He continued reading through Evan’s profile. He lived in Murray, up in Salt Lake County. His bio sounded interesting. “Hey everyone, I’m a well-educated confident guy who’s always down to Netflix and chill. Looking for like-minded people. Hit me up!” While Nephi preferred his DVDs to a streaming service, he loved to curl up and watch a good movie. Maybe Netflix has Gilmore Girls. That sounded like fun. He sent a PM to Evan.
“Evan, my name is Nephi. I’m kind of new to this but I would love to get to know you better. I am pretty low key and would love to Netflix and chill with you. I get off work by 4:30 and can be in Salt Lake by 6:00. I am free any night this week. Let me know what works. I look forward to getting to know you better,” wrote Nephi.
Almost instantly, Nephi received a reply. “Cool, my place, Friday, 9pm,” it read, with Evan’s address added at the end. The reply seemed short but Nephi was excited. His first date - only a few days away. There was so much to do. He needed to get a haircut and find the perfect thing to wear.
The week at the office dragged on while Nephi tried to focus on work while thinking constantly about his date. Mark continued to give him the cold shoulder. Brock and Angela still couldn’t keep their hands off of each other but Nephi could tell they were trying because their call performance improved. He hoped they would stay consistent and not fall back into bad habits. For most of the work week, Nephi was on cruise control.
On Wednesday evening, he made a trip to the mall to find something to wear on Friday. Since he had never been on a date, he wasn’t sure where to start but some light internet searching gave him a few ideas. He ended up with slim fit gray wool dress pants, a form-fitting sunrise orange polo shirt, a pair of light brown suede slip-on sneakers, and a black leather jacket. Standing in front of the dressing room mirror with everything put together put a smile on his face. He looked good and would kill it on this date.
After a long week of anticipation, Friday finally arrived. Nephi went to work and stayed busy monitoring calls and coaching reservations agents, watching he clock all the while. Shift change couldn’t come soon enough. Toward the end of the shift, he rushed all the reports and handed off to Steve before driving home to get ready for his date.
Arriving at the apartment complex, Nephi hit the fitness room for a quick run on the treadmill and then showered and dressed in his new slacks, polo, sneakers and the leather jacket. He looked good and felt good. Nephi wanted to make a good impression but wasn’t sure about dating etiquette.
Finding himself fully ready by 6:30, Nephi didn’t know how to kill time. He was hungry but wasn’t sure if they would go eat on the date so he didn’t want to eat anything heavy. He made a light tomato salad and then decided he better run the truck through a car wash and vacuum it out in case Evan wanted him to drive. After hitting the car wash, Nephi went to a local flower shop. Flowers might be just the thing to make a good impression.
Nephi entered the flower shop and looked around. The floral scent filled his nostrils, and the sweetness made him smile. He would sure love to get flowers and he hoped that Evan appreciated them, too. He didn’t see anyone working the counter, so he dinged the bell. A young woman emerged from the back. She had long black hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her forest green polo with the store logo went well with her khaki pants. Emily was the name on her tag.
“Hi Emily, I would like to buy some flowers,” said Nephi.
“Is this for a special occasion?” she asked.
“A first date.”
“That’s very romantic. We don’t sell many first date flowers anymore.”
“Oh,” he replied, “do you think it’s too much?”
“Not at all,” she said. “I think it’s very sweet. What are you thinking?”
“I’m new at this and I’m not really sure. What do you suggest?”
“Well, for a first date, you don’t want to go too big. Something simple will do. How about an orchid bouquet accented with lavender and baby’s breath?” she asked.
“I love the smell of lavender,” said Nephi. “That sounds perfect.”
Emily handpicked the flowers and put together a bouquet.
“Would you like a vase?” she asked.
“Yes, please. I’m not sure if he will already have one,” said Nephi.
“He?” she asked.
“Yes, my date. Evan.”
