Not understanding, I left the safe confines of his chest and tilted my chin to looked at him. “What?”
“I guess I have some explaining to do of my own.”
I stepped away now, a cold coming over me like a freezing fog had just descended. “Sebastian?”
Sheepishly, he smiled and ran his hand through the short hairs at the nape of his neck. “Technically, today wasn’t our wedding day.”
“What? But you said…”
“I know what I said. This whole thing has been a ridiculous mess, hasn’t it? What a pair we make. Fuck, it’s complicated.”
“It isn’t. Either today we were supposed to get married or we weren’t. I had every intention of saying “I do,” Sebastian! So if it’s the latter then… oh my god, you lied? But I don’t understand. Why? You used a mail-order bride service, flew me home, proposed to me, then told me there was going to be a wedding. Our wedding. There wasn’t actually going to be one?”
Sebastian tilted his head, wincing as he followed my train of thought. “When you put it like that it sounds dreadful.”
“Dreadful? You tricked me! You fucking liar!”
“You can talk! You’re the one who pretended to be a Russian mail-order bride.”
“Yes! Because I had no other choice. What were your reasons, Sebastian? I needed to get home. I needed the money. I was stranded! I even sold my necklace, the last thing I ever had of my mom and dad, all so I didn’t have to sell this stupid dress and ring!” I held up my left hand to show him the gem was still where it supposed to be, as if that was supposed to prove to him that I fully intended to marry him.
“Well, technically it wasn’t me that tricked you, either.”
My hands flew up in the air. “You’re making no sense!”
“Fuck, all I wanted was to find a date. A bridesmaid that would fit into that dress, so I didn’t screw up my best friend’s wedding. I didn’t order you! Do you really think I’m the kind of guy that needs to put in a special order for a bride? All I needed was a date with the right measurements, I didn’t want a bloody bride! But no, my secretary who hates my guts thought it would be a good way to get back at me. And when I saw you…” Sebastian’s face softened, then perhaps remembering my own lies, twisted and became hard. “You just fit the bill, alright?”
My mouth dropped open. He never wanted to marry me. He’d only needed a stand-in, a date for a wedding. And for some godforsaken reason, that meant he had to order one in from another country. Who the hell was this man I’d been sharing my days and nights with? I didn’t know him at all.
I swallowed the furball-like lump that was caught in my throat. “You didn’t want to marry me?” I said my voice barely a whisper, full of the pain and realization.
“I never said that! I—”
“What is all this noise?” the nurse from earlier cried as she burst through the door, obviously summoned by the raised voices. “Your grandmother is trying to rest. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”
“I’m staying,” I said firmly, planting my feet. There was no way they were going to kick me out. My eyes flicked to Sebastian, who looked like he never even wanted to be in here in the first place.
“Anna, we still need to talk.”
“No, we don’t. We really don’t. You’ve made your feelings clear.”
“Okay, that’s enough. Sir, you’re going to have to leave now. Please don’t make me have to call security.”
“Fine, I’m going. I have to leave anyway, I still have a wedding to get to. You’ll know where I’ll be if you want to change your mind and talk, Anna. Because whatever you think of me, know one thing: I never lied about how I felt about you. That was real. I lo—”
“Out!”
The nurse started pushing him out the door and I so desperately wanted to tell her to wait, to stop and let him continue. But she managed to get him over the threshold and closed the door behind her. Silence, apart from the whir from the machines, surrounded me and I was left with my own hesitant thoughts. I’d made the right decision, right?
“Anna?” Gran croaked from her bed. I rushed to her and took her reaching hand. “What was all that noise about? Who was that handsome man?”
“Gran, you’re awake, thank god. You were listening?” I shook my head trying to get my priorities straight. “I should go get the doctor.” I was about to leave to do just that when her grip tightened.
“No, stay. I’m fine. A little groggy and thirsty. Nothing I can’t handle. Pour me a glass of water, will you?”
She let me go long enough to find a tumbler. Filling it with water from the jug nearby, and popping a straw into the glass, I then helped Gran sit up, presenting the straw to her to take.
“That’s better,” she said once she drained half the glass. She smacked her lips together in appreciation, then as if she was getting ready to do battle, she shifted on the bed, straightening up then looking at me poignantly. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re awake and that you get plenty of rest. You’re not well, Gran. But I’m here now. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”
“I’ll have plenty of rest when I’m dead.”
“Please don’t say that.”
“Young lady, I am fully aware of my limitations and my looming expiration date, and I would like to discuss something more interesting. So who was that man in my room? Are you going to tell me or will you force me out of this bed so I can find out for myself? I’m sure the nurses know. They always do. Gossips the lot of them. And you also better start explaining why you felt the need to sell your mother’s necklace.”
I groaned; she’d obviously been awake a lot longer than she’d let on if she’d heard me tell Sebastian about selling the locket. I took a deep breath. It was time to come clean.
Gran was good enough to wait until the end of my recount of the last week to give me the telling off of a lifetime. It was a wonder the nurse didn’t eject me from the room for good this time.
“I can’t believe this. I never thought my own granddaughter would be so damn foolish.” Gran tutted, clicking her tongue several times as she shook her head.
