by Louise Bay
“Oh, and that’s Chateau Marmont—an old Hollywood icon.”
“That place?” I asked, staring at the white building on the left, hidden by the trees.
“Yeah. I like that place. Maybe we’ll go one day. You know, when this Audrey thing is over.”
I smiled but didn’t say anything. Even when the Audrey thing was over, I didn’t want to be together in public. I thought he understood that.
We kept going and the restaurants gave way to banks and offices. I wasn’t sure if we were going somewhere or were just driving around.
“And this,” Matt said, “is Hollywood. You know how you can tell?” he asked as we pulled over.
“How?”
“The sidewalk.”
I poked my head out of the car to see stars all over the sidewalk. I grinned and turned back to him. “That is so cool.”
“That’s Grauman’s Chinese Theater,” he said, lifting his chin.
“Oh, yes. Of course,” I said, recognizing the striking building from watching the Academy Awards. “Have you been to the Oscars?” I asked.
“Never been nominated or invited. I’ve been to the after parties, but never the ceremony.”
I wanted to ask whether or not he wanted an Oscar, but surely every actor did.
“We’re going to drive along up here for a couple of blocks.” He pressed a button and told David to go to the next place. Matt had obviously put some thought into this trip and it was kind of adorable.
After a few minutes, the car slowed to a stop again. “I thought you might want to visit your namesake, Lana Turner, and then I have a map and we can go and see anyone you like.” Matt’s eyes were lit up. “You brought your phone, right? For a picture? David will take one for you.”
“I can selfie,” I said. “You okay to stay here?”
He nodded and I could feel him watching me as I slid out of my seat. Even at this time of night, there were people around. He’d definitely attract attention if he followed me.
I found Lana Turner’s star quickly. I couldn’t help but be a little sad my dad wasn’t here for this. He was the Lana Turner fan. But I knew wherever he was he’d be smiling down, happy if I was happy. Which I was.
I was full to the brim.
So much so I couldn’t quite believe any of it was real.
Matt
“You’ve heard of the Hollywood Bowl, right?” I didn’t want Lana to think I saw her as some hick who knew nothing about the world, but I remembered coming to Los Angeles and everyone pointing out all these places as though I should know what they were or understand their significance when I hadn’t had a clue. I really wanted to show her LA tonight. I just wished we didn’t have to hide.
“A concert venue, right?”
“Yeah. It’s outdoor, and I really like it. And here we are.”
“Stay,” I said as I opened the door, got out and rounded the trunk to her side. As I opened her door, she said, “We’re getting out? Like, you’re getting out? What if someone sees?”
“It’s closed tonight,” I said, helping her down from the Range Rover.
“Closed?” She frowned.
I held my hand out and guided her to the entrance. “To the public, but I thought it might be fun to explore.”
“We’re breaking in?” She sounded genuinely concerned.
“No, they’ve let us come after hours. I know a guy who knows a guy.”
“Oh, to be a famous movie star,” she said and giggled, poking me in the ribs.
“Hey, I said it had its perks.”
I’d arranged for us to enter at the back of the venue so that when we came out, she’d feel the size of the place. As we turned into the bowl, she gasped. “It’s huge.”
As I’d planned, the stage was lit in blue, as if someone was about to come out and perform. “Let’s make our way down to the front,” I said, tugging her hand.
As we got closer, we slowed, taking in the lights and the stage. She twirled. “I can’t believe we have this entire place to ourselves.” She slid her hands up my chest and around my neck. “Thank you for planning something so special. If only your screaming fans knew how adorable you really are.”
I spanned her waist with my hands and dropped a kiss on her lips. “I look after the people who are important in my life, that’s all. Come on. I have something arranged.” I turned and led the way to our left.
“Glass of champagne?” I asked as we came to a table covered with a white cloth. On it was an ice bucket and two glasses, along with two hot dogs from Carney’s. I loved that she’d spotted the restaurant on our way here.
“Champagne and hot dogs?” Her eyes were bright with excitement. “This is too much.” She held out her hands as if welcoming the food and alcohol.
Seriously, she might just be the perfect woman. Or my perfect woman anyway.
I poured two glasses of champagne and handed one to her. “To hiding in plain sight,” she said.
“With the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.”
She tilted her head. “You have all the words, my friend. All. The. Words.”
What she didn’t realize was that I wasn’t trying to tell her what she wanted to hear, I was just saying what I felt. There was no one on the planet I’d rather be with right there and right then.
I sat and pulled her onto my lap.
“It’s true, champagne does go with everything,” she said, setting her glass back on the table in front of her. “Even hot dogs.”
“Are you enjoying LA?” I asked. I hoped it wouldn’t be long before she came out again.
“Yeah. It’s different than I thought it would be. It feels less like a city than New York.”
I chuckled.
“You know what I mean—it’s more about the outdoors than Manhattan.”
“I’d like to think this won’t be your only trip.”
Her gaze darted from my mouth to my eyes and she just smiled.
“I was talking to Sinclair about the pictures taken in Maine.”
She glanced back at the stage and leaned into my chest.
“Audrey and I are going to announce our breakup on Tuesday after you fly home.”
“Really? Before the publicity tour for your movie?” She linked her fingers through mine.
“Yeah, the studio thinks it might create good buzz if they spin it right. It’s just there will be additional scrutiny on Audrey and me after the photos.”
“I’m sorry if I ruined that for you.”
“You didn’t do anything. And maybe it’s for the best. Audrey won’t have to wait as long to get married. And, you know, things are going well between you and me so …”
She stopped stroking my wrist. “But Audrey isn’t the only reason why you and I aren’t public.”
“No.” I took a deep breath. “But maybe now we have options.”
