by Nicola May
The day before the funeral Jess said she felt strong enough to go and visit the house. As Karl drove tentatively into the drive Jess began to sob. Her beautiful home was now a charcoaled wreck. Blackened roof struts pointed to the sky and the acrid smell of smoke still seemed to linger in the air. Police tape banded the whole of the outside, so Jess could not even have gone into take a look inside if she wanted to.
She walked around the back of the house and was strangely comforted to see that Sam’s precious study and the kitchen had been barely touched by the fire. As she walked back around the front of the house, a police car pulled into the drive. Karl made the officer in the passenger seat aware who they were. Then quickly, whilst Jess was out of earshot said, ‘She doesn’t know there’s an investigation going on, mate, so be gentle with her.’
The policeman nodded knowingly. ‘We do have to speak to her though, sir. Mrs. Beresford is obviously key to our enquiries. We will contact her straight after the funeral.’
‘Madam.’ The driver of the car addressed Jess. ‘We are so sorry to hear of your sad loss.’
Jess smiled weakly. ‘Thank you.’
As the police car pulled out of the drive Jess began to cry again. Karl held her. The realisation of what had happened hit her, and through rattled sobs she tried to unravel the events of that night. ‘Oh, Karl, I’ve just remembered something so, so terrible.’
‘What, darling? Whatever it is, it’s OK.’
‘It’s so not OK, Karl, I remember taking the battery out of the smoke alarm for one of Freya’s toys about a month ago and forgot to replace it.’
Karl held her tightly.
‘It’s all my fault,’ she wailed. ‘If I hadn’t been so stupid, we would have awoken earlier, the house would have been saved and Sam probably wouldn’t have died.’
She became hysterical and dropped to her knees on the gravel, holding her head in her hands. ‘It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault.’
Karl gently lifted her up and held her close. He couldn’t bear to see his dear sister in such a mess. He had to release her guilt. ‘Jess, darling Jess, it wasn’t your fault. The fire brigade had to call in the Fire Investigation Team. They think the fire was caused deliberately.’
Jess suddenly stopped crying. ‘What do you mean? Arson? Why? Who would do such a thing?’
‘They’ve reason to believe that something containing petrol was pushed burning through the letterbox,’ Karl advised. ‘Even if the smoke alarm had gone off, the blaze would have taken hold so quickly it probably wouldn’t have made that much difference.’
‘God, this gets worse, Karl, I really do feel like I’m living a nightmare. Who on earth would want to harm any of us?’
‘I really don’t know, Jess. Now, come on, let’s get back to Hope’s. There’s nothing we can do here at the moment.’
As Jess walked to the car she kicked something with her foot. She looked down, it was the pretty wooden Fern Cottage sign, that she had had made especially for Sam the week they moved into the house. It was only slightly burnt on the corner. She picked it up and held it to her chest. ‘Oh, Karl, I am going to miss him so much.’
Chapter Twenty-one
Hope had to park miles back down the church lane as there were so many cars parked on verges. She had been making last minute preparations to make sure that her house was perfect for when everyone arrived back there for the wake. Jack-the-Lad had stayed behind so that there was somebody there when the first mourners arrived.
She kicked off her black stilettos, put them in her hand, and ran as fast as she could, laughing to herself that she would probably be even late for her own funeral. As she breathlessly reached the church gates, she noticed a lone figure standing there, crying.
She recognized the mini-skirted blonde from Jess’s fiftieth. ‘What the fuck do you think you are doing here?’ Hope spat.
‘I had to say goodbye, I loved him so much,’ Cherry sobbed.
‘Well I suggest you turn right around and say your goodbyes somewhere else.’
Hope was furious and continued venomously. ‘How dare you even think of coming here, when my beautiful friend is about to bury her husband.’
Cherry saw red. ‘Well maybe you want to tell your beautiful friend that I wasn’t the only one. It’s common knowledge at work that he’d been shagging half of Berkshire before he ever set eyes on me.’
Hope was incensed. ‘You are one sick slag, now piss off and go and crawl back under the rock you came from.’
