“What the fuck did you just say?”
“I said you’re not my keeper, I’ve already had one stalker I don’t need another, I don’t need or want anyone else controlling my every move.” My ears went numb for a hot second as the words hit me. Was she comparing me to the monster who’d terrorized her childhood? Is that what the fuck she’d just done? The hurt was almost physical as I looked at her trying to gauge the situation. Did she really see me that way? Is that what she thought I was doing when all I cared about was protecting her and trying to give her the best life I could? I felt that cold Steele rage forming in the pit of my stomach. Something in my face must’ve tipped her off to the affect her words had on me because she started back tracking.
“I didn’t mean…Matthew I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that…Matthew…” she was talking to air because I was already out the door. I jogged down the stairs and out the door. I needed to be alone, needed time to think before I said or did something that would unravel all the work I’d done in the last few weeks. My heart was a block of ice in my chest and my mind was blank. The girl I’d fallen in love with and who I’d believed was coming to feel the same way about me had just called me a monster. The joke’s on me.
Chapter 23
I pulled out of the garage just as she came running, calling out for me. I didn’t even look at her as I drove off. I needed to get as far the fuck away from her as possible. I was so mad that I couldn’t even hold a thought. Anger and hurt were the only two things I could hold onto. I wanted to smash my fists into something or someone. I tried to think rationally about what had happened, how our day had been so drastically derailed. I remembered the day before when we were laughing and loving. How I’d looked at her beautiful face while she was laughing at something silly the douche had done to make the girls laugh. The feeling of accomplishment I got that she had come so far since we’d found each other.
Now this. A complete three sixty. I drove through town trying to calm down trying to make sense of her words, her accusation. But all I felt was anger that she could even think such a thing. I think beneath it all I was more upset at her for putting herself in harm’s way than anything else. In my heart of hearts I knew she hadn’t betrayed me with him, but her words were a betrayal, not something that I could easily overlook. As much as I had come to love this girl there was no way I could accept her painting me with the same brush as that asshole. Not after the shit I’d been learning about him.
I had no idea what I was going to do with this shit. I kept hearing Josh telling me to stay cool but overriding his warning were her ugly words. It didn’t matter that she’d tried to take them back, that shit was weak. Of all the things she could’ve said to me that was the worst and I wasn’t sure I could forgive her.
My phone rang off the hook but I didn’t answer. I knew when it was her because I had chosen a special ringtone for her and I knew when it was Josh. I found myself at the beach where I’d first accepted that she was mine that she would be mine forever. I felt that same jump in my heart as I had that day, the same strong emotion that had captured me there on that boardwalk.
There was a battle going on inside me, the love I held for her and the new bitterness I was beginning to feel.
Hours later as the sun was going down and my body reminded me that I hadn’t eaten all day I headed back to the house. I’d turned my phone off hours ago so I had no idea what I was going to find when I got there. I avoided my family who were all sitting around the kitchen table looking worried.
She was in our room when I got there sitting in the middle of the bed rocking back and forth. I could see tear tracks on her face as she looked at me with her sad eyes. I stood back against the wall and watched her not saying anything. My gut was in knots because I knew what I had to do but I sure the fuck didn’t want to. If she really saw me that way there was only one thing I could really do. I didn’t want her or anyone else thinking of me that way, but I didn’t want to do it in anger. Most importantly I didn’t want her feeling trapped, it would kill me, fucking gut me for sure. But love was a weird thing it made you see things differently. Yes I wanted her more than anything else in this world, but if she saw me as a monster I had to let her go, because in the end all I wanted was her happiness. I prayed for the strength to do this even as I fought against the decision in my mind, still not understanding how we’d come to this.
“Get your stuff I’m taking you home.”
“No Matthew wait I said I was sorry please.” She came off the bed and tried to touch me but I shrugged her off.
“What you said was fucking despicable Kadyn, I don’t think anyone has ever cut me that deep before and I’ll be fucked if it ever happens again. If you think my looking out for you is the same as stalking you then that’s no good. I’ve tried to be good to you and for you but obviously I’ve just been kidding myself. Like you said you don’t need another asshole in your life so…”
“Matthew I shouldn’t have said that but don’t you think that you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion?”
“Are you fucking insane? You called me a fucking monster you compared me to a fucking pedophile who tormented you for four fucking years so no I’m not overreacting.” I wanted to shake the shit out of her for fucking up our lives, for saying that foul shit to me and for everything that she was taking away from me. My anger burned hot and furious, the hours I’d spent away hadn’t done shit because I was still pissed. My head was going in ten different directions at once and my heart had already exploded in my chest.
“I said I didn’t mean it…”
“You don’t get to say that shit to me, you said it you meant it now let’s go.” I almost threw the fuck up just saying those words. I had flashes of a life without her and they almost brought me to my knees, but I couldn’t see beyond the anger and the hurt. Maybe I was right all along maybe I am destined to be fucked when it came to women. I knew one thing for sure I was never doing this shit again, no fucking way. But how could I let her go? How could I just walk away from her, who was going to look out for her when I’m gone? I didn’t want anyone else taking care of her, holding her, loving her; I couldn’t bare the thought. But what was I supposed to do? There was a battle going on inside me as she stood there watching me, then out of nowhere she pounced.
