The audible gulp he made, was extremely satisfying. Did it make me cruel to enjoy the way his smile morphing into a grimace made me feel a bit too smug? Perhaps. But do I regret it? Nope. Flirtatious little manipulative jerk deserved it.
Not that I really care what he wants to do or who he wants to do it with. Cause I don’t.
“What’s your problem?” He asked, scowling at me the second the two of us got our moment alone in our honeymoon suite. I knew him chewing me out for being a cock-block was coming, so why is it that I was so bothered about it? It’s not like there is anything between the two of us in the first place. “It’s not like I was doing anything wrong.”
“You were flirting, again! Duh. You fucking idiot. We are supposed to behave like lovers! What about that concept do you not get?” I huffed at my Tom-Cat.
Uhh… Not that he’s mine or that I want him to be mine or anything. I don’t like him that way at all. (And if you really believe that I sincerely hope you never find yourself in a used car dealership. Too gullible.)
“It was just a little harmless flirtation.” He snapped back at me, making me offended. That’s just how he thought about all romance. It’s a harmless distraction.
“Well, it’s a good thing neither of us are attracted to one another than!” I bit out, probably harsher than strictly necessary. I should have been sweeter about it. It’s not like he’s some kind of monstrous jerk. He is my friend after all. It’s just, it really bothered me when he flirted like that. Especially when it was with someone other than me.
The look on his face after I let the harsh words leave my lips actually hurt my heart. The way his face twisted in a grimace for a moment, the light in his eyes dimming. He looked so hurt. And I did that to him. How cruel of a person am I? I don’t think of myself as cruel.
I don’t know why I was so angry with him for flirting. I am so annoyed right now. Especially by the way his expression was altered in seconds. He was back to his jokey self who couldn’t take anything seriously no matter how serious everything was. A jokester who can never be serious or focus on what they should.
Why can’t he just tell me what is on his mind?
I mean, we are friends aren’t we?
“Course not.” His voice was as relaxed as ever at the moment.
I gnashed my teeth. I would’ve argued. I should’ve screamed and raged and –
“I got some beer.” My Tom-Cat teased, holding the alcohol in front of me, smiling suggestively.
Last time that happened, I ended up nude in bed with Tom-Cat. He was too much of a gentleman; he wouldn’t take advantage of his drunk friend. And, well, it seems like he wasn’t interested in me in any way in the first place. No way am I ever going to allow that to happen once again. I won’t ever be that drunk!
Unfortunately, as I have said before, my middle name is Impulsivity. So I, of course, accepted his challenge and chugged some of it.
Chapter 3
She was pushing my limits all over again. My hands itched to grab onto her beautiful body. But no matter how much she asked me to do something with her, I couldn’t. She was drunk, I shouldn’t have let her take a hold of the bottle. I shouldn’t have challenged her. I shouldn’t be here doing this.
But she asked me to come. No… I asked her to let me come. I begged her to let me come. On this journey! The journey is what I meant! G-Get your minds out of the gutter! I wasn’t thinking about that at all.
“Just run away with me.” Her smooth, sexy voice purred in my ear, holding onto me. She pressed her beautiful body against my own. Her whole body was pure muscle and it was beautiful. “I want to feel you.”
“What?” I choked as I looked down at her. Wavy black locks, glossy as ever, resting over her broad shoulders. She was too perfect. Jenna. Jenna. My beautiful-
“I want you.” She told me, pressing her soft lips to my own.
I felt fireworks go off behind my eyelids. Oh my god. I am in heaven right now.
She moaned, and I had to pull away. No. This is wrong. She doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want me.
I’ve always known this. I’ve accepted it. Don’t hope, Thomas. Don’t hurt yourself like this.
I pulled away from her, seeing the hope in her glossy blue eyes killed me. There was a drunken haze over her mind.
“No. We are not doing this.” I told her, pulling away from her. She looked so hurt. So broken. She was upset. I hated it. But you know what? I can’t hurt her.
