by Amy Cross
“The people are really going to be grateful,” Mark says as he sorts through the bags, pulling out candy bars and bags of potato chips. “I know it probably sounds crazy, but stuff like this could give them a real morale boost.”
“We have to keep going,” I say, keen to make sure that we don't lose focus. “While we're standing here, she's getting further and further away.”
“So which way do you think she went?” he asks.
“West,” I reply, scanning the horizon in a vain attempt to spot something that might help.
“There's a lot of west out there. Care to narrow it down a little?”
“She's got that stupid laptop,” I continue. “She's using it to try to work out the source of the signal, but I think the battery should have run out by now. I don't even know if she was actually getting closer or just fooling herself. I could tell there was something wrong with her, but I never thought she was properly insane. She's probably not even going in a straight line. That goddamn laptop'll be leading her in circles.”
There's an awkward pause, and when I turn to Mark I can see that he's not convinced.
“So what's the alternative?” I ask. “Should we just let her run off and get away with it? You said yourself that we need to set an example for everyone else. If we let lawlessness rule, there'll be other deaths. People have to be shown the rules sometimes.”
“And what exactly are you planning to do if we catch up to her?”
Reaching into the back of the truck, I grab Joe's old toolbox. Once I've got the lid open, it only takes a few seconds for me to find the hunting knife he used to carry for protection. I remember begging him not to ever use it on someone, and at the time I thought he was this dangerous, heavy-drinking thug; now I understand, however, that he simply felt that he had to defend himself. A man shouldn't go out into the world without some kind of protection.
“Thomas -”
“It was my brother's,” I reply quickly.
“But still -”
“It's just so we've got something to use in case she turns violent,” I tell him, as I hitch the knife to my belt. “You saw what she did to Kaylee. I don't know what's got into her head, but she might have lost her mind. I'm totally prepared to take her back to the lake and let everyone pretend to hold a trial, but if she turns on us, I want to be ready for her. I've killed people before, so I can do it again, especially...” I pause for a moment, surprised to hear these words leaving my mouth. I guess I've changed a lot over the past few weeks. “Don't you think it should be an eye for an eye?” I ask eventually. “You heard what the others said. Kaylee was gasping for air as she died. She knew what was happening. Quinn didn't show Kaylee any mercy, so why should we show her any?”
“Because we're not animals,” he replies solemnly.
“Yeah, we are. We're humans, and humans are just another type of animal. I'm all for being civilized, but sometimes there's a danger you take it too far. If you don't want to come with me, you can just take the stuff from the truck back to the others and I'll be back as soon as I've tracked Quinn down. I understand that this isn't really your fight.”
“I'm coming with you,” he replies. “Someone has to -”
I wait for him to finish.
“Someone has to make sure I don't just cut her down in cold blood?” I ask eventually.
“That's not what I was going to say,” he replies, obviously lying.
“Really? 'Cause you'd have been right.”
He stares at me for a moment.
“Come on,” he says eventually, “it's a hot day. We should try to find some shade as we walk, otherwise we'll end up getting our brains fried.”
As he turns and heads west, I take a deep breath and try to stay calm. Mark obviously thinks that I'm some kind of bloodthirsty monster, and he might be right. Still, it's only because I want to make Quinn pay for what she did to Kaylee, and I have to admit that I hope she puts up a fight. Right now, I want to use the knife to finish her off, so I hope she gives me an excuse. With the sun burning high and bright above us, I turn and follow Mark. We set out across the field without say another word to one another, each lost in our own thoughts. Somewhere up ahead, Quinn is dancing around with that stupid laptop, but if she thinks she's going to get away with murdering Kaylee, she's wrong.
I'm coming for her.
Elizabeth
When I hear Toad come back from his hunting trip, I don't immediately rush through to greet him. Instead, I continue to hold Rachel in my arms, lulling her to sleep with a gentle rocking motion.
Toad stays in the kitchen. I can hear him placing various items on the table, which I guess means he managed to find something for us to eat, but he makes no effort to come and find me. I guess that means he's embarrassed, and that he doesn't want to talk about what happened between us earlier.
After a few minutes, my resolve weakens and I set Rachel down before grabbing my crutches and making my way slowly through to the kitchen. I keep expecting to hear Toad going back outside, but finally I find him at the table with two dead rabbits laid out.
“Hey,” I say cautiously.
“Hey,” he replies, not looking at me but focusing, instead, on the job of skinning the bodies. Back at the other farm, he always used to get me to do this part, so I guess he wants a distraction.
“I can do that,” I tell him.
“I know.”
“I heard thunder earlier,” I add, even though this small-talk is excruciating.
“There's a hell of a storm moving in,” he replies, still not making eye contact. “It's a good couple of hours away, but when it hits, it's gonna hit hard. I think tomorrow could be a wash-out, so I'm gonna go back out in a minute and check the land to the south. We've got enough food and water for a couple of days, but I'd like a little extra, just to be safe.”
“Sure,” I reply, waiting for him to look at me. “While you're gone, I can start making food.”