“You’re not breaking up with me over this Matthew Steele.” What the fuck? She actually pushed me back against the wall, I was too shocked to react at first and that gave her leeway to carry on with what she had to say.
“I’m sorry that I said those things but they were coming from a place of anger. I’d just been attacked by someone I thought was a friend and to have my boyfriend practically accuse me of cheating on him was the last straw. I didn’t come looking for you Matthew, you came after me remember? I didn’t want to put myself out there but you pushed and pushed and now here we are.”
Each word was punctuated by a poke to my chest and tears, she was also shaking like a leaf and her words were not too steady. I got the feeling she was trying really hard to be brave and even as pissed as I was at her I was proud as fuck that she had the balls to stand up to me. I fought back a smile as she spat at me in her fury. I’d never heard her cuss before but when she started telling me what she would do to my manhood if I left her I couldn’t hold back the laughter anymore. And just like that it was over, the anger, the hurt and truth be told, the fear. Looks like Kitten and I had just had our first major fight and we’d won. There was still the question of whether or not I could let her get away with saying that rancid shit to me though.
“You think you’re tough little girl?” even I knew my voice held no real heat, no wonder she threw herself against me and hid her face in my chest. I’m such a chump that I held her while she sniffled. When she’d caught herself I pulled her head back by fisting her hair and looked into her eyes. “I don’t want you near that guy again. Is this all he did?” I ran my finger over the bruise under her eye.
“Yeah, he tried locking
me in his room and when I bit him he struck me and I ran. I hid outside and called Carrie, sorry, I didn’t call you. That’s when he came out and slashed my tires. I don’t know what came over him, why he acted that way. I’ve never given him any idea that I was interested in him in that way. We hadn’t seen each other in years…”
“Where were his parents and his brother while this was going on?”
“They were there but they didn’t do anything I don’t know why.” Maybe because they know their son is an abusive asshole. I didn’t say it out loud but I was thinking I should’ve broken his fucking arm at the very least.
“If you ever find yourself in that kind of situation again you call me, no one else me, do you understand?” She nodded yes and gave into the shakes and tears. “Ssh it’s okay come ‘ere.” I held her as tight as I could without squeezing the breath out of her amazed that we’d gotten through this crisis intact. For a minute there I had seriously given thought to sending her home, I’m not sure that I could’ve broken things off with her but the anger was enough that I was willing to separate us for a few days. Now I was worried that that might’ve sent the wrong message. Fuck it’s like walking a minefield not knowing what was the right thing to do in every situation. Because of my past and hers there were certain things I never wanted to have to navigate, not this soon anyway. I had barely relearned trust in another human being and I’m sure she had some issues there too. I had fashioned myself as sort of a security blanket for her and yet I had been ready to send her away.
Why the fuck was I feeling guilty about this shit? she’s the one who’d fucked up all around. First by going to that dick’s house and then by calling me a stalker. Okay she didn’t exactly call me that shit but it was close enough. “Did mom take care of your eye?” she nodded as I turned her towards the bed to sit, I was suddenly very drained from the day’s fuckery and also from coming close to disrupting my life again.
“Kadyn let’s get a few things straight okay. I’ll forgive you this time but if you ever say anything like that to me again I’m not going to be this understanding. That was a low disgusting blow baby, and before we even go any farther right now I think you should know that I’m going to be the same guy where you’re concerned always. So if you think my actions constitute stalking then you should probably walk now because I’m always gonna want to know where you are and where you’re going.
I’m going to gripe at you about wearing certain things and about who the fuck you talk to because that’s just who the fuck I am. If you can’t deal…no fuck that just learn to fucking deal with it. If that scares you I’m sorry, it’s not meant to but you yourself should know better than anyone how dangerous it is out there and how fucked up human beings can be. When you’re out of my fucking sight you bet your ass I’m going to be calling you to find out where and who. I’ll try not to be too annoying but I don’t really give a fuck about that either. In all the time you’ve been here how many times have you seen Carrie go off somewhere by herself?” I let her think until the realization dawned on her that she’d never seen that shit.
“Your situation is going to be ten times worst you know why? Carrie’s shit was a one-night thing, that guy was out to harm anyone it didn’t matter who. The asshole who’s been after you has been for a long time, not that he’s ever getting near your ass again, I’m not saying that; but I’m always going to be cautious when it comes to your safety. Are we clear on this, you need to get pen and paper and write this shit down for future reference?”
“No I’ve got it, it’s pretty much what Josh told me earlier.”
“When did you and Joshua talk?”
“When you tore out the house and wouldn’t answer your calls. I thought he was going to kill me when I told him what I’d said to you but after he calmed down he explained some things about why you reacted the way you did. He was also the one who told me that you might try to send me away and that I shouldn’t let you. Did Carrie really almost die the last time they broke up? that’s awful.” Here she slapped me in the chest. “And you were going to do that to me?”
