Having Caleb next to me is the most intoxicating thing I have ever experienced in my life. Even though we’re not touching, we might as well have been naked, because my senses are running wild.
“Are you comfortable?” he asks.
“Yes.” I bite my lip. I want to kiss him so badly, but I won’t be making the first move. Instead, I pop some chips into my mouth to distract me while we watch the screen flicker and die several times in a row.
ELLIE
We’re lying flat on our backs, watching the stars and waiting for the screen to come to life, when the light of a flashlight washes over us and Mr. Wilson appears out of nowhere.
“I’m sorry to disturb you,” he says, avoiding our eyes. “I’m afraid I have terrible news. I don’t think you’ll be able to watch a movie tonight.”
“What happened?” Caleb props himself up on an elbow.
“We’re having technical problems. We tried everything. We’ll be happy to refund you.”
Caleb looks at me. “Don’t worry about it. It’s so peaceful out here that we’re having a good time. We’d like to stay longer, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all,” Mr. Wilson says quickly. “Stay as long as you like. And thank you for understanding.” He takes a few steps away from us, the light following him. “We will not disturb you again.”
After he leaves, Caleb turns to me. “I hope it’s okay that I want to stay here with you a while longer.”
“Yeah...of course. This is nice.”
“Great. I guess we can just make out, then.”
“Are you joking?” I stifle a giggle. I don’t want him to be joking. I want him to kiss me right here, right now.
“I was, but—”
“Stop talking,” I say and before I know it, I step out of my own body and become someone I don’t recognize, a woman who goes for what she wants and gets it.
Our second kiss is even better than our first.
“I’m sorry,” I say when it ends. “I don’t know what got into me.”
Caleb lies on the blanket and pulls me down to join him. “That kiss was destined to happen.” He laughs. “If you had not started it, I would have.” He puts a hand behind my head, drawing me near. “I want more.”
I giggle as we kiss again and I give him more, maybe too much. I don’t know how it happens, but when we pull apart, his hands are inside my top and my bra is open.
“Shit.” He rolls to his back, his hands in his hair. “How did that happen?”
“Are you so good at snapping bras open that you do it without even realizing it?” The funny thing is, I don’t feel awkward at all.
He lets out a low and throaty chuckle. “You should have warned me that you’re a drug. Now come here. I think I’m hooked on you.”
When I lower my lips to his, I know a line is about to be crossed. My mind knows it, my body knows it. It could end badly, but I can’t stop myself. I’ve been responsible for so many years in my life. I deserve to feel good, whatever that means.
Our kiss turns heated and more bare flesh is touched. But when he reaches the edge of my jeans, he stops. “Do you want this? I need you to be sure.”
“Yes.” I squeeze my eyes shut, then open them again. “But what if someone sees us?”
Caleb’s warm hand covers my stomach. “Mr. Wilson said we won’t be disturbed again. We can do whatever we like out here. Whatever you want.” He smooths my hair back from my face. “Or I could take you home.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t...I don’t want to go home yet.” I want him to make me forget who I am, even if it’s just for one night.
“Oh, Ellie, I want you so bad.” With one hand, he pulls me in for another kiss while his other pushes into my jeans.
Tonight, I’m a bad girl, and I kind of like it.
* * *
I bite my lip as I push past the initial discomfort of lovemaking. I haven’t slept with a man since Tim, who had been the only man I was intimate with. The discomfort doesn’t last long, but the burn is intense enough to snatch my breath.
“Am I hurting you?” His breath is hot against my chin.
“No. You’re perfect.” Now that the sensation of pleasure mixed with pain has melted away, he feels at home inside me, like it’s where he belongs.
I should feel guilty. I should be worried about leaving Justin alone tonight. But I can’t find it inside me to regret a thing.
His hand cups my face gently. His eyes sparkle in the moonlight. “If you want me to stop, tell me.”
“Don’t even think about it.” I bring my mouth back to his and his tongue parts my lips. My hands slip into his t-shirt, my arms encircle his muscular back. I need him closer.
In Caleb’s arms I become someone else. I pretend the bruises are gone. I hide in the cradle of his arms and under the blanket of the night from all my demons. I can rest for a while. I can feel for a while. And I do, with warm shivers spiraling through my body. The heat we’re creating makes my scalp tingle and my toes curl.
Now I understand what it means to actually feel alive. Even my breasts have come to life, surging at the intimacy of his touch.
The voice inside my head warns me that someone might come, but I’m too far gone to care.
“You’re amazing, Ellie Summers.” Caleb rolls onto his back, but he doesn’t release his hold on me.
“You bring out the best in me.” I pull myself to my knees and ride him with everything I’ve got while his hands sweep across the lines of my waist and tighten around my hips. He releases a tormented groan that sparks a surge of confidence in me.
Liquid fire burns between my legs and sends warmth spreading through my entire belly. I throw my head back, plant my hands on his sculpted chest and push my knees into the ground to better slide up and down his shaft. Drunk from ecstasy, I barely feel the tiny rocks digging into my flesh. Pleasure trumps pain at this point.
