“Is everything all right?” she asked, sitting down opposite Gerald.
“Yes, yes, everything’s fine,” Daniel said, sitting next to her. “We’d just like to chat to you about what you and I talked about the other night in your room.”
Amber froze. Which part of what they’d talked about? Had Daniel told Gerald that she knew he wasn’t her real dad? Had Daniel told him that Amber had begged him to leave and take her with him? Is that why he was looking so serious?
Gerald cleared his throat.
Amber took a deep breath and clenched her fists beneath the table. What if Daniel had had second thoughts? What if he did want to leave? Maybe he hadn’t been swimming this morning after all. Maybe he’d been out looking for a new property for them to move into. Hope started bubbling up inside her.
“As you know,” Gerald began, still looking into space rather than at her, “Daniel and I decided long ago that the identity of your biological father should not be an issue in this family. We decided that, although it was obviously only humanly possible for one of us to be your biological parent, we would always be equally, and indeed legally, your fathers.”
Amber held her breath. She could sense a “but” coming – a big and hopefully life-changing “but”.
“But it’s come to my attention,” Gerald continued, “that you have been drawing your own conclusions in this matter.”
“I felt I had to tell him about our conversation the other night,” Daniel said gently, placing his hand on her arm. “It made me realize that we may have been a little selfish, not talking to you about this.”
“I wouldn’t call it selfish,” Gerald said with a frown. “I’d call it loving.”
Daniel nodded. “Yes, but we can’t blame her for wanting to know.” He looked at Amber and smiled. She noticed his eyes were glassy. Why was he crying? Was he about to leave Gerald? Was her dream about to come true? Oh, please, please, please, she silently begged. It would make all of the humiliation and hurt at school pale into insignificance if it meant that she would finally be free of Gerald. And if she and Daniel moved out maybe she could start again at another school…
Gerald sighed. “No. I don’t suppose we can blame you.” He finally looked at Amber. “You have to know that we both love you equally. We have both brought you up. We are both your fathers in every other way.”
Amber nodded. Just say it, please say it.
Gerald swallowed. She’d never seen him look so uneasy. But it had to be hard, telling her that he wasn’t actually her real dad.
“I am your biological father,” Gerald said quietly.
“But you know I love you just as much,” Daniel added quickly. “And this doesn’t change a thing.”
Amber couldn’t move. This couldn’t be happening. Gerald couldn’t have just said that. Maybe they were lying to her. Maybe they’d panicked after what she said to Daniel and they were lying to make her not want to leave Gerald. “But – but you can’t be,” she stammered.
“What do you mean?” Gerald stared at her.
“You can’t be.” A giant sob was welling inside of her. “I’m nothing like you. I’m like Daniel. I even have the same eyes.”
The sob reached the back of her throat. She looked at Daniel desperately. “Are you making this up so that I don’t want to leave him?”
Daniel shook his head. A tear rolled down his face. “No.”
“What do you mean, so that you don’t want to leave me?” Gerald said, looking from Daniel to Amber and back again.
“You can’t be my dad.” The sob burst from her mouth. “You can’t be. It doesn’t make sense.”
Daniel put his arm around her shoulder. “Honey, it doesn’t make any difference. We’re both your dads. We both love you—”
“Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of such awful news!” Gerald said, his face flushing.
“Don’t, darling,” Daniel said, shaking his head at Gerald.
“But look at her,” Gerald said. “It’s as if she’s just been told the world’s ending.”
Amber stumbled to her feet. Selfish slangwhanger Gerald was her dad.
“Don’t go,” Daniel said, looking up at her imploringly.
“I need to be on my own. Please.” Tears were pouring down her face now.
“Why are you so upset?” Gerald said. “I don’t understand.”
Amber looked at him and for the first time ever, she couldn’t find any words.
