"But that wasn't enough to make you sure about it, was it?"
"No, but I've been pretty sure ever since I started working out with her. And that night around Thanksgiving when we went out to dinner together made it totally obvious," she said as she rolled her eyes.
"But how can that be?" Jamie cried. "I didn't even know until a little over a month ago. Ryan didn't know then, either! Right after that she started dating someone seriously."
"I don't know, James. You've just been acting like a lovesick puppy for a long while. And that night at dinner you both acted like lovers."
"But we aren't.... I mean we weren't...." she said as she blushed a deep shade of pink.
"What's going on?" Mia asked suspiciously. "Are you lovers, or not?"
"Well, yes, we are. I mean, we almost are in some ways, and we really are in others." She looked up and laughed at herself. "Wasn't that clear?"
"Crystal," agreed Mia as she playfully ruffled her hair.
"Okay, I'll give you the whole sordid story." Jamie took a breath to organize her thoughts and began, "The night in February that Jack broke up with me, I went over to her house. I was a wreck, as you might imagine," she laughed wryly. "But she held me in her arms and rocked me and sang me a lullaby to put me to sleep." She blushed again at revealing this tender intimacy, but Mia smiled reassuringly and urged her to continue. "The next day she had the woman over that she was trying to be serious with, and I was so irrationally jealous! I wanted to be her girlfriend, and I swear that's the first time I knew."
"So what did you do between February and now?" Mia asked, clearly confused.
"I immediately found a therapist. What else? This is California, after all," she laughed at the stereotype.
"Wow, I had no idea you were in therapy. You've always seemed so well adjusted."
"Well, I am in many ways. But this was really hard for me, not to mention the fact that I was having a tough time adjusting to having Jack break up with me."
"That makes sense. But I want you to hurry up and get to the good parts," she begged.
"Okay, okay. Remember that Jack popped back into the picture for a short while? Well, that was just my inability to face the facts about Ryan. After being in therapy for about two months, I started to believe that this was right for me. I mean, I'm still not sure if I would be with women other than Ryan, but I know she's the person for me," she said confidently.
"Good parts?" she reminded her.
"Okay. I knew I was going to tell her the day we went on a long bike ride to Marin. At the end of the day, we decided it was too late to come home on the ferry, so I found us a room at the Pelican Inn. We were up on the top of Mt. Tam, sitting on a big boulder, and watching the sunset. I gathered up my courage and told her that I loved her." She smiled broadly at the memory, feeling a chill chase down her spine even now. "To my amazement, she told me that she loved me too."
"So then you went to the inn, and you did it until you passed out!" Mia exclaimed.
"No. Not quite." she replied slowly.
"Why not?" she asked in shock. "She's so hot looking I know I couldn't keep my hands off of her," she said with a leer.
Jamie gave her a startled look but finally just shook her head at her friend's sexual hyperbole. "Far be it from me to argue that point, Mia," she said with a smile. "But I'm just getting comfortable with this. This is a very big change for me, you know."
"I know it is, Jamie. But don't you think you'd get comfortable faster if you just did it a whole lot?"
Jamie laughed and patted her cheek fondly. "I think you and I have different ways of dealing with things, Mia. My way is to feel comfortable first, have sex later."
"Not to slight you, but I'm amazed that she's willing to wait. I mean some of the stuff I've heard about her..."
"Hey, watch who you're talking about," Jamie said defensively. "That's the woman I love."
"I just mean that I've heard she really gets around. A lot of women at the gym talk about her, and they've said that she has a lot of sex with a lot of women. It sure sounds like she's not used to being celibate."
"Well, to be honest, she's not used to being celibate. She has a very active libido. But she loves me, Mia. She wants me to be happy and secure. I don't think you've seen that side of her."
"So…you do nothing for her? I mean, how do you decide how far to go when you're gay?"
"I do things for her," she said a little defensively. "Well…okay, to be honest I drive her crazy," she admitted with a laugh.
