by Avery Laval
Undaunted, he caught her hand in both of his and held it there. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Marissa,” he replied, still down on one knee. “It’s that I didn’t trust anyone. When I fell in love with you the first time—hell, the only time, because it’s not as if I am ever going to get over you—I told myself you were too good to be true. That it was only a matter of time until you were done with me, just like everyone else who’d claimed to love me.”
Marissa exhaled loudly, too frustrated and overcome to stay silent. “Khalid, I’m not an idiot. I knew all of this.” Except for the love part, she realized. That was news to her. Good news, though she tried not to accept it. “I think I always have known, or at least, ever since you told me about what it was like being passed from foster home to foster home, always knowing that your family would be temporary. I knew you would have trouble trusting me. I just thought you’d be able to learn how over time.” She frowned and looked down to him where he knelt. “Now I see that you’ll never be able to believe in me as much as I believe in you.”
Khalid shook his head violently. “You’re right about most things, but you’re wrong about that,” he insisted. “I did trust you once, and then I stupidly let that slip away at the slightest provocation.”
“Then that wasn’t real trust. If you had really trusted me, why on earth would you believe I would date someone else instead of waiting for you as I’d promised? Why would you believe Amid’s lies?”
Khalid frowned, and nodded his head ever so slightly at the question. “Years ago, I couldn’t see why you would want to wait for me. When I found out who I really was, there was nothing in it for you. After all, I knew you weren’t with me for money—and that was the only possible perk for you in this new life, in the middle of the Arabian Peninsula, a million miles away from everything you knew. I thought you’d be miserable here.” Marissa started to interject, but he stopped her, raising to his full height as he did. “I know how idiotic it was to think that way now that I see you here, as much in your element as you’ve ever been. It’s as if you were born to be a princess.”
The words made her heart flutter. The thought of being Khalid’s princess caused her resolve to slip. She tried to steel herself to him.
He went on. “On top of all that, I had promised to come back in four weeks. Then I let more time go by, and more. Don’t you see?”
Marissa shook her head, not sure what he was saying.
“I blamed myself for what I thought was going on, all this time. And then when you told me about our baby, I blamed myself for that too.”
His words cracked open the icy covering around her heart. “That makes no sense,” Marissa blurted, aching for him at the thought. “Why torture yourself over something you never even knew about?”
Khalid broke eye contact and looked out into the distance before he spoke. “Because I knew, somewhere deep down, that all along I was the one forcing you away.”
Marissa took in a tiny breath. What he said was true, of course, but she’d never have thought to hear him say it. She’d never even put words to it herself. He had been pushing her out of his life and then concocting all kinds of reasons to do it. All to make her fit in with everyone else in his life up to then.
“That’s true,” she said softly, letting her anger dissipate, feeling the love that had always been there surge again in her heart. “But,” she added, as she followed her own natural conclusions to his, “that doesn’t mean it was your fault that your childhood was the way it was. You didn’t push your family away. That was out of your control.”
Khalid brought her palm up to his lips, almost absentmindedly dropping a slow kiss on it, never taking his eyes off hers. “Habibti,” he whispered, a glint of moisture in his dark, hooded eyes. “You’ve always understood me much better than I understand myself.” He shook his head, swallowing hard as if trying to hold back a surge of emotion. “I know that, now. I see the difference, and I know better than to let you go, much less keep pushing you away.” As if he couldn’t stop himself for another second, he wrapped her up in his arms, tilted her head up to face his.
“Marissa, I don’t have a ring and I don’t have any right to make demands of you. So let me ask you properly, with the respect you deserve: Will you marry me? If you say yes, I promise you I will show you just how much I trust you every single day, and never let you doubt my love for you, not even for a second. Because I do love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I always will, no matter how you answer me right now.”
Marissa’s lips parted, and for a split second, even she didn’t know what she was going to say. He’d reassured her, said everything she’d wanted to hear. Yet some lingering doubt remained, and as much as she wanted to, she simply couldn’t chase it away. She had dreamed of this day once, even imagined it happening in an airport, just like this one. But so much had changed since then. She’d changed. Now, she needed more from Khalid than just promises.
She kept her arms wrapped around him, stayed tight in his embrace, but looked down ever so slightly. “I want to say yes,” she told him, and raised her eyes back to his. “That’s what’s in my heart. But in my mind, I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid, Khalid—afraid of being hurt again, after you accusing me of such outrageous things.” Her voice failed her as she remembered the horrible fight that had thrown her so off-kilter.
Khalid pulled back just a fraction, nodded his head in quiet acceptance, and kissed the one tear that had somehow escaped down her cheek. “Understand this: I let myself believe all these lies because I didn’t want to love you. I didn’t want to do the work of loving you. I wanted our child, no doubt, I wanted you in my life. In my bed. But I never wanted to feel so raw, so vulnerable.
“I never wanted to fight the battles that come with choosing a foreign wife to bear my children, or the reality of your heart being in one country while your children were in another. I never wanted to have to face the fact that, yes, you were perfectly capable of living without me, children or not.” Khalid’s eyes were now glistening. “I was afraid, Marissa, of what it would mean to love you. But this month has taught me that the only fear I can’t face is living without you. And let me assure you: It took me three years to get my head right the last time I distrusted you. It only took three hours this time. If I ever make the mistake again, I will give myself only three seconds of such foolishness. I give you my word.”