Chapter Thirty-three
Maali drained the last of her hot chocolate. The way she was feeling reminded her of that children’s nursery rhyme about little girls being made of sugar and spice and all things nice. Her entire body, from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, felt filled with a sugary, hot chocolatey happiness. Her conversation with Ash could not have gone better. In the hour she’d been in the café they’d barely mentioned pigs. And she hadn’t needed to refer to her notes from wikiHow at all. Instead they’d talked about all the things they loved – books, movies, food, places. Ash had asked her loads about herself too. He’d even asked to see some of her photos when she told him that photography was her passion.
“Oh crap, look at the time,” he said now, glancing at the clock. “I haven’t helped you at all with the pig stuff.”
“That’s OK,” Maali said, and she held her breath. Would he ask to see her again? Please, please, please, she silently prayed.
“We’ll have to—”
“Hey, babe.”
Maali jumped at the sound of a girl’s voice.
Ash stood up, smiling. “Hey. How was your day?”
“Oh, you know, same old, same old.”
Maali looked up to see a beautiful girl with a heart-shaped face and long, silky blonde hair standing by their table.
“Maali, this is Sage,” Ash said. “Sage, this is Maali. I’ve just been helping her with a school project.”
Sage looked at Maali frostily. “Oh. Right.”
“Sit down.” Ash pulled out a chair.
Maali tried hard to stop the procession of anxious thoughts marching into her mind. Sage might just be a friend from college. She might be one of those girls who calls everyone babe. She might be glaring at Maali because she glared at everyone. Maali pushed her empty cup away.
“Well, I’d better get going,” she said in a singsong, I’m-totally-happy-because-I’ve-got-nothing-at-all-to-be-stressed-about voice.
“But what about the pig stuff?” Ash said, looking concerned.
“Oh, that’s OK. I need to get home now. I can find out whatever else I need on the internet.”
“Are you sure?”
Maali could feel Sage’s eyes boring into her. “Yes. Yes. It’s fine.” She got to her feet. “Thank you so much for your time.”
Ash stood up too and grinned. “Thank you. And not just for being a Lord of the Rings lengthener.”
Maali felt a small bubble of hope but it was burst by a pointed cough from Sage. “Well, I’ll be off, then.”
Ash nodded. “OK. Hopefully see you again soon?”
He said it like a question, but Maali couldn’t answer it in front of Sage so she walked away.
When she got to the door, she stopped and glanced over her shoulder. What she saw made her heart splinter with disappointment. Ash was leaning down over Sage and kissing her gently on the mouth.
Sky unlocked the padlock on the door of the boat. When she’d seen what was happening to Rose and heard her crying, she’d been determined to get her out of the house. Rose might hate her guts but, like it or not, they had both ended up becoming Moonlight Dreamers and surely that meant something. Surely that meant they were supposed to look out for each other. But Rose was used to gleaming Hampstead houses with marble worktops and polished floors. What would she make of the houseboat, with its chipped paintwork and well-worn furnishings? It was definitely shabby without the chic.
Rose had barely said a word on the tube. She’d sat with her hat pulled down low and her scarf up high,
and her eyes shut tight. Even when Sky had led her down to the towpath she had numbly followed in silence. As Sky opened the door, a waft of musty cold air hit her. “It’ll be a lot cosier once I get a fire going,” she said, gesturing at Rose to follow her down the narrow steps into the kitchen. Sky grabbed a box of matches from the shelf above the sink and lit a couple of candles. “Come through,” she said, leading her into the living area. She didn’t dare to look at Rose’s face.
“Is this where you and your dad lived?” Rose asked. Her voice was so flat and lifeless it was impossible for Sky to gauge what she made of it.
“Yes.” Sky opened the wood-burning stove and lit some kindling. She waited for Rose to make some snide remark or demand to go back home.
“Is it OK to sit down?” Rose asked. She was standing in the middle of the boat, fiddling nervously with the zip on her leather jacket.
Sky smiled at her. “Of course. Go ahead.”
