“Uhh…ummm,” he hums and shrugs like he lost the answer.
I give him a groggy but stern look. “We’ve been over this, bud.”
He chews his lip for a second. “I can’t remember, Daddy.” With a big smile, he tries to slide beneath the bed, but I lift him back up and set him on the pillow next to me. Oh, he remembers. We had this conversation just yesterday.
“Knock before you enter someone else’s bedroom,” I explain again. “Then they’ll invite you in. It’s the polite thing to do.” Listen to me, Loren Hale, teaching someone about manners. Welcome to Earth-1610. It’s strange here.
We’re not in an alternate universe, Lo! This is Earth-616, I hear Lily’s retort in my head.
I might need to eat a breakfast burrito before I can process my own reality. Loren Hale: father of a cute-as-hell little boy, discipliner (but not in a shitty, Jonathan Hale way), and husband to an adorable, pinchable blanket-lump.
Moffy swiftly springs to his feet, purposefully ignoring me. He bounces and jumps and giggles.
“Stop jumping, Maximoff, and go knock.” My voice is like cut glass, but Moffy’s dopey grin never fades, hardly frightened by me. He practically leaps off the bed and scurries out, shutting the door behind him.
Now fully closed, I whisper to the blanket-lump, “Lil, you okay?”
She squeaks out something inaudible, and I lose time to peek beneath the champagne comforter. Moffy knocks on the door.
“Who is it?!” I call loudly. Quickly, I stretch over the side of the bed and collect my black boxer-briefs from the floor.
“Maximoff!” he replies in a shrill half-scream. “Can I come in?!”
I finish slipping on my boxer-briefs. “Yeah, little man!”
The door bursts open, and he flings himself on the mattress like a flying squirrel.
I pat his back. “Much better.” As I slide to the edge of the bed, I easily pick him up and toss him onto my shoulder.
He laughs hysterically, kicking his legs as though he can steer the direction I go.
“Do you know what today is?” I ask.
“Thoosday!” he yells out the answer.
“Yeah, but today is a different kind of special day.” I set him on the suede couch next to two black armoires, all facing my bed. Our room is dimly lit and for the most part clean unlike the crazy raisins’ place. I can’t find a fucking thing when I’m there.
Moffy blinks a few times, confused. I like kids. They know less than me, and I don’t know a lot about a lot of things. That’s what Connor Cobalt is for.
“It’s Valentine’s Day,” I clarify.
“Waz that?”
I could consult the internet’s most accurate definition, but who gives a shit? “It’s a day about love. Teachers will make you send cards to all your classmates, even the ones you literally hate, but it’s also a day where you eat way too much chocolate and candy and”—I feign surprise, eyes widening—“heart-shaped pancakes.”
“No way!” He smiles wide.
“Yeah huh.” I nod towards the door. “Go watch some cartoons downstairs, and you can help me make them. I’ll be there in a second.”
Moffy dashes out, excited to have a task and probably remembering that he’s in the middle of Wolverine and the X-Men.
I fix my hair with both my hands and return to the bed. The blanket-lump is silent and motionless, and it’d be funny if I didn’t know that she might be sinking into a low.
Now sitting in the middle of the bed, I fling the comforter and top-sheet off Lily. She’s scrunched in a ball, naked, hands covering her mortified face.
Something tugs hard inside of me. I whisper, “Lil…come on.” My voice scratches my throat. I pull her onto my lap and seize a purple throw blanket, wrapping her up in it.
She sniffs, and I try to remove one of her hands, but she shakes her head back and forth. “I don’t want to do today,” she says so softly.
My face twists, pained, as pained as my lungs that crush together. Sex was easier when Moffy was a little baby. There was no fear that he’d sprint into our room unannounced. No fear that he’d walk in on us.
Lily and I—we’d do almost anything to keep him from accidentally seeing or hearing us having sex. We’re quiet, much more than we used to be, and we’ve been good about sticking to a morning and night routine. For Lil, this is an accomplishment I remind her about every goddamn day.
