"Uh-uh!" Ryan said, sounding much more like Caitlin than herself. "I'm riding, and that's final."
With a heavy sigh the smaller woman sat down on the ground and looked up at her wobbling partner. "Sit down right here and tell me exactly how you feel," Jamie ordered, her patience beginning to flag.
Ryan heeded her wishes and allowed herself to collapse right at Jamie's feet. She hit the ground with a thump and immediately stuck her head between her raised knees, obviously struggling not to vomit. Jamie began to lightly run her fingers down her spine, trying to reassure her. It took quite a few minutes, but Ryan finally gathered herself enough to begin her story. "I just didn't feel right from the time I woke up. I'm tired and listless, and my stomach is upset. I threw up everything I had for breakfast just after the first pit stop." She paused to stare at the ground, "When you ditched me," she added quietly.
"Oh, Sweetheart, I didn't ditch you!" Jamie cried. "I felt like I was irritating you, so I just tried to give us both some space. You didn't act like you wanted me there, Ryan, but I'm so sorry you felt like I had left you."
"I was sick, and you didn't even care that I was sitting on the side of the road barfing my guts out," she said with a pout weighing down her lower lip.
"I couldn't be sorrier, Ryan," she soothed as she cradled her face with her hands. "I hope you can forgive me," she said. "I feel so bad that I wasn't there for you the one time that you needed me."
"I need you all the time, Jamie. I just needed you a little more than normal today," she said, her lower lip starting to quiver.
It felt like a vise was tightening around her heart, and Jamie struggled not to burst into tears. Her normally stoic partner was so terribly fragile and vulnerable that she just wanted to cradle her like a child and rock her until she felt better. "What can we do now?" she finally asked.
The fragile child remained for just another moment or two. Then Ryan's analytical mind kicked in, and she began to try to identify the needs of her usually responsive body. "I need a pretty long rest, and I need to force as much fluid down as possible. I really screwed up my electrolyte balance when I threw everything up and then had to ride without any fuel," she admitted glumly. "But if I can suck down some GU and keep it down I should be okay in a half-hour or so."
"What do you think happened?" Jamie asked as Ryan leaned back on one arm and sucked deeply on a bottle of Gatorade.
"I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the tent," she said with a wan smile. "The last day of the ride is usually hard, and I think I just let it get to me. I was feeling out of sorts, and I didn't pay close attention to what I was doing. But I think my big mistake of the day was drinking that energy drink they had at breakfast. I should have checked the carbohydrate level, but I'm guessing it was over the maximum I can tolerate, which is eight percent. If I drink anything higher than that, I always get sick to my stomach." Jamie checked her skin again and found that it now felt normal to her touch. "So I think I'm kinda bonking from not getting enough calories, plus add the too-sweet drink and you've got trouble."
"Well, you're looking a lot better now. How do you feel?"
"I feel better. I don't feel sweaty and clammy any more. But I knew I was in trouble when my bike shorts felt too big today. I don't know how much weight I've lost, but I couldn't really afford to lose any. I know that's the biggest problem."
Jamie put her arms around her and hugged her tight. "Are you mad at me for not being there for you?"
"No, I was being kind of a jerk. I don't blame you for wanting to be alone," she said as she stared down at the ground.
"Please don't think that Ryan. I thought you were right behind me. I just assumed that we needed a little break from each other. I would never leave you if I thought there was a chance that you needed me."
"Okay, let's just put this behind us and try to get through the rest of the day. I think I can go again."
"No, not yet," she insisted. "I want to make sure that drink settles in your tummy before you try again. I screwed up once today, and I'm not going to let that happen again."
Ryan leaned her head back and gazed at her lover with an appreciative glance. "You didn't screw up, Jamie. I'm kinda hard to be around when I don't feel well. It's really not your fault."
"You're never hard to be around, Sweetie. I just have to learn your cues a little better," she declared confidently.