Instead of saying anything, he takes a moment to peel the skin off one of the rabbits before starting work on the second. It's clear that he's not comfortable, and although I'm scared to ask him what he's thinking, I can't help wondering if maybe I should just try to bring up the kiss and discuss what happened. The last thing I want is to come across as some kind of needy idiot who wants to talk about everything, especially since Toad seems to keep his thoughts and feelings to himself, but I need to know the situation here.
“So -”
“Save one of the rabbits for tomorrow,” he says, finally glancing at me. “It's one for today and one for tomorrow, okay? I don't know what I'll find to go with them, but the meat alone should be pretty good. Remember to use every part of the animal, though. I noticed you used to throw the heads and guts away, but there are uses for those too. Even the bones can be boiled for stock, and anything we really can't eat can always go into the ground. We can't afford to waste anything. If there are parts you're not sure about, set them aside and I'll come up with something.”
“Sure.”
“I should get going,” he says as he pulls the skin off the second rabbit and then sets it down. “Keep the skin, too. I might be able to use the fur.” Grabbing his bag from nearby, he turns toward the door. “I'll be back in a couple of hours. If you get a chance, try to make sure all the windows are securely fastened. This storm is going to be strong and I'm not sure how well-built the place is, so we need to -”
“Was it a mistake?” I ask suddenly, interrupting him.
He turns to me.
“If you kissed me by mistake,” I continue, feeling as if I'm drowning right now, “then you should just say it. I mean, I didn't kiss you by mistake, but if that's how it was from your point of view, then I'd prefer it if you were honest with me.”
He stares at me for what feels like an eternity.
“It wasn't a mistake,” he replies eventually.
I nod, although I'm still not sure what he really wants.
“So what was it, then?” I ask.
“Okay,” I reply, fully aware that I'm really not doing a very good job here. “It's just that it was kind of a surprise,” I continue, “and I'd been thinking about it as well, but I really didn't know whether you were thinking the same thing, and so in my head I was kind of trying to... put things together and...”
My voice trails off as I realize that there's no way I can explain myself.
Setting his bag down, Toad walks around the table and comes over to join me. He stops for a moment, before putting a hand on my waist and gently pulling me closer, and then finally he leans down and kisses me again. This time, all the uncertainty seems to be gone, and the kiss feels as if it really means something. As he pulls me even tighter against his body, I feel for the first time as if he actually wants me, and all the doubts I've been struggling with start to fall away.
“Does that answer your question?” he asks as he pulls back for a moment.
I nod.
“I don't go around kissing people by accident,” he continues, keeping his face close to mine. “I have no idea where this is going to go, and I'm pretty sure it's not normal for two people to get involved after one of them had her leg cut off by the other, but I guess we have a little time to work things out. We should probably discuss things and be honest with each other, and make sure we're on the same page.”
“You're not just doing this because it's convenient, are you?” I ask.
“Like you're the last girl on the planet and I'm the last boy?” A faint smile crosses his lips. “I really hope that deep down, you know that's not the kind of person I am.” He glances over at the window for a moment. “We need to talk, but first I should get out there and find some more food before the worst of the storm kicks in. When I get back, we'll eat, and we'll look after Rachel, and we'll talk and hopefully we can...” He pauses for a moment. “We'll work this out,” he adds, before kissing me once more, briefly on the lips, and then turning and heading back over to the door.
I open my mouth to say something, to tell him to be careful or to tell him that I feel the same way, but no words come out. Instead, I just watch as he grabs his bag, smiles at me, and then heads outside.
All I can do is stand here and relive the moment, over and over again, when I had my first proper kiss. Sure, there were a few guys in the old days, but it never felt so passionate before. I know I need to keep my hopes on hold, but at the same time I feel as if Toad and I get on pretty well, and we might actually work together. Heading over to the counter at the far end of the kitchen, I grab the bottle of painkillers and open the top. There's only one pill left, but I figure I really need it, so I swallow it and wash it down with some water.
For a moment, I swear I can hear my heart pounding.
Looking out the window, I realize that the sky is almost black now. There's the sound of thunder in the distance, and a heavy wind is picking up in the yard outside the back door. I can't help worrying that the fury of the natural world is heading straight for this farmhouse.
Thomas
Stopping for a moment next to a lone apple tree, I stare at the landscape ahead of us. As far as the eye can see, there's nothing but rolling green fields, with the sun's relentless heat beating down. Reaching up to wipe sweat from my brow, I can't help but note that out here, the natural world looks so calm and peaceful. It's almost as if, having managed to extinguish the lives of so many people, the planet is starting to thrive.
“Now where?” Mark asks as he catches up to me, apparently a little out of breath.
“She's out here somewhere,” I reply, still scanning the scene in hope of maybe spotting something that'll give us a clue. “She must have come this way. Her laptop would have given out by now, so she'll be trying to guess where to go next.” Pausing, I realize that it's useless to try to understand how Quinn's mind works. She's got her own rules and her own logic, and I don't think there's any way in hell I can ever anticipate her next move. “She's out here,” I add helplessly, even though I know this simple fact doesn't really give us much to go on. “She has to be here somewhere.”
