After they do the initial testing they are confident he’ll be ok. When the trainer starts to give directions of what needs to get be done for him I step up and take control letting them know I’ll be the one taking care of him.
Chase notices me at that instance but I don’t look over at him; the trainer makes eye contact with him making sure the plan is ok. For a second I’m terrified that our last fight may have been too much.
Chase silently agrees and the trainer gives me details as to what I must do and what warning signs to look for. I recap it all back to him showing him I was listening and understand and promise to call him every three hours with updates.
After a flurry of activity and a lot of testing we’re escorted out of the stadium and to his hotel, which happens to be my hotel too.
I make sure the trainer will stay with him another half hour so I can run down to my room. I need to change and grab my things so I can stay in Chase’s room.
Once I’m in my room I move as fast as I can. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and change into a pair of yoga pants with matching tank top. I pull my hair off my face into a ponytail and grab my phone to send both Jax and Sam a text letting them know what happened and where I’ll be.
I’m running around like crazy so I take a moment to sit and breathe. Of course I’ll be there to take care of Chase and I can do this no matter what he’s done to me or what I’ve done to him. We didn’t leave in the best manner last time we saw each other and it plays back through my head.
“Wow Lucy, thank you for the reminder. I almost forgot that you haven’t needed me since the moment you thought we should break up. I almost forgot that it was you who walked out of my life completely disrupting everything that I thought we had. I forgot, Luciana, how easy it is for you to walk out of someone’s life, so let me try it now.”
I can’t try to work through this now; I need to get back to Chase. I walk out of my room and right into Luke. He tells me everything looks secure and walks me back to Chase’s room. He has the room next door and will get me anything I need. He’s very stern when he tells me not to leave Chase’s room without him again. Yikes, I made Luke mad.
I ignore it because I need to focus on looking after Chase.
When I walk back into the room the trainer goes over everything, again. I listen out of respect of how much they are concerned for ‘our guy’. I repeat the directions to him, again, and bid him goodnight promising to call him like we agreed.
Chase and I are alone for the first time since the accident happened. “How are you feeling?” I ask.
“Like I got hit in the head really hard.”
“Is there anything I can get you?”
“No Lucy, nothing.”
Well ok, that went well. I sit in the chair next to the bed and just stare at him. He’s lying on top of all the covers propped up by pillows. His eyes are closed so I take notice of the time and plan to be quiet for the next hour.
I can’t help but think of the night in the hotel room when Chase took care of me. He bathed me, he watched over me, he really took great care of me and I need to do the same for him. I’m not saving him from a madman, but I’ll make sure he’s taken care of tonight.
I’m deep in thought when I hear a knock at the door. I open my eyes and see Chase silently staring at me. I cross the room to open the door and see his Coach.
“Hi there, Lucy, how’s our boy?” he asks me.
“I’m doing ok,” Chase answers for me.
“Glad to hear that son, mind if I come and sit with you for a little bit?” I notice he seems to be asking if this is ok with me.
“Perfect timing,” I say to both of them. “I’m going to order a steak and a baked potato from room service, can I get either of you anything?”
“Sounds perfect, order the same for each of us,” Coach says and I see a smirk on Chase’s face. I know steak and potatoes are his favorite foods.
I order the food and decide to give them a few minutes alone and step out onto the balcony. It’s such a gorgeous night and Chase’s suite overlooks the ocean. I can hear the waves crashing in and smell the salt water. I love the tranquility I always feel when I’m by the water. I lean against the balcony for a few minutes with my eyes closed taking deep breaths and finally feeling more relaxed.
I sit on the chair and put my legs up on the table. I see both Jax and Sam texted me so I call Sam and she answers on the first ring.
“Don’t ever sneak away from Luke again, do you hear me Lucy?” she shouts at me.
“Hey Sam, how are you?” I say back to her. What has gotten into them? I didn’t sneak away, I moved around freely like I always do.