"Well if you figure me out, be sure to tell my father," Ryan said with a small smile. "He's been trying for 23 years."
After another 20 minutes, they decided to give it another go. "I'm going in front of you to try to block a little wind," Jamie declared. "We'll get through this, Ryan. You and I.... together."
Ryan looked up at her with her first real smile of the day. "I know we will, Jamie."
The pace they kept was much slower than normal, but Ryan stayed right on her tail all the way to lunch. When they pulled off, she dropped right to the ground and stayed there until Jamie brought her lunch back. Jamie pulled her up just enough to be able to eat, and propped her up against her outstretched legs. Ryan got all of her lunch down, albeit slowly, and then she drank her own sports drink mix, getting down two full bottles before she announced that she was ready.
As they left lunch, Jamie looked around at the assembled crowd. This was their last meal together, and she felt a lump in her throat just thinking about it. Ryan noticed her expression, and she leaned over and said, "I'll miss this too," hugging her firmly.
"It's like the world's biggest family," she said as a few tears escaped. "There are the relatives you love, the ones you're not so crazy about, and the ones from out of state, who you don't see much, but you're all connected in a deep way. I never want to lose this feeling, Ryan," she said helplessly.
"You don't have to," Ryan insisted. "Some of these people are my closest friends even though I only see them once a year. Your family will be here next year and the year after that. There will be some new faces and some will be absent, but the feeling remains, Jamie, I promise you that."
She closed her eyes for a minute, reflecting on Ryan's words. "Thanks," she murmured. "That helped."
They only had 30 miles to cover after lunch. On a normal day Ryan could do that in an hour and a half—max, but they stopped frequently—very frequently--along the way to drink from their water bottles and eat a power bar. Jamie was nearly obsessed with making sure her partner was well, checking her temperature at every stop and forcing her to drink until she needed to use the facilities. She was so focused on checking her mirror to make sure Ryan was following that she nearly gasped in amazement when she realized they were cruising down Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica. Turning away from the beach they headed towards Brentwood. Jamie had been to this area several times with her parents since they normally stayed in Bel Air when they visited Los Angeles, but she had always been in a car or an airport limo when they had traversed the winding, tree-lined streets on those trips. This was an altogether different experience, and she found herself smiling widely as they powered down the street.
Since the distance to be covered was short, the riders were bunched closer together than normal. A steady stream of riders passed them, quite a few turning in the saddle to give them questioning glances at the slow pace they were maintaining. But Jamie responded to each look with a smile and a thumbs up sign and the riders continued on their way. As they followed the pack her heart started to beat a little faster as they approached Century City.
This small, neat section of Los Angeles boasted a dozen high-rise office buildings, many restaurants, and a nice outdoor shopping mall—but that was all. It was really quite tiny, not more than four blocks square. Nearly every major law firm was either headquartered here or had an office in one of the high rises, and she could see the tower where her father's L.A. office was housed. She had learned on an earlier visit that the neighborhood used to be a part of the 20th Century Fox back lot. Many productions had been filmed on the property, but when Fox overspent on Cleopatra, t
he Richard Burton/Elizabeth Taylor film, they found themselves in such a cash crunch that they had to sell the lot to developers just to stay solvent. The lot was cleared and the buildings went up quickly, transforming a quiet little tree-lined neighborhood into a bustling business district filled with BMWs and Mercedes.
Just shy of Century City they took a quick turn and headed towards the staging area—Beverly Hills High School. So here we are in 90210, she smiled to herself.
As they drew near, they were greeted by hundreds of family members and local residents, but the people were spread out over a very large area, and she struggled with her disappointment for a while. I thought it would be more special, she thought with a mental pout. It's really nice that some people came out though…I guess it's just to hard to get jaded Angelenos out of their own swimming pools on a lovely June day. Looking into her mirror she saw that Ryan looked pretty normal, although her fatigue was evident. This must be what she expected, she reminded herself. This is her sixth ride after all.
