by Leigh Duncan
“I thought child support was the reason you wanted Hailey in the first place. Was I wrong?”
His ex-wife’s mouth twisted. “I’m not particularly proud of it, but yeah, that was part of my reason for coming back to Melbourne. To tell the truth, it was the main reason I went after custody.” She sighed. “Amanda set me straight. Made sure I knew the score early on. By then, well… Once I got to know our daughter, things changed. I changed.”
“I’m still confused.” Mitch ran a hand through his hair. “Why’d you pursue custody if you weren’t going to keep Hailey?”
Karen inhaled deeply, her face softening into feminine lines. “I couldn’t let my daughter grow up thinking I didn’t want her.” Moisture gathered in her eyes. She blinked, and tears spilled onto her cheeks. “A little girl needs to know her mama loves her.”
“I told her you did.” Though his voice cracked, Mitch insisted on getting the words out. “Every day.”
“It’s not the same,” Karen sniffed. Reaching into the purse that dangled from one slim wrist, she whipped out a tissue, blotted her eyes, then blew her nose in a ladylike fashion. “I’d really like Hailey to stay with me until after the Little Miss Cowgirl contest on Saturday. You are coming to that, aren’t you?”
So overwhelmed he could barely whisper the words, Mitch agreed. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Good. Hailey can’t wait for you to see her in her costume. She’s been practicing the rope tricks Amanda taught her. Our little girl is so talented, she’s sure to win first place. I’ll pack up her things and drop her off Sunday afternoon. Unless you have other plans?”
“If I did, I’d cancel them.” Nothing short of a category 5 hurricane would keep him from standing in their foyer when Hailey rang the doorbell.
Karen started back the way she’d come, thought better of it and turned to face him. “I don’t suppose you’d let me keep Esme, would you? She might like Miami.”
Mitch managed a smile. “You’d have to ask her, but I think she and Hailey are a package deal.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.” Karen frowned. “I’m sure going to miss that woman.”
After his ex-wife traipsed down the stairs and out of sight, Mitch stood for a moment, trying to regain his footing in a world that had tilted back onto its axis. He reached for his phone, eager to share the good news of Karen’s change of heart with the one person who would know how much it meant to him. His fingers brushed the hard plastic case, but realizing he had no one to call, he shoved the phone deeper into his pocket.
Okay, so miracles did happen and Hailey was coming home.
But it’d take more than a miracle to resolve things with Amanda.
Chapter Twelve
Amanda gave her reflection in the full-length mirror a once-over.
Puffy eyes reddened by a two-day crying jag stared back. She skimmed down the plain white T-shirt she wore over loose-fitting jeans. Not her best look, she admitted, thrusting her feet into her second-best pair of boots. Still, a definite improvement over the threadbare pajamas she’d worn since staggering into the house beneath the weight of her broken heart.
She’d sworn she’d never get involved with someone who chose his career over his family. And yet she had. Though she’d represented her client to the very best of her abilities, she’d crossed an ethical line by getting involved with Mitch. Not that it had done her any good. The man she’d loved for fifteen years, and lost in fifteen minutes, had marched from a devastating courtroom appearance straight into the District Attorney’s office. He’d stopped on his way up the staircase to success only long enough to say they had no future. How could he even think about accepting the huge promotion so soon after losing his daughter…or her?
She should probably hate him for that.
And she would…if all the blame was his. Brushing a hand through her hair, Amanda acknowledged that she’d had her own part to play, and she’d played it well. She’d kept Karen’s secret. She couldn’t help that Mitch felt betrayed by her actions. Unlike him, she hadn’t had a choice.
With a shaky sigh, Amanda plopped a worn cowboy hat over her curls and grabbed her keys, ready for a change of scenery. For something new and different…such as a life without Mitch. Though her mouth trembled whenever her thoughts strayed toward the tall, good-looking attorney, she thought she might be past the worst of their breakup.
Sure, she still had her moments. Moments when she recalled Mitch’s kisses or the brush of his long fingers against her jaw. Times when she caught a whiff of his scent as she moved from the couch to the kitchen for another box of tissues.