“Don’t how are you Sam to me Luciana, you scared us big time!”
Uh oh, she’s using my full name and I can only remember her using it a handful of times since I met her.
“What’s with the crazy?” I ask her. “I was in Chase’s room and I ran to my room to get into more comfortable clothes and then right back to Chase’s room. I’m moving around like I normally do, I never check in with Luke.”
Sam is quiet on the other end and tries to switch subjects and ask me how Chase is doing. I don’t let her. “Seriously Sam, cut the shit; what’s going on?” She’s quiet for a few seconds and I am as well. I’m not letting her out of this. Something freaked her out and I have the right to know if it’s about my safety.
“Luke is always with you Lucy. Whoever tried to drug you at Club 6 left you a note on your hotel room door today.”
“What? How is that possible?”
“I don’t know. Luke is always watching you and you’re always safe but he lost you in all the hectic activity today. He didn’t know you left Chase’s room.”
Oh shit! “How do you know it’s the guy from the club leaving the notes?”
She pauses before she tells me, “The note said something like, ‘it’s time to finish what you started at Club 6’…”
“Oh,” is all I can muster for a reply.
“Lucy he can’t get near you as long as Luke is with you. Luke is never going to let you out of his sights again. I’ll be there tomorrow and we’ll find this guy,” she says in a very caring tone.
I immediately push how scary this is out of my head. I can’t think about a stalker right now when I’m in a hotel room with my ex-boyfriend who has a concussion. I need to take care of him. He’s the reason I was saved from that madman in the first place; I’m safe with him. Luke is outside the door and no one can get past him. I’m safe here, so I push it out of my mind.
“I bet you are super happy I’m shacking up with Chase tonight!” I tell Sam.
“Yeah, actually I am happy that you’re not alone tonight. I suck as a friend and let you go to Miami alone so I could have incredible sex with a super hot baseball player.”
I burst out laughing. “Super-hot sex, Sam, really?”
“Mmmhmm,” she purrs back. “We have a lot of girl talk to catch up on at the beach tomorrow. In the meantime take care of our boy in there, he’s a good guy,” she says to me.
‘Our boy’? Why do people keep referring to him like that?
I hear a knock at the door and tell Sam I need to go and we say good-bye. Room service is setting the meal up when I walk back into the other room and it smells remarkable.
My stomach notices how hungry I am and begins to grumble, so I walk right over and start cutting up one of the steaks. I pass the cut up steak over to Chase and see both him and the coach are looking at me.
“What?” I ask and they both laugh as the coach passes me his plate to cut up. I laugh and take the plate, “Real funny, guys!”
Dinner is fabulous and Coach is sharing funny stories of Chase that make us all laugh. Chase seems a little loopy but I know it’s the strong pain pills he’s on.
“In all seriousness, Lucy, that promo looks damn good and we’re proud as hell that you picked our boy here for it,” Coach says to me.
I smile at him and purposely don’t look at
Chase. “Thank you, Coach; I’m very proud of it.”
We finish dinner and Chase says he’s feeling nauseous so he’s going to lay down. He didn’t eat much of the steak but sipped most of the smoothie and soup I ordered for him.
Coach gives me his cell number to add to my phone and I promise to take good care of him.
“I know you will Lucy, I know you will,” he whispers to me before he hugs me good-bye.
I smile as I close the door behind him.
Chapter 24
I’m lost in thought as I hear Chase begin to move around. He gets out of bed, runs to the bathroom and throws up. I get a cold cloth ready for him and prepare his toothbrush. When he’s ready he brushes his teeth and I help him back to bed. He tells me he feels really dizzy and nauseous and isn’t sure if it’s part of the headache or pills that he’s taken. I ask him if I can do anything and I’m met with silence.
I help him back into bed and under the covers and he passes out. I call his trainer and tell him about the past few hours and he’s ok with everything and reminds me to keep in contact with him.
