by David Mamet
BOB: What?
TEACH: Things are what they are.
DON: Teach . . .
TEACH: What?
DON: We’ll do this later.
BOB: I got to ask you something.
TEACH: Sure, that makes a difference.
DON: We’ll just do it later.
TEACH: Sure.
BOB: Uh, Don?
DON: What?
Pause.
BOB: I got to talk to you.
DON: Yeah? What?
BOB: I’m wondering on the thing that maybe I could have a little bit up front.
Pause.
DON: Do you need it?
BOB: I don’t need it . . .
DON: How much?
BOB: I was thinking that maybe you might let me have like fifty or something.
Pause.
To sort of have . . .
TEACH: You got any cuff links?
DON: Look in the case. (To BOB) What do you need it for?
BOB: Nothing.
DON: Bob . . .
BOB: You can trust me.
DON: It’s not a question of that. It’s not a question I go around trusting you, Bob . . .
BOB: What’s the question?
TEACH: Procedure.
DON: Hold on, Teach.
BOB: I got him all spotted.
Pause.
TEACH: Who?
BOB: Some guy.
TEACH: Yeah?
BOB: Yeah.
TEACH: Where’s he live?
BOB: Around.
TEACH: Where? Near here?
BOB: No.
TEACH: No?
BOB: He lives like on Lake Shore Drive.
TEACH: He does.
BOB: Yeah.
TEACH (Pause): What have you got, a job cased?
BOB: I just went for coffee.
TEACH: But you didn’t get the coffee.
Pause.
Now, did you?
BOB: No.
TEACH: Why?
DON: Hold on, Teach. Bob . . .
BOB: What?
DON: You know what?
BOB: No.
DON: I was thinking, you know, we might hold off on this thing.
Pause.
BOB: You wanna hold off on it?
DON: I was thinking that we might.
BOB: Oh.
DON: And, on the money, I’ll give you . . . forty, you owe me twenty, and, for now, keep twenty for spotting the guy.
Pause.
Okay?
BOB: Yeah.
Pause.
You don’t want me to do the job?
DON: That’s what I told you. What am I telling you?
BOB: I’m not going to do it.
DON: Not now. We aren’t going to do it now.
BOB: We’ll do it later on?
DON (shrugs): But I’m giving you twenty just for spotting the guy.
BOB: I need fifty, Donny.
DON: Well, Fm giving you forty.
BOB: You said you were giving me twenty.
DON: NO, Bob, I did not. I said I was giving you forty, of which you were going to owe me twenty.
Pause.
And you go keep twenty.
BOB: I got to give back twenty.
DON: That’s the deal.
BOB: When?
DON: Soon. When you got it.
Pause.
BOB: If I don’t get it soon?
DON: Well, what do you call “soon"?
BOB: I don’t know.
DON: Could you get it in a . . . day, or a couple of days or so?
BOB: Maybe. I don’t think so. Could you let me have fifty?
DON: And you’ll give me back thirty?
BOB: I could just give back the twenty.
DON: That’s not the deal.
BOB: We could make it the deal.
Pause.
Donny? We could make it the deal. Huh?
DON: Bob, lookit. Here it is: I give you fifty, next week you pay me back twenty-five.
Pause.
You get to keep twenty-five, you pay me back twenty-five.
BOB: And what about the thing?
DON: Forget about it.
BOB: You tell me when you want me to do it.
DON: I don’t know that I want you to do it At this point.
Pause.
You know what I mean?
Pause.
BOB: No.
DON: I mean, I’m giving you twenty-five, and I’m saying forget the thing.
BOB: Forget it for me.
DON: Yes.
BOB: Oh.
Pause.
Okay. Okay.
DON: You see what I’m talking about?
BOB: Yes.
DON: Like it never happened.
BOB: I know.
DON: So you see what I’m saying.
BOB: Yes.
Pause.
I’m gonna go.
Pause.
I’ll see you later. (Pause. He looks at DON.)
DON: Oh. (Reaches in pocket and hands bills to BOB. To TEACH) You got two fives?
TEACH: No.
DON (to BOB): I got to give you . . . thirty, you owe me back thirty.
BOB: You said you were giving me fifty.
DON: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Bob, you’re absolutely right (He gives BOB remainder of money.)
Pause.
BOB: Thank you.
Pause.
I’ll see you later, huh, Teach?
TEACH: I’ll see you later, Bobby.
BOB: I’ll see you, Donny.
DON: I’ll see you later, Bob.
BOB: I’ll come back later.
DON: Okay.
BOB starts to exit.
TEACH: See you.
Pause. BOB is gone.
You’re only doing the right thing by him, Don.
Pause.
Believe me.
Pause.
It’s best for everybody.
Pause.
What’s done is done.
Pause.
So let’s get started. On the thing. Tell me everything.
DON: Like what?
TEACH: . . . the guy . . . where does he live . . .
DON: Around the corner.
TEACH: Okay, and he’s gone for the weekend.
DON: We don’t know.
TEACH: Of course we know. Bob saw him coming out the door. The kid’s not going to lie to you.
DON: Well, Bob just saw him coming out . . .