Keys in hand, Amanda stopped.
Who was she kidding? She wasn’t over Mitch. She probably never would be. But she absolutely would not spend the rest of her life pining for a man who didn’t love her. And Mitch never had. He’d said as much in the stairwell.
“…the one person who held any meaning in my life…”
Well, he hadn’t been referring to her.
This time when she wiped her cheeks, her fingers remained dry. There’d be no more tears. No dreams of a future that was never meant to be.
She’d promised to cheer for Hailey in the Little Miss Cowgirl contest. And unlike a certain tall, handsome lawyer, she kept her promises.
Especially now that Karen was leaving again, just when Hailey was getting to know her mother.
Shaking her head, Amanda thrust a stubborn curl behind one ear. Oh, how she wished that woman had never darkened her office doorway. Karen had brought nothing but needless pain into the lives of everyone around her. If it hadn’t been for the brassy blonde…
Her thoughts veering toward a cliff, Amanda hauled up on the reins. As much as she wanted to pin the responsibility for everything that had gone wrong these last three months on Karen, the woman had her good points. The prodigal mom had at least forged a bond with her daughter. Her custody suit had given Mitch the chance to see how important Hailey was in his life. He’d squandered that opportunity by stepping into the D.A.’s shoes, but that wasn’t Karen’s fault. It was his.
Her emotions back under control, Amanda decided she was making progress. She wasn’t sure she was strong enough to face Mitch again, but in a town the size of Melbourne, they were bound to run into each other eventually. Why not get it over with?
An hour later, she joined the crowds flocking to the county fair at Wickham Park. While palm fronds waved in a crisp evening breeze, the smells of an old-fashioned carnival perfumed the air. Screams echoed through the darkening sky as cars rocketed along the metal tracks of a fast-moving roller coaster. Delighted cries rose from youngsters strapped securely into large spinning cups.
Last week, Amanda had looked forward to the fair. She’d planned to hold Hailey’s hand as they browsed through the animal tents where 4-Hers proudly demonstrated their blue ribbons. With Mitch’s arm solidly around her waist, she would have joined the friends and families jamming the wide aisles between displays of homemade jams and cakes. Amanda had dreamed of finally sharing a ride on the Ferris wheel with him.
But not tonight.
Tonight, the exhibits held as much interest as a bag of oats. For all she cared, the hot dog she bought from a vendor could have been made of sawdust. She dumped it into a trash can after one bite.
She blinked back a rogue tear when a young couple strolled past, heads nearly touching as they shared freshly roasted cashews from a paper cone. Afraid her misery would seep through if she saw another pair of young lovers trading bits of wispy cotton candy and kisses in the shadows along the midway, Amanda hurried to the tent designated for the talent show. She ducked through the canvas doorway and scoured the rows where moms and dads, grandparents and the occasional unlucky cousin sat in folding chairs on the bare dirt. Spotting a photographer from the local paper, Amanda imagined Hailey’s picture on the front page and, for the first time in days, felt the beginnings of a smile.
It lasted until a glimpse of dark hair sent h
er mind reeling.
Mitch?
Her chest constricted. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe.
Finally, her muscles eased and she told herself she had nothing to worry about. The county’s lead prosecutor certainly wouldn’t have time for carnivals and fairs, would he?
The realization put her mind, if not her heart, at ease.
An unexpected wave of nervous energy swept her when the program started. Despite her efforts to appear calm and collected for Hailey’s sake, she chewed a fingernail as one by one, a parade of children sang or danced across the makeshift stage. When one unfortunate child blanked out completely and stood in thumb-sucking silence until the buzzer sounded, Amanda switched to another nail and worried it to the quick. She’d been pretty sure her heart wasn’t working anymore, but there it was, thumping ever faster when Hailey’s name was called.
Hailey walked to center stage as if she owned it. She gave the sweetest little curtsy and, while Amanda held her breath, twirled a rope as though she’d been born with it in her hand. The consummate performer, she beamed at the end of her sixty seconds and graciously accepted the trophy for Miss Congeniality. She even remembered to blow kisses as she toddled into the wings.