“I see,” she replied. “It’s a good thing my mom isn’t out here or she would refuse to sell them to you. We had a big wedding order this summer and when she found out the couple was gay, she refused to take their business. If you ever come here when she is around, you shouldn’t mention who they are for.”
The excitement fled from Nephi’s face as he glanced down at the floor. “Listen,” he said gently, “for most of my life, I have been hiding part of me and I’m not doing it any more. If you don’t want my business because I am gay, I will not hide who I am just so you will accept me. I respect your religious views and if you don’t want to sell me flowers, then that is fine, but if that is the case, I would rather buy them from someone who wants my money.”
“You’re right,” she replied. “I don’t agree with what my mother did. Here, take the flowers. They are on the house. I hope you have fun on your date and I understand if you choose another flower shop next time.”
With a nod of gratitude, Nephi took the flowers and headed out the door. He tucked the vase between the truck seats and wrapped the middle seatbelt around them to be certain they wouldn’t spill on the way. The engine roared with the turn of the key and he headed north toward Murray.
The sun was setting on the other side of Utah Lake as Nephi drove on I-15, painting the sky orange and pink. He couldn’t help but notice all the business that had popped up along the freeway in recent years. He hardly recognized the place. A tech boom hit the valley bringing outside investment and causing home prices to skyrocket. He drove past the corn maze and pumpkin patch and Thanksgiving Point in Lehi, home to the Museum of Ancient Life where he liked to take his nieces and nephews. He hoped to one day share the museum with children of his own. Before long, Nephi noticed the windmills on his left, signaling the end of Utah County.
After reaching the point of the mountain, he began the descent in to Salt Lake County. It wouldn’t be long now. Less than a mile from the 54th South exit, Nephi began to move into the right lane before a BMW cut him off, swerving from the far left lane all the way to the right without a hint of a signal.
Laying on the horn, Nephi blasted the inattentive driver with a loud warning while applying the brakes. Why doesn’t anyone use their blinker in this state? It drove Nephi crazy. After forcing his heart from his throat back down into his chest, Nephi put on his blinker and moved into the right lane in time to make the exit. Heading east off the exit, Nephi passed the hospital and arrived at Evan’s apartment complex on State Street.
The clock read 8:27, and it was five minutes fast. He was too early. Nephi calmed himself, bowed his head, and said a prayer. He prayed that God would help him know what to do and that he could make friends and learn how to accept all the parts of him. After praying, he turned on the radio and listened to a local pop station while mentally preparing for the date. When the clock read 8:55, he straightened his hair in the rear-view mirror, gathered the flowers, and went to find Evan’s apartment.
Nephi climbed the stairs to the second story of the apartment complex and navigated to 18B. Holding the flowers in front of him with a smile on his face, Nephi knocked on the door. The sound of his heart thumping was like a mallet on a bass drum. The door swung open suddenly, and there stood Evan, shirtless in a pair of jeans. His broad hairless chest excited Nephi. He was beautiful. Nephi introduced himself, extending the flowers.
“Wow, flowers, huh? Interesting. Well, come on in and take a seat,” said Evan while taking the flowers from Nephi and setting them on the table.
Evan had decorated the open layout apartment beautifully. The living room had a salmon colored European style s
ofa on one side and two cream colored modern arm chairs on the other. A large area rug under the coffee table tied the whole room together. Lighted sconces hung on the wall providing a warm atmosphere and a vanilla scented candle burned in the middle of the coffee table, emanating an inviting glow and a smell that was perfectly yummy. Nephi admired the furnishings as he sat on the sofa.
“I love your apartment,” said Nephi. “When you finish getting ready, do you want to grab a bite to eat? I can drive.”
“I ate earlier, and plan on staying in,” said Evan. “And I am ready. Would you like a glass of wine?”
“No, thank you. I don’t drink,” replied Nephi.
“That’s too bad,” said Evan. “I have a very nice Pinot Noir. Would you like anything else to drink?”
