by G E Griffin
So that was why Neil brought his paperwork over to me each month, because I couldn’t bring myself to go over to Drew’s workshop - except of course, it wasn’t Drew’s workshop anymore.
Neil and I had an unspoken understanding of how incredibly awkward and upsetting it’d be if I did go there, because I’d be upset to see it as it had been, with all the evocative smells and sounds, but I’d also be upset to see the changes Neil must have made, as he was fully entitled to do. That’s why he always took my car away if it needed any work done on it.
Also, whenever he came over, if anything needed fixing around the flat that I couldn’t do myself, he would always do it for me, just as Drew used to for some of his lady customers. And yes, he had mentioned about us going for a drink together sometime, but I was sure that was only because he felt a duty to Drew to look out for me.
“Neil hasn’t got a girlfriend, has he?” Mum asked pointedly. “Don't you think that’s odd? I’d have thought a nice fella like him would’ve been snapped up a long time ago.”
“Maybe he’s holding a candle for someone. Maybe he’s just biding his time, just waiting until someone is ready,” Megan suggested, looking at me meaningfully.
“No! You’re wrong,” I insisted as I rolled my eyes, realising where they were going with this.
“You should see the way he looks at you, Faith. It’s obvious he worships the ground you walk on,” Megan carried on. She’d always been the soppy romantic type, which probably explained why she was trying to read something into things that simply weren’t there. My family had been round at my place occasionally when Neil had dropped in, so that was no doubt why they felt qualified to pass judgement on the poor guy. But quite frankly, I thought they were delusional if that’s what they’d managed to read into Neil’s rather brief and awkward communications with me.
“And you have so much in common with each other. Neil understands what you’ve been through better than any other guy ever will. We’re just trying to open your eyes to someone that maybe you haven’t realised is right there under your nose, someone that could help you move on,” Bryony chimed in, as she reached over to grip my hand.
“I am moving forward, but in my own way and in my own time. And yes, Neil is a great guy, and a good friend, but I'm not interested in him in the way you’re suggesting, and I’m certain he’s not interested in me either. So please, no more match making,” I spelled out.
“Don't be so dismissive of Neil. At least give him some thought, Faith. I think he at least deserves that from you,” Mum persisted. “Even your father likes him, and you know how hard it is for anyone to get his seal of approval.”
God, they’d even got Dad in on this. I had to bite my tongue really hard to stop myself from saying something nasty, about how it would suit them all to have me conveniently paired off with a nice man that had the entire family’s stamp of approval, just so they wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.
“I’m fine as I am, Mum. I don't need a man in my life to make me feel good about myself, so it wouldn’t be fair to lead Neil on or give him any kind of false encouragement. I’m learning to be strong on my own, because that’s what’s best for me now, instead of pinning all my hopes and dreams on someone else. Someone who could just as easily go and get themselves killed, just like Drew did.”
There was a nasty awkward silence as Bryony, Megan and Mum stared at me. Well, they’d started on this painful topic, so now they had to put up with my honest reaction. I had to put a stop to their stupid match making, because I was never getting involved with anyone else, never going to risk going through the excruciating pain of the last couple of years ever again.
“Sorry if that sounds brutal, but that’s how I feel,” I shrugged. “So please, just let me get on with things in my own way, and let’s leave Neil out of the equation.”
Although I was speaking calmly, my heart was pounding, and I could feel myself flushing, as I struggled to keep calm and in control.
But at least my family had made up my mind for me about this evening. Thanks to Caleb, I’d proved that I was perfectly capable of finding my own way of moving on, so as soon as I’d made my escape from my family, leaving them to tut and shake their heads over me, I called him.
“Hey, honey, how’s things?” His gorgeous voice, so calm and laidback, was just what I needed to hear.
“I’ve reached concerned-interfering-meddling-family saturation point, and I’m about ready to implode actually,” I breathed out.
“That bad?”
“Worse. So…”
“So…?”
“If you’re still free tonight, I could really do with some distraction. But don't worry, if you’ve gone ahead and made other plans, that’s fine…”
“I haven’t, and I would love for us to get together. Come over and have dinner with me, and we’ll take it from there, just like before,” he suggested.
“Actually, I don't have much appetite, not after my mother practically force fed me lunch because she thinks I'm fading away. What I was wondering… what I wanted to ask was…” I dithered, my confidence suddenly evaporating.
“Come on Faith, just say it.”
“Caleb, would you consider coming over to my place and spending the night with me there? I’ve never had anyone... another bloke… stay over in my flat… not since Drew… in my bed… having sex… so you’d be the first, and I might get even weirder than before. So if you don't want to risk all that crappy stuff, I’ll understand…”
“What’s your address, and what time would you like me there?” he interrupted. “How about I bring some takeout with me, which we can share if you get your appetite back? Then we can chill and unwind with a couple of beers, just see what develops from there.”
“That sounds pretty good, actually,” I smiled as my tension began to evaporate. “Why don't you come over around seven? I’ll text you the address.”
