by Hattie Jude
“I’m not sure what you mean by that and I’m not insinuating anything other than perhaps you’re misreading the situation. Do you have a lot of experience with substances, Gabriela?”
My eyes widen and I stand up, causing my chair to almost fall back. I grab it before it crashes on the floor.
“No, I don’t have a lot of experience with drugs. Do you?” His jaw ticks and it doesn’t take a brain to know he wants me out of here. “I know enough to say I’m pretty sure she took something and passed out right after. I heard later that it was a drug overdose. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to know that it could be because of drugs on your campus. I’ve seen girls using in the bathroom before, also usually in Heidi’s possession, and I think since one of your students has died, you might want to know where it’s getting in.”
“I don’t like to operate under assumptions. If you can get solid evidence for me, I will consider it. Thank you for coming forward, I’ll be sure to take note of your thoughts on this.”
I’m at the door already, mortified by his nonchalance and so unbelievably angry. He obviously wants to sweep all of this under the rug and claim no wrongdoing whatsoever on the part of the school.
“Hopefully no one else dies on your watch,” I say before I leave his office.
He grabs my shoulder before I can leave, holding me in place.
“I don’t deal well with threats, Ms. Sinclair. I’ve taken your thoughts into consideration and I suggest you stick to letting the police do their job. A student’s life is no small matter. I hope you’re not suggesting that I played a part in anyone dying at Longlake.”
I brush his hand off of my shoulder and his face flushes a little under my scrutiny. “I wasn’t suggesting anything before I came in here, but now you have me questioning everything.”
I get out of there and try to keep my head down the rest of the day. I do my work and stay out of Raf and Heidi’s way. For the most part, it works. After school, Ashton finds me before he goes to practice.
“Our last game is this Friday night. Will you put it on your schedule?” He says it like he’s joking, but I can see the eagerness in his eyes.
“Sure. I’ll be there.”
“Great. I’ve gotta get to practice. I’ve hardly seen you today. You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.
“Okay.” He gives me another look before waving over his shoulder. I want to run after him and tell him what happened with Mr. Saunders, but he’s rushing off to practice.
I turn and Raf is watching me. Angry. Of course. His constant anger with me is exhausting. My shoulders sag and I turn toward my locker. I can’t win. I wish we could settle into something…anything other than this. I don’t expect to be friends with him, but something less hostile would be nice. I shut my locker door and hurry past him, ready to be home.
I feel him watching me as I walk down the hall and then Heidi steps out of the bathroom near the exit, her pupils dilated. She laughs her high-pitched giggle that sends chills down my spine, it’s so grating, and I keep walking.
“Raf,” she calls. She bumps into me when she says it and laughs harder. “Watch where you’re going, slut.”
I reach out and drive my fist into her nose, not stopping when she screams and falls back against the locker.
“You bitch!” she wails. “Did you break my nose? She broke my nose! What the fuck!”
She yanks my hair and I pull my fist back, ready to hit her again as she flails around, eyes crazed.
“Get your hands off of me. If your nose isn’t broken now, I can make sure it is with the next punch.”
Her eyes widen into something comical and she lets go of my hair, clutching her nose and crying so hard her shoulders shake.
I keep walking until I’m out the door.
If someone can die at Longlake, what’s a little broken nose going to cost me?
Whatever it is will be worth it.
Chapter Eight
Turns out it’ll cost me a week’s suspension.
But it shouldn’t affect my transcripts because I’m a stellar student.
That’s what Mr. Saunders tells my mother as I stare at him stonily across the desk.
I have a feeling my time with him earlier today is both helping and hurting my cause at the moment.
I feel bad for my mom. She keeps looking at me like she doesn’t know what devil has occupied her daughter’s body, and I’m not making it any easier on her because I won’t tell her anything that happened. I just want out of this office and to get as far from Longlake as possible.
“This won’t happen again, I can assure you of that,” she says to Mr. Saunders as he opens the office door.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Mom,” I say under my breath.
She jabs me in the side and I keep my mouth shut.
“Make sure that it doesn’t.” Mr. Saunders clears his throat. “We have a no-tolerance stance on bullying here at Longlake.”
I throw my head back and laugh hysterically at that and then my mom really does look at me like I’ve lost my mind.
I stand up and turn to both of them, hands on my hips. “I’ve been bullied since the day I got here and haven’t once been saved from anyone, teachers or students. I’d say it’s more than tolerated all over this school. Heidi Serrin had it coming, trust me. And no, I don’t plan on hitting her again, but if she calls me a slut one more time and gives drugs to another nice person and they wind up dead, yeah, I might have to hit her again. Since no one else is doing anything about it!” I’m yelling now and the few students and teachers lingering around the office are staring through the windows and open door, listening to every word of my breakdown.
My mom yanks my arm and drags me out of the office. “Shut your mouth,” she says between gritted teeth.
I recognize one of the boys from the day my video was circulating, standing there with his mouth gaping. I give him the finger and he grins as my mom huffs again, pulling me farther down the hall. When we get outside, she still doesn’t let go of my arm and I dread the car ride home.