“I know. I’m sorry. It wasn’t one of my best ideas. But can’t you understand I had to get home? I was trapped in Saint Petersburg and the nursing home was threatening to evict you. I had to do something… anything, to get back. Even if that meant signing myself up on that site.” I let my head drop, the shame bubbling once again escalating up to the surface. I wished there was some way to erase the look of disappointment that was painted so precisely on Gran’s face. Even her wrinkles looked angry at me. If I could go back, right to the very beginning, would I have done anything differently? What if I’d ignored the girls I’d met in the hostel? Declined Sofia’s help? None of this would’ve have happened, I wouldn’t have been back here, wouldn’t have met Sebastian. But Gran, an old woman, would have also been kicked out onto the streets to fend for herself while I was miles away. My gran, homeless. No, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I would’ve still done it, even if the result ended up the same, with my heart breaking.
“Oh, you foolish girl. If you think I’m scolding you for doing what you needed to do to get yourself out of trouble, and back to me, then you’re not as intelligent as I thought you were.”
I raised my head to meet her gaze. “Huh?”
“Do I really need to spell it out for you?”
“I think you’re going to have to, Gran. Because you’ve lost me.”
“Sebastian, you said his name was?”
I nodded, desperately trying to figure out ahead of time what she was about to tell me. “Yes, what about him?”
I’d never known Gran to roll her eyes, but this time she did. “You love him. So why are you sitting here with me, all dressed up, when there’s a handsome man, who as far as I could tell, also loves you too?”
“But… it’s complicated.”
“Crystal clea
r from where I’m sitting. You love him. He loves you. The very fact that you thought today was your wedding day and you admitted to me you were going to marry him, proves to me you’re a risk-taker. You always have been. You and your mother were so alike in that regard.”
“But he lied to me.”
“Don’t interrupt me, I’m not finished yet. All my life I’ve known you to go after what you want in life, you follow your heart everywhere you go, so don’t let a little hiccup and a tiny bit of wounded pride stop you from being with the man you love. If you don’t go to him right now, clear the air, start again, then my dear you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You have to embrace life and love with both hands, and never let it go.”
I twisted my lips. There was a kernel of truth to her words. Hell, there was a whole bushel.
“Well? Aren’t you going to say something? Are you just going to sit there and do nothing?”
I gave her a wry smile. “Oh, I can speak now, can I?”
“Don’t you sass me,” she replied, a huge grin on her face, some color back in her cheeks. At least there was some silver lining to this emotionally draining day; my gran seemed to have regained some of her strength. And she’d certainly proved she hadn’t lost any of her sharp wit.
“What if…” I started, as I gripped the edge of the bed, “what if he doesn’t want me? What if he doesn’t love me?”
Gran lifted a finger to my cheek and wiped away a tear.
“There’s only one way to find out. Now, go be brave. I’ll be here waiting to hear the news.”
Twenty-One
Sebastian
“My car better be in one piece. You must have broken several laws to get there and back in the time you have,” Sarah warned, her hands firmly on her hips as I walked back into her office without an invitation. The secretary gave me one look and rolled her eyes, letting me pass.
“She’s fine. Didn’t have time to gas her up though.” Before Sarah could scold me, I added, “I’ll do it later, I don’t have time now. Did you get what I needed?”
“Of course I did.” Sarah patted a small rectangular box that sat innocently on her desk. “But something tells me your little trip didn’t work out the way you hoped?”
“Gerard is going to kill me—if Rochelle doesn’t get her hands on me first.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
I shrugged off her implication, avoiding her gaze. Letting myself think or even talk about Anna right at that moment, would’ve been my undoing. I had to keep my promises; somehow this day had to go right for at least one couple. And right now, my priority was to my best friend and not myself. Later, once the wedding was over and I had time to slip away, only then would I examine all the pieces of my broken heart, and figure out a way—if there even was a way—in which to repair it. I claimed the shoebox and took a quick look at the contents. Satisfied, I turned to leave.
“Sebastian, wait.” Sarah placed a hand on my arm. “You really love her, don’t you?”
I trapped my tongue between my teeth, pinning it in place.
“What on earth happened?” she probed.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But yes, to answer your question. I do.”
Her lips formed a thin line. “Then don’t give up, go to her. I can take the shoes to Rochelle.”
“I already tried that. She made up her mind. Anna wants nothing to do with me anymore.”
As I left Sarah’s office I called Trudy, Rochelle’s maid of honor, to let her know I had the shoes, and it was now her job to get the bride to the church and that I would meet them there. We were already a few minutes over the extended time I’d arranged with the pastor. There was no time to go back and forth now. My little trip to try and reclaim my bridesmaid had taken longer than I expected, a wasted journey because after all this I still hadn’t lived up to my promise to Gerard. I could only hope that neither the bride nor groom would notice, that they’d be so distracted by the process of getting married and with each other that a missing bridesmaid would slip through the cracks.
I got to the church a few minutes before Rochelle and her entourage pulled up and spent the time reassuring Gerard that everything was good to go. The relief on his face was thanks enough for all the running around I’d done in the last hour.
