They walked to the lift. It was great to be back with the Moonlight Dreamers. For the first time since Amber’s entire world collapsed she could feel herself being pulled from the rubble.
“Hey, you guys, take a look at this.” Rose headed over to a door in the corner. It led onto a balcony overlooking the river. It was deserted.
“Shall we?” Rose said, opening the door slightly.
“Are we allowed?” Maali asked.
“Are we allowed?” Rose echoed. “We’re the Moonlight Dreamers. We don’t need to be allowed.”
Amber felt a mixture of hope and pride. She’d been so traumatized by what had happened that week that she’d forgotten the reason she set up the Moonlight Dreamers in the first place.
They walked over to the edge of the balcony. Way below them, the Thames glittered and hummed with life.
“What a great place for a Moonlight Dreamers meeting,” Sky exclaimed.
“Absolutely,” Amber said.
Maali pulled out her camera and took a picture of the river. “It’s so romantic,” she sighed.
Rose pulled up the collar of her coat against the cold. “It sure is nice to see you all again,” she said quietly.
“Are you OK?” Maali asked. “I’ve been worried about you. Did you get my email?”
Rose shook her head. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been checking my mail. I’ve been avoiding the internet, to be honest.”
“That’s OK. I understand.” Maali gave her a hug.
Amber sighed. Why couldn’t she be as tactile as Maali? Why did she find it so difficult to be affectionate or say just the right thing? Because you’re that slangwhanger’s daughter, her inner voice said.
Rose cleared her throat. Amber was struck by how different she looked. It wasn’t just the haircut, although that was most definitely different – there was something else. She seemed more serious. More grown-up, despite the fact that she wasn’t wearing a scrap of make-up.
“I didn’t post it, you know,” Rose said. “The topless photo – on my Instagram. Someone else did.”
Amber stared at her in shock. Topless photo?
Maali gasped. “Who?”
Rose shook her head and frowned. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does!” Maali exclaimed. “How could someone do that to you? Why would they do that to you? It’s horrible.”
Rose’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “Can you please stop being so damn nice? It’s killing me!”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Sky asked softly. “It might help.”
Rose hesitated. “It was a guy I’d been seeing,” she muttered. “I don’t know why I sent him the picture. Well, I do know – I was pissed off and wasn’t thinking straight. But as soon as I sent it I regretted it and tried to get it back.”
“But why did he put it on your Instagram?” Amber asked, trying to process everything she was hearing.
“To hurt me,” Rose said, huddling deeper into her coat. “Now, can we please talk about something else?”
Amber had thought that having the whole school talk about her being on her period was bad enough but this was something else. No wonder Rose looked so pale and drawn. Amber took a deep breath. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve been competing with you again for the Worst Week Ever award.”
Rose looked at her. “Seriously?”
Amber nodded, painfully aware that all eyes were on her. But if telling them what had happened made Rose feel any better, it would be worth it. “You know how I told you that one of my dads was making my life hell?”
Rose nodded.
“Well, I found out this week that he’s actually my biological dad.”
They all stared at her blankly.
“My dads never told me which one of them was my biological dad – they said it didn’t matter,” Amber explained. “But it does matter. I mean, it’s who I am. And for all these years I’ve thought that it had to be Daniel – the nice one – but it isn’t. It’s Gerald.”
Rose looked at her. “The slangbanger?”
“Slangwhanger. Yes.”
Rose sighed. “Man, that sucks.”
Amber felt vindicated. It did suck, and it felt great to hear someone else say it.
“But the other guy, Daniel, he’s brought you up since, like, for ever, right?” Rose asked.
Amber nodded.
“And you still love him just the same, right?”
“Of course.” Amber bristled. She really hoped Rose wasn’t going to come out with one of the lines Daniel had been saying on repeat for the past couple of days about love being all that mattered.
“Yeah, still sucks.”
Sky and Maali nodded.
Maali placed her hand on Amber’s arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’re still you, though. That will never change.”
“Yes,” Sky said with a smile, as though Amber being Amber was a very good thing, not a total and utter loser thing.
“And you’re pretty damn awesome,” Rose said.
Amber felt a giant gulp building in the back of her throat. How could they say these things? How could they not see what a loser she was, the way her entire school did? Tears started burning in the corners of her eyes and she looked away.
“Are you OK?” Sky said.
Amber nodded, but the tears kept coming. All the pain and sadness of the past few days was finally spilling over.
“Please don’t cry,” Maali said. “It will get better, honestly. Things are always passing.”
“What do you mean?” Rose asked.
“Like that boat.” They followed Maali’s gaze to a ferry gliding along the Thames, all lit up and full of people dancing. “Sometimes it feels as if things will last for ever,” Maali said softly, “especially the bad times. But they never do, because all things are just passing by, just passing through life.”
Amber watched as the boat disappeared from view beneath the bridge. “But what if they don’t pass quickly enough?” she said, thinking of the years she still had left at school.
“The way you feel about your dads will change,” Sky said. “It will get better. I never thought I’d get over my mum dying, and I won’t, but it’s definitely getting easier.”