As they rolled into the athletic fields to park their bikes she did her best to put her disappointment aside and focus on Ryan. She never mentioned what the last few miles were like, Jamie recalled. And if it were going to be special, she would have teased me with it—just to keep me going.
Ryan actually allowed her to help get her off the bike, and it was evident that even the act of swinging her leg over the frame was an effort. They parked their bikes with all of the others and found a quiet grassy spot to lie down. It was only two; they were not due to begin organizing until three, so Jamie propped herself up next to the bleachers on the football field and Ryan put her head in her lap. She ran her fingers though the shiny tresses for just a few minutes before Ryan was sound asleep.
She studied her lover like a precious work of art, watching her steady intake of breath, seeing the little twitch of her eyelids, the slight pursing of her lips. She watched in annoyance as her dark eyebrows furrowed when a passerby was speaking too loudly and nearly woke her. Quiet! She wanted to yell, but that seemed a little counterproductive, so she held her tongue and just gave a small scowl to people who had the nerve to come too close.
Continuing to run her fingers through the dark hair, Jamie thought of how sad Ryan had looked when she felt that she had been deserted. If I've learned one thing on this ride, it's that my sweetheart needs a lot more care than she'll ever let on. I swear that I'll never ignore her again if she seems under the weather. She had learned a valuable lesson, and even though it was painful for both of them, she was grateful that she had been shown this vulnerable side of her stoic partner. She had learned that Ryan was truly a terrible patient. She knew her body better than anyone Jamie had ever met, but when it started to fail her she fell into an intense state of denial. Jamie vowed that she would pay better attention to the small signals and not let Ryan's brusqueness cause her to turn away.
Glancing around idly, a shiny object hidden inside Ryan's helmet caught her eye. She pulled the helmet over and tilted it to get a look as a laminated photo fell out. Jamie reached down and turned the small, concave photo right side up. Gazing back at her was a very attractive young man who looked to be in his mid-teens. A broad smile graced his friendly, open face. He looked fit and strong, and appeared to be on the verge of growing into a powerful body. His hair was a deep auburn, and the sun showed deep red highlights in the straight, medium length locks. His muscular arms were raised in a classic weight-lifter's pose; fists clenched, biceps tensed. He was standing with his legs slightly spread to support the weight that he carried upon his shoulders. That beaming weight was a young Ryan, no more than five or six years old. She mimicked the young man's pose, showing off her smooth, thin arms. They looked like they were having a marvelous time, and both wore the untroubled, carefree faces of youthful innocence.
Jamie stared at the photo for a long time, realizing immediately that the young man in the picture was Ryan's cousin, Michael. This must have been taken before Ryan's mother died, Jamie mused. And before Michael contracted AIDS, she added grimly.
There was something so terribly appealing about the twosome, that Jamie could not stop looking at the photo. It was hard to pin it down, but it was obvious that these two were more than cousins, more than friends. I don't think I'll ever really understand what this young man meant to her, she thought. But I know that he was one of the biggest influences in her life. Looking down at her sleeping partner she thought, I'm so sorry you had so much pain at such a young age, Sweetheart. She continued to run her fingers through the dark hair, wishing for nothing but peace and joy and love for the precious woman lying in her lap.
Ryan did not move from her position for a solid hour. At a little after three, they began to hand out special long sleeved tshirts. The riders would parade down the street in groups, separated by color, so Jamie had to extricate herself from Ryan to fetch the same color tshirts for them both. She lifted her head to wake her, but not a muscle in the tanned face flinched, so Jamie placed the dark head on the ground, jogged off to grab the shirts, and was back before she stirred.
She looked down at her and decided to do the one last thing that Ryan was obviously too ill to do for herself. Struggling through the assembled bikes, she found Ryan's and performed the simple task with love.