Since I know he has a headache I don’t want to make any noise so I sit on the chair and quietly think. Not a great idea because there’s so much on my mind I want to scream.
I wake him up at 11pm, again at midnight, and once more at 1am. At 1am I’m starting to get really cramped in the chair so I walk around the room before deciding to step out onto the balcony. I open the sliding door to let in the sounds of the ocean in and breathe in the sweet smells. The fresh breeze feels amazing.
As soon as I sit I hear Chase come out onto the balcony. “Mind if I join you?”
“Absolutely not,” I tell him.
“It’s so beautiful out here. The ocean is so relaxing and the smells are amazing,” I say out loud as Chase sits next to me on the love seat.
Silence surrounds us for a few minutes.
“Chase, I’m sorry for not being grateful to you. I appreciate all you did for me… and I did need you.”
“Thank you,” is his only reply.
“Do you hate me?” I ask him seriously. He’s giving me a huge blow-off here and I don’t really get it, but I want to understand.
“No, I don’t hate you. I was hurt by you all those years ago and then again last month, and I don’t want to let you hurt me again,” he says and I hear the hurt in his voice.
I don’t get it. Why was he hurt by me? I was the one who saw him moving on right after we broke up. I’m not apologizing for walking out of his life after realizing I didn’t mean the same to him as our relationship meant to me.
Hurt last month? I just don’t get it!
We’re silent for awhile before he asks, “I get that he’s your boyfriend, but why wouldn’t you call me if you needed someone when I was in the same city as you? I wanted to help you, Lucy, and it sucked getting a call from Jax asking me to go check on you.”
I turn toward him and can see the hurt so clearly on his face. “I did call you. I talked to your girlfriend.”
“When did you call me?”
“That night, I called you when I got back to my room and was frantically checking the locks over and over again. I did need you and I wanted you to help me. I called you, a girl answered, she told me she was your girlfriend and she’d give you my message.” I might as well tell him the truth if we’re going to have this talk.
“Fuck!” he says out loud. “When I got my phone back I didn’t show any calls or texts from you.”
I have nothing to add so I just stay quiet.
“I guess I should be apologizing to you then.”
“Absolutely not, you don’t have to apologize for your girlfriend forgetting to give you a message.”
Chase laughs, “She’s not my girlfriend.”
“I’ve seen you with her a few times Chase,” I say but I can’t look at him. It feels too surreal to discuss him with other girls. I’m with Jax and happy, but Chase was the boy I loved who walked away with someone else. It still hurts.
“Does that upset you, Lucy?”
I don’t answer and I don’t look at him.
We’re quiet for awhile just looking toward the ocean and enjoying the humid night.
“How are you feeling?” I ask and he says he’s the same. I excuse myself for a minute. I need a break and I should text an update to his trainer.
When I come back Chase looks deep in thought and I sit back down next to him.
“I’m so proud of you,” he says out of nowhere.
“Thank you…” I reply. It means so much to hear him say that.
“I’m proud of you as well, Chase.” I’m not sure why, but I feel nervous to be having this conversation with him.
“I followed your career in college, it was amazing. When you were called up to the Major Leagues so fast I wasn’t surprised… I was thrilled for you.”
“Really?” he asks me and sounds surprised.
I laugh, “Which part?”
“You followed me?”
“Yeah, of course I did!”
I feel a little stupid saying that since I didn’t even say good-bye to him, so why would I have kept up with his career?
It’s as if he’s reading my mind, “You didn’t even say good-bye before you left.”
I look down and can’t stop the tears that slip through.
“I watched you dance with Lexie, watched her smile and grab your hand to walk toward you room. I turned around went home and made the decision to go to NYU.” I can’t even look at him, the hurt is so fierce.
