"Yes it's self-certified. If it becomes more serious then I will take him to the doctors." Jocasta poked her tongue out at the phone receiver hoping to send it along the line to the manager's ear.
"Ok well I suppose I will have to find someone else to do the cold room." The manager sighed. "When is he coming back?"
"I don't know, but when I do then you will know." Jocasta said. She was getting fed up of having this conversation, it should have been over after the first few seconds and she begrudged all the questions when she should be checking on how Adrian was doing. Jocasta started to hop from one foot to another in her frustration at being kept on the phone. The manager sighed again, "Ok well please phone tomorrow if he's not coming in."
"Yes ok, thank you." Jocasta gave the phone two fingers as she replaced the receiver in its cradle. "I hope he is ok." She said the words she expected the manager to have used, but never heard.
As Jocasta sat at the kitchen table eating scrambled eggs on toast, Adrian stumbled into the hallway of their flat.
"Mum." He called out, he held onto the hallway with one hand and his head with the other.
"Mum," he called again. Jocasta got up from her seat at the table and walked to Adrian in the hallway.
"What's the matter?" she asked him.
"I don't feel well." He told her. "My head is spinning. I feel like I need to go back to bed, can you phone work and tell them I won't be in?"
"Yes of course I can, go back to bed and I'll get you an aspirin."
Adrian turned and walked slowly back to his bed, then fell back onto the divan; groaning and rubbing at his forehead. Jocasta went back to the kitchen and broke another Temazepam out of its bubble packet. She poured a glass of water and took the tablet to Adrian.
"Here Adrian, here's an Anadin, take it for your headache."
Adrian pushed himself up into a sitting position and reached out for the cup Jocasta offered him. He swallowed the tablet, finished the water in the cup and then lay back down on the bed. Jocasta retrieved the quilt which was bunched up at the end of the bed and covered Adrian with it. She leant down to kiss him on the forehead. He didn't register the kiss at all and Jocasta felt a pang of guilt that she was the cause of his condition. She left the room and went into the front room, turned on the television and waited for Jeremy Kyle. She wished her problems were so trivial that she could afford to have them broadcast on national television, because she would have loved to have somebody to talk to and get some advice on what to do with Adrian. She could just picture Jeremy's face when she sat in one of the padded chairs on his stage. "Oh yes Jeremy, my son is a paedophile who raped and murdered a little girl and now I have him drugged up in his bedroom." Jocasta didn't think an hour's show would be any way near long enough to sort that kind of mess out. She knew she was on her own and would just have to deal with things the best way that she could. Remembering that she still had to visit different chemists to pick up further Temazepam prescriptions, Jocasta got up to take a shower and get dressed. She figured she had a good four hours, maybe more, before Adrian would wake up again which should be enough time to get around Elisworth and pick up the prescriptions and some ingredients for the soup she was hoping to secrete Adrian's next dosage in. He had taken the Anadin so readily however, she knew that it was not going to be a problem giving him any further doses, so long as he didn't realise that it wasn't Anadin she was giving him.
-x-
Jocasta quickly checked Adrian was still sleeping before she let herself quietly out of their flat. She walked briskly down the communal steps and out into the children's playground.
A young boy, no more than ten years old, sat on the bench; balancing on the two remaining wooden slats of the seat. Slumped over next to him was a body; Jocasta couldn't see if it was male or female as the dark grey clothing being worn was sports like; tracksuit bottoms with dirty white trainers and a hooded top which obscured any hair or facial features. The person's head was also hidden behind where the boy sat on the bench. Jocasta only meant to give the couple a fleeting glimpse as she wasn't nosy and was too wrapped up in her own problems to worry about anyone else's, but her glimpse triggered recognition and she stopped to look at the young boy properly.
