure you know what you’re suggesting here?” I queried.
“I think so, yes. Obviously I’m not your usual preferred type, so I wouldn’t mind if you imagined I was someone else…”
“Why on earth would I want to imagine I was with someone else? And how do you know you're not my type?” I was horrified at how lowly she rated herself, but also guilty as hell because she’d correctly assessed my usual more flamboyant taste in women.
“It’s okay, I
'm under no illusions about myself. I know I’m not exactly super model material, and you… well, you could easily grace the front cover of GQ. But you should still find it pleasurable, as I used to be pretty good at sex,” she calmly asserted.
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?” I studied her face.
“I'm just laying it out for you. We’ve worked closely together for the best part of a week now, and we seem to get on just fine. You are undoubtedly very attractive. We both like to call things how they are. I need an experienced lover, which you are, and you have some spare time before you leave. Like you, I certainly don't want any kind of a relationship. I'm not ready for that, and in truth I don't know that I will ever be ready again.”
“It’s still early days for you Faith. You shouldn't give up hope.” I was surprised at how uncomfortable her quiet resignation made me feel.
“Come on, Caleb. Don't be a hypocrite. What’s the difference between you and me? You’ve told me you’re a free agent, taking your pleasure wherever you want, not interested in any kind of commitment. Well, that’s just how I want to be from now on, so are you saying it’s okay for a man to be like that, but not for a woman?” she asked indignantly.
“I just wouldn’t want you to get hurt, that’s all Faith. I'm not sure this is the real you speaking.” I had good reason to take a hardened and cynical view of the world, but was that really necessary for her?
“Oh, trust me, it is. As for getting hurt - that’s exactly what I'm aiming to avoid. Not getting too close to anyone will be my way of protecting myself, because the one thing I'm absolutely certain about is that I’m never putting myself through anything like losing Drew ever again. Look, if you’re not interested in having sex with me, just come right out and say so. It’s cool, I understand. This was always a long shot at best. After all, I’m taking a wild guess here that a guy like you never has any problems picking up a date, and in fact you most likely have the opposite problem. How to disentangle yourself from the ladies. Well, that certainly wouldn’t be a problem with me, as the fact that we live on opposite sides of the pond pretty much guarantees it anyway.”
“I’m not turning you down Faith, in fact I feel really honored that you should ask me to make love to you…” Faith put her hand up to interrupt me.
“Let’s be under no illusions here, Caleb. It wouldn’t be making love. It would be sex, pure and simple. Hopefully really good sex, but I can't be sure, because I can't predict how I’m going to react. That’s the downside for you. But however things turn out, we both have the reassurance of knowing our paths don’t ever have to cross again. Worst case scenario, you can dismiss me as that mad loony Brit that you never have to see or speak to again.”
“Trust me, Faith, if we do end up having sex, I’ll make sure it’s really good for you, just as long as you’re totally upfront with me about how you're feeling the whole time.” No faking things like Cassie claimed she did.
“I can't guarantee I won’t weird out on you, because as you're aware, it’d be the first time I've had sex since Drew died. Could you really handle that?” She frowned, but all that did was make me determined to wipe that frown from her sweet little face.
“There you go again. Over thinking things. How about we take things one step at a time, Faith? I see they’re holding a Valentine’s dinner and dance here at the hotel.” I pointed over to a sign advertising the event. “So how about we try going on a date - a Valentine’s date - and see how that goes. If it goes well, and you feel you’d like to take things to the next stage, then we can do that. Otherwise, we’ll just be two friends who’ve had a nice evening together. How does that sound to you?”
“Sounds pretty good actually,” she smiled shyly. “As long as you wouldn’t rather be out lining up a done deal, rather than hedging your bets on me?”
“I’d be perfectly happy spending another evening just talking with you, just as we are right now, actually. And let me make things crystal clear, Faith. Whatever impression you have of me, I only ever take what is freely offered. I’ve certainly never forced a woman to do anything she doesn’t want to. You say no to me at any point, then it’s no. But I’d suggest you just go with the flow and don’t over think this. Let yourself feel, allow yourself to let go with someone that I hope you feel you can trust.”
“I wouldn’t have made my suggestion if I didn't feel I could trust you, Caleb. I’m hardly in the habit of throwing myself at men,” Faith responded.
“Honey, I know that. That’s why I’m feeling pretty honored and privileged that you’ve picked me.” I reached over and took her small hand in mine, and squeezed it reassuringly. “So, do we have a date for tomorrow evening?”
“Okay, why not? So how’s this going to work? I don't want things to be awkward between us at the office tomorrow,” she worried.