“I can’t,” Caleb pants. “You’re driving me insane.” He flips both of us to our sides so I’m facing away and his body is curved around me, our legs intertwined. As he thrusts into me at a speed that makes me forget how to breathe, an electric shock zaps through my body.
“Oh, no.” I bite hard into my bottom lip. “Oh, yes. Just...just like that.”
He buries his head into the nape of my neck. “Like this?” He pounds harder into me.
My nails dig into the earth in search for something to keep me from falling. But it’s too late. My climax is fast and unrelenting and it shakes me to the core. Elated cries burst from my lips, wrapped around his name.
“Jesus, Ellie. What are you doing to me?” Caleb searches for my breasts, and shatters right behind me.
We go limp at the same time, our sweaty bodies pressed together, our clothes rumpled.
“Please don’t regret this in the morning.” He kisses the back of my neck. I love that he doesn’t make a move to withdraw. He’s giving me time to come back to earth. He’s the perfect gentleman.
“Morning is a long way away. Let’s just enjoy now.” I pull the blanket over us again and move closer to his body, eyes closed. From a distance I hear the sound of a cow mooing. I don’t even open my eyes.
“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Caleb whispers.
“Me too.” A smile spreads across my lips. “I’m so happy.”
Something beeps and it takes a while for me to realize it’s my phone ringing.
“Don’t answer.” He holds me tighter. “Let’s just pretend the world doesn’t exist for a few minutes.”
I consider doing just that, but when Justin is not with me, I answer every call.
“I’m sorry.” I move away from him and reach for my handbag. “It might be Cindy calling about Justin.”
It is her, and she sounds hysterical. A hard knot forms in the pit of my stomach.
“Did something happen?” I wrap a hand around my neck. “Is Justin okay?”
“He’s...I’m sorry to ruin your date, but—”
&nbs
p; “What happened?” A sudden coldness hits my core.
“He’s struggling to breathe. We’re on our way to Silverstone Medical Center. I think you should meet us there.”
And just like that, I come back into the real world. One phone call and all the good feelings I experienced only a few minutes ago are erased. The wounds are ripped open, the pain returns, and not even Caleb’s arm around me can comfort me. I only want one thing, to be with my son.
ELLIE
During the ride to the hospital, we’re both silent. It’s hard to imagine that only a few minutes ago, I had experienced one of the happiest moments of my life. Now all I feel is guilt and crushing sadness. I feel sad because I know this is it. It has to be.
I shouldn’t have started this thing with Caleb. I fooled myself into thinking I could have a normal life, a normal relationship with a man. But I’m not a princess in some fairytale.
This is real life, and I don’t have time to fall in love. I don’t have time for a relationship when Justin needs me. While I was falling in love, my son was breaking apart.
I pull out my phone and call Cindy again, but the call goes to voicemail. They should be at the hospital by now.
“Are you okay?” Caleb’s voice hurts me more than it soothes me. It might be the last day I’m hearing it.
“I’m sorry.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t mean to ignore you.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” He reaches out to touch my hand, but I flinch. He gets the message and moves his hand away again.
I want him so much. I want to fall into his arms, to shed all the tears that are building up behind my eyes, but I can’t allow myself to fall again.
When we arrive at the hospital, I turn to him. “I’m sorry tonight didn’t go as you planned.”
“Ellie, you have to stop apologizing. The evening was perfect.” This time, he takes my hand and holds it tight to make it hard for me to pull away. “I’m so sorry about your son.”
“Thank you.” I bite back tears. “I have to go. I’ll call you.” Before I can open the door, Caleb’s chauffeur does it for me.
“Let me come with you.” Caleb gets out of the limo.
“No, I’ve got this. Bye.” My lips curl into a sad smile, then I walk away from him.
I refuse to turn back, to see him watching me. I won’t be able to see him anyway with my eyes blinded by tears.
Minutes later, I stumble into the waiting room, where Cindy is waiting for me.
She shoots out of her chair and gathers me into a hug. “I’m sorry, my phone died.”
“Where is he?” I pull back. “How is he?”
“He’ll be fine,” a male voice says from the doorway. We spin around to see a man with small eyes and what looks like a toupee standing in the doorway. “I’m Dr. Howard. You must be Justin’s mother.” He gives me his hand and I shake it.
I swallow the tears lingering in my throat and nod. “How’s my son?”
“He experienced an anxiety attack. But he’s good enough for you to take him home tonight.”
“An anxiety attack?” I lay a hand on my sweaty forehead. “Oh, God.”
“I’ll get coffee,” Cindy says and leaves the room. She wants to give us some time alone.
“Do you have any idea what could have triggered the attack?” the doctor asks.
“I think so. But I’m not sure.” I lower myself into a chair, guilt pressing down on my shoulders. “About two months ago, I took him swimming. Justin loves to swim. But that day, there was a group of teenage boys who made fun of him. They called him names.” I slump forward. “Normally, he ignores the bullies, but that day was different.”
“How different?” Dr. Howard asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. He just took it really hard, I think. He hardly speaks anymore...even to me. He used to communicate normally before that day. Now he only talks when he absolutely has to.”