“She’s really coming?”
“Yes, you fool. Of course, she is. So you better put that back on and get out there.”
“Oh shit… I’m getting married.” Gerard’s face practically turned green. “It’s really happening.”
“Yes, you are buddy,” I said with a smile and lifted the white collar of his shirt, draping the gold cravat around his neck. “And I’ll be right by your side. But first I have a quick delivery to make.” I finished tying the cravat and rushed back out to the street just as the bridal carriage pulled to a stop.
“Are you ready to get married, future Mrs. Moran?” I asked once I pulled open the door.
“I will be if you kept up your end of the bargain.”
“Do you doubt this face?”
She rolled her eyes and I offered Rochelle the box that contained her wedding shoes, and lifted the lid with a flourish like a waiter at a Michelin-starred restaurant.
“Oh god. You did it. You actually did it. They’re perfect. Thank you,” Rochelle said with tears in her eyes. “Maybe you aren’t so bad after all, Baz.”
“Hey, no crying!” piped up Trudy.
“She’s right, cry afterward. Lord knows there’ll be plenty of tears once you realize you’ve married Gerard,” I said with a laugh. Trudy shot me a dirty look, but Rochelle nodded and laughed. “Too soon?”
Trudy assisted Rochelle with the shoes and with an extended prince-like hand, I helped both ladies out of the carriage, the maid of honor then the bride herself.
“Is everyone here?” Rochelle asked as she glanced around.
“Yup,” I blurted before she could complete her headcount and motioned the seven ladies toward the church.
Trudy fluffed the train of Rochelle’s designer dress as we approached the church and once in the anteroom, the other groomsmen joined the party, tentatively pairing up with their partners. Now was the time I needed to slip away before anyone figured out I didn’t have my partner to walk down the aisle with. I had it all planned. There was a door that led around the side of the inner church, I would have to sprint, but there would be enough time to make it and stand by my best friend as he watched the procession and his bride-to-be walk down the aisle.
But a hand on my shoulder stopped me. For a second, hope flickered and I turned fully expecting to see Anna’s face.
“Looks like we’re walking down together,” Trudy said. She leaned into me, close to my ear and whispered, “I noticed we’re one short.”
My eyes flicked to the bride, standing next to a man I presumed to be her father.
“Don’t worry, Rochelle hasn’t noticed, too busy dealing with her nerves. Ivy thinks she’s won the lottery, though. She’s being escorted by two of the groomsmen.”
“But…” I started but there was no fighting it unless I caused a scene. And there was no point doing that, it would only make Rochelle take notice and there was every chance if she found out that her superstitions would kick in again. I couldn’t risk her balking from walking down the aisle not when we were so close to the finish line.
Trudy got us into position. We would be the last pair to make our entrance before the bride herself. Beyond the doors, music started to play and I trained my head forward, not wanting to glance at Trudy, even though she was lovely. She was not my Anna.
“Excuse me, excuse me! Sorry coming through.”
Something in my chest squeezed, hope blossoming as I heard her voice echoing around the small and very crowded antechamber. It couldn’t be, I thought. I didn’t want to turn my head in case I would be disappointed again, and yet that had to be her. Who else could it be? Her accent was different to what I was used to, but it was
her. Tentatively I turned to see the bride scowl at the intruder.
“Who are you?” Rochelle queried as Anna brushed past the golden hues of her dress.
Anna blushed and stuck out her hand. “Hi, I’m your bridesmaid, Anna, nice to meet you,” she beamed. “Sorry I’m late, traffic was a nightmare. By the way, the bridesmaid’s dress is perfect. Thank you so much. And so is yours!”
“Anna? What are you doing here?” I stuttered, mesmerized by her sudden appearance. In response Anna halted, eyes narrowing. Shit, wrong thing to say. “I thought…” I tried again but my mouth was dry. She was here. Actually here, before me, standing like a princess, albeit one who looked slightly pissed off at my new companion.
Anna glanced at the woman next to me, her hand linked through my arm. “I believe you’re in my spot. Hands off my fiancé,” she said with a smile and a glimmer in her eyes.
Trudy was a good sport, though a little put out. But she had no time to discuss the matter. Up ahead pairs from the wedding party were already halfway down the aisle.
“He’s all yours,” Trudy said and quickly found the spare groomsman and took up her position.
With a frog still in my throat, I offered my arm to Anna, who took it willingly and with a smile on her face.
“Don’t think that I have forgiven you… yet,” she said.
“Get in line, honey. He’s got a lot of explaining to do,” Rochelle added from behind.
I turned over my shoulder. “Hey, just remember who saved the day,” I said and glanced down at her feet, which were completely covered with layers of tulle. You couldn’t even see the damn shoes that had caused all the delays. But I had to admit the previous faulty pair, had been a blessing in disguise.
“How’s your gran?”
“Stubborn but fine.”
“So…” I whispered as we began moving toward the front, getting ready for our turn. “Fiancé, huh?”
“I’ve still got my ring on,” she whispered back, extending her arm, wiggling her ring finger.
“I see that, does that mean you’re willing to give me another chance?”
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