Amanda caught one and cheered.
Moments later, the contestants swarmed out into the audience. Her applause faltered when she glanced down the row and saw Hailey in Mitch’s arms. Right away, Amanda knew she was in trouble. If she’d thought she was over him, being within twenty feet of the man proved how wrong she’d been. Her pulse shifted into a fast trot as she struggled to remember all the reasons he was wrong for her. Okay, maybe she had loved him ever since that summer in Wyoming, but they had grown into adults. With different goals. Different drives. She closed her eyes and pushed her regrets away.
Summoning the courage and bravado that had gotten her through countless rodeo performances, Amanda pried herself out of her chair. Though it made her heart ache to stand so close to him, she listened as Mitch congratulated his daughter on her performance. When Amanda’s smile threatened to become a rigid mask, she sipped air through tight lips while Hailey told him all about her trophy.
“It means I’m the nicest!” The child beamed.
At last, the little girl’s bubbling account tapered off.
“Sweetheart,” Amanda said, “I have to run, but I wanted to say congratulations. You did a great job up there.” She motioned toward the stage.
“Did you see, Miss Amanda? Did you see me twirled the rope? I did it just like you showed me.”
“You were perfect, sweetie.” The child’s excitement was so contagious, Amanda couldn’t help but feel proud of her. “And what a wonderful trophy.” She hefted the shiny plastic cup. “You’ll probably have a million of them soon.” Unable to resist a little dig, she added, “Make sure your daddy takes the time to build a shelf for you to put it on.”
It served Mitch right when he winced.
Hailey tipped her head until she looked straight into Amanda’s eyes. “Next time, I’m going to get a bigger one. Can you show me some new tricks, Miss Amanda? How ’bout on Sunday when we go see Daisy?”
Why hadn’t she realized that breaking up with Mitch meant breaking up with his daughter, too? Amanda gulped. She wanted to sweep the little girl into her arms and give her hugs and kisses. Wanted to tell her that she’d teach her everything she needed to know, that they’d go shopping and horseback riding together, that one day she’d help her buy a dress for the prom.
But she couldn’t. Instead, she needed to speak the hardest word she’d ever say. She needed to tell Hailey no. Her mouth refused to cooperate.
Great.
The favorite word of every two-year-old, and Amanda couldn’t utter it. She needed help and sent a pleading look toward the one man who could provide it.
Anguish colored Mitch’s eyes a misty blue. Despite it, he cleared his throat.
“Hailey, let’s worry about that another day, all right? Tonight, your mom’s going to take you on some of the rides to celebrate.” He lifted the little girl so high she squealed. “Sound good?”
Hailey’s laughter filled the rapidly emptying tent. While Mitch distracted his daughter, Amanda grabbed a tissue from her purse. Quickly, she blotted her tears. By the time she looked up again, Karen had joined them from the area designated for stage moms.
“You were wonderful, darling.” She fell to her knees in front of Hailey and swept her into a hug. “Now, who’s ready for some cotton candy and a ride on the merry-go-round?”
Giggling and happy, Hailey jumped up and down yelling, “Me! Me!”
A quiet admonition accompanied the strip of red ride tickets Mitch handed to his ex-wife. “Not the Ferris wheel. Or the roller coaster.” He waved a waist-high line through the air. “She’s too little.”
Surprisingly agreeable, Karen patted Hailey’s hand. “No problem. We’ll still have tons of fun.” She pinned Amanda with a look. “Unless you want me to stay?”
The old Karen wouldn’t have even noticed the tension between us.
Amanda thanked her, but insisted her ex-client enjoy the evening with her daughter. Though her brow furrowed, Karen agreed and, reminding Mitch she would drop Hailey off the next day, she stood. Hand in hand, mother and daughter joined the throngs outside the tent, leaving Amanda to stare wistfully after them.
“Thanks,” she whispered the moment she and Mitch were alone.