I was right to dread it because she doesn’t stop ranting the whole way home. I tune her out as she tells me all the reasons what I did was so destructive and poor behavior and evil and asking for trouble and bad attention and blah de blah de blah.
She turns to face me when she stops the car in front of our house. “Since you don’t do anything, I don’t even know what to take away to punish you. How could you do this to me, Josephine? You know we’re trying so hard to create a new beginning.”
“Did you not hear what I said in the office? A student died and I wasn’t even really friends with her, but I seem to be the only one who cares that she’s dead. What’s wrong with everyone else? I didn’t do any of this to you. I hit Heidi Serrin because she had it coming. I’m tired of no one paying for their bad behavior. Ever. Except me, of course.” I laugh again. I laugh until my stomach hurts and the tears are dripping down my cheeks. “Did you even hear me saying I’ve been bullied since I got to that school? What part of that makes it payback to you?”
“Doesn’t look like you’re being bullied now.” She shakes her head and slams the door to the car and then the door to the house. I sit in the car for a long time, contemplating how I’ll function without school for a week.
Sounds like heaven.
Maybe I should’ve punched Heidi sooner.
Ashton stops by later and I hear my mom telling him that I’m grounded. She took my phone when I walked into the house; I wasn’t even allowed to let Luci or Ashton know what was going on. I can tell he’s turning on the charm when she laughs, but I also hear her telling him no, she’s not making exceptions, even for him.
The game Friday night. Ugh. Hopefully I can talk her into letting me out of the house before then.
I haven’t had anything to care about until now. And it feels kind of nice to know Luci and Ashton will miss me.
I read a book and stay up late, not worrying about
getting up early the next morning. I’m drifting off when I hear something against my window and I try to look without being seen.
Raf stands outside and I watch as he bends down and throws a little rock at the window. When he does it a third time, I grab a jacket and put it on over my tank and sweats. I tiptoe down the stairs, making sure my mom isn’t hiding behind any corners.
All is quiet.
I shut the door behind me, walking around to where Raf is waiting.
“Your mom is at my house,” he says.
“Oh, I didn’t hear her leave.”
“Thought you might like to get out of the house while you have a chance.”
“Thanks.”
He shrugs.
The sounds of the nearby water and birds still squawking here and there help fill the awkward moment while we avoid looking at each other.
“So…you’re out of school for the week,” he says.
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sighs and stares at the sky like my presence is sheer torture.
“Hey, you’re the one who got me down here in the middle of the night, the least you can do is have a real conversation.”
“It’s eleven o’clock.”
My eyes narrow on him as I lift both hands in annoyance. “Excuse me, not the middle of the night.”
He lifts a shoulder and smirks.
“What are you doing here, Raf?”
“I…don’t know.” He puts his hands in his pockets. “Want to walk down the beach until we’re tired?”
“I should stay close to home until my mom comes back.”
“You know she stays until at least two when she comes over, right?”
“Uh, no. I didn’t know that. I didn’t know she was leaving at all.” I shiver and tighten my jacket around me.
“Yeah.” His voice is husky and it sends another shiver through me.
It’s these times when Raf is…softer…that are the most confusing. Anything seems possible when he’s like this, and that’s when he’s the most dangerous of all.
“I guess I could walk a little while. Don’t have to get up early in the morning.” I laugh and in the moonlight, I can see his lips slightly lift in a smile. “You do though.”
“I don’t sleep much.”
He motions for me to follow him and we walk out the back gate and turn away from both of our houses. The night is brisk and the water sounds turbulent, like a storm is blowing in. We didn’t get many storms in Vegas, and I’m excited by the thought of one here. The times it’s rained have been a whole new experience.
“Do you do this a lot? Walk out here at night?”
“More in the warmer months, but even when it gets colder than this…yeah, I guess I do spend a lot of time out here. I like how no one is out this late. And the way the sky looks…it’s peaceful. I feel less…alone.”
My heart skips ahead a little and I glance at Raf. His face is hard to read in this light, but his shadow casts a foreboding spell compared to his words.
“Do you feel alone a lot?” I ask quietly.
“Yes. Don’t you?” He looks at me then and grabs me when I stumble on a rock or shell. Heat spreads throughout my body, as it does every time he touches me, and my breath catches in my chest.
“Yes, I do.” It’s freeing to admit it. And it’s intoxicating the way his hand drags down my arm and takes hold of my hand. I don’t know what’s going on right now, but I don’t want to break the spell.
Our fingers fit together like they were made for each other and I feel the tingles from that slight contact more than I should.
“What else do you do to pass the time when you aren’t sleeping?”
“I play my guitar, write songs…usually out here too because it’s something my dad isn’t too happy about.”
“Why would he mind if you write songs?”
“He thinks anything I do to pursue music is a huge waste of time.”