TEACH: He had a suitcase, Don, he wasn’t going to the A&P. . . He’s going for the weekend . . .
Pause.
Don, (Can you cooperate?) Can we get started? Do you want to tell me something about coins?
Pause.
DON: What about ‘em?
TEACH: A crash course. What to look for. What to take. What to not take (. . . this they can trace) (that isn’t worth nothing . . .)
Pause.
What looks like what but it’s more valuable. . so on . . .
DON: First off, I want that nickel back.
TEACH: Donny . . .
DON: No, I know, it’s only a fuckin’ nickel. . . I mean big deal, huh? But what I’m saying is I only want it back.
TEACH: You’re going to get it back. I’m going in there for his coins, what am I going to take ‘em all except your nickel? Wake up. Don, let’s plan this out The spirit of the thing?
Pause.
Let’s not be loose on this. People are loose, people pay the price . . .
DON: You’re right
TEACH: (And I like you like a brother, Don.) So let’s wake up on this.
Pause.
All right? A man, he walks in here, well-dressed . . . (With a briefcase?)
DON: (No.)
TEACH: All right. . . . comes into a junkshop looking for coins.
Pause.
He spots a valuable nickel hidden in a pile of shit. He farts around, he picks up this, he farts around, he picks up that.
DON: (He wants the nickel.)
TEACH: No shit. He goes to check out, he goes ninety on the nick.
DON: (He would of gone five times that.)
TEACH: (Look, don’t kick yourself.) All right, we got a guy knows coins. Where does he keep his coin collection?
DON: Hidden.
TEACH: The man hides his coin collection, we’re probably looking the guy has a study . . . I mean, he’s not the kind of guy to keep it in the basement . . .
DON: No.
TEACH: So we’re looking for a study.
DON: (A den.)
TEACH: And we’re looking, for, he hasn’t got a safe . . .
DON: Yeah . . . ?
TEACH: . . . he’s probably going to keep ‘em . . . where?
Pause.
DON: I don’t know. His desk drawer.
TEACH: (You open the middle, the rest of ‘em pop out?)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (Maybe.) Which brings up a point.
DON: What?
TEACH: As we’re moving the stuff tonight, we can go in like Gangbusters, huh? We don’t care we wreck the joint up. So what else? We take it, or leave it?
DON: . . . well . . .
TEACH: I’m not talking cash, all I mean, what other stuff do we take . . . for our trouble . . .
Pause.
DON: I don’t know.
TEACH: It’s hard to make up rules about this stuff.
DON: (You’ll be in there under lots of pressure.)
TEACH: (Not so much.)
DON: (Come on, a little, anyway.)
TEACH: (That’s only natural.)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (It would be unnatural I wasn’t tense. A guy who isn’t tense, I don’t want him on my side.)
DON: (No.)
TEACH: (You know why?)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (Okay, then.) It’s good to talk this stuff out.
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: You have to talk it out. Bad feelings, misunderstandings happen on a job. You can’t get away from ‘em, you have to deal with ‘em. You want to quiz me on some coins? You want to show some coins to me? List prices . . . the blue book . . . ?
DON: You want to see the book?
TEACH: Sure.
DON (hands large coin-book to TEACH): I just picked it up last week.
TEACH: Uh-hum.
DON: All the values aren’t current . . .
TEACH: Uh-huh . . .
DON: Silver . . .
TEACH (looking at book): Uh-huh . . .
DON: What’s rarity . . .
TEACH: Well, that’s got to be fairly steady, huh?
DON: I’m saying against what isn’t.
TEACH: Oh.
DON: But the book gives you a general idea.
TEACH: You’ve been looking at it?
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: You got to have a feeling for your subject.
DON: The book can give you that.
TEACH: This is what I’m saying to you. One thing. Makes all the difference in the world.
DON: What?
TEACH: Knowing what the fuck you’re talking about. And it’s so rare, Don. So rare.
What do you think a 1929 S Lincoln-head penny with the wheat on the back is worth?
DON starts to speak.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! We got to know what condition we’re talking about.
DON (Pause): Okay. What condition?
TEACH: Any of ‘em. You tell me.
DON: Well, pick one.
TEACH: Okay, Fm going to pick an easy one. Excellent condition 1929 S.
DON: It’s worth . . . about thirty-six dollars.
TEACH: No.
DON: (More?)
TEACH: Well, guess.
DON: Just tell me is it more or less.
TEACH: What do you think?
DON: More.
TEACH: No.
DON: Okay, it’s worth, I gotta say . . . eighteen-sixty.
TEACH: No.
DON: Then I give up.
TEACH: Twenty fucking cents.
DON: You’re fulla shit.
TEACH: My mother’s grave.
DON: Give me that fucking book. (Business.) Go beat that.
TEACH: This is what I’m saying, Don, you got to know what you’re talking about.
DON: You wanna take the book?
TEACH: Naaa, fuck the book. What am I going to do, leaf through the book for hours on end? The important thing is to have the idea . . .
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: What was the other one?
DON: What other one?
TEACH: He stole off you.
DON: What do you mean what was it?