“No, you don’t understand. At school…” Amber broke off. What was she doing? If she told the other Moonlight Dreamers what had happened at school there’d be no escaping the shame.
“What’s happened?” Sky asked, her expression full of concern.
Amber shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, what happened to the rule about Moonlight Dreamers telling each other everything?” Rose said with a grin.
“That isn’t a rule,” Amber said.
Rose frowned. “Well, it should be. Seriously. Tell us what happened. Maybe we can help.”
“I doubt it,” she said, looking down at her feet. “There’s this girl at my school” – she leaned on the balcony wall for support – “and, for whatever reason, she and her friends hate me and they want everyone else to hate me too.”
“But why?” Maali looked genuinely surprised. It made Amber well up again. She forced herself to carry on.
“It started because I have two dads. And now it’s all about how I must be gay too.”
“What’s wrong with being gay?” Rose said.
“Nothing. Obviously,” Amber replied. “Well, not to us at least, but to this girl and her friends – they just hate anyone who’s in any way different. They go on and on about the way I look and the clothes I wear. They say I look like a freak.”
“I think you look great,” Rose said softly.
Amber forced herself to smile. “Thank you. Anyway, on Wednesday … on Wednesday in PE…” She looked down at the river, wishing she was on one of the boats gliding further and further out to sea.
“What happened?” Sky asked gently.
“We were playing hockey…” Amber could hardly believe she was about to tell them; that the sham
e she’d been carrying around like a dirty secret was finally coming out. “I had my period and…” She could hear Chloe’s voice again, screeching across the playing field. “Some blood got on … my shorts … and now the whole school knows.” Amber turned away, unable to say any more.
“Oh, man!” Rose gave her a hug. “You’re right. You and I – joint winners of Worst Week Ever – for the second week running. We’ve gotta be breaking all the records.”
“Periods suck,” Maali said, with a sympathetic grin.
“Did you know that our periods are controlled by the moon?” Sky said.
“Get out of town!” Rose laughed.
“It’s true,” Sky said. “That’s why most women have them every twenty-eight days. It’s something to do with the moon’s gravitational pull – the same way it controls the tides.”
The moon was a beautiful silver crescent suspended over St Paul’s Cathedral. Amber thought of it pulling the river below them back and forth into the ocean. She thought of those same mysterious powers reaching deep inside her and some of her heaviness lifted. Maybe periods weren’t something to be dreaded after all. Maybe they were something magical. Maybe they made her even more of a Moonlight Dreamer.
“If that’s true, then it’s pretty cool,” Rose said. She looked at Amber. “There are a lot of idiot girls in my school too. You should see what they’ve been saying about me lately. But you know what? Who gives a crap? If the only way they can get their kicks is by hurting others, why should we care?” Her face lit up as if she’d just worked out something really important.
Amber nodded. “Thanks, everyone. Seriously. You’ve been a real help.”
They gazed at the river in silence.
“I haven’t had the greatest week either,” Maali said finally. “I mean, obviously it hasn’t been as bad as yours, Rose and Amber, but—”
“Not you too!” Rose interrupted. “What happened?”
Maali hesitated, then said, “I plucked up the courage to talk to the guy I like – liked.”
“The farmer?” Rose asked.
“He’s not a farmer, he works on a farm.”
“And the difference is?”
Maali sighed. “He has a girlfriend – called Sage.”
Rose raised her eyebrows. “What, Sage as in sage and onion?”
Maali nodded.
“I’m really sorry,” Sky said, placing her hand on Maali’s arm.
“Yes. Bad luck,” Amber added, patting her on the back.
“Well, you know, any guy who dates a girl called Sage has to be a bit of a schmuck,” Rose said.
Maali gave a weak smile. “Do you think?”
“For sure! What are they gonna call their kids? Oregano and Thyme?”
The others laughed, even Maali.
“It’s really weird,” she said. “Before I came here tonight I felt so down. Now I feel great again.”
“Me too,” said Amber.
“Me three,” said Rose.
“Me four,” said Sky.
“So what do we do now?” Maali asked.
They looked at Amber and she felt a glow of pride. They still thought of her as the leader. They still trusted her. “I think we need to reboot,” she said. “We’ve all had a difficult few days, but we mustn’t let that get us off track. We need to remember exactly why we’re here. Why we’re Moonlight Dreamers.”
“Hell, yeah!” Rose said. “And can we add a new rule?”
“What, about telling each other everything?” Amber said.
“As well as that. Can we add that Moonlight Dreamers never give up?”
“Yes!” Maali and Sky both exclaimed.
Amber pulled one of the flyers from the first meeting out of her briefcase. “OK, so the rules are as follows: The Moonlight Dreamers is a secret society. We start every meeting with the Oscar Wilde quote, which is our motto and must never be forgotten. We must always support one another in the pursuit of our dreams. We’re proud of being different. And we have to tell one another everything and never give up.” As she wrote the two new rules down, she felt a shiver of excitement. Daniel might not be her real dad and she might not have any friends at school, but she still had her fellow Moonlight Dreamers. And she still had her dreams. And she was never, ever going to give up on any of them.