“No, thank you. I’m good for now. I’m really looking forward to getting to know you,” said Nephi.
Evan poured himself a glass of wine and sat next to Nephi on the sofa. He crossed his legs and took a sip. Being this close to a beautiful shirtless man raised Nephi’s pulse. It turned him on and that made him nervous.
“So, uh, what do you want to do tonight? I love Gilmore Girls,” said Nephi awkwardly.
“Well,” said Evan, “I was thinking we could start real slow, build up fast, go a few rounds, and if all goes well, we can have breakfast in the morning.”
Evan leaned in toward Nephi, placing his hand on Nephi’s knee and crawling it up his leg while leaning in for a kiss. Nephi jumped up off of the sofa.
“Wait, what are you doing? We don’t even know each other yet. Let’s talk a while. I’m not ready for a kiss,” he said.
“Not ready for a kiss?” replied Evan. “What the hell is wrong with you?” What did you expect to happen tonight?”
Confused, Nephi just stared at him. He didn’t know how to respond. He thought through their exchange of Snuzzle messages. He must have missed something.
“I don’t know. I thought maybe we would get to know each other, have a nice date, and maybe watch a movie. Didn’t you read my profile?” he asked.
“I never read profiles. I only look at the picture and swipe it if I like what I see. Besides, my profile makes it clear that you shouldn’t meet up with me if you aren’t DTF and I promise you won’t be disappointed. I am quite the artiste,” said Evan.
“I don’t know what DTF means,” said Nephi. “Your profile said you like Netflix. I’m confused. And I definitely can’t be staying up all night, I need to be up for General Conference in the morning.”
“Ok, pup, it’s obvious we both made a big mistake. What century are you from?” asked Evan. “I don’t have the time for this but let me give you a little education. DTF means down to f…”
Nephi interrupted him mid-sentence with a startled look on his face. “Please stop right there. I get the gist. Swearing really offends me. Please don’t swear around me. There is no need for it. Can’t we just start over and try to get to know each other? We can Netflix and chill like your profile said.”
“Where do you get the nerve to come into my place and tell me what I can and cannot say?” asked Evan. “And sweetheart, Netflix and chill had nothing to do with Netflix and everything to do with being DTF, so if you aren’t DTF, you can march your scrawny self-righteous little ass out that door.”
“I’m sorry,” said Nephi. “I didn’t’ mean to come across that way. I am new to all of this. This is my first date and I know nothing about online dating.”
“That’s obvious,” replied Evan. “I really don’t know what you were expecting. You might want to learn something about the internet, and dating, and the community before you jump in like this.”
“Maybe Bishop was right,” Nephi muttered to himself under his breath.
“Wait, what?” asked Evan. “Did you say Bishop? Are you a practicing Mormon?”
“Yes, I am,” replied Nephi.
“Asshole!” yelled Evan. “You are an asshole. Get the hell out of my apartment.”
“Hold on, just because of my religion?” asked Nephi.
“Don’t you dare think that I’m the asshole,” said Evan. “It is people like you who are the problem. Do you have any idea how many friends of mine committed suicide because they couldn’t live up to the expectations of their parents or their bishop?”
“I’m so sorry about your friends,” said Nephi. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t know. The truth is that you will never live up to the expectations of that church. They reject who you are at the core and tell you that you can only get to heaven if you deny your very nature. When you finally realize that, it won’t end well. The church hates you. They hate all of us,” said Evan.
“I get what you are saying and I have seen my share of hate from members of the church but there are a lot of good people in the church, too. And there is truth in the church. I have felt it. I feel it every day when I read the Book of Mormon,” Nephi explained.
“There might be people who pretend to care, but deep down, they hate you. You cannot be who you are and expect the church to accept you. I have seen it a hundred times and have seen so many take their lives when they can’t deal with it. It needs to stop. Please explain to me why you keep going to a church that doesn’t want you. You don’t fit in there and you never will. Why try? Just embrace who you are. Despite what they tell you, there is nothing wrong with you,” said Evan.
