“Because I don’t really know, I don’t know what I should be doing next. It’s like I woke up out of a coma or some shit and forgot how to do everything. All the plans I had went up in smoke now I have to start all over again, only I don’t know where to start.” Jeez Steele, can you sound like anymore of a douche? I think I lost my balls or some shit, maybe I should go check, make sure they were still hanging.
“Do you miss her?” She was watching me like she had all the answers, like if I said yes I miss the witch that had almost cost her her life she would be ready with the solution.
“That’s just it lil sis, I don’t. Whatever I felt for her died when she fucked with my brother, and that’s what’s so confusing. I think I’m more pissed at the lost time than anything else. What did I miss you know? My whole high school experience pretty much revolved around us, now I feel like a fucking idiot. How can I trust anything anymore if I let someone like that get so close to my family?”
“You Steele boys really need to lighten up. You act like old men who’ve seen and done it all. We’re teenagers Matt, we’re supposed to mess up. You have your whole life ahead of you there’s no reason to let this thing destroy your happiness any longer. Besides it’s messing with crazy boy and I don’t like it so cut it out.” They’re a pair, he threatens for her and she threatens for him. I found my first smile in weeks as I squeezed her before letting go.
“I don’t want you two worrying about me, I just need some time to get my head straight and then I’ll deal. Thanks for taking care of the whole university thing I almost forgot.”
“So you’re going?” She clapped her hands as though she was really excited to have me tag along behind them. How could she just let that shit go so easily? She almost died that night. I’ll never forget the terror in my brother’s eyes, the fear that we might be too late to save her. And then finding her in that filthy hut with that monster, and my girl had been behind it all. It made no difference that she had no idea this guy was a monster, or that he wasn’t the one that she’d contracted to do her dirty work. The reality of what she’d set out to do was bad enough.
“Yeah I’m going but I don’t know about the living arrangements, I still say you two need your own space.”
“Kill it brother we’re sticking together the same way we always do.”
“You know what’s going to be the best part of getting my shit together?”
“What’s that?” Josh grinned at me the little shit.
“Kicking your ass, I think you forget who’s the oldest here little brother. You’ve been bossing my ass around for weeks.”
“That’s because you’ve been acting like a little bitch, somebody had to take the reins. The ‘rents were worried about you so I had to step up.”
“Well they don’t have to worry anymore.” I stretched my arms over my head and worked the kinks out of my neck. I did feel a lot better after that little talk. Like something heavy had fallen off of my shoulders. They didn’t blame me for what Patti had done after all and maybe with a little time I might stop blaming myself as well. I won’t say I was a hundred percent but that sick, dark feeling was starting to ease a little. “Do you know what I feel like doing little brother?” I grinned over at both of them as they sat cuddled together. I tested my feelings as I watched them; no there was no envy, no bitterness. Just joy that my brother was so fucking happy it was coming out his pores. Thank fuck for that.
Chapter 3
“What do you feel like doing bro?” I turned to Josh who had been listening quietly from the sidelines and for the first time in a long while I found a genuine smile.
“Waffle sundaes at the diner.”
“Dammit, fine, looks like we have to get dressed Lamb, where’s Nessa and the douche?”
“You called?” Andrew and Nessa came out on the patio all smiles, it’s like everyone else had gotten into the happy punch except me. “What the fuck douche were you eaves dropping or some shit, where the hell did you come from?”
“I wish you would refrain from calling my beloved by that insulting term Joshua.”
“Sorry sis, come on douchebag we’re going to the diner.”
“Woot, Waffle sundaes Mattie my man, it’s good to have you back among the living.” The fool jumped over the steps and sprinted towards the garage. Had everyone been waiting for me to get my head out of my ass? Josh and Carrie ran to get dressed while I worked the kinks out of my shoulders and neck. It would be the first time I’d ventured past the property line in a while. With all the laughter and clowning around I realized that the house had been quiet in the last few weeks.
Life went on of course but I’m only now noticing that the usual rowdiness in the Steele mansion had been damn near nonexistent lately, all because they were giving me time and space to get my shit together. I waited in the garage with Nessa and Andrew until Josh and Carrie came back down. There was something I needed to say, something I hadn’t said in way too long.
“I love you lil brother.” I hugged my brother around the neck and kissed his head causing him to gut punch me in return.
“I love you too you ass, now let’s go see who can out eat the douche.”
“You Steele boys are all talk, you can’t take me, tell them babe.”
Nessa just rolled her eyes and gave me a silent hug I guess she’d missed her big brother too.
We all started piling into my Escalade after yelling through the house intercom to the parents that we were going. They’re another pair always locked away behind closed doors; and what the fuck am I thinking? I used to love that about my parents, the fact that with so many of my friends having weekend dads mine couldn’t keep his hands off my mom. Damn I really have become an asshole.
Josh kissed Carrie outside the back passenger door like he was going off to war before letting her in the back with Vanessa and Andrew and climbing up front with me.
“You sure you can tear yourself away? It’s a good ten minutes to the diner I wouldn’t want you to go through withdrawals.”
“Suck it douche and let’s go.”