MOONLIGHT DREAMERS ~ THE RULES
1. The Moonlight Dreamers is a secret society – members must never speak a word of its existence, or what happens at the meetings, to others.
2. Meetings will begin with members reciting the “moonlight” quote from Oscar Wilde.
3. This quote is the Moonlight Dreamers’ motto and must be memorized by members – and NEVER forgotten.
4. All members must vow to support the other Moonlight Dreamers in the pursuit of their dreams – always.
5. Moonlight Dreamers are proud of being different. Being the same as everyone else is a crime against originality; the human equivalent of magnolia paint.
6. Moonlight Dreamers tell one another everything – even the bad stuff. Especially the bad stuff.
7. Moonlight Dreamers never, ever give up.
Chapter Thirty-eight
As Sky opened the door on the boat she was hit by a waft of incense and wood smoke. Her wave of happiness quickly curdled into sorrow. The boat smelled lived-in again, like home again, but for how long? Coming back had been wonderful, but it would make returning to Hampstead even harder.
“Jeez, I’m tired,” Rose said, coming down the steps behind her. She was as pale as a ghost in the lamplight.
“I’m not surprised. It’s been quite a week.”
Rose nodded. “Sure has. I – er – I don’t know what I would have done without you these past couple of days. And thanks so much for taking me to the Moonlight Dreamers. It’s the first time I’ve – well, it’s the first time I’ve felt like I belong someplace in a long time.” She looked at Sky anxiously. “I do belong there, right?”
Sky smiled at her. “Of course you do.”
They heard the creak of footsteps in the passageway and Liam entered the kitchen, stooping in the low doorway.
“Hey, girls. Did you have a good night?” He looked at Sky. “How did the poetry slam go?”
Sky shook her head. “Don’t ask!”
“She was awesome,” Rose said.
“Yeah, apart from not opening my eyes or breathing,” Sky said with a laugh. She turned to Liam. “It was terrifying.”
“But you did it?”
Sky nodded.
Liam put his arm round her shoulders and pulled her close. “That’s my girl.”
Sky rested her head on his shoulder and breathed in the comforting scent of patchouli oil.
“I think I’ll go to bed,” Rose said. “I’m exhausted.”
“Your mam’s the same,” Liam said. “She went to bed hours ago.” He put his hand on Rose’s shoulder. “How are you doing now?”
“OK,” Rose said. “Thanks to Sky.” She gave her a grateful smile. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yes. Sleep well.”
When Rose had gone, Liam put the kettle on. “Fancy a camomile tea?”
Sky couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do than have a cup of tea with her dad – just the two of them.
Liam put teabags in a couple of mugs and turned back to Sky. “How are you doing?” His voice was soft and serious.
“OK.”
“No, how are you really doing?”
Sky looked down at the floor. “OK.”
“I’m so sorry,” Liam said softly.
Sky looked at him. “What for?”
“Bringing all of this into your life. I don’t know what I was thinking, moving in there so soon.” He shook his head.
Sky stared at him. Was he saying he’d made a mistake? Did he regret moving in with Savannah? If he’d said this a week ago she would have felt triumphant, but now she only felt sad. It was horrible seeing her dad so deflated. He was usually so happy. So strong.
“Really?” This was so far from what Sky was expecting to hear, so beyond her wildest dreams, that she didn’t know what to say.
“Yes. I don’t want you being a part of that world. It’s too…”
“Crazy?” Sky offered.
Liam nodded. “That’s the polite way of putting it.”
“But what about you and Savannah?” What about me and Rose? she thought.
Liam started pouring water into the mugs. “Savannah has to make some important decisions about her life, and I think it’s best if she’s on her own while she’s making them. We still care about each other – a lot – but…” He put the kettle down. “I thought I could help her. I thought us all being together as a family would give her the stability she needed, but…”
“You did help her,” Sky said as she walked up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. “And you’ve really helped Rose.”
“Really?” Liam turned to face her.
“Of course. Letting her stay here is probably the only thing that’s kept her sane.”
Liam forced a smile. “I promise I won’t let you down again.”
“You haven’t.”
“Yes, I have. And your mam.” Liam glanced at the pendant around Sky’s neck. “She’d be going crazy seeing the mess I got you into. I’m so sorry.”
Sky shook her head. “It’s fine. Seriously. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want, but it’s OK because something else good happens instead.”
Liam smiled. “Since when did you get so wise?”
“Since you taught me,” Sky replied.
Liam put his arms round her and pulled her in for a hug. And slowly, slowly, all of the tension and resentment of the past couple of weeks began to melt away. Their life together had been thrown up into the air, but now the pieces were falling back into place. Their new life would be different, but it would be richer and stronger. Because she was stronger. And so was their love.
Amber quietly let herself into her house and began to walk up the edges of the stairs. If she walked up the middle, the wooden floorboards made horror-film–style creaks, which seemed to get louder the later it was.
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