Rose sat down on the sofa-bench. Her eyes darted around, taking in the woven wall hangings, the multicoloured cushions, Liam’s woodcarvings and the stacks of books. Sky held her breath.
“This is awesome,” Rose said quietly.
Sky wasn’t sure what she’d heard. Had Rose said awesome or awful? “What?”
“This is awesome. The boat.” She looked down. “I can see why you didn’t want to leave.”
“Really?” Sky sat cross-legged on the floor.
“Yes. It’s really cool. It reminds me of the caravan we stayed in on holiday once when I was little.”
“You went on a caravan holiday?” Sky couldn’t disguise her surprise.
Rose nodded. “Yes. Before my parents became … assholes.”
They both laughed.
Rose grabbed one of the cushions from the bench and hugged it. “It’s really snug.”
Sky nodded. It was as if someone had taken a giant eraser and rubbed out all of Rose’s colour and spark. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
Rose nodded. Sky went back into the kitchen and placed the old copper kettle on the stove.
“I didn’t do it, you know,” Rose said quietly from the doorway.
Sky jumped and turned to face her. “Didn’t do what?”
“I didn’t post that photo on Instagram. Someone else did.”
“Oh. OK.” Sky wasn’t sure what to say.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” Rose stared at her, a glimmer of her old defensive self in her eyes.
“I do. Who did it, then?”
“This guy.”
“What guy? Sorry, you don’t have to tell me.” Sky took a couple of mugs from the cupboard and placed them on the tiny work surface.
“A guy who was supposed to be my boyfriend.” Rose laughed bitterly.
“But why?” Sky stared at her.
“Because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted.” Rose bit her bottom lip and turned away.
“What did he—?” Sky stared at Rose. Then she remembered the bruises on Rose’s shoulders and her face shiny with tears under the lamplight last night. “Rose, did he…?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rose said. Her voice was small, like a frightened child’s.
“That’s OK.”
“I don’t want to talk about any of it,” Rose said, her voice even higher. “I just want it all to go away.”
“You don’t have to talk about it. We can just stay here and drink tea and – and” – Sky searched her brain for something she and Rose could do on the boat, with no TV and no Wi-Fi – “and read.”
“Read?” Rose raised an eyebrow.
“Yes. If you like. Or we could talk about something else.”
“Why are you doing this?” Rose asked as Sky turned back to make the tea. “Why are you being so nice to me when I’ve been such a bitch?”
Sky put the kettle down. “Because I hated seeing what was happening to you. Because you’re a Moonlight Dreamer. And because I have a sneaking suspicion that you might not actually be as much of a bitch as you make out.”
Rose let out a weird half-laugh, half-cry. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Maali flung herself on her bed. She felt so stupid. Of course someone like Ash had a girlfriend; a girlfriend as perfect as Sage. What had she been thinking, going to the farm like that and pretending to be interested in pigs?
“What’s wrong with me, Lakshmi?” she wailed, picturing Ash and Sage laughing about her and Ash saying, “She’s just some dumb school kid,” as Sage flicked her silky hair. “I was just humouring her.” Then she imagined Ash’s mum joining them at the table and the three of them roaring with laughter at her stupidity. It was as if the night she first met Ash the full moon had cast some kind of spell on her, turning her into a lovestruck fool. How could she have thought he might be interested in her? How could she have thought he might have been her soulmate? “Aaaargh!” Maali rolled over and pummelled her pillow, as if she could somehow release the shame that was pouring into her. Then, in desperation, she went and knelt in front of her shrine.
Her eyes rested on a quote from the Hindu text The Bhagavad Gita:
“Perform all thy actions with mind concentrated on the Divine, renouncing attachment and looking upon success and failure with an equal eye.”
She’d copied out the quote and put it on her shrine about a month ago when she had a physics test, but now it seemed even more relevant.
“I’m sorry, Lakshmi,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have got so attached. Please help me to let go.”
Maali closed her eyes and focused on her breathing: in through her nose and out through her mouth. Very slowly her body relaxed and she became filled with the most beautiful sense of peace.