"So how is it for you, James?" Mia asked, returning to her favorite topic. "Do you feel more interested in sex than you did with Jack?"
"Whew!" she said as she blew out a breath that fluttered her bangs. "No comparison. She makes me hotter than I ever thought possible. It's…well; I don't have anything to compare it to. It's just more than I ever dreamed of."
The front door opened at that point, and Cassie glared across the library at them. They were sharing a single seat cushion and Mia still had her arm around Jamie, who was snuggling up against her side. "Oh great," she growled, "now both of you are turning!"
Mia looked over at her with a placid expression, but Jamie could see the impish look in her eyes. "Hey Cassie, would you do me a favor?"
When Cassie tilted her head questioningly, Mia sweetly asked, "Go fuck yourself, will you?"
Jamie's eyes nearly popped out of her head, and Cassie looked like she might storm over and pop Mia one, but the outraged woman merely threw her books to the floor with a bang and stalked off to her room.
"Mia," Jamie squealed. "Why did you do that?"
"Because she's a big pain in the ass, and I don't want any part of her," she said decisively.
"But…" Jamie began but Mia cut her off.
"I wasn't going to tell you this, but you'll find out anyway. On Saturday night she called your parents' house because she didn't believe that you went down there. Which I might add, you did not," she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.
"I was with Ryan at her family's house," Jamie meekly admitted.
"Geez! You sleep with her and still don't have sex with her! That's beyond cruel, Jamie!"
"But she likes to sleep with me," she stated rather innocently.
"Of course she does!" Mia cried. "She thinks she's gonna catch you at a weak moment and have you in the ready position."
"Mia! She's not like that! Now tell me what happened with Cassie."
"She spoke to your mom. Apparently your mom wasn't very happy with her calling the house rather than your cell phone, and that really pissed Cassie off," she said with a smirk. "But your mom said she would call you and have you call Cassie back. So what happened? Did she call you?"
"No…oh, wait, someone did call me on Saturday night, but they hung up when I answered."
"Has anyone else called you since then?"
"No, I don't think so. Why?"
"Go get your phone," she instructed. Jamie went to the entry table and fetched the device. Mia picked it up and dialed *69 and handed it back.
Seconds later Jamie said, "Hi Marta, this is Jamie, is my mother home?"
After a pause she continued, "No, that's okay, I'll call tomorrow. I just want to say goodbye before she leaves for her trip. Goodnight, Marta," she said as she clicked off. She looked at Mia rather dumbfounded and asked, "Why would she call me and hang up? That just doesn't make any sense."
"I think you need to consider that she might know more than she's letting on."
"You don't know the half of it," she grumbled as she rolled her eyes dramatically. For the next 15 minutes she explained Cassie's other little tricks and related her own lies to her mother. They weren't able to resolve much, but they both agreed that they were well rid of Cassie.
They walked back into the kitchen, and Jamie poured their now warm beers down the sink, running the water for a while to remove the sharp odor of the tequila. They went up to bed with their arms loosely draped around each other's waists, their friendship o
nce again on solid footing.
Chapter Ten
When Jamie called her mother on Tuesday, neither woman mentioned the incident with Cassie. Catherine asked about the ride and quizzed her daughter a little bit on her preparations, but she seemed perfectly normal, and their interaction was the same as always. The incident still puzzled Jamie, but she finally chalked it up as unexplainable and got back to her studying.
When she got home from her last class, the keys to her car were lying on the floor under the mail slot. A sealed note explained that Ryan was working on an important problem for her biology class and, since she needed her computer to do some computations, they wouldn't be able to meet at all that evening.
Jamie was unreasonably depressed to not even be allowed to kiss Ryan's sweet lips and she spent more time than she should have moping in her room. At eight o'clock her phone rang and a little smile graced her face when she heard the familiar voice. "I miss you," the deep voice murmured.
"I miss you too," Jamie agreed. "It seems like forever since I've kissed you."
"It almost is forever," Ryan concurred. "It was a whole 24 hours ago."