“This is so fucked up Lucy, I never hooked up with Lexie, never! I couldn’t stand her. She was at our house that night and I was a mess missing you so much. She tried to cheer me up but I said I was going to my room. She followed me and I shut the door in her face and told her I was going to my room alone. The next day I went to your dorm and you weren’t there. You weren’t there and … you didn’t even say good-bye.”
My world is suddenly flipped upside down. He didn’t hook up with Lexie? Nothing I saw was real? I was wrong? I moved away and didn’t contact Chase ever again and I was wrong? This can’t be true.
“What?” I ask him still in disbelief.
“Your parents wouldn’t tell me where you went and I didn’t know what I did that was so bad and then…” He pauses and shakes his head before continuing, “Lucy how could you just leave us like that?”
The tears are rolling down my cheek and I can see them in his eyes too. I walked out on him and he felt pain, the same pain I felt when I thought he walked out on me.
“Oh my God, Chase,” I try to explain what I did and why I did it but it sounds so crazy to me. I left him because I thought he didn’t want me anymore, but I never even told him good-bye. How could I just leave like that?
What throws me for a loop is finding out he knew I was in NYC; he saw me in the papers with Sam and her family and knew that’s where I ran off to.
I listen in pain as he details the hurt and rejection he felt, and it’s similar to what I went through. I did that to him. It feels horrible hearing him detail it back to me.
I can’t even be mad he never came to New York for me. I left him and he didn’t know why. I thought he misled me to believe in us, in our relationship. In reality I gave him a reason not to believe in me. What I thought he did to me is not even close to what I did to him. The guilt slams into me and is so overwhelming.
“I forgive you,” Chase says to me. “I forgive you,” he says again. I see a tear rolling down his cheek and I wipe it away and whisper, “Thank you, Chase.”
“Come on, let’s go inside; its 3am and Sam will kill me if I don’t take good care of you.”
“Hardy har har; come on let me help you get back into bed.”
We leave the door wall open and I help him get situated in bed. I get his pills and water for him to take and text his trainer letting him know he is doing better.
I sit back down in my chair and Chase says, “Jax would kill me if
he knew I let you sleep on a chair, get into bed with me.”
Chase talking about Jax is further sobering. God he’s being so gracious about this when he should hate me.
I really don’t want to sleep in a chair so I take Chase up on the offer.
We face one another but stay on our own sides of the bed. “You’ll never know how sorry I am for how I left us, Chase.”
“Yes I do Lucy. I’m sorry too. I never wanted a break from us, I wanted you to take a few days without me to see what that would be like and to understand how firmly I knew I didn’t want to be without you.”
“You pretend broke up with me?”
“Yes I did. We both have a lot of regrets.”
“Moving to NYU was so scary, I didn’t know anyone. I met Sam and Ana right away, thank God. I worked so hard to make sure I was busy and successful.” I tell him about college and about my internships and how I watched him.
“When did you start dating?” Chase asks.
“Jax is my first boyfriend since you.” I whisper to him. We’re both quiet and he tells me he hasn’t had a girlfriend since me.
“Really?” I ask him. I didn’t mean to not trust his word but it was hard to believe.
He gives a little laugh, “I haven’t been a priest, but no, no girlfriends.”
I understand what he’s telling me.
I love hearing him tell me about his college years. I paid attention to his baseball career, but the good friends he had and normal college stories are nice to hear.
“I miss you so much,” I say to him as I’m falling asleep. Not sure if I’m saying that out loud or in my head but I hear him tell me, “I miss you too, Luciana. Every single day!”
I wake up and it’s 5am. Shit, I didn’t do my job. I scoot toward Chase and lightly shake him. I see he’s breathing well but I need him to open his eyes and say something.
“Chase wake up,” I whisper.
“Shhh Lucy, sleep,” he whispers back and pulls me down onto his chest.
My head is laying on his chest and his arms are wrapped around me so I put my left leg over his legs, my arm over him and I go to sleep. It feels so familiar that I fall asleep immediately.
Almost Lost, Never Forgotten Page 15