Moffy is older now, and this is just the start to big changes.
Like the fact that he’s barged into our bedroom for the fourth time this week. It might not seem like a lot or like a big deal, but it is. She’s a sex addict, and she looks forward to sex in the morning—to sticking to this schedule. Deviating from her norm gives her anxiety, stress, and makes her want more than she’s even allowed.
I get it.
I’m right here with her, and I understand cravings that eat at her head. That fuck with her. I get it so much, and I know just how badly Lily doesn’t want to be upset about not having sex. Because there are a million things to be upset about, and why, out of all issues, is sex…and alcohol…why do they have to plague us? It’s not worth the tears, the anguish—it’s just sex. It’s just whiskey.
And still, it happens.
I’m finally able to pry one of her hands away, but she keeps her eyes tightened shut like she can escape this moment and this day.
“Unfortunately, Lil,” I say, “your time-travel powers haven’t kicked in yet. You gotta do today. You have to do every day.”
She sniffs again, and tears prick her eyes as she opens them. I wipe them away with my thumb. She knots the blanket, trying to stop crying, but she hiccups.
I hold her closer, my arms around her, and like she remembers just who I am, her gangly arms curve tight around me, clutching harder. She sits on my lap, and I kiss her temple before whispering, “I’m going to fuck you tonight, love. Hold onto that, okay?”
I can feel guilt shake her body. “I…don’t want it.” She cries into my shoulder because she wishes she didn’t want it, but she does.
We cling harder to one another, and then she mumbles, “Never mind.”
“Never mind, what?”
Lily lifts her head, her shoulder-length hair askew. She rubs the tears off her own face and blows out a measured breath. Then, more assured, she says, “I do want it, and that’s okay.” She nods to herself. “I…I want to help with the pancakes.”
I kiss her gently on the lips. “Hey, Lily?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you.”
She smiles a tearful smile and nods again. “Just give me a minute to get dressed?” We haven’t separated from one another yet, our limbs tangled.
I clasp her small round face with both my hands. “No masturbating, love.”
“I won’t.” Her strength cements these words as something greater than a promise. I see pure resilience flash in her green eyes, stemmed from fights fought long before today.
“I believe you,” I breathe, reinforcing her armor.
This is where I have to let go.
It’s hard because I’d vote to be tangled up with my best friend for absolute fucking eternity.
“You first,” she says.
“You first.” I comb my fingers through her hair.
She gapes like I broke a sacred rule of ours. Our only historic rule has been to love one another, and we’ve always succeeded at that. Maybe even too well. Then she pokes my chest. “You first.”
“You first.”
She squints at me. “You can’t keep doing that.”
“I just did, love.” My lips drift to her ear. “And I’ll do it again.” I stick my tongue in.
“Lo!” She disentangles from me in shock, rolling off my lap.
I touch my chest. “Asshole.” I point at her. “Angel.”
Her lips downturn. “Angels are pure. I’m more like a sex demon…ohmygod, I’m a succubus.” She cringes.
“Then you’re the most adorable goddamn
succubus I’ve ever seen.” I fight not to climb on top of her.
Lily smiles and then crawls off the bed. She slowly searches for her clothes, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Her limbs are so awkward and thin. She looks breakable, but as our eyes meet, I see that resilience again.
I force my muscles to move. Out. Go out. I have to leave her for a bit. Just a bit. It’s not out of worry that I want to stay.
It’s just out of love.
* * *
Lily takes a quick shower while I descend the stairs to the living room, only in black track pants.
Maximoff sits on his yellow beanbag, entranced by Wolverine and the X-Men playing on the TV. Garrison is on the couch, wearing his bulky headphones. His laptop teeters on his leg while he eats a cold slice of pizza.
When he sees me pass the couch, he waves.