“Great, see you at seven. I’m already looking forward to it, it’ll make a nice change from staying in a hotel. If it’s okay with you, I’ll check out of the hotel before I head on over to you and bring my luggage with me, then I can head straight to the airport tomorrow.”
“What time is your flight? When will you need to leave? Are you really sure you want to stay over with me?” I suddenly worried about putting these demands on a free agent like Caleb, when he could be out having uncomplicated fun.
“I’ll book a cab to pick me up at ten in the morning. So unless you throw me out, I will be staying the night and you won’t be getting rid of me until then I’m afraid.” Caleb insisted, with a rumbling laugh.
Chapter 8 - Caleb
I was glad I’d gotten Faith to agree to see me for one last time, and I had to admit I was curious to see her place. I totally got how it would be a huge deal for her to have another guy in the home she’d shared with her husband, but I think by now I had enough of an inside track into her mind that I would be able to handle things, however she reacted.
I told myself this wasn’t that much of a departure from my normal one night stands, not when I’d be flying back to the States the next day. Spending one more night didn't signify anything, I just figured giving Faith a little extra support would be the decent thing to do¸ and I liked to think that despite all the shit Cassie had put me through, I was still a pretty decent guy.
It was no big deal, just one more evening and then I’d be gone, and it wasn’t as if I had anything better to do with my time.
And the sex we’d shared had been pretty damn hot, so I was certainly up for a repeat performance, if that was the way things panned out. Faith had been kind of a revelation behind closed doors, and I totally got why Drew had been so crazy about her.
Innocent looking, but naughty as fuck, that was Faith.
When I arrived at her apartment, which was part of a big old house, Faith was wearing tight skinny jeans that showed off her long, slim legs, and a top in a pretty shade of blue that brought out the color in her eyes.
“Thanks. My sister picked this outfit for me, and I just went along with her choice because it’s very comfy,” she shrugged off my compliment, as she showed me in, indicating that I should leave my luggage in her hallway. “You look nice too, by the way. I like you in jeans, makes you seem less intimidating compared to when you're all togged up in one of your flashy suits.”
“Intimidating? Me?” I said innocently.
“Oh come on, that uber cool, effortlessly chique look you have going on at the office is all part of the executive power play game, isn’t it?”
Of course I knew exactly what she meant. Power dressing was a tool I’d learned to use to great effect at American Western, very well aware that if you wanted to get ahead, you had to look the part.
“Well, we’re not at work now, so you’re getting to see the other side of me, the real me, and I hope I’m not intimidating at all,” I smiled.
“Nah, I think I've got you sussed now,” she grinned back, as she led me along a small hallway, pointing out the doors that led off to the bathroom and the bedroom on the way. We ended up in the living area, where everything was very neat and tidy, exactly how I kept my place, with no clutter, no mess. The walls throughout were painted in a restful shade of light blue, along with pale beech wood flooring, giving the place a light and airy feeling.
I noticed the small open plan kitchen that led off the living area, so I headed there with the food I’d picked up on my way over.
“I got us a pizza, with a side order of salad, and some beers if you’d like one. You have some plates and utensils?” I asked.
“Sure.” Faith quickly got out everything we needed, and at the sound of plates rattling, a big fluffy tabby cat appeared out of nowhere and started meowing loudly, as he entwined himself round Faith’s legs. No doubt this was the infamous Stan that I'd heard about and he shot me a look of total disdain - that was until I produced the packet of cat treats I’d also picked up on my way over. His ears pricked up as I opened them, and he turned his gaze on me.
“I thought that might get your attention,” I grinned, as I bent down and offered him one. He spent a brief moment sniffing my offering before delicately taking it from my fingers, then wolfed it down.
“You have a friend for life now,” Faith laughed. “The way to Stan’s heart is most definitely through his stomach.”
“Yeah, that’s what I figured. Thought it best to get him onside, just in case his Alpha instincts came to the fore, you know, with having another guy in the place.”
“As you’ve discovered, Stan is easily bought, so you’ve no worries there. As for him strutting his Alpha rights, I think that’s pack animals, you know, dogs and wolves, isn’t it? Cats are a law unto themselves, totally selfish, all they care about is number one.”
“I guess you're right, but at least it looks like he’s prepared to tolerate my presence anyhow.” I gave Stan a couple more treats before putting the packet away in the cupboard for another time, and I swear that cat huffed at me as he slunk away again.
“So, I have to ask, are you always this tidy, or have you cleaned up just for me?” I asked curiously as I looked around.
“No, I’m afraid I’m a bit of a tidy freak,” she admitted. “A place for everything, and everything in its place, that’s how I like things.”
“Me too. My ex-wife claimed it was unnatural, and even my family think I’m kinda obsessive.”
“Yeah, mine too. Drew always thought I was weird, just because I have to have my underwear drawer organized in a certain way. But it saves so much time, and I just don't get why other people can't see this.”
“I know. What is their problem?”
Faith smiled. “Well, Caleb, we might be different nationalities, but it seems we both have the same tidiness gene - must be to do with being good at maths, being logical, liking things to add up, that kind of thing.”