The boy was looking despondently at the floor. Jocasta recognised the mousy brown hair and skeletal features of Andrew West. She supposed the slumped being behind him must be Mae, Savannah's mother, as she knew that the step-father Mike was no longer on the scene. Jocasta felt a pang of deep remorse that her son could have reduced this woman to being passed out in a children's playground. She was very aware that if Savannah were alive it was highly possible that Mae West would be passed out at home on the sofa as she was an alcoholic before Savannah died, however, being unconscious outside left Mae open to reports of neglect and would court attention from the Social Security. Jocasta didn't think she would be able to live with herself if Mae lost her second child, albeit he would be better looked after. Rather than walk away as would have been her usual behaviour, Jocasta decided to stop and help as she felt she had a responsibility now to care for this family; the victims of her son's evil, the people who were left behind to face the pain of losing their family member.
"Hello, its Andrew isn't it?" Jocasta approached the lad. He gave her a dirty look and shrank back into his mother's body.
"It's ok, I live up there." Jocasta gestured to her flat above. "Is that your mum?"
Andrew gave a nod. "She won't wake up," he said. Jocasta heard a grumbling coming from the boy's stomach. It was only 8 o'clock in the morning. Jocasta realised it was very possible that Andrew had been sitting with his mother throughout the night. She was glad that at least the weather was mild or Andrew might not have been so alive when she found him. He may not only be suffering from hunger, but exposure as well.
"Have you been here all night?" She asked him.
"Yeah, she won't wake up." Andrew gave the same reply.
Fearing that Mae may actually be dead, Jocasta rushed over to her slumped figure and gave Mae a push on the shoulder, bringing Mae's face into view. Mae's lips were blue but her face still had what Jocasta considered an 'alive' look about it. She shook Mae harder and shouted at her to wake up.
Mae opened her bloodshot eyes and looked up at Jocasta.
"What do you want? Fuck off." She shouted at Jocasta.
"It's Mae isn't it?" Jocasta asked her.
"What the fuck has that got to do with you?" Mae was obviously extremely annoyed at being disturbed from her drunken stupor. And drunk she was; she stank of stale alcohol, urine and vomit. Jocasta had to put her hand to her nose to shield herself from the smell Mae was giving off.
"Mae, you can't lie out here, if the police see you they'll phone the Social Services." Jocasta pleaded with her. She was hoping the threat of the Social would spur Mae into action.
"Fuck the police. They didn't help me, I'm staying here. Sav loved it here." Mae reached out and put her arms around Andrew, pulling him nearer to her and burying her head in his lap.
"My Sav loved this playground." She wailed and then began to cry in earnest.
Andrew looked pleadingly at Jocasta; she knew he must be cold, hungry and very tired. She could easily have walked away, but Jocasta was determined to help Mae and Andrew. She took Andrew's hand and extricated him from his mother's grip. Then sat where he had been sitting and put her arm around Mae's shoulders. "Come on Mae, let's get you home."
Mae continued to cry but despair had made her weak and she allowed herself to be manoeuvred off the bench by Jocasta. Mae stood up, but wobbled violently, so Jocasta put her arm around her and allowed Mae to lean heavily on her, then she led the way to where she knew Mae and Andrew lived. Andrew followed behind, kicking an empty beer can before him; one of many which had been discarded on the playground floor, next to food wrappers, an empty syringe and a large pile of dried up dog poo.
It was a short but arduous walk back to Mae's flat as Mae found it very difficult to put one foot in fr
ont of the other. Jocasta was sure Mae had ingested more than just alcohol; there was no way alcohol could have caused such huge impairment, especially as Mae had apparently been asleep for some time. Jocasta helped Mae through her front door, after she had spent a few minutes fumbling through Mae's pockets for the front door keys, only to be told that the key was under the door mat. Andrew retrieved it for Jocasta who then opened the door.
When Jocasta entered the flat, she found it in a terrible state. Rubbish, mainly empty and crushed beer cans, pizza boxes and dirty clothes, was scattered everywhere. It was difficult to find an empty patch of floor to put a foot in. Jocasta didn't think that Mae had cleaned or tidied the flat for a very long time; she obviously wasn't coping with the loss of her daughter. Andrew ran to the kitchen and returned; an embarrassed look on his face, with a roll of black bags which he handed to Jocasta.
"Is there any food in the house?" Jocasta asked him, he shrugged but looked hopeful at the prospect of food.