She made the mistake of looking at him. Hope and longing played across his face like shadows. She saw how much he wanted her in the slight tremble of his fingers as he reached for her. She wanted him, too, but wanting and loving were two different things. Unwilling to settle for one without the other, she backed away. Her spine stiffened, and she summoned a smile.
“Sounds like everything has worked out well. Everyone accomplished all they set out to do. Karen has the relationship she’s always wanted with Hailey. The phone at my office is ringing off the hook with new business. Your daughter’s coming home.” Petty didn’t become her, so Amanda held back, refusing to mention the fact that Mitch’s new job would keep him too busy to enjoy Hailey’s company. “It’s a good way to leave things, don’t you think?”
Under the circumstances, she couldn’t quite manage her trademark smile. Deciding a wavering version would have to do, she stuck out her hand. “I wish you all the best.”
Mitch’s gaze traveled the length of her arm. He stared at her fingers, not grasping them for so long she thought he’d refuse. At the last moment he wrapped his hand around hers. “We promised we’d be together once the custody decision came down. We said no matter what.”
Amanda swallowed. “You expected me to choose between my client and you. That choice wasn’t mine to make.”
Mitch groaned and ran his free hand over his face. “When I thought Karen was taking Hailey to Miami, I said some things I didn’t mean. Words I regretted the instant I said them.”
“Thanks.” Amanda straightened. “I guess we both said things we shouldn’t have. But I can’t hold you to your promise. That was before.”
Mitch’s head canted to one side. “Before what?”
She glanced over his shoulder to make sure they had the tent to themselves. “Before I found out you didn’t love me,” she whispered.
“Wh-what are you talking about?”
“You made it clear when we spoke in the stairwell. You don’t love me. You never did.”
“I never said that, Amanda. I wouldn’t.” He still held her hand in his, and he drew her close enough to cup her fingers over his heart. “I do love you, Amanda Markette. I intend to spend the rest of my life proving it to you. If you’ll let me. If you’ll give us another chance.”
If he loved her, then maybe there was hope… .
She closed the door on the lie that would simply lead to more heartache. As clearly as she could see them sitting in rocking chairs on her front porch in their nineties—as much as she wanted that dream to come true—she’d played
second fiddle to a man’s career most of her life. She wouldn’t spend the rest of it trying to prove to another man she was worthy of love. Not even Mitch. She retrieved her fingers from his grasp and stepped back, desperate to put some distance between them.
Determined that there’d be no tears, no recriminations, she said the only words she could. “I love you, too, Mitch. But sometimes love just isn’t enough.”
Strong feelings played across Mitch’s face before they settled into something she chose to believe was resigned acceptance.
“Friends, then?” he asked cautiously.
Disappointed that he’d given in so easily, she refused to acknowledge the longing that swept through her at the memory of how they’d nearly ended up in each other’s arms the last time he’d asked that question. This time, she refused to be swayed. They’d part as friends, but this was goodbye.
“Sure,” she said, with mixed emotions. “No hard feelings. No regrets.”
She read the hesitation in Mitch’s eyes, heard it in his voice when he said, “I have lots of regrets, Amanda. Most of them I’ll have to learn to live with.” He waved a hand. “There’s one we don’t have to carry with us, though. If you’re willing, that is.”
Curious, she glanced up at him.
“One spin on the Ferris wheel…for old time’s sake?” he asked.
* * *
DID THEIR LOVE MEAN SO little to her that she was willing to throw it away?
Every couple fought. Tempers flared. Words that should never have been spoken were uttered in the heat of anger. After you licked your wounds and cooled off, you remembered why you’d fallen in love. You did whatever was necessary to get back in the good graces of the one who made life worth living. No one called it quits over one disagreement.
No one, apparently, except Amanda.
Granted, they’d faced serious problems. From day one, nothing about their relationship had been easy. After the custody hearing, Mitch had been so hurt that he’d struck out, blamed her. But she’d only been doing her job. And when he stopped long enough to think about it, he’d been proud of her for that.