TEACH: The date, so on.
DON: HOW the fuck do I know?
TEACH (Pause): When you looked it up.
DON: How are you getting in the house?
TEACH: The house?
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: Aah, you go in through a window they left open, something.
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: There’s always something.
DON: Yeah. What else, if not the window.
TEACH: How the fuck do I know?
Pause.
If not the window, something else.
DON: What?
TEACH: We’ll see when we get there.
DON: Okay, all I’m asking, what it might be.
TEACH: Hey, you didn’t warn us we were going to have a quiz . . .
DON: It’s just a question.
TEACH: I know it.
Pause.
DON: What is the answer?
TEACH: We’re seeing when we get there.
DON: Oh. You can’t answer me, Teach?
TEACH: You have your job, I have my job, Don. I am not here to smother you in theory. Think about it.
DON: I am thinking about it. I’d like you to answer my question.
TEACH: Don’t push me, Don. Don’t front off with me here. I am not other people.
DON: And just what does that mean?
TEACH: Just that nobody’s perfect.
DON: They aren’t.
TEACH: No.
Pause.
DON: I’m going to have Fletch come with us.
TEACH: Fletch.
DON: Yes.
TEACH: You’re having him come with us.
DON: Yes.
TEACH: Now you’re kidding me.
DON: No.
TEACH: No? Then why do you say this?
DON: With Fletch.
TEACH: Yes.
DON: I want some depth.
TEACH: You want depth on the team.
DON: Yes, I do.
TEACH: So you bring in Fletch.
DON: Yes.
TEACH: ‘Cause I don’t play your games with you.
DON: We just might need him.
TEACH: We won’t.
DON: We might, Teach.
TEACH: We don’t need him, Don. We do not need this guy.
DON picks up phone.
What? Are you calling him?
DON nods.
DON: It’s busy. (Hangs up.)
TEACH: He’s probably talking on the phone.
DON: Yeah. He probably is.
TEACH: We don’t need this guy, Don. We don’t need him. I see your point here, I do. So you’re thinking I’m out there alone, and you’re worried I’ll rattle, so you ask me how I go in. I understand. I see this, I do. I could go in the second floor, climb up a drainpipe, I could this . . .
DON dials phone again.
He’s talking, he’s talking, for chrissake, give him a minute, huh?
DON hangs up phone.
I am hurt, Don.
DON: I’m sorry, Teach.
TEACH: I’m not hurt for me.
DON: Who are you hurt for?
TEACH: Think about it.
DON: We can use somebody watch our rear.
TEACH: You keep your numbers down, you don’t have a rear. You know what has rears? Armies
DO
N: I’m just saying, something goes wrong . . .
TEACH: Wrong, wrong, you make your own right and wrong. Hey Biiig fucking deal. The shot is yours, no one’s disputing that. We’re talking business, let’s talk business: you think it’s good business call Fletch in? To help us.
DON: Yes.
TEACH: Well then okay.
Pause.
Are you sure?
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: All right, if you’re sure . . .
DON: I’m sure, Teach.
TEACH: Then, all right, then. That’s all I worry about.
Pause.
And you’re probably right, we could use three of us on the job.
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: Somebody watch for the cops . . . work out a signal . . .
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: Safety in numbers.
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: Three-men jobs.
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: You, me, Fletcher.
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: A division of labor.
Pause.
(Security. Muscle. Intelligence.) Huh?
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: This means, what, a traditional split Am I right? We get ten off the top goes to Earl, and the rest, three-way split. Huh? That’s what we got? Huh?
DON: Yeah.
TEACH: Well, that’s what’s right.
Pause.
All right. Lay the shot out for me.
DON: For tonight?
TEACH: Yes.
DON: Okay.
Pause.
I stay here on the phone . . .
TEACH: . . . yeah . . .
DON: . . . for Fletcher . . .
TEACH: Yeah.
DON: We meet, ten-thirty, ‘leven, back here.
TEACH: (Back here, the three . . .)
DON: Yeah. And go in.
Pause.
Huh?
TEACH: Yeah. Where?
DON: Around the corner.
TEACH: Yeah.
Pause.
Are you mad at me?
DON: No.
TEACH: Do you want to play gin?
DON: Naaa.
TEACH: Then I guess I’ll go home, take a nap, and rest up. Come back here tonight and we’ll take off this fucking fruit’s coins.
DON: Right.
TEACH: I feel like I’m trying to stay up to death . . .
DON: You ain’t been to sleep since the game?
TEACH: Shit no (then that dyke cocksucker . . .)
DON: So go take a nap. You trying to kill yourself?
TEACH: You’re right, and you do what you think is right, Don.
DON: I got to, Teach.
TEACH: You got to trust your instincts, right or wrong.
DON: I got to.
TEACH: I know it. I know you do.
Pause.
Anybody wants to get in touch with me, I’m over the hotel.
DON: Okay.
TEACH: I’m not the hotel, I stepped out for coffee, I’ll be back one minute.
DON: Okay.
TEACH: And I’ll see you around eleven.
DON: O’clock.
TEACH: Here.
DON: Right.