Jocasta led Mae to her bedroom, led by Andrew and helped Mae into her sheet-less bed. She found a blanket bunched up in the corner of the room and then went to the kitchen to find something for Andrew to eat, coming up with a box of cereal and some dubious milk. Andrew scoffed the food very quickly obviously glad for anything which he could put in his belly.
Jocasta picked up all the rubbish and Andrew showed her where everything was in the flat. There were no cleaning products to speak of so Jocasta made do with a bucket of warm water and a raggedy old dishcloth that had been in the sink. She worked hard for two hours, cleaning and making things right. When she entered Andrew's bedroom, Jocasta found Savannah's bed and belongings in immaculate condition. The bed was made and a small teddy bear sat propped up on the pillow. It was a grey bear with blue patches on it and was holding a banner saying 'Daughter', Photos of Savannah were stuck on the wall around the headboard; Savannah at the beach, school pictures and photo booth pictures of Savannah with her friends. Jocasta recognised Lacey in a couple of the pictures. They were happy photos, capturing moments in Savannah's life where she was growing up and experiencing new things. Jocasta was sad that there would never be a picture of Savannah as a grown woman, getting married, holding a child or grandchildren. No camera would ever capture Savannah's face again.
Andrew watched Jocasta as she looked at Savannah's belongings. He hadn't spoken but she could tell that he was guarding the property, making sure Jocasta didn't touch his sister's precious memories.
"You miss her don't you?" Jocasta said. Andrew nodded and tears welled up in his eyes. He went to sit on his own bed, turning on the television and losing himself in SpongeBob Square pants; dismissing Jocasta from his attention. Jocasta left the room, she wanted to scoop Andrew up into her arms and tell him everything was going to be ok, but it wasn't and it never would be. Adrian had not just taken Savannah's life; he had taken the life of Andrew and the life of Mae also. Even if time did eventually heal their emotional wounds, neither Andrew nor Mae's life would ever be the same again. Mae had obviously pressed the self-destruct button and Jocasta knew it wouldn't be long before Andrew followed suit, influenced by the life he watched his mother lead. She made a promise to herself that she would keep an eye on the Wests and would help them out whenever she could. Maybe in some small way she would be able to help them to recover from their terrible loss.
Jocasta left the flat and made her way to the first on the list of Chemists she had to visit that day; now more determined than ever to keep Adrian at home and unable to cause any more harm to a living creature.
Chapter 24
'God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight.'
Reggie White
Jocasta stayed out for a lot longer then she had expected, her chance meeting with Mae and Andrew had taken a good two hours of her time and every chemist was about twenty minutes away from the next one. Add to that the waiting time and Jocasta had only managed to visit two chemists before realising she could do no more. It was imperative she kept Adrian under the influence of the Temazepam because even though she was certain Adrian would not suspect her of any wrongdoing; if Adrian was able to recover and was then re-drugged, Jocasta knew it was likely he would become suspicious. If Adrian began to refuse her cooking or medication she offered him, then Jocasta would have no means of keeping him home and in her mind that wasn't an option.
Still with the vision of Savannah's protected belongings on her mind, Jocasta went home and made a tomato soup. She didn't make it from scratch, her cooking skills were basic and soup was way out of her comfort zone. She stood and watched the soup bubbling, feeling quite hungry herself after all the walking and lying she had been doing. As the red bubbles popped and splattered, Jocasta had an overwhelming urge to take her own life. She imagined jumping into a big vat of burning soup and allowing the heat to envelope her, causing her to melt away along with all her problems. She hoped reincarnation was real; she would come back as a giant land tortoise and live a long, slow, pain free life; chewing on lettuce and occasionally humping rocks.
A sound from the hallway broke Jocasta out of her daydreaming; she turned to see Adrian stumbling down the hallway.
"Hello love, are you feeling better?" Jocasta asked him.
"Not really." Adrian said, "It's like I can't wake up."
"Sleep is the best thing when you're sick." Jocasta turned back to tend to the soup. "It's your body's way of healing itself." She told him.