Marissa gave up and let the tears fall.
Khalid pressed on. “Just say you’ll stay a little longer. Give me a chance to prove myself to you. Because I will prove myself to you, and I will marry you, and I will make you the happiest woman in the world, if you give me a chance. I am as certain of that as I’ve ever been of anything in my life.”
“Yes.” The word hung there in the air like a tiny soap bubble, fragile and fleeting. With a silent prayer that her heart would be safe, she said it again. “Yes, I’ll stay.”
At that little sentence, he pulled her tightly into him and took her mouth in a kiss that made all the waiting and heartbreak and tears seem worth it. For the length of that kiss, she believed in destiny again.
But somewhere, far back in her mind, in a corner that even the touch of his lips couldn’t wipe clean, a part of her was still full of fear. That part of her worried that he wouldn’t ever be able to trust her in the way he would need to to make their marriage work. Part of her doubted he would always be there for her, that he would never again push her away.
And part of her knew, knew without a doubt, that time was the only way to find out.
13
That night, after they’d returned to the palace and spent a few hours just sitting on the beautiful balcony overlooking the garden, talking of anything and everything, Khalid deposited Marissa at her bedroom door with a chaste kiss and told her goodnight. At her look of surprise—and desire—he merely smiled and shook his head. “Goodnight, Marissa,” he said again, with even more finality. “As much as I’d love to spend the night co
nvincing you just how pleasurable a lifetime together could be, I know you need space to think. I’ve given you a lot to chew over.”
Marissa pouted a moment and gave him her most come-hither look. “Are you sure?” she said in a purring voice, though she knew he was absolutely right.
“No, I am not,” he said, clipped and gruff. “So you better get in there and shut the door while you still can.”
She laughed and shut herself up in the bedroom, but not before collecting one more long kiss that had shivers running up and down her backbone.
The next morning, after a night of tossing and turning and wishing she could have the comfort of Khalid’s arms around her, there came a gentle knock at the balcony door.
“Habibti,” she heard Khalid’s voice whispering. “Can I come in?”
Marissa shot a look at the clock. It wasn’t yet seven, and she was still in bed, incredibly drowsy from her restless night. She rolled over and propped herself up against the pillows, thinking first that she must look atrocious, and then that she didn’t care—she just wanted to see Khalid. “Come in,” she called, pulling herself out of bed slowly.
In a moment he was inside. “Ahh,” he groaned, as he strode toward her where she was prying herself up. “You even look sexy when you’re half asleep.” He slipped a finger into her loose, tangled curls and ran his hands down the length of her hair. “I’m sorry to have woken you. Stay in bed. There’s no need to get up, and besides, that’s my favorite place for you.”
His voice slipped away as he dipped in his head for a kiss that left Marissa feeling very much awake, and alive. But then he broke away. “I must leave again,” he said, and the words chased all that heat out of her veins.
“What?” she said, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. “You’re leaving now?” Now, she thought, when he was supposed to be here, proving his undying love?
He shook his head sadly. “Believe me, there’s only one place I want to be right now. With you, convincing you to forgive me,” he said, making her smile just a little even in the face of his bad news. “But there’s a problem with the site of the new national park. We’re getting word that Sheikh al Fulan is showing the area off to potential resort developers. I need to go north again and sit down with him, make sure we see eye to eye. I can’t let Rifaisa lose this site. It’s too precious. Too beautiful.”
Marissa wrinkled her forehead, trying not to be petulant, but wanting to demand he stay. “It’s just that there’s so much more we should talk about, after all that’s happened.”
Khalid wet his lips slightly, cupped her chin in his hand. “Say the word and I’ll stay. That beach is precious, but nothing is more important to me than having you by my side.”
His words gave her a healthy shot of perspective. “Of course you have to go. It’s your job. Your country.” Marissa sighed as she reminded both him and herself that this wasn’t his choice, but his duty. “It’s just that—it’s nothing. Never mind.”
“You’re scared,” Khalid stated. “I’ve left you before and never come back.”
Marissa nodded, feeling foolish but at the same time unable to deny her fears.
“I’ve had a wake-up call since then,” he said. “And I know not to let you slip away so easily.” He pressed a soft, sweet kiss to her lips to seal his words. “But the proof is in the pudding. I’ll be back as soon as I can, and then you will have my full”—he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck—“complete”—another kiss dropped onto a spot just above her collarbone—“attention.” And with that last word he gave her a kiss that promised a very, very attentive homecoming indeed.
But a few hours after he was gone, while the sweet sensation of his lips was still vibrating on her skin, the doubt began to creep in. She was soaking in a perfectly warm tub, the scent of roses lingering over her, when it hit her: Sheikh al Fulan. Nuriyah’s father. Nuriyah might not have been the right wife for him, but she was beautiful, and she was born here. These were her people. What if Khalid saw Nuriyah and reconsidered the suitability of Marissa as a Rifaisi princess? Her stomach began to clench as her worries snowballed upon each other.