“Hey, I didn’t teach you how to fight so you could make me black and blue. So my brother gave you pointers on how to stand up to me huh. There’s loyalty for ya.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed, a very un-Kadyn-like move, and I kissed her hair happy that it was over. I didn’t feel the sickness in the pit of my stomach that had been with me all day as I drew her in and sniffed her, taking in her scent. It wasn’t quite there yet but I knew how to fix that. “Is your face hurting? Shit I didn’t even stop to think if you needed a doctor sorry about that.”
“It’s okay your dad had a look when he came home earlier it’s fine. Whatever your mom and the girls did before he got here took most of the swelling down but I don’t think there’s much that can be done about the coloring. Oh and one more thing, please don’t tell my dad about any of this. I don’t want him getting into trouble, all day I’ve been expecting to hear sirens coming down the driveway but your mom said she doubted Dan would call the cops after what he did.”
“Don’t say his name babe just let it go, as for not telling your dad I’ll have to think about that this shit happened on his watch after all. Maybe I need to give him a heads up so he knows what to look out for if that asshole comes around again.”
“He won’t I promise, just please don’t say anything, dad might go over there and who knows what might happen.”
“It’s his job to protect his daughter Kadyn that’s what the fuck he’s supposed to do, go over there and knock the ever living shit out of that piece a shit.”
“Okay Matthew just calm down.” She petted me like I was a wild animal about to break my leash. I kissed her bruise softly and pulled her in for a hug. I missed her, I only just realized how much I’d missed her while I was away from her, when I thought we were gonna have to take a break from each other. “I love you.” In that moment I knew that there would never be a time when I’d let us be apart no matter what. “He didn’t hurt you anywhere else you’re sure?”
“No I’m fine just a little pissed at myself but I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Oh really, what do you want to do?” I was already lifting her top over her head being careful not to touch her face. As soon as her breasts came into view, spilling out over the top of her bra I swooped in for a taste. I almost came close to losing this, to walking away. It would never have worked, I know that now, a man can’t live without his heart can he? When she wrapped herself around me I felt everything in me settle, and all the dread of the day just fell away. It was our first hurdle and we’d leapt over it and more than that she was fine, in fact she was better than fine, she’d stood her ground and showed no fear. More than any apology that showed me that she trusted me. It’s more than I could ask for.
We laid back across the bed and I felt the adrenaline rushing through her as she pushed me to my back. “I want to be on top.” I let my arms drop back to my sides as she pulled on my pants until she got them off then hopped out of her shorts before sitting on my lower stomach. She had a gleam in her eye that I’d not seen before and when she dragged her nails down my chest to my navel and then lower, lower until she was trailing a path down my hardening cock, I knew she meant business. She grinned at me before she maneuvered her body so that she could take my cock into her warm mouth and I almost came off the bed. With my hands wrapped in her hair I watched through slitted eyes as she licked the pre cum from the head before teasing me with her teeth. I bit into my lip as she licked her way down to my balls and back before sucking me into her mouth and sucking me off while she ran her nails down my thighs. I knew it was her show but I wanted in on the action so I jackknifed being careful not to go too far down her throat and hurt her as I pulled her ass around.
In the classic sixty-nine I delved into her pussy with my tongue reacquainting myself with her sweet taste. This was mine; the thought ran through me like a fire in the blood as I licked deep pulling her back har
d on my tongue. Always I want to devour her, there’s never a time when I put my hands on her that this madness doesn’t consume me. It’s as if she sets something off inside of me, something that I could never find with anyone else. Could the heart survive years of this, this feeling of overwhelming joy? Sometimes I wondered how it was possible to feel so deeply at my age.
The intensity of my feelings for her sometimes scared the shit out of me. I wondered if there would ever be a day that I wake up and not love her, or want her with the same all consuming heat that I now felt? How had I been so lucky to find my forever out of the abyss of a downward spiral? When I thought of those things, when they crossed my mind fleetingly, I say a silent prayer that the day would never come when I lose this amazing love. I made up my mind that we would never become a statistic, one of those couples that fall hard when they’re young only to fall apart years later.
When I’d brought her off and was about ready to blow myself I got her attention and helped her turn around so she could sit on my cock and ride me. She loves that shit, loves being in control of her man if only for a little while and I love seeing the freedom as she enjoys having me inside her. I ran my hands down the sleek lines of her slender body, teasing the little chain that hung for the ring in her navel as she moved sensually over me. “Kiss me.” she bent her head to obey me, placing her lips across mine, feeding me her tongue as she playfully nipped my lip with her teeth.
With my hands grabbing her ass I helped her up and down as she fucked herself hard rubbing her swollen clit as my cock slammed up inside her over and over again. That scent was in the air again and I released her lips so that I could bite into her nipple. The squeezing around my cock told me she was close and I moved her faster over me as our hips pounded together and our hearts raced. “Sweet fuck Kadyn.” She went wild and came as I spilled into her emptying myself until we were both drained.
Rebound: Passion Book 2 Page 15