Rose gazed into the flickering fire and snuggled deeper into the cushions. It was weird. This crazy houseboat was so different from everything she was used to, it was as if Sky had spirited her away to another world: a magical world where selfies and the internet and Twitter and paparazzi didn’t exist. A bird squawked, and in the distance she could hear the soft sound of water cascading through the lock gates. It was so soothing. She wanted to stay cocooned in this magical boat world for ever. She looked at Sky, lying on her stomach on the floor, reading by the firelight. This would have been a normal night in for her and her dad before they’d moved to Hampstead – all cosy and safe. Sky glanced up from her book as if she’d heard Rose’s thoughts.
“Are you OK?” she asked.
Rose nodded.
“Everything will look fresh as a daisy in the morning,” Sky said and she smiled. “That’s what my mum used to say whenever I was sad about something.”
Rose shifted onto her side. “How old were you when your mum … when she died?”
“Eleven.” Sky’s smile faded.
“You must really miss her.”
“Yeah. I do. She was my best friend.”
“What was she like?”
Sky started playing with the pendant around her neck. “She was lovely. She … she made everything so much fun. She was always inventing stories about things – even the dullest things. She made everything an adventure.”
Rose hugged one of the cushions to her. “How do you mean?”
“Well, if we had to go food shopping, she’d invent characters for each of us to play, and we’d have to buy the kind of food that they would like. So one time, we pretended to be fairies and bought nothing but fairy cakes and iced gems and these pink marshmallows covered in glitter. And another time we were mad professors, so we had to buy the craziest food we could find.” Sky laughed. “We ended up making pumpkin bolognese for tea. I don’t think my dad was too impressed with that one!” Sky looked down into her lap and sighed. “I miss her so much. I try not to, but it’s impossible.”
Rose frowned. “Why? Why would you try not to miss her?”
“It’s been five years.”
Rose shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with missing her. It shows how much you love her.”
Sky looked back at
the fire. “Do you – do you miss your dad?”
Rose nodded. “He stayed in America when he and my mom broke up. I’m supposed to go see him in school vacations, when he’s not filming. Sometimes I feel like my parents love their jobs way more than they love me.” Rose cringed. She sounded pathetic. Sky’s mom had died, for chrissakes. She’d probably give anything to have her alive and living in America. She must think that Rose was being a total brat. But Sky was nodding. Rose felt something inside her soften. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to tell Sky everything. Maybe Sky would try and hug her again; this time she would let her. This time she would—
There was creaking from the other end of the boat. “What was that?”
Sky scrambled to her feet. “Someone’s trying to open the door. Wait there.”
Rose panicked. Was it the paps? Had they followed them here? She sat frozen, listening and waiting. She heard Sky call out, “Who’s there?”
“Only me,” she heard Liam reply. He walked into the living area. There was no sign of Savannah.
“Where’s my mom?” Rose asked.
“Back at the house.” Liam turned to Sky. “We’ve been going out of our minds worrying about you. Why didn’t you tell us where you were going?”
“Right, like you’d have let us come here,” Sky said sharply.
Liam looked hurt. He ran his hand through his hair. “What were you thinking?”
“What was I thinking? Are you serious? I was thinking that someone had to do something to protect Rose.”
Rose felt a burst of gratitude.
“What are you talking about?” Liam said. “Savannah and I can take care of Rose.”
“You’re kidding. Neither of you even bothered to ask Rose what happened. She didn’t post that photo on Instagram. Someone else did.” Sky turned away, her face flushed bright pink.
“Is that true?” Liam asked Rose. Rose nodded. “I still need to take you back home. Your mam will be—”
“No!” Sky yelled. “This is my home and I’m staying here tonight – and so is Rose. How can you want us to go back there with the press hanging around outside? Please, Dad. Let us stay here tonight. Let things calm down a bit. Things will look better in the morning.”
The Moonlight Dreamers Page 18