‘You’ll see,’ Cherry shouted after Hope as she ran into the church. ‘You’ll see.’
Chapter Twenty-two
Jess looked beautiful in her black fitted-suit and veiled pillar box hat. Her swan-shaped crystal brooch caught the light and glistened momentarily as she strode confidently to the front of the church. She held her head high and cleared her throat.
A swan swam across my heart today
I felt its beautiful wings touch my soul
It’s going to nest there now
A loving creature to draw strength upon
Her voice began to wobble. ‘Sam, you are and always will be my swan.’
She walked back to stand with her family and held Freya’s hand tightly. She had to remain strong for their gorgeous little girl today. She even managed to belt out Sam’s favorite hymn ‘Jerusalem’ at the top of her voice.
Hope ushered everyone in through her large hallway to her spacious living room. Jess had been strangely comforted at just how many people had been at the church. She knew Sam was a popular man, but the number, mainly women, who attended his funeral, surprised even her. It seemed weird that just a short time ago, most of these same people were here celebrating her birthday, and it made her realise again just how precious life was.
She wondered who on earth would have a grudge against them, enough to endanger their lives. She tried to put this thought to the back of her mind. She had to get through today and then she could worry about that.
She could then also concentrate on the massive decision of where she and Freya would live. Sam would obviously have made sure they were insured but, with an investigation going on, she had no idea how long it would take to get the money through and the house rebuilt.
Hope had taken control of organising the wake, ably assisted by Jack-the-Lad. Young male waiting staff dressed in smart black T-shirts and trousers attended everybody’s needs.
‘Only Hope could manage this.’ Jess smiled to herself. She poured herself a large glass of wine and looked for Freya. She was happily playing outside with Annabel and Laura. She noticed the nosey village set, eating their way through the buffet and gossiping in the corner. One of them apprehended Charlie as she walked by. ‘Your poor mother, such a dreadful loss.’
‘Yes, we are all going to miss my dad very much,’ Charlie answered. She walked over to Jess and put her arm around her shoulder. ‘Hey, Jess, how you holding up?’
‘I’ll be glad when everyone goes home to be honest,’ Jess replied weakly. ‘Don’t they say that once the funeral is over you can start moving forward?’
‘I’m missing him already,’ Charlie said bluntly. ‘He should be here, charming his guests as usual.’ Tears pricked her eyes.
‘Is Dan here?’ Jess enquired. ‘I didn’t notice him in the church.’
‘Yeah, he’s here. He stood at the back. I said he was stupid, but he said he didn’t feel right standing with the family. He’s just parking his car up the road, as the drive is so packed.’
This was the first time that Jess had actually thought of Dan since she waved goodbye to him at the cottage. She was so glad that she had made the decision to stay with Sam, and that the last night she had had with him had been so loving. He would have died knowing that he was forgiven and she wanted to be with him. She wanted his eldest daughter to know this too. ‘I made peace with your dad before he died, Charlie. I realised that I did want to spend the rest of my life with him. Sod’s law, his big bloody heart had to give out.�
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Charlotte smiled through her sadness. ‘I’m so pleased, Jess. You must feel better for that?’
‘I do. Are you staying tonight by the way?’
‘Yes, I can actually stay for as long as you want me too. I’ve taken a week off work, so if you want me to hang around until you’ve sorted yourself out a bit I’m happy to. Dan and I came in separate cars, as he has got to leave early for work in the morning.’
‘Thanks, Charlie, I appreciate that. Now go and get yourself a drink.’
Jess took a deep breath as she saw Dan approaching her. She noticed how handsome he looked in his black suit and tie. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and she was sure she noticed tears in his eyes.
‘Hey, Jessy, what a shitter.’
She laughed quietly at him. ‘Only you, Dan, could come out with something like that.’
‘I’m here for you, Jess,’ he hesitated. ‘As a friend that is, and I mean that.’ He lovingly put his hand on her shoulder. Jess was touched by his sincerity. She thought it was weird, the different reactions death caused. It did make everything else pale into insignificance. She had always been a fixer of the attitude that there was a solution to everything in life. But death was one thing that not one person had any power over. Sam was gone, gone forever. No second chances to say goodbye. De nada. Nothing. Extinct. Obsolete. Gone.