“I suggest we sort out all the details and arrangements tonight, then we won't need to mention anything at work tomorrow. I don't usually mix business with pleasure, but I was planning to have everything signed off with John and Steve by tomorrow lunchtime anyway, so technically by the time we have our date, we’ll no longer be working together. And you know what? I think I’m gonna give you the afternoon off to head home and get ready for this hot date.”
“Won’t John and Steve think that’s a bit odd? Giving me the afternoon off?” Faith frowned.
“Fuck what they think. I have no doubt that you’ve worked far harder this past week than either of those waste of space ass holes have in the past God only knows how long, and I out rank them by a long way in any case. So I will be giving you the afternoon off. You’ve earned it,” I insisted.
“I guess there are certain advantages to keeping on the right side of the big boss guy from head office,” Faith grinned.
“You got it. How about I book us a table for around seven? We could have a nice meal, a couple of glasses of decent wine, dance a little, smooch a little, see how it goes?”
“That sounds nice.”
“And if you decide you want to take things to the next stage, well then I have a room here that we could head on up to. But if you want to call a cab and head home instead, that’ll be fine too. No pressure. I’ll leave the choice entirely up to you.”
“Okay.”
“And you should know, I get tested regularly and I’m clean because I never have unprotected sex, I always insist on using a condom. That way, apart from any health issues, I don't unexpectedly end up being someone’s baby-daddy, either by accident or design.”
I never relied on someone’s promise that they were on birth control, preferring to keep things totally under my control, as procreating was no longer on my agenda.
“Fair enough. Obviously my sexual history is not really an issue here,” Faith smiled.
“So, we’re all good on that front,” I smiled back.
“You know, I really like having things out in the open like this. It makes things so much easier. But if we’re really going to do this, there are a few more things I’d like for us get straight,” she frowned again. It was obvious Faith was a control freak, a worrier, someone who liked to have things totally organized, which I could handle, but no question, Faith Jackson was in no way your average typical female.
“Okay. Fire away.”
“Do you usually spend the night with your lady friends, or do you just have sex and then go your separate ways?”
“Depends on the circumstances - where we are, time of day, that kind of thing. There’s no set pattern as such. As far as you and I are concerned, it’ll be entirely up to you how long you stay. But you should know that I’d really like for you to stay the night, and then share some breakfast with me in the morning, if you’d be up for that?” I wasn’t sure what made me suggest this, as that wasn’t usually the way I operated, but it just seemed the right thing with her somehow.
Faith stared at me.
“To be perfectly honest, Caleb, I have no idea, because I have no idea how I'm going to react, so maybe it’
s best we leave it open. And here’s something else you should know. I don't do the whole sexy undies and stockings thing. It makes me feel stupid and awkward and not in the least bit sexy at all. And I know most men like sky high stilettos, but I can't wear them because I just trip and end up making a total prat of myself. All that kind of stuff is just not me. So if that’s a deal breaker, if you don't think you could manage to… you know… perform… without all that…”
I burst out laughing, because she looked so serious and worried. I'd never had a conversation like this with a woman in my entire life before.
“Faith, that’s just all the wrappings. It’s what’s underneath that counts, so you wear whatever you feel most comfortable with. All I would say is that to set the mood, it’d be kinda nice to maybe have a little hint of what you always manage to hide so effectively …” I glanced down at her clothes.
Today she was wearing another variation of the unflattering baggy kind of uniform she dressed herself in for work every day. Navy slacks instead of black. Gray baggy top instead of white. As far as I could tell, she probably had a neat body under the layers as she was certainly not overweight in any way, but that was pretty much just guess work.
“You obviously think my wardrobe is shit, just like Harry and my sisters,” she sighed.
“I didn't say that,” I protested.
“You didn't need to. I don't usually dress to tantalize or attract admiring looks, but I’ll try to make more of an effort for this date of ours, I promise. Just don't get your hopes up too high, that’s all. Like I said, I don't have a problem if you want to imagine I’m someone else…”
“You may not have a problem with that, but I sure as hell do, woman! You can't go around saying things like that. You should have more confidence in yourself.” I was appalled by her self-deprecating attitude, because she certainly wasn’t any kind of a brown bagger.
“I'm just being realistic,” she shrugged. “No point in kidding yourself you’re something you’re not. I know you’d never normally consider sleeping with someone like me, that it’s just a freak set of circumstances that’s given me the opportunity to proposition a sex god like you. That’s why I’m pushing myself to take advantage of the situation, even though I’m pretty much dying of embarrassment here.”