Stop it, she told herself, reminding him of everything he’d told her last night. He’d promised never to push her away again. But was that a promise he could keep? And if it wasn’t, how would she know? Maybe he’d regret what he’d said the night before and decide he didn’t want her for his wife.
What if he was gone for a week and came back wishing he’d never proposed, but it was too late to undo the damage? What if he came back to her, barking about this or that person she’d spoken to on the phone or demanding to know her every move? Or worse, what if he was too proud to admit he couldn’t truly trust her, and spent the rest of his life avoiding her, assuming the worst. She knew he kept another residence in Saudi Arabia for diplomatic trips, and he could live on his yacht, too. How long could he hide away this time?
Marissa shook her head fervently from side to side, sending a spray of water from her soaking hair. Even in the throes of her anxiety she could tell the difference between a reasonable concern and the spiraling doubt that came of baseless worry. But it was so hard to get a grip on her thoughts, while things seemed so uncertain and her heart was so at risk. If only they’d had more time to talk over her concerns, for her to express how scary their love felt to her.
But, she thought with a frown, even once they had some time together, would she be able to get used to all his coming and going? Did she have what it took to be the wife of a prince?
Taking a deep breath of the steamy air, she straightened her shoulders and asked herself the most important question of all: Was it worth it? Like a bell, clear and bright, the answer came to her, along with a flood of images—Khalid swimming through that bright blue-green water, the sun on his dark skin as they walked down the pristine beach, the crinkles around his eyes when he spoke of Rifaisa, or when he smiled at something she’d said. The look in his eyes when he bent his head to kiss her. Yes. Absolutely he was worth it.
And at once she understood. She had a choice: she could either believe in their love and stay here or give in to her anxiety and go. Hedging her bets, hoping to somehow protect her heart wouldn’t work—love was an all-or-nothing game.
Yes, it was scary to be reminded of the way he’d left her before, but she could handle scary. And he would come back to her. He would keep his promises.
Just like that, understanding began to resonate within her. And as if her faith had summoned him, she heard the distinctive sound of her mobile phone’s text-message notification on the counter by the sink. Stepping out of the bath and toweling off, she flipped a button on the phone to see the text. It was from Khalid.
“Rest up,” said the message. “You’ll need your strength when I get back. And not just for ring shopping.”
A shiver of happy anticipation ran over her warm, dripping body.
Marissa was swimming the next morning when he came back to her. Catching her breath between laps, she saw through the long glass windows a level of hustle and bustle that only could be caused by the arrival of royalty. Her heart began to pound, and she exhaled a great sigh of relief, knowing that each time he left from now on, it would get easier. He wasn’t the only one who needed some practice in the trust department, she thought with a sheepish smile.
She fairly launched herself out of the pool and wrapped up in her fluffy white robe, knowing with her face red from exertion and a head full of dripping hair, she probably looked more like a melting snowman than anything else, but she didn’t care. She wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in his arms again, to feel his lips on hers, to tell him all the ideas she’d had for their wedding if he could stand to hear.
Rushing out of the glass confines of the pool room, she emerged into a long hallway and then out to the sitting area where, she thought with a shudder, she’d last lingered when Amid had urged her to depart Rifaisa forever. She wheeled around the corner and was about to plunge herself into
the great room where she knew Khalid would be arriving when Jana came out of nowhere and grabbed her by the collar of her robe.
“I wouldn’t go in there, if I were you,” she said in a hushed voice.
“Why on earth not?” Marissa asked, thinking that Amid, the most conservative of Khalid’s aides, had already seen her in a robe. What bit of protocol would she have to learn now?
Jana shook her head at Marissa, no doubt thinking she was hopeless. “Just trust me. You’ll thank me later.” With a nod to the great hall, Jana pulled Marissa closer to the wall where they were hidden from view. “Here, I’ll show you.”
As she spoke, the sound of footsteps on marble began to ring. Lots of footsteps, Marissa noticed, like a big crowd was entering.
“Who are all those people?” she asked, wondering if there was some sort of holiday or something she’d failed to research online.
“It’s the royal guard,” Jana whispered back, and even as she did, two men in dark suits came around the corner and gave Jana a hard look, to which she only nodded in response before they shrugged and disappeared. She tilted her head to the place where they’d been. “They’re securing the area for the king.”
“Abdul-Malik?” Marissa asked, incredulous. He’d been in London, she was told, for months, recovering from surgery. “He’s back in Rifaisa?”
Jana nodded, her eyes looking bright with excitement. “And in very good health, I’m told.”
Marissa smiled. She hadn’t laid eyes on the man since that day in Las Vegas, but she remembered him being kind and empathetic. And most importantly, he was Khalid’s family.
“I should go change,” she exclaimed, wondering whether it would be an appropriate sign of respect to don a headscarf like she’d done on their trip to the northern beaches.
Jana read her mind. “Don’t worry, I’ll come up and help you figure out what to wear. If you don’t mind waiting a moment? I’d love to see him.”