‘Come and see us soon,’ her dad said as he started walking to the taxi that Jess had arranged for him and Maria. Even though she had already said goodbye once, she ran over to him again and gave him a big hug and a kiss. ‘I love you both very much, now look after yourselves.’ She gave Maria a kiss on the cheek.
‘We will do,’ Maria replied shakily.
After about three hours, everyone, apart from the main crew who were staying at Hope’s had left. ‘I’m exhausted,’ Jess said, and flopped down on one of Hope’s big sofas.
‘Let’s get drunk,’ Karl suggested.
‘Oh I’m not sure,’ Phoebe added sensibly.
‘Yes, let’s,’ Hope retorted. ‘There’s loads of wine left.’
‘Have you got any Stella?’ Dan piped up which made Jess smile. She stood up.
‘I’m just going to check on Freya and then I’ll be right down. Can someone pour me a large glass of red please?’
She walked slowly upstairs. She had put Freya to bed earlier, and tried to explain again that her daddy had gone to see the angels. She pushed open the bedroom door quietly. Annabel was reading quietly with a torch under her covers. Jess mouthed hello and smiled at her. She kissed her sleeping child on the cheek. Freya stirred and said sleepily, ‘Is Daddy still seeing the angels, Mummy?’
‘Yes he is, darling girl. Now you go to sleep ,’ she whispered.
Jess closed the door behind her, stood on the landing, and began to sob until she didn’t think she could possibly cry anymore. Phoebe, realising Jess had been gone a long time, went up in search of her. ‘Oh, Jessy darling, come here.’ She took her grief-stricken sister in her arms.
‘What am I going to do?’ Jess wailed.
‘It’s OK, we’re all here to help you,’ Phoebe soothed. Everything is going to be alright, I promise you.’
‘God, I wish Mum was here,’ Jess said quietly, almost crushing her sister.
‘So do I.’ Phoebe was now crying too.
Jess, suddenly back in fixer mode, pulled herself together. ‘Right, well we’re not going to get anything done grizzling our eyes out on the bloody landing are we?’ She grabbed her sister’s hand. ‘Now, let’s go downstairs and get pissed.’
Between them Jess, Phoebe, Glen, Hope, Jack-the-Lad, Karl, Shelly, Charlie, and Dan managed to polish off ten bottles of wine. After their seventh rendition of ‘Angels’ they all decided that bed was the only option and staggered up the stairs. Jess bumped into Charlie outside the bathroom. She kissed her stepmother on the cheek. ‘Dad would have been very proud of you today, Jess.’
‘Thanks for saying that, Charlie, you weren’t half bad yourself.’
‘Goodnight,’ they both slurred in unison.
Jess had been in bed about half an hour when she heard a light tapping on her door. Despite being drunk, she had so much running through her mind that she just couldn’t sleep.
‘Yes,’ she said quietly.
‘Budge up, Mrs. Robinson.’
The room was pitch black, but she instantly recognised the delectable smell that was Daniel Harris.
‘What about Charlie?’ Jess whispered.
‘She’s sound asleep,’ Dan whispered back.
He found her lips and Jess kissed him back passionately. Her breathing fastened. They explored each other in silence, bringing each other to heights that only they could reach together. Jess felt no guilt. To make love to someone, whom she knew now loved her so much, seemed somehow right at this moment in time. Life was short.
Chapter Twenty-three
The next morning Hope dished out painkillers with coffee as everybody’s heads were throbbing. Jess was thankful that Georgina and Annabel were keeping Freya amused, as she couldn’t bear to have to deal with her child’s matter-of-fact questions this morning.
Charlie appeared in the kitchen, her eyes were red from crying.
‘Oh, Charlie, darling, come and sit down,’ Jess said caringly.
‘God, why is life so unfair,’ Charlie cried. ‘He was such a good man.’
‘I know, angel, I know.’ Jess held her to her chest.