I continue to tell the doctor everything. I open up about the nights Justin woke up screaming, the mornings he refused to get out of bed, the times he burst out crying for no reason, how he hates to leave the house.
What I don’t tell Dr. Howard is that I might have made things worse by starting to date again.
“It sounds like he’s hurting.” The doctor crosses his arms. “Is he seeing someone? A therapist?”
“Yes. She comes to see him once a week.” I rise from the chair. “Can I see my son now?”
“Of course. Come with me.” Dr. Howard shows me to Justin’s room.
There’s a nurse sitting in the chair next to Justin’s bed, watching him flipping through a comic magazine.
“Baby, I’m so happy you’re fine.” I try my best to hide the pain in my voice, but it doesn’t work.
Justin doesn’t even acknowledge my presence.
Dr. Howard and the nurse leave the room to give us privacy. I sit on the edge of the bed and brush Justin’s hair from his forehead, like I always do.
“Are you upset because mommy went out? I’m so sorry, baby. You needed me and I was not there.” I close my eyes and tears spill out to stain my cheeks. “It won’t happen again.”
Justin doesn’t respond. I don’t expect him to. In his shoes, I’d probably be angry too.
I try not to break from the crushing guilt as Cindy drives us home and I tuck him in.
I kiss him on the forehead and rise from his bed. “I love you, Justin. Never forget that.”
I walk out of his room and close the door, leaning against it for a while before pushing away to go to the sitting room, where Cindy is waiting. I sink next to her on the couch.
“He’ll be fine, Ellie.” She puts an arm around my shoulders. “He’s strong. You know that.”
“It’s all my fault.” I bury my head in my hands. “I let him down.”
“You did not let him down. You deserve a life, too. You deserve to be happy.”
“Not when my happiness hurts my son. I can’t do that to him.”
“Are you saying you won’t see Caleb again?”
I lift my head and meet her eyes. “I want to. So much. We had such a great time, Cindy. It was perfect.” I blow out a breath. “But it doesn’t matter. It was over before it even started. I was fooling myself from the start.”
“I think you’re making a mistake. No man has ever made you as happy as he did. I don’t think you should throw it away. With time, Justin will adjust.”
“I don’t think so.” I square my shoulders and lift my chin. “It was good with Caleb, but I think some moments are not meant to last.”
As soon as Cindy leaves, I send Caleb a text message.
I’m sorry about tonight. I’m also sorry that I can’t continue this. Thank you for everything. Ellie
I switch off the phone before he responds.
CALEB
I slam the glass of whiskey onto the counter, then I pour myself another drink. I need something to help me forget the pain Ellie had left behind.
I glare at the text message she sent an hour ago, rereading the words over and over again. Even when I’m not reading them, I see them in my mind.
The message is clear. It’s over. But it can’t be. We just got started and we’re beautiful together.
I try to call her again, but her phone is still switched off. It pains me that I don’t know why.
Is it because she doesn’t want me to reach her? Or is the situation with her son much worse and she doesn’t want to be disturbed at the hospital? Both options are driving me insane. I’ve never felt this helpless in my entire life.
Desperate to talk to someone, I call Lance. He doesn’t pick up. As soon as I hang up, my phone rings and my heart jolts. It’s an unknown number. I pick up because it could be her.
“Hello.” I hold my breath.
“Hey, sexy,” the female voice on the other end causes my heart to drop. “Please tell me you changed your mind about—”
“No, Jane, I have not changed my mind. There’s nothing between us
, and there never will be.” I drain my glass. “I’m so sorry that it’s hard for you to accept it. But I’m in a relationship now.”
She snorts. “Why don’t you sound like someone who’s in love?”
“Because you called me at the wrong time.” I grit my teeth. “Look, I have to go.”
Her laughter is dark as it plugs the line. “I thought you were just having a bad day the other night at the hotel. Looks like you’re just full of shit.”
“Goodbye, Jane.” I hang up before she insults me some more. There’s no way to let her down easy.
She calls back a couple of times, but I ignore the calls. I also delete the many angry text messages she sends me.
I don’t blame her for being pissed off. The man who had been fucking her on and off for years was an irresponsible jerk. I knew how she felt about me. I knew she wanted more than I could give her, and I still fucked her. She must have thought I was playing hard to get. She probably held out hope, wishing that one day I would change my mind. She did date other guys, but they were probably just placeholders in her life.
Feeling guilty for the way I treated her, I quickly write her a short text.
I’m sorry, Jane. I’m sorry it ended this way. But you deserve someone so much better than me. I wish you well. Caleb
Since Jane turned down all the new job offers my personal assistant sent her way, there’s nothing I can do but say goodbye. This is not only a new chapter for her, it’s a new one for me.
I’m a different man now. Ellie has changed me. I was a fool in the past, but that was because I had not found the one for me. Now that I have, how could I possibly let her go? And how can I not be there for her when she needs me most?
I know that Ellie’s son needs her, but I also know that she needs someone to look out for her. She needs me.
Determined to change her mind about us, I pick up my phone again and make a phone call that I hope will change everything. I cannot sit back and do nothing. My heart is on the line. So is Ellie’s.
Dear Mr. Maybe: The Matchmaker Series Page 6