I stare up at him, shocked that he’s opening up to me like this. And who knew he’d have such interesting things to say? Maybe I just think everything about him is interesting.
“It’s what I want more than anything, but it’ll never happen.”
“You love it?” I ask, already assuming he does.
“Yeah,” he says softly. “It’s one of the only things I’m good at…besides sex,” he adds, laughing.
The tension between us builds until I can hardly breathe. We reach a place on the sand where it gets rocky and stop walking. He looks down at me and steps closer, pushing back the hair blowing in my face. His other hand lands on my waist and his lips are on mine in the next second. His full lips are soft and cushiony and then demanding, as his tongue dances against mine. He tugs me against him and I stand on my tiptoes, my body aching to meld into every part of him. We kiss and kiss and kiss, until I’m breathless, my heart racing against his. He lowers me onto the sand and kisses down my chest, his tongue tracing circles against my skin as he slides my shirt to the side. When it latches around my nipple, my back arches into him and he groans.
“Raf,” I moan.
My voice unleashes something in him. He lifts up and his eyes drill mine, as if asking permission. I bite my lower lip and put my hands on his cheeks pulling him against my mouth again.
It’s all the permission he needs.
He drags my sweats down and lowers his mouth to my skin, groaning when I arch into him.
“I’ve missed your taste so much,” he whispers, before diving back inside with his tongue.
“I want you,” I whimper. “Please.”
“I didn’t bring a condom,” he says. “Oh…wait…maybe in my wallet.” He digs in his pocket, pulling his wallet out and laughs when he finds one. “Goddamn, it’s our night.”
I’m so scared of something ruining the moment but am so hungry for him, I grab it from him and unwrap it, holding it up as he pulls his pants down. When his cock springs free, I wrap him up and he groans when my hands close around him.
“I might not last,” he whispers. “It’s been too long.”
I stare at him, wondering if he’s been with anyone since we were together. But I let all thoughts of that go when he buries himself inside of me. My eyes roll back in my head and I don’t care that we’re on the sand and it’s messy and chilly and if anyone were to be on the beach right now, they’d totally see us.
“You feel so good,” I moan. I clench around him and he curses.
“Hold still, baby.”
My eyes widen and so do his as we stare at one another. And then he starts to move. He fucks me inside out and sideways. The waves swallow up our cries as we throw all caution to the wind and let our bodies worship each other without trying to figure out why we can’t seem to stop this.
When our tremors still, he pulls out and takes care of the condom, tying it and throwing it in a nearby garbage. By the time he’s back, I have my pants back in place, cringing at all the sand. He looks at me tentatively and holds out his hand, helping me up. We don’t say anything on the walk back to the house and when we reach my house, he stops and puts his hands in his pockets.
“Sleep well,” he says, his voice raspier than before.
The water is calmer here than where we were by the rocks and I’m glad we were able to yell out our pleasure there. If it had been here, we would’ve had to be a lot quieter.
“You too,” I whisper.
I walk through the gate and he follows me, watching until I’m inside. I make sure my mom is still gone as I walk to my room. I peek in her room and she’s definitely gone. Hmm. When I reach my room, I look out the window and Raf is standing there. I lift my hand and he lifts his before turning around and walking back into the night.
Chapter Nine
I watch for him the next night and he doesn’t come.
Or the next night.
I listen for my mom to leave now and she’s like clockwork. Around a quarter to eleve
n, she sneaks out of the house and walks next door. I guess it’s a good thing I have this “state of the art” alarm system now because she’s certainly not going to be helpful if we have another intruder.
By the third night, I’ve given up hope that he’ll show up again and I jump when I see him standing underneath my window.
I don’t know why the sudden change in him and I’m not going to ask. I remind myself of this as I run down the stairs, this time with a blanket that I wear wrapped around my shoulders.
“Couldn’t sleep?” I ask.
“Nope.”
“How’s school?”
“Boring. How’s home life?”
“Even more boring than school, if that’s possible. But I’ve gotten a lot of reading in…”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“I’m hoping my mom will let me out of the house tomorrow night for the game, but so far, she hasn’t caved at all. Well, except she gave my phone back today…that’s something.”
I feel him tense next to me, but he doesn’t say anything. We walk the same direction we did the other night and I feel my heart quicken with every step closer to the rocks.
“It’s a nice night,” I say when he’s been quiet for a few minutes.
The waves aren’t as loud as the other night. It’s actually a calm night, little sound anywhere. Our footsteps are loud against the silence and a shudder of nerves quakes through me.
“You’re quiet tonight,” I say.
“Or you’re chatty.”
We reach the rocks and stop, facing each other.
“It’s a lot easier when you’re not at Longlake,” he says, his fingers reaching out to grasp my chin as he lowers his forehead to mine. His touch seems sweet and the thought is so weird, especially with his words, and I take a step back. He grabs me with both hands, thinking I’m stumbling.
“Why do you say that?”
“Less to worry about,” he says, leaning in to kiss me.
I push him back and he frowns, dropping his hands. “What’s wrong?”