I grinned widely after cuffing his shoulder; my way of letting him know his brother was back or at least partially.
The town looked strange which made no sense since I’ve lived here my whole life, but somehow it was like seeing it through new eyes. I guess I was going to have to get used to seeing it through the eyes of the new me. I’d been part of a couple for so long that being solo felt hella strange. I figure it was going to take some time getting used to being alone. As young as we were I’d already been settled in with the nut, all my plans had included or involved her in some way. Now I was going to have to get used to going it alone. The thought of finding someone else and building a relationship left me cold, sad but true. The calendar might say I was close to my nineteenth birthday but my soul felt like it was reaching the century mark. I fought back the negative feelings that threatened to crawl up my throat. This was a new beginning, the first time I’d been out of the house in forever; I’ll just take small steps and see where they led me. One thing was for certain, Josh was right, there was no way I was giving her anymore of me.
The diner was packed as was to be expected on a weekend morning in the summer. With school out and the weather nice for a change the parking lot was overcrowded. I hadn’t seen anyone since the news broke about Patti and her part in what had happened to Carrie. And though my brother and father not to mention Carrie’s own dad who was a cop had kept the more sinister details out of the public domain, what had leaked was still bad enough. I felt the shame of it wash over me and fought that too as I schooled myself to face whatever was coming. Everyone knew us as a couple, how could they not? Will they hold me responsible? Will I see accusations in the eyes of old friends or pity? Fuck that I’m not going back there in my head.
“The first fucker that says anything about that shit to me is getting his ass kicked.” I looked at Josh who grinned and nodded at me.
“I’ve got your back bro.”
I turned the jeep off and climbed out into the warm sunshiny day. I’ve always had a rep as a badass while my brother had been known as the quiet brainy guy who didn’t really mix. I guess he proved them wrong in the last few months. I’m proud as fuck of him though for the way he took care of his girl. The no holds barred way he’d gone after her. True love in Technicolor, too bad the same isn’t in the works for me. Let it go Matt just let it the fuck go.
The place was wall to wall; people stopped us to say hi as we passed by crowded tables not waiting to be seated by the hostess who was stuck taking payments at the front register. There was a group of high school kids exiting a booth in the corner and I headed that way with the others following close behind. No one seemed to be staring and pointing fingers so I felt some of the tension ease as I slid into the booth.
The noise and din of the place actually felt good. I’d been afraid that everywhere I went in our small town would bring back memories of the times I’d spent, more like wasted with my ex, but I was happy to say there was no taint of that here. I wasn’t lying when I told Carrie that I didn’t miss Patti; it might be fucked up but the moment I realized what she was whatever I felt for her had died. That doesn’t say much for the strength of my commitment and maybe that’s what scared me most of all. That I’d fooled myself for so long, and had been willing to spend the rest of my life with someone that I hadn’t really been in love with. Not the kind of binding love that the men of my family were known for. I know for a fact if Carrie had done such a thing Josh would’ve found a way; then again he would never have squandered his love on someone unworthy. Not like I had.
I made a conscious decision then and there not to let that shit eat away at me anymore. It was over, it had happened and there was no going back and changing shit. The only thing left to do was move on from here, lesson learned. With that thought in mind I felt the rest of my angst leave me, and my shoulders relaxed as the others argued back and forth teasingly. Josh had Carrie sitting practically in his lap, which was to be expected and my little sister and her boy weren’t much better. I smiled at them happy as fuck that there was no lingering feeling of envy. I was going to be okay after all.
The waitress was there in less than a minute, my kinda service; then again Millie knows how I am. “Hey Millie you guys got new menus, how the fuck long was I out of it?” I had my head buried in the menu thinking maybe I might change shit up from my usual. I fielded a kick under the table from Josh who seemed to be having trouble finding space for his legs.
“What the fuck bro?” I picked up my head the third time he did it only to have him incline his head to the left.
Fuck me. “You’re not Millie, who are you? You’re not from around here.” Okay there Mr. Smooth take it easy, one thing at a time. She was just standing there looking at me and for some reason I became pissed way the fuck off.
“Well who are you?”
“Sorry I’m Kadyn, I’ll be your server.”
“Where’s Millie?” Do not ask me why I was being such a dick to this girl because I have no clue. My brother meanwhile is looking at me like he wants to take me out back for a round or two. Ordinarily I would want to kick my own ass for my behavior but I couldn’t seem to stop, something about her pissed me off. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my gut and my skin prickled. What the fuck?
“Don’t mind him, Kadyn is it? He’s just surly when he hasn’t eaten, we’ll start with a pot of coffee while this bunch decides what they want to eat.” Carrie saved me from making an even bigger ass of myself.
She cleared the table quickly and walked away looking a little harried while the others handed my ass to me. I felt about two feet tall by the time they were through raking me over the coals. I decided to ignore her on her subsequent trips to the table keeping my mouth shut. I had the feeling if I didn’t Josh might knock me the fuck out he was glaring at me so hard.