I nod back, happy to see that he’s taking it easy and isn’t already scrambling to be at work. He no longer looks like he could audition for Zombie #34 in The Walking Dead.
“Moffy. Pancakes.” I push open the door to the kitchen, but Moffy is glued to the television. “Maximoff Hale. You want to cook or watch superheroes defeat evil?” I can’t believe this is even a question.
“Superheroes,” he says in a daze.
Yeah, that’s definitely my kid.
I leave him be, and by the time I find the pancake batter and measuring cups, Lily enters the kitchen in gray leggings and black baggy shirt with the Superheroes & Scones logo. A giant bouquet of red roses dwarfs her small build.
I left them in the bathroom last night for her to find. I grab a vase and put it on the bar counter.
She sits on the stool, smiling this overwhelmed kind of smile. “You surprised me.”
She thought I forgot, which she has reason to. We used to forget what day of the week it was. “You think those are from me?” I quip. “My heart is black, love. I don’t do romance.” I spread my hands on the counter, leaning towards my wife.
Lily fits the roses in a vase and then procures the tiny white card from between the stems. “Only Loren Hale would write this.”
“What?”
She reads, “These are real.”
These are real.
I’m swept in the past, my intense, undeniable love for her all the same. In every time, in every place. “Guilty,” I breathe.
Her eyes flit to my lips.
Mine hone in on hers, but I force my feet back. I bend down to grab a mixing bowl. When I rise, Lily is off the stool and reading the directions on the back of the pancake mix.
She catches sight of the time on the oven clock. 8:04 a.m. “You can get ready for work, and I’ll make these for him.”
“I took today off.”
Frown-wrinkles crease her forehead. “You don’t need to do that, Lo.” She layers this cute sternness in her voice that doubles my attraction. I want to scoop her in my arms and kiss the fuck out of her. “I’m fine. I’m…okay. I won’t do anything—”
I put my finger to her lips. “Lily. It’s Valentine’s Day. I’ve been planning to take off work all week.”
She flushes. “Oh.”
I place my hand on my bare chest. “World’s Best Husband. I think Connor Cobalt would even agree with me on this.”
Lily sets the pancake box down. “He’d definitely fight you on that title.”
I feign hurt. “Connor would never fight me.”
She pauses in thought and then nods assuredly. “True, but he’d have words with you. He likes words.”
“I’m no genius, but I think ‘having words’ implies physical fighting.” I measure out some of the pancake mix and pour it into the bowl.
“Only in fantasy shows… or historical… mostly medieval…” she trails off, and I watch her smooth the wrinkles in her shirt and then stand a little straighter, shoulders pulled back. She’s adorable, even when she’s about to begin a “serious” conversation.
I rest against the counter, waiting for it.
She seems to nod to herself again as self-encouragement, and then her round green eyes meet my sharp amber ones. “I need to talk about something serious.”
There it is.
“Captain Marvel?” I ask. The new Marvel movie comes out soon, and we’ve both been looking forward to seeing it, especially Lil.
“No, I mean, yes, that’s serious. But no, that’s not what I need to tell you.” She takes a deeper breath, and I try to prepare for the news. Sex. I know this is about sex. “I think we should start limiting morning sex.”
I cross my arms, confused now. “We can just wake up earlier—”
“I don’t want to risk it. What if he walks in on us?”
“We can start locking the door—”
“Nonono. If he has a nightmare, I want him to be able to come get us. I don’t want my addiction to take anything away from him.”
“He can still come get us if the door is locked.”
Lily is stubborn about this. “I want to reach a place where I don’t need morning sex, Lo. I can do it.” It’d be easier if we could be spontaneous about sex, and occasionally, we can, but Lily feels better by boundaries and restrictions.
It doesn’t mean we’ll never have morning sex. It just means it won’t be part of our everyday norm.
“If you want to try, we can try.” I wouldn’t stop her from this challenge.