“I know there is nothing wrong with me. I feel that God made me this way. I have come to accept it. I keep going to church because I feel spiritual power there. I feel the spirit when I read the Bible and the Book of Mormon and when I pray to God. I have doubts and questions and struggles, but underneath it all, I know there is truth and I feel peace. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it is part of who I am. Yes, I am gay, but I am also Mormon. You are right, I must embrace the gay side of me. I have suppressed it my whole life and I realize that isn’t healthy. At the same time, I can’t cut off the Mormon part of me. It is an equal part of my identity,” explained Nephi.
“See, that is just the problem,” said Evan. “Those two parts of your identity don’t agree with each other. They never will. It is those who try the hardest to bring them in harmony that end up killing themselves and I am fed up with it. I just can’t see it anymore. When you perpetuate the idea that those two sides can coexist, the problem continues. Look, Nephi, I know you are dealing with some shit right now and you need to work it out but I have been down that road before and I just can’t deal with it. I can’t go through it again. I wish you the best, I really do, but you need to leave. This conversation isn’t good for my heart.”
“I get it,” said Nephi. “Tonight was definitely not what I expected, but it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I’ll get out of your way.”
Evan approached Nephi with open his arms. Nephi moved into his embrace. They hugged tightly for a moment. Confusion, anger, love, compassion, and sadness all coursed through Nephi’s body. He felt emotional overload. He left the apartment and drove back to Pleasant Grove with a lot on his mind. At least tomorrow was General Conference. Hopefully the messages from the prophets and apostles would provide him with answers.
Chapter 7
Nephi awoke in the morning, excited to face the day. He circled October 5th on his calendar the day he bought it. Twice per year, the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints speak to the general membership in a meeting known as General Conference. It takes place the first weekend of October and April. They broadcast it on television and via the church website and mobile apps so that all church members can hear it.
His routine for preparing his mind for conference was always the same for Nephi. Waking at 7:00, he kneeled at his bedside to pray, asking God to open his mind and heart to receive the messages of conference. He then put steel-cut oatmeal in his crockpot to cook while he read the scriptures. Most Mormon families make a special breakfast with waffles, pancakes, or French toast. In Nephi’s family growing up, Dar
la always made fresh cinnamon rolls, but Nephi loved steel cut oatmeal and that became his tradition ever since he moved into his own apartment.
With the crockpot going, Nephi read scriptures for an hour, giving equal time to the Book of Mormon and the Bible. He then went to the fitness room for a good, hard run to clear his head. After a shower, the oatmeal was ready. He enjoyed it with a spoonful of brown sugar, a splash of almond milk, and a half cup of crushed pecans. It was the perfect breakfast.
After eating, Nephi brushed his teeth and retrieved his notepad from the nightstand. He took notes during each talk of every General Conference. Ready with his notebook, he reviewed the notes from the April conference and prayed again to prepare his mind to receive the messages from the prophet and the apostles.
The President of the LDS church is recognized as the Prophet, the only person on earth with authority to receive revelation from God on behalf of the entire earth. Individuals can receive personal revelation for themselves and their families. Bishops can receive revelation for their ward, but only the Prophet can receive revelation for the entire church and for the world.
The Prophet calls two counselors to assist him. The three men make up the First Presidency of the church. They also call twelve apostles, just like Jesus did when he was on the earth. The fifteen men that make up the quorum of twelve apostles and the First Presidency are recognized as prophets, seers, and revelators. These men, along with other men and women who make up the general leadership of the church, speak in General Conference.
Nephi watched General Conference at home so he could concentrate on the words being spoken and on his feelings. He always felt the Holy Spirit during conference and received impressions to direct his life. Today, he felt the need for guidance more than ever and wanted to be in the right state of mind and spirit to receive inspiration.
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