Hope looked on. She had been bothered by Cherry’s comments at the church gates. Yes, a woman scorned would be angry but why should she lie about Sam’s other indiscretions. She looked at Jess’s tortured face. She had never kept anything from her friend in her life, but this was something she would never be able to tell her. She knew Jess’s heart was breaking anyway. What good would it be to drag up even more hurt? She decided at that moment that Sam Beresford’s sordid secrets would remain buried along with him, the bastard!
Everyone ate their toast and then milled off to their respective rooms to pack. Jess and Charlie sat alone at the kitchen table in silence until Charlie put her head in her hands. ‘Oh, Jess.’ She started crying again.
‘It’s OK, darling,’ Jess soothed, suddenly feeling complete guilt, for her actions of the night before. ‘I told Dan it was over this morning,’ Charlie wept.
Jess felt a sudden surge of relief and panic at the same time. Last night had felt so right with Dan. However, in her sobriety she realised the enormity of what she’d done in sleeping with him. She knew she wasn’t Charlie’s actual mother, but the devastation of her actions could have been huge.
‘Dad’s death just made me realise that I can’t just play at life anymore. Dan’s a great guy and we’ve had amazing fun together, but there is just something missing. If you asked me what that missing something was, I wouldn’t be able to tell you but what I do know is that he’s not the one.
She looked directly at Jess and questioned. ‘You just know don’t you, if they are the one I mean?’
‘Yes you do,’ Jess said quietly. ‘You really do.’
Chapter Twenty-four
Freya was insistent that she spent the rest of the Easter holidays with her cousins. Phoebe gladly agreed. She knew her dear sister needed time alone to sort her affairs and, if Freya was kept busy, she wouldn’t think so much about Sam not being around. Jess was just sitting quietly at Hope’s having a cup of tea when there was a sharp knock on the door. It was the police. ‘Mrs. Beresford, we’d be really grateful if you could come to the station with us.’
Jess obligingly agreed. She wearily got into the police car and thanked the officers for giving her some time, before the obvious questioning had to ensue. She sat in their dank interview room and felt desperate. Who’d have thought that her life would come to this? Her husband dead, her home burnt down. She was now, at fifty yearsold, a single parent.
‘Can you think of anyone at all who would have a grudge against you or your husband?’ The older of the two policemen
asked matter-of-factly. He had a large moustache that moved as he talked and it actually made Jess want to giggle.
‘No,’ she replied immediately. ‘I still think it must be a terrible mistake. My husband and I lived a quiet, normal existence.’
The policeman was stony-faced.
‘My husband was a good man,’ she added, suddenly for some strange reason, feeling guilty herself. He placed some folders in front of her on the desk and then held a key up in front of her. ‘Do you recognise this key, Mrs. Beresford?’
She took it from him and fingered it.
‘It was in a folder marked 65 Eastern Street,’ the Policeman added.
‘Eastern Street, I’m not aware of that address and a key is a key to me. But I guess it could be an office key. The barn where Lemon Events is situated had lots of doors,’ Jess stated.
The policeman looked at her with pity and produced yet more folders. ‘I really don’t like to do this to you, Mrs. Beresford, but we went to the Eastern Street address. It was indeed an office, rented by your husband. We recovered the following from one of the filing cabinets there.’
He put a bright pink folder in front of her. ‘Take a look.’
Jess quizzically opened the folder. It was full of greetings cards. She curiously looked inside one of the cards.
Darling Sam, you were so right Gay Paris is all it’s cracked up to be. Thank you for a wonderful time. All my love Sabine
And then another.
If this is just a starter as you implied, I cannot wait for the main course. Kisses Julia
She was white by the time she read the third one
Sam Beresford, Monte Carlo and me! Let’s live the dream! Love always Susie xx
‘It’s fine everybody has a past,’ she said nonchalantly, wanting for some reason to stick up for her obvious philanderer of a dead husband.
‘I’m so sorry, Mrs. Beresford, but some of the cards were in envelopes, the postmarks go back over the past six years. We also found a numerous receipts for hotels and restaurants around Europe.’ The moustache continued moving.