“I want to try.” Lily eyes my lips again, but they linger longer for a second and then drift to my cheekbones. She consciously tears her gaze away. Fantasizing and cravings—those come less frequent when she’s had morning sex, or so she’s told me.
It’ll be a hard test, but what isn’t?
“There’s something else…” Lily crosses her ankles and then uncrosses them.
“What’s that?” I abandon the pancake mix and edge closer, my hand sliding across her waist, but I don’t pull her to my body.
Her gaze completely drops to my dick.
“Lily Hale, are you staring at my cock?”
Her eyes widen like I’ve been caught. “Yes,” she admits, “yes, I was. You have a nice penis, even if it’s in your pants.”
“I know.”
She slugs my arm.
I rub the spot, which hardly hurts. “Have you been working out, love?”
“I’m trying to make a serious declaration here.”
“I thought it was about my nice penis.”
Her neck reddens, less from embarrassment and more from arousal. “It’s not…or it kind of is.” She raises her hands. “Take two steps back. I can’t think clearly when you’re this near me.”
I take two steps back like she asked. “Better?”
She nods more confidently.
I wave to her with two hands. “Lay it on me.”
With a big inhale she says, “I want us to try for another baby.” My lips part, and she speaks hastily before I can even process. “I know, in passing, we discussed the possibility of having another, but I’m talking about actually trying. Planning it and everything.”
I dazedly walk backwards, my hand catching the counter for support. I’m just confused. She’s right; we have talked about another kid, but like most things with us, we kind of put it off. We don’t plan. We’re not Rose and Connor. Things just happen to us.
We don’t make them happen.
That’s how we’ve lived our lives, and now that this fact is in clear focus, I only think, that’s fucking sad. That’s really sad that people have had to steer us our whole lives. That bad and good luck have dictated what happens next in our future.
“Why?” I ask. “Why now? It’s weird timing, Lil. With everything that’s happening as Moffy gets older.” As he grows, we keep pivoting when we’re so used to staying rooted in one place.
Lily comes closer on her own accord.
And then she reaches out for my hand. Slowly but carefully, she interlaces my fingers with hers, nothing sexual about the act. For a brief moment, I feel our teenage years—Lily and Lo, Lo and Lily�
�best friends instead of lovers. Where touch carries the depth and lifeline of every soulful and anguished emotion.
I stare at our clasped hands while she says, “We want more. We do, right?”
“Right.” I’ve expressed as much over the years. I can do this again, I always say. I’d have another. Because my son hasn’t kicked me down. When I look at him, I might as well be flying.
“Then we have to start trying and planning or else it’ll never happen. We’re too good at procrastinating, and we can’t procrastinate on this. It’s our family.” She takes a breath, not finished yet. “And I decided to tell you today because I’d rather make this decision on my worst day than my best. I need to remember that there will be plenty of bad, shitty days, and those bad, shitty days can’t derail my future…our future.”
My eyes burn, my emotions flooding me at once. Jesus Christ. I’m going to cry, and she’s not even crying. “Lily Hale.” I wipe a tear that escapes. “Way to be better at Valentine’s Day than me.”
She bursts into a smile. “Really? Is that a yes?”
I nod a couple times. “You and me—we might not be geniuses or adventurers, but we’re good together.” I pause, the words just hitting me hard. “Because our worst days can become our best.” I wear a half-smile. “And because the sex is great.”
She’s beaming. “I’ve decided that I’m glad I don’t have time-travel powers.”
“Not even to fix that time your porn played in class?” I tease.
She flushes, and it takes all her strength to shake her head. “You’re there in that memory. Sitting beside me. And I don’t want to miss any day with you.”
I hug her to my chest. “No time-travel powers for you.”
She lifts her chin up to look at me. “Teleportation is still on the table. I promise I’ll take you with me.”
“Where are we going?”
“Hogwarts.”
“Good thinking.” Priorities. Magic is always number one.
[ 12 ]
February 2019
Some Kind of Perfect (Calloway Sisters #4.5) Page 13