"If you'd let me, I'd drive over to your house for a good night kiss," she offered.
Ryan paused for a long minute but finally said, "I don't think that's a good idea, as tempting as it is, Jamie. I'm really having a hard time concentrating. It worked well when you were with me on Sunday, but seeing you for a little bit and getting all worked up just isn't working for me. I don't really need to come back to Berkeley this week since my last class was today and my first test isn't until Monday. Would it be too terrible for you if we didn't see each other this week?"
Jamie was stunned that Ryan would even ask such a thing. She tried to force herself to be mature and sensitive to her lover's needs, but was wounded that she could even make the suggestion. As the silence stretched on for a while, Ryan realized that she wasn't taking well to the idea. "Jamie," she said softly. "I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings. I just don't know what else to do. I want to see you and touch you so bad my teeth ache, but after we touch for a while you're all I can think about."
"Ryan, I know things are hard for you right now, but I don't think I can concentrate if I don't see you at all. Isn't there some other way?"
"Well, you could stay over here until finals are over. We'd at least be in the same house."
"But we couldn't sleep together," she said glumly.
"No, I don't think Da would like that. Saturday was an exception, but I don't think he'd want us to continue that."
"Why don't you come sleep with me?" she asked tentatively.
"But Jamie, you know there's no way to avoid Cassie and Mia."
"I have some good news on that front," she said brightly. "I told Mia last night, and she took it really well. She wouldn't mind if you came over, and after we talked she really insulted Cassie, so I doubt that she'll come home."
Ryan was quiet for a few minutes, so quiet that Jamie finally asked, "Tell me what's going through your mind."
A deep sigh began the reply. "I…I just don't feel right sneaking into your house, Jamie," she said softly. "I mean, I guess it shouldn't bother me, since I've done it so many times before, but something about it really gets to me."
Jamie's return sigh was just as deep. "I think I know what it is," she said softly. "You told me that you never want me to feel ashamed of our love. And even though I think you know that I'm not ashamed, a little part of you is still hurt by having to hide."
"I guess you're right," Ryan agreed. "It's just such a joyous time for me that it really hurts to have to sneak around. It just seems to put a bad taste in my mouth. I'm sorry, Jamie, I really am," she sighed. "But it's really starting to get to me."
"Let me think for a minute," Jamie said, rather brusquely. "I'll call you back."
Ryan started to protest, since it was obvious that she had hurt her lover's feelings, but the phone had gone dead before she could utter a word.
Almost 15 minutes passed before the phone rang. Ryan had actually been pacing across the living room floor for 10 of those minutes, driving Conor and her father slightly mad. Both men were watching the Giants play the Dodgers, but the incessant pacing was diverting their attention. "Who says love is bliss?" Conor muttered just loudly enough for his father to hear.
All three O'Flaherty's were relieved when Jamie's happy-sounding voice came through the phone. "You have twenty minutes to pack," Jamie informed her briskly. "Bring everything you need for the week—including your computer."
"What? Jamie, we don't have to do this," Ryan urged. "I know you're not ready to tell…"
"I'm not telling anyone anything," she reassured her. "Now pack up and kiss your father goodbye, Ryan. I'll be there soon."
Conor poked his head out of the bedroom door to see his sister standing in the middle of the room, receiver still in her hand, dial tone echoing loudly. "Uhh, Ryan?" he said softly, trying not to startle her. "You okay?"
She shook her head to clear it and gazed at him for a minute. "I'm gonna be gone for a few days," she mumbled as she started to walk to her room.
"Where are you going?" he asked her departing form, narrowing his eyes at her normal bedtime attire of an old t-shirt and baggy sweats.
"Don't know," she replied as she shrugged her shoulders.
Jamie was a little optimistic on her estimate; the drive actually took her 30 minutes. Ryan needed every minute--getting her clothes ready was not a problem, but she had a massive amount of books, notebooks, lab notes and floppy disks that she regularly used. She had recruited Conor to help her load everything into a big box and they were just finishing when Jamie came running down the stairs in an ebullient mood. Conor greeted her warmly and started up the stairs with the heavy box. "Be back for the computer," he called as he climbed the stairs.