There was a lot of noise from the nearly three thousand people assembled and the plethora of announcements over the public address system, but still Ryan did not move. Jamie was beginning to worry when she finally stretched and groaned at 3:30 on the dot.
Jamie had replaced Ryan's head on her lap, and the blue eyes finally looked up at her groggily. "Where are we?" she asked through a parched throat.
"We're at the high school. Don't you remember?" she asked with concern.
"Oh, yeah, I remember," Ryan said as she closed her eyes again.
"We're going to be moving in a few minutes, Ryan. Can you get up?"
"Yeah. I just need another drink," she said as she smacked her lips together audibly.
Jamie scrambled up and fetched a water bottle for her. She sat up and drank the entire thing down without stopping. "I feel better now," she said sweetly. "Thanks for taking care of me," she added as she rested her head on Jamie's shoulder. "Last year's tentmate would have kicked me as she walked over my unconscious body."
"Well your current and future tentmate loves you completely," she vowed.
The ever-cheerful crew called them to order and organized them by t-shirt color. There were about 450 people in each color of the rainbow flag: blue, red, green, yellow, purple and orange. They had been assigned purple, and they lined up on their bikes with the others. "I've never been part of a flag before," Jamie said with a grin.
"I think you look adorable as a little rainbow stripe," Ryan pronounced, bending to kiss her. Her eyes were twinkling again, and her color was completely normal by the time they hopped back on their bikes.
They rode slowly--extremely slowly--until they reached the Avenue of the Stars. "What's the holdup?" Jamie asked, as the crush of riders around them became a little claustrophobic.
"Can't say from here," Ryan remarked casually. "I guess we'll find out when we round this corner."
As they negotiated the last turn of the ride, Jamie nearly fell from her bike at the sight before her. Their slightly elevated position at the crest of the street showed the massive throng below them, and as soon as they saw the crowd, the cheering and applause assaulted them. The six-lane major thoroughfare was the main road through Century City, and the nearly three thousand riders filled the massive street from curb to curb. The wide sidewalks were absolutely packed with well-wishers and family members. They were about three-quarters of the way back in the procession, and Jamie could see all of their fellow riders slowly pedaling up the street with the cheering crowd waving and clapping. The noise was overwhelming, and the emotion from the crowd fed the weary riders and brightened the spirits of every single one of them.
Turning to her partner with her heart thumpin
g in her chest she cried, "You knew!"
"Yep. I knew," she replied with a blinding white smile. "But I wanted you to savor it for yourself."
"I love you, Ryan O'Flaherty!" she cried out as she threw her head back and howled with delight.
When they were no longer able to move forward, the street was filled with the multicolor jerseys looking very much like the world's largest rainbow flag. The announcer asked the crowd to welcome them home, and the noise grew even louder as Ryan turned to her and said, "Remember all those exercises I made you do on your pecs?"
Jamie nodded, a bit confused.
"Well, here's why!" she cried as she and every other rider picked up their bikes and held them high over their heads. Jamie fought back the tears as she grabbed her bike by the frame and powered it over her head. The emotion that flowed through the crowd was so strong that it was almost palpable. Ryan gave her a luminous smile, leaning forward just a bit, kissing her soundly, bicycles held high over their heads. "I'm so proud of you, Jamie," she said as the tears rolled down her beautiful cheeks.
Jamie just had to lower her bike to the ground. She had to wrap her arms around this wonderful woman right this moment. She hugged her with every ounce of her strength as she murmured, "You're my hero, Ryan," as she kissed her again and again.
Moments later they were drenched by all of the riders squirting their filled water bottles up into the air. Jamie had wondered why Ryan had insisted on throwing away their energy drink and filling their bottles with water, but once again she was glad for her preparedness. They squirted each other and shot their extra bottles high into the air, blowing off some of their excitement in the process. The cheers of the crowd were almost deafening as the sound reverberated off the towering high rises that surrounded them on every side. The applause seemed to rise in waves, flowing over the now energized throng like a gentle caress.
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