“Sure seems that way I guess.”
As we headed for the light grey couch in the living area and put the food on the oak coffee table there, I noticed some photos on the shelving unit.
“Is this your husband?” Faith nodded.” May I?” She nodded again as I picked up the picture to study it.
It was of a good looking young guy, casually dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt, wearing sunglasses, with messy brown hair, looking happy and relaxed as he sat on a vintage Triumph motorcycle.
“That’s my Drew,” Faith smiled wistfully.
“He really does put me in mind of my brother, Seth. That same pose on his motorcycle, that same laid back attitude. He looks like he was a real nice guy.”
“He was. Messy, untidy and frustrating at times, but definitely one of the good guys.”
I put the photo back, and picked up another, of the two of them together. They were both laughing, and Faith was gazing up at Drew with a look of pure adoration on her face.
It hit me then that I’d never seen a single picture like that of me and Cassie. I'd never caught her looking at me in that way, not once, not even in the early days, not even in our wedding pictures, when she’d been too busy perfecting her pose to look adoringly at me. In hindsight, I wondered if she’d ever really loved me at all, considering how quickly she’d lost interest once my looks had become less than perfect in her eyes. Cassie had shown no concern about my health, she’d never offered to help me get back into shape, despite being a fitness instructor. Instead, she’d told me she didn't want me encroaching on her territory at the gym, insisting that she needed her own space, which is why I’d stopped going there.
I certainly didn't have any natural photos of Cassie, like this one of Faith. My darling wife had always been very image conscious, always making sure she looked picture perfect, with not so much as a hair out of place. Whereas in this picture I was looking at, Faith’s hair was messy and windswept, and her wide smile showed off the fact that her teeth were not quite perfect, unlike the brilliantly white, perfect teeth of Cassie’s, thanks to the fortune she’d spent on veneers - which I’d paid for, of course.
Fake. Yep, that about summed Cassie up.
“You don't mind looking at pictures of Drew? I hope it doesn't put you off being here, or make you feel too weird,” Faith said quietly, as I carefully put her treasured photo back on the shelf.
“No. I told you before, I think I’d have liked him, and I really respect the fact that you two had such a great marriage. More to the point is how you feel, Faith. How does it feel having me here in your home, looking at these photos?” I stared into her serious little face, trying to gauge how she was doing.
“It’s okay actually, because I’m not having to pretend Drew never existed, which I simply couldn’t do. Maybe it’s because you’re able to remain pretty detached about everything, that you're someone totally separate and unrelated to my past. It helps that you don't get upset or seem awkward if I talk about him, so I can say what I really think, which feels pretty good,” she smiled. A nice relaxed smile, so I knew she was telling me how it really was.
“What about your family? Surely you can talk to them about Drew?”
Faith thought for a moment as she absent mindedly took a slice of pizza and started nibbling it.
“Sometimes, but these days I try not to go on about him all the time, because I know how anxious they are for me to move on and not dwell in the past. Which is why they’ve come up with this stupid harebrained scheme of theirs to set me up with Neil,” she scowled.
“Neil? Who’s he?” After everything she’d told me, it hadn't occurred to me that there might be some other
guy involved in Faith’s life.
“He and Drew were best mates, and Neil eventually took over the business after Drew died. I see him about once a month, when he calls in here with the books for the business. I go through all his paperwork, do his accounts and so forth, and in return he checks my car over for me.”
“And your family are setting you up with this Neil how?” I took a slow swig of beer as I waited for her explanation.
“They seem to think he’ll pass as some kind of a Drew clone, to be my plus one at my sister’s wedding, as they’ve got this crazy idea that he’s keen on me. Which he’s not. And even if he were, I just couldn’t be with him. Or anyone else, come to that, but especially not Neil, because even though if I shut my eyes he could so nearly be Drew, he’d never quite match up, he’d always be second best, so it wouldn’t be fair to him or me,” she said firmly, as she reached over for a bottle of beer and popped the top.
“I know exactly what you mean, actually. Cassie’s sister, Vanessa, made it plain she’d happily step into her sister’s place, and if I’d let her, I could so easily have just carried on almost as if nothing had happened, especially as they look a lot alike. ”
“Really? That must have been pretty awkward,” Faith sympathized.
“Yep, it really was, especially as Vanessa’s a nice girl, which is why I couldn’t do it to her. I had to make a clean break and move on. It was for the best,” I stated firmly. I'd been determined to break all connections with Cassie and anyone connected with her.
“I get what you’re saying, but I can't cut Neil off, because he depends on me to do his books as he really struggles with that side of things. I couldn’t bear to let things get in a mess and see everything Drew worked so hard to set up go down the pan,” she explained.
“I see,” I murmured.
“Looking back, I suppose Neil kind of got pushed into taking on the business after Drew died, and truth is, although he’s a great mechanic, I think he’s a little out of his depth, to be honest,” Faith sighed, as she took a swig of beer from the bottle.