“I don't doubt you, but unless we can find some kind of trail -”
“She's out here!” I say firmly, annoyed at the implication that he's starting to lose hope. I knew this would happen; right from the start, he's seemed a little reluctant to keep pursuing this murderous bitch, as if he's just here to humor me, and now he's going to try to talk me out of it. “She's insane, but she must have come through here, and there must be some kind of...”
My voice trails off as I look down and see that there's nothing on the ground that might help: no footprints, nothing discarded by Quinn as she continued her journey. For all I know, she might have turned around and headed back toward the lake, in which case we're never going to find her. In my rush to get out here, I guess I assumed that I'd somehow be able to track her movements, but now I realize how easy it is for someone to disappear.
“Thomas,” Mark says after a moment, “I know she killed your friend, and I absolutely agree that she should be brought to justice, but right now I don't really see how we can track her down. She's probably gone running off on whatever path she thinks will lead her to this signal, and there's no way we can follow. We could spend a year searching for her, and we probably wouldn't have any luck.”
“Why didn't someone stop her?” I shout, turning to him. “Why did they all just let her run off like that?”
“Everyone was in shock -”
“And not one person thought to grab hold of her? Are you serious?”
“She got away in the confusion,” he continues, maintaining that frustrating, impeccably calm tone that never quite seems to slip. “I'm sure there are many people who wish they'd acted differently, but their regrets won't help us right now.” He pauses. “I think maybe we have to consider a new approach here.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, even though I already know. It's almost as if he's been waiting all along to gloat about the fact that we won't find her.
“I'm saying we might have to accept that she's gone. If there was any chance of getting hold of her, I'd take it, but there isn't. She's not coming back, and we can't go out there looking for her. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You need to see sense.”
“But -”
“Just think about it,” he adds. “Thomas, I take no pleasure from this, but it's all true. You can't use your anger to magically summon her up from somewhere. Finding her, especially if she's taking even basic steps to remain hidden, is just not going to be possible.”
I want to argue with him, but I can't. He's right when he says that she's probably long gone, and although I desperately want to track her down, I know that the odds are stacked heavily against us. I hate admitting defeat, but the alternative would be to waste more time. I just wish that one of those goddamn idiots back at the camp had bothered to stop her running off.
“It's too hot for us to wander around out here,” he adds.
“So what are we supposed to do?” I ask. “Just forget about her?”
“Running off on some bloodlust-fueled journey would serve no-one in the long-term,” he continues. “We should head back to the site and try to find some other way to deal with the anger that we all feel. For one thing, we need to organize ourselves better. It's crazy that Quinn was able to get away after what she did to your friend, so we should think about establishing some kind of security force, just a few people who can take charge in that kind of situation.”
Ignoring him, I keep looking for a clue, but finally I have to admit that there's nothing. In other words, Quinn has managed to get away from us, and she's never going to be made to pay for what she did to Kaylee.
“She'll die,” Mark says after a moment. “There's nothing out here. She might survive for a few days, but I doubt she's able to live off the land for too long. In this heat, she'll already be dehydrate
d, and eventually she'll just pass out and never wake up. I know that doesn't satisfy your need for revenge, but at least it means she won't be able to kill anyone else.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “It's over. We should turn back.”
For a moment, all I can do is watch out for any hint of Quinn's presence. I know she's out there somewhere, and all I want is to find her and make her pay for what she did to Kaylee. I also want to know why she did what she did, but I guess it's looking as if I'll never get an answer now. With sweat pouring down my face, I turn and look back the way we came, and I finally realize that we've still got a few hours to go before we can get back to the lake. Unless I want to stay out overnight, I need to accept the fact that Quinn is gone.
“Okay,” I say eventually, turning and starting the long walk back. “You're right.”
“The heat's too much for us,” he replies as he follows. “I'm already running out of water.”
“Here,” I say, grabbing a bottle from my pocket and passing it to him. “You can have some of mine.”
He takes the bottle and drinks from it.
“I swear to God,” I continue, “that if by some crazy coincidence I ever end up seeing that woman again, I'm going to make her pay. Screw a trial. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for her to escape again. The second I see her, she's mine.”
“She won't be coming back,” he replies. “She already seemed to have lost her mind, and now that she's out here in this heat, she won't last much longer. All we can do is try to learn from what happened and make sure that no-one else is ever allowed to kill in our group again. Right now, I'm more worried about this heat. We've got plenty of water, but not everyone is as fit and strong as they could be. At this rate, we might start to lose people to exhaustion.”
I know he's right, but I can't shake the feeling that by failing to track Quinn down, I'm dishonoring Kaylee. Mark can put forward calm, logical arguments all day and all night, but nothing's going to cancel out my desire to get hold of Quinn and make her suffer. In fact, I can't imagine anything that can ever take away my frustration, so all I can do is hope that one day, by some miracle, I'm able to find her and give her exactly what she deserves. Until that happens, I'll never be able to rest.