“Wha- Why not?!” She was angry. She was drunk. She didn’t know what she was doing. “What’s wrong with me?”
"Go to sleep, Genie," I told her. "Sleep it off. You'd just regret anything we did in the morning."
Chapter 4
My head was pounding and my legs were intertwined with his. Did it happen again? Holy shit. Oh my fucking god. I could feel his entire body against my own, feeling my face burn. We were both nude. Oh god. What did I do last night? What did we do? When I opened my eyes, I saw my face was pressed against his muscular yet soft chest. His pecs were… amazing and I wanted to cuddle into him. Feel him against me.
Oh no. Oh no. No. This is not happening. I don’t like him. I am normal and know exactly what I want.
I know exactly what I want. And it isn’t this. Well, technically it is actually exactly this, but… you know… err…. It’s what I want. But I can’t just have it!
I need to get out. I need to escape him. And his stupid smile. And his stupid messed up brown hair. His dumb jokes and his stupid endearing laughter.
Huffing, I got dressed quickly and left the hotel. I can’t deal with any of this. Any of it! I can’t deal with him. I can’t deal with these stupid feelings I caught and they need to die as immediately as possible. And I will not deal with them.
Because I didn’t catch any. Not really. It’s just my emotions going haywire.
When I stomped my way into the front desk, I was growling in my head. That dumb blonde receptionist. Ugh. She can have him! I don’t want him.
I took the car and drove to a convenience store and huffed. How does he light my blood on fire the way he does? Without even knowing how he affects me? How is he just so amazing at making me crazy?
In the convenience store, I saw something I never thought I would. A woman. Okay, the way I said that was stupid. But it’s this specific woman, I mean. With soft blonde locks, but otherwise, it was my exact face staring down at me. The wrinkles covering her face were shocking. How do I deal with any of this? It… it couldn’t be anything else. They could not be anyone else.
“My baby!” The woman cried. “My Jem- Jenna! My sweet thing. I’ve searched everywhere for you.”
Arms wrapped around around me and I felt so safe and warm, something in me rejected this. It called for accountability. It demanded questions that I know I don’t want an answer to in any way.
I quashed all the confusion and contradictory feelings down into the pit of my stomach, where they would be allowed to fester. I don’t care what the logistics of this is right now, for the first time in my life, I have my family back. The relief and feeling of completion seemed to fill me. And that’s enough. It is enough for me. Even if it’s not what I think I really want.
Part of me, a small part, is ready to pitch a fit. I want to scream and throw things in a childish tantrum that I haven't gone through in years. What are they doing here? How did they look for me if they were on the opposite side of the country!? Why didn’t they want me? Why didn’t they come back for me? If they cared so much about me why did they leave me?
A louder part of me, though, screamed in joy. I got exactly what I have wanted since I was a small child. My family is back. I have someone who cares about me… two someones!
It took a few minutes to escape my feelings and the volatile mixture of dread and euphoria. I was simply now more aware of the world around me. Aware enough to feel the second arms wrapped around me.
My father. My eyes traced and retraced his features. I needed to commit this
to memory. I had his pointy nose and thick brows. I didn't inherit his sharp chin, crooked grin, or glittering brown eyes. Nor did I inherit the curly blonde hair.
The style made me only think of sandy brown and a broken grin. Freckles and caramel skin that looked good enough to eat. Eyes that should be glittering with mischief, but were currently lying unconscious in a hotel room.
No. No.
Don’t think about that. Don’t think about him. I don’t need him.
I have my family back. There is no need to be greedy.
“We have to talk.” My mother’s honey sweet voice was so relaxing, that I barely noticed the steel underneath her voice. It filled me with even more dread so that I had to gulp. She was quite an intimidating woman. “I have some things you need to know.”
"She's right, Sugar." My father's voice was smooth. It was a tone that anyone would listen to. Smooth as molasses and sweet as sugar. He didn’t have any steel in his voice, he was too kind for that.