Each time she came to the table as much as I tried I couldn’t resist taking covert peeks at her. She was gorgeous as fuck, but so was the other one. Unlike Patricia this Kadyn chick seemed kinda quiet though. The others joked around with her which I guess was to make up for my less than stellar introduction, but I kept to the sidelines and said nothing. I saw the tattoo on her wrist and the piercing in her nose and wondered where else she was inked and pierced? Kill that shit Matthew no way no how. After about her third trip she seemed more relaxed and the way she smiled at Josh and Andrew for some reason pissed me the fuck off. I was back to glowering at her but I didn’t say anything more. Josh must’ve kicked me ten times under the damn table and the last time I grumbled at her when she asked me something about my order everyone acted like I’d kicked a puppy when she walked away.
After we left and headed back I felt bad, no one was saying anything more about it but I know they were all thinking I was an asshole. I seriously needed to get my shit together and quick, I was spiraling out of control and I didn’t like it. Josh was right I’d given that bitch way too much time and energy, now I’m attacking strangers and shit. But something about that girl just got my guts in a twist; fuck if I know what that’s about.
Back at the house it was keep Matt occupied time, no one wanted me reverting back into my head. “Pool party guys and girls.” That was Joshua’s dictate as soon as we got inside. I was about to make an excuse and slither up to my room but one look at Carrie and I ditched that idea. She was expecting it. “Fine let me go get my trunks.” I headed up to my room with the Kadyn girl hot on my mind. What was it about her that had pissed me off? She seemed nice enough and the others sure liked her if the big ass tip they’d left was anything to go by. And just who was she? No one had thought to get those details and there was no way in hell I was going to ask.
I didn’t like the way she’d seemed to be ignoring me the last couple of times she’d come to the table. Or the way she’d said bye to the others as we’d left but not to me. What do you expect Matt? You were an ass to her and you don’t even know her. I could see her eyes though; there was something about them or in them that spoke to me. Fuck if I know what they were saying. A girl like her all tatted and pierced had to be a little on the wild side and that wasn’t for me. I like my women refined and genteel if you know what I mean. Yeah the last one was both with a heavy dose of evil thrown in for good measure. Just goes to show my judgment was way off. Best I stay away from that shit. “What are you thinking Matt? You’re not interested in this girl, besides you need time to get over the last fuck up.” So why was she following me around in my head, and what the fuck is that feeling that won’t go away every time I think about her and her damn eyes?
Chapter 4
It seemed like everything was working against me. For the next three days everywhere I went in our small town she was there and each time I saw her something inside me revolted. I didn’t look too closely at the fact that I seemed to be actively seeking her out, going out of my way to find her sometimes even. Neither could I shake the feelings that plagued me with every sighting of her, or the way I seemed inexplicably drawn to her. And when I saw her on that third day on the sidewalk cozying up to old man Stanley, the owner of the diner, my gorge rose.
They stood close together and he seemed to be whispering something in her ear before kissing her cheek. My hand was on my door handle and I was out of my car before I knew what I was about. I’d taken to driving a different car each day just in case she happened to catch me trailing her around town. With my fists folded I walked across the street still staying mostly to the shadows. They said their goodbyes and for a moment I was actually tempted to confront the older man, but why? What gave me the right and why did I even care? I had no answer for my questions I just knew that I did. If I didn’t know any better I would think I’d finally cracked up, that the pressures of the past few months had finally taken their toll on me. But my life had been evening out here lately in the last couple of days so that couldn’t be it.
She went left and he went back inside the diner, neither
of them noticed my approach. I followed her down the sidewalk keeping a safe distance between us until we reached the corner and I jogged to catch up. Now don’t ask me why, I don’t know this girl from a hole in the wall, but I wanted to shake her and yell at her for no apparent reason. That prickling feeling under my skin and racing heart returned and just served to piss me off farther. Why should she affect me like this? Who was she, and why now? The last thing I wanted or needed was to get tangled up in some mess with some tatted up chick who was probably only here for the summer. That was another thing that was bothering me, I’m not one to judge others but from the moment I first laid eyes on her it seems that’s all I’ve done. Seeing her all up close and personal with the old guy didn’t help that situation much either.
“So I see you like old men.” That was as good an opening line as any. I hadn’t quite worked out what I wanted to say to her if or when I ever did speak to her on one of my drive bys.
She jumped a mile high and turned to face me, looking around as if searching for cover from the crazy guy who’d just walked up on her, and she very well might be.
“I’m sorry what?” Why was she staring at me like that? Certainly she couldn’t have forgotten meeting me just a few short days ago.
“Old man Stan I saw you all cozied up to him, is that how you got your job?” Her face turned pale white and she looked as if she was about to shake. What the fuck was her problem anyway?
“Well?”
“Well what? You’ve obviously drawn your own conclusions already think what you like why should I care?”
She turned to walk away from me and I snapped; maybe some of my brother’s crazy had rubbed off on me after all. I don’t know but I found myself grabbing her and pulling her around to me. She froze under my hands. I don’t mean she went still, I mean she froze from head to toe, her eyes rolled back in her head and she was about to fall the fuck out.
Rebound: Passion Book 2 Page 2