"Yeah," Adrian agreed as he sat at the table, struggling to pull the chair out before he could get his rear on the seat. "I can't remember anything that happened yesterday, it's like I've lost a day of my life."
"Oh that's just..." Jocasta stopped herself from saying 'the side effect' as that would surely draw suspicion upon her. She knew then that what she was doing was ridiculous. She wondered how she could possibly keep up the constant dosage of Temazepam which would keep Adrian asleep or dopey enough to not want to leave the flat. She also wondered what would happen once the medicine ran out, but more than anything she felt a terrible guilt for causing harm to her son. As a mother she believed it was her job to protect Adrian from harm and she had tried to do that all of his life. Now she found herself protecting others from Adrian; this wasn't how life was supposed to be. She should be proud of Adrian and boasting of his achievements, not hiding him away in their flat, ashamed of what he had become.
"That's just because you've done nothing but sleep." Jocasta reasoned. She spooned the soup into two bowls and broke up some bread on a separate plate, then brought them to the table.
"I'll get you another Anadin." Jocasta told Adrian, "Have you still got a headache?"
"Yeah," Adrian's eyes were half closed as he spoke.
Jocasta went to the cupboard where she kept the Temazepam and broke another one out of its pack. She handed one to Adrian and gave him a glass of water; he took it without question and swallowed the small tablet along with a gulp of water.
Jocasta sat at the table and began to eat her soup.
"I saw Savannah's mother today." She told him. Adrian didn't seem to register the statement.
"She was in a terrible state, her house was a mess and she was almost comatose with drink." Jocasta continued to tell Adrian what had happened. She was aware Adrian was not really listening but she needed to tell someone what had happened. As she spoke, Adrian's head dropped lower and lower, he held his spoon mid-scoop and all motion stopped. Jocasta realised that he had fallen asleep. She shouted his name,
"Adrian."
He gave a slight shake of his head and looked up at her.
"Savannah was sweet." He said and smiled, "I enjoyed Savannah." Then his head dropped again. Jocasta was horrified to see the smile on Adrian's face when he spoke of Savannah. She could see that even in his drugged and confused state he had no remorse for what he had done and even seemed proud. Any misgivings which may have been forming whilst warming the soup quickly left Jocasta's mind. She knew she was doing the right thing,
there was no way she could ever allow Adrian to get back out into the world; he was a danger to the young girls who might cross his path. When the medicine ran out, she decided, she would go to the doctors herself and pretend the symptoms of depression. Any medication she may be prescribed would go towards her efforts at restraining Adrian. Jocasta's heart was heavy at the prospect of the life which lay before her; a gatekeeper to a world of evil. The lamp that contained Aladdin's genie except this genie was evil and would be in no mood for granting wishes if he was ever set free from his living prison.
Chapter 25
'A mother understands what her child does not say.'
Jewish proverb
24th May 2012
13:00 hours
"Arthur, we have to go to the police." Tiffany's mother, Susan, pleaded with her husband. "We haven't heard from her for two days.
Susan and Arthur sat in their front room. The room was immaculately furnished in IKEA flat-pack furniture; the effect was a plain but modern living environment. Susan had spent two years furnishing their home, putting a lot of effort into every detail, adding knick knacks and ornaments to every available space in an attempt to put her own stamp on the generic furniture. Photos of Tiffany adorned the sideboard and she smiled down at them as they sat on the sofa discussing where they might be.
"Her phone may have run out of battery." Arthur said to Susan. "Or she might just not want to talk to us anymore." Arthur ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. He looked extremely rumpled and out of place in such a tidy room. Susan was similarly dishevelled, neither parent being able to concentrate on personal hygiene or appearance when they were so worried about their missing daughter.
"Arthur, the police will help us. She is missing; we haven't seen her for eight days. It doesn't matter that she's been texting; that might not even be her."
Arthur looked at Susan, she had voiced a fear he had been harbouring but had not voiced for fear of making it true. "I know." His voice wavered as the emotion bubbled up inside him. "I know, I know, she could be..." his voice broke off; he couldn't bring himself to say aloud his darkest thought.
Mother Be The Judge Page 17