Was it wrong how I just agreed? To leave to somewhere I didn’t know with people I didn’t know, just on the off chance that they may have been my parents. The parents that did not want me. All thoughts of my Tom-Cat just vanished as I followed them to wherever they were staying. My legs were moving robotically. I wasn’t even paying much attention. Who cared what else is going on. I need to see everything on their faces, who cares where they live.
Settings change. Places get destroyed, places change. People are forever. I need to be with the people I really care gone. That’s why I’m with them. The people who created me. I’ve been searching for so long, and now that I’ve finally found them, I don't need to search anymore. Nothing else really has to matter.
“Now, Your father and I-” The woman began to speak, after I was sat down with a hot chocolate in my hand. When did that get there? I wish I could recall, but everything is so blurry. I sipped the hot chocolate as I listened.
“Babs,” My father spoke. “Maybe, we should ease her into it. Sweetie,” He addressed me with the pet name and I blushed. The only one who had ever called me sweetie before in my life has been… Well, he doesn’t matter anymore. Tom does not matter anymore and I wish he would leave my mind and stop infecting my time with my parents. “Have you ever noticed anything… strange? A ripple in the air where they shouldn’t be. A man whose teeth are a bit too sharp. An ethereal quality to the air. A sense of wrongness that can’t be explained.”
He…. Did he know? I always assumed I was just odd. Thomas is the only one who ever believed me when I would start talking about things like that. It's scary not to be trusted about your own feelings, but he understands. My father understands me.
"Yes," I answered, without a moment of hesitation, bobbing my head up and down. “Do you see them too? They usually say I’m just imagining things but I know I’m not.”
“Correct.” My mom, (Babs?) replied, brushing some lint off her clothes as if I was bored. “You are not imagining things. Your father and I are what is known as ‘Seekers’ we have the sight and-”
I couldn't help but laugh. And cry. And laugh some more. Are they Seekers? I spent my whole life searching for them, and yet they are the Seekers! That's an irony that leaves me struggling for breath. They don't even get the irony. That's what makes it so funny. Because they abandoned me. And lying about searching for me. Seekers my ass.
If I had noticed the way my ‘Mother Dearest’ pulled her arm back to strike me before being held back by my ‘Darling Father’, maybe I would’ve thought twice about everything. Maybe I would make less stupid decisions. On the other hand, I do have a life-long habit of making stupid decisions.
“We are sorry we never came back for you, but it was unsafe.” My father purred, reaching for my hand. “Here, it will be easier if you just see. If you understand.”
Hesitantly, I reached back for him. The moment held my hand and I hissed, falling into his arms as my eyes saw so many things one by one yet simultaneously all at once.
Monsters.
They exist and they are a danger to good normal human beings. As a seeker, my eyes allow me to see them when I start looking. I can sort of notice them without any training but the more work I put in, the stronger my skills will be. My destiny is to one by one, destroy all trace of these vermin off of the earth.
My parents didn’t come for me at first because they wanted me to have a normal life, only my showing of powers convinced them that was a folly. That my visions brought me right to them, meant this is where I was destined to be. For the rest of my life, I was to be with my family.
I wanted to believe it so much. My whole life I ached for a reason that I wasn’t wanted, and this was finally it. They wanted me to have a better life than I would have with them.
I wanted to believe it so much, that, like a moron, I did. I wholeheartedly forced myself to believe in this stupid idea.
“And now,” My father sounded proud. Just like in all my fantasies. He was proud of me. He was proud of the woman I grew into. “Your training shall begin.”
Chapter 5
Training was the textbook definition of hell. I was beaten, cut down, spat on, and informed my tears were a sign of weakness. Every bit of my baby fat was burned away as I didn’t get a second of respite.
It didn’t matter though, every morning I saw pride in father’s eyes. I would go through any amount of agony for that. No matter how much pain is in my future, the emotional scars are being healed. And that is enough.