"All set?" the perky blonde asked.
"I guess so," Ryan replied with a rather helpless look on her face. "Did Cassie move out or something?"
"Nope." Jamie started to carry Ryan's suitcase up the stairs but she stopped and asked, "Did you pack your swimsuit?"
"Huh? No, of course not." Putting her hands on her hips she demanded, "Jamie, what's going on?"
"All in due time, my dear. Just stuff a suit in here and let's get shaking!"
The Boxster was filled to capacity once Conor got everything loaded into the very petite trunk. They had to remove Jamie's suitcase in order to squeeze in Ryan's books, but they finally got the trunk closed. Conor and Martin stood on the sidewalk in front of the house. "Goodbye, Darlin'," Martin said as he kissed his youngest. "Have fun or study hard or, well, be safe," he finally decided since he had no knowledge of her itinerary.
"Oh, I'll take very good care of her, Martin. I promise to return her on Friday well fed, well rested, and ready for her exams."
"I trust you completely, Jamie," he said fondly. "I know my precious one is in good hands." He kissed the smaller woman and hugged Ryan again. Then Conor did the same to both of them.
"See you soon, I guess," Ryan said, still looking shell-shocked. Conor hoisted Jamie's suitcase over the door through the open window and Ryan spent a moment maneuvering it into a comfortable place. When she was finished, she waved at her family, a nearly dumbstruck expression on her face.
As they drove off, Conor opined, "I've never ever seen her so compliant?"
Martin laughed at that characterization but he had to admit it was accurate. "You'll be the same some day, lad," he predicted.
Jamie drove since Ryan had no idea where they were headed. It appeared that they were headed for the Berkeley house, but she took a different turn and went towards Oakland. A few minutes after they left the freeway, they pulled into the massive grounds of The Claremont Hotel. Ryan had seen the huge white edifice many times, but had never actually been on the grounds. Looking around excitedly she asked, "Are we staying here?"
"Yep," Jamie said firmly. "We're staying here until Friday. I'm paying so don't even
bother to argue. We're going to pamper ourselves outrageously," she declared.
"But…"
Jamie quickly cut off Ryan's protest, "I can't stand to be around Cassie for another minute, and I can't stay at your house and not sleep with you—it just drives me crazy! So even if you don't want to join me, I decided to do this. I just want to study and have someone else take care of every need. Room service…maid service…swimming pool…Jacuzzi tub…"
"SOLD!" Ryan agreed as they pulled up in front of the valet.
Exhibiting her typical take-charge attitude, Jamie hopped out and began instructing the bellman on how to unload the car. Their luggage looked a little odd, consisting of two computer towers, two monitors, one printer and two small suitcases, but the young man took it in stride.
That attitude continued as Jamie dealt with the pleasant woman at the front desk. "We need the top floor," she instructed. "The quietest room that you have. We're working on an important project and we need privacy."
"How many beds?" the woman asked, with a completely neutral expression.
"One king bed," she replied firmly, obviously, not afraid of coming out to strangers.
"Hmm," the clerk mused as she considered her choices. "I'd say the quietest room we have is in the rear corner of the hotel, facing the hills. But that's a suite…"
"Fine," Jamie informed her briskly. "Four nights."
"Are you sure?" she asked, looking closely at the young woman in front of her, seemingly for the first time. The confident young woman met her gaze evenly. She wore a dark green fleece lined anorak, a gold turtleneck and a pair of jeans, and could have passed for a high school student. Ryan didn't help matters much, dressed as she was, in her hooded 'Cal' sweatshirt and jeans. Their luggage was on a cart right next to them and they looked like what they were--students from Berkeley trying to have a little peace during finals. To avoid potential misunderstandings, the woman printed off a sheet that showed the charge for the room and the applicable tax and parking fee and handed it to Jamie.
Beginnings - SF2 Page 21