My mother might continue to insult me… a lot more than necessary to just be a teasing mother, but it was okay. She loved me. I mean, she never says she does. But I know deep down that she does. That she will be proud the way Dad is.
Every day I got a little bit stronger. One day, I’ll be enough to make them really proud. On that day, I will be able to toast to my success.
It didn’t help that when I close my eyes, I still saw sandy locks, a teasing smile, and the most adorable freckles in existence. Every night my dreams were plagued by his face, his hands touching me. And I’ll never see him again…
Not that I want to! I am so much happier here with my family. And the happiness isn’t hollow. I definitely don’t feel like there is a hole in my chest that seemed to get less easy to ignore every night I woke up and realized there were no beautiful chocolate eyes to focus on me, sparkling with laughter from another stupid prank. That would be stupid.
Of course, emotions are often incredibly stupid. But that…
That would be so incredibly stupid.
I have everything I ever wanted right here with me, and there’s nothing that can tear me away. I have to give them my loyalty and love. I have to earn their love and attention if I ever want to be able to keep it.
They took me on my first mission, and afterward, I puked. I shivered and wanted to run and escape. I couldn’t help it. I had never harmed another living thing before. I used to make Thomas kill the bugs, I cried when he had to kill that rat that was loose in the garage. Even if they are vermin. Even if they are worthless and deserve to die. They hurt people and only worsen the world around them. And yet still…
That doesn’t mean one of the vampires in that coven didn’t hurt me to kill. He had laughing eyes. Just a child with a cherubic face and the softest pink cheeks. He looked like a little baby cupid and I felt like I was hurting the concept of goodness to harm him. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but his very existence is predicated on hurting others.
So I had to slit his throat and watch as he bled out. I set his body aflame and threw his ashes in this weird jar of ashes of the dead my parents keep. Like a trophy.
He whimpered and cried out for help and struggled as he died. The sight haunted me every night for weeks and I could not breathe.
The worst thing, I think, is how life is okay now. How I have gotten used to it. Killing these monsters barely made me flinch anymore. The twist in my stomach was easy to be blamed on nerves.
“Oh, Jenna. My sweet child,” My mother
cooed, barging into my bedroom. Her eyes were alight with this devilish mischief and it made me so… so uncomfortable. “We have a new mission for you.”
Chapter 6
“I-I’ll be an official seeker if I finish this?” I stuttered out, staring up at the cold eyes of my father. “A dragon?”
Hissing in a breath between his clenched teeth, my father began to repeat all that he has already told me. He really hated to repeat himself. “A dragonling. Not a dragon. Dragonlings spend most of their lives in a human form. This means this worthless creature can blend seamlessly into normal society.”
“Well, yeah, but… has he…” I stuttered. I don’t know why. Maybe because the dragonling was my age. His scales were a familiar sandy brown. Maybe it was because I was daydreaming about Thomas earlier and I still feel bad. I left him in the hotel room. And I never came back. I just dragged him across the country and then abandoned him and I’ll probably never see him again.
"By nature of his existence, he is committing crimes.” My father was less than happy, and I hated seeing the dark look that overtook his features.
"I understand," I told him, pushing all the emotions away. I can't disappoint them. If I did, then I would prove that they shouldn't have been training me. Mom was against training me, but I had to prove myself.
“This is the last step of your initiation.” My mother declared. “In order to kill the dragonling, you must cut out their heart and burn it. They will be able to heal from anything else. In order to become a seeker yourself, you must do this yourself. Hunt him down, burn his heart, and bring the charred remains home.”
My eyes narrowed in determination. “I’ll do it.”
It took longer than I expected to hunt the dragonling down. I could feel their power in this confusing trail. I kept mistaking it for something else and it kept being altered. It was fascinating, He must know I was hunting him. That, or he had no real idea about where he was going or what he even thinks he is doing.
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