She put her hand on my chest and turned to face me, her eyes narrowing. “Options?”
“Well, I won’t be with Audrey. And Sinclair is talking about another contracted girlfriend.” She raised her eyebrows. “I said that we were together so I didn’t need another girlfriend.”
“What did he say?”
“Well, he wants me to be in a relationship. Thinks it shows me as being mature and reliable.” Sinclair might want me going out with a star, but if Lana was amenable, I’d rather it was her.
“So you’re going to get another girlfriend?”
“Well, I was hoping you were going to tell me that I’m already taken,” I said, pulling her closer. “I want you to be my girlfriend.”
Her frown deepened. “I don’t understand.”
“Look, I don’t want another fake girlfriend when I have you.” I paused, wanting her to agree, but her face was frozen. “The thing with Audrey was easy,” I explained. “I was single and she had a serious boyfriend. But now that the shoe’s on the other foot, I can’t imagine why she signed up. Not when she was with someone else.”
“What are you saying? You don’
t want a contracted girlfriend?”
“I’m saying, let’s go public. I don’t want to have to hide.” Her eyes widened in shock. “Not right away. There needs to be some time after my breakup with Audrey.”
She tried to wriggle away but I held her tight. “Would it be so bad for people to know I’m your boyfriend?”
“Let go of me. I need to—”
I released her and she scooted off my lap and onto the chair next to mine. “You know I don’t want that sort of attention.”
“But you’ve seen how my fame can be a good thing—think of the positives.”
“It’s not something I’d ever choose. You know that. I feel like you’re changing the rules on me here.”
“How did you think this was going to play out? We can’t stay a secret forever. Not if we’re serious. And I’m here to tell you I’m serious. I really like you. I haven’t dated a woman since high school—I’ve never had the urge. But I want to spend all my time with you, whether I’m in the house or going to a premiere.” It felt good to tell her.
“A premiere?” She looked at me as if I’d suggested we boil ourselves in acid.
I shifted my body toward her and brushed her hair behind her shoulders. “You’d look beautiful on the red carpet.”
She pressed her palm flat on her chest. “I can’t breathe.”
I made sweeping circles on her back. “I’m not saying that we need to issue a statement. I’m just suggesting that when the Audrey thing has died down, in a couple of months, then we could just not make such an effort not to be seen together.”
“In a couple of months?” Her question sounded hopeful.
Maybe she was open to this. “Yeah, nothing has to change right away.”
She took a deep breath. “A couple of months is almost as long as we’ve known each other.”
“Exactly. I just want you to think about it. Sinclair’s asking me to meet this new girl for a contract and I just—”
“Maybe you should.” She dragged her fingers through her hair. “Anything could happen between us in a couple of months. You’re going to be travelling to promote this movie. I’m going to be busy in Maine …”
“Hey,” I said, ducking down, trying to catch her eye. Her stare was planted firmly on the ground. “Just because I’m going to be abroad doesn’t change anything. I can arrange for you to come out to wherever I am on the junket, and if I have some down time, I’ll come back to Worthington for a few days.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You don’t want me to come to Maine?”
She sighed. “I do, but not while your profile is going to be higher than ever. You’ll have just announced your split with Audrey and the press is going to be looking for the reason why. I don’t want to be the answer.”
“Fair enough. And Sinclair would probably have a—”
“I don’t give a shit about Sinclair. I’m telling you, for now I don’t want you to come to Worthington.”
I wanted her to tell me that all she cared about was me and she’d do whatever it took to be with me. But she was saying the opposite. “Okay, I promise not to come to Maine.” I tried to sound level and unconcerned but the rejection stung.
“Okay,” she mumbled under her breath.
We sat silently as the minutes ticked by. Had I read this situation wrong? We’d practically lived together in Worthington and she’d agreed to come out to LA. Did she expect things between us to fall apart?
Would it really surprise me if she did? My past was hardly one of committed monogamy. But I wanted to be committed to her. Somehow, I’d gone from wanting to fuck everything that moved to wanting one woman and one woman only—Lana.
I just wanted her to feel the same way.
“I’m sorry if I overreacted. I have a lot to lose, and I can’t give that up just because it’s convenient for your career.” Her voice wobbled as if she was close to tears. This was not how this night was meant to go.
“You think I’m using you?” That was the furthest thing from the truth.
“I’m not saying that. I just think that we wouldn’t be having this conversation if it weren’t for your career and Sinclair and the franchise.”
Well, I couldn’t argue with that. If Sinclair hadn’t been on my case about getting another girlfriend on contract, I never would’ve brought up going public with Lana. I knew how she felt about it.
I wanted her to be happy. More, I wanted to be the one who made her happy. “I’m pushing too hard,” I said. “And you’re right, going public with you in a few weeks would be convenient for my career. But it’s more than that, Lana. I like you, like being with you. Part of me wants to show you off, tell everyone you’re taken. Have people see how fucking lucky I am.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I know and it’s so nice. It was just not what I was expecting. At all. I’m not sure where it leaves us if one of us wants one thing and another wants something different.”
I took a steadying breath. I needed to be strong and calm. To tell her everything was going to be okay, that I could guide her through this. One way or the other, we’d resolve this. “Listen. Above everything, I want you to be happy.” A tugging in my gut said that wasn’t the whole truth. I wanted this franchise, which meant I had to have a girlfriend. Only after the ink was dry on the contract could I do what I wanted. If Lana wanted our relationship to remain under wraps, then maybe I should take the lunch that Sinclair was trying to set up.
“I want you to be happy, too. I’m just not sure what that means,” she said, glancing up at me.
I took her face in my hands. “We’re going to take things step-by-step. I’m going to stop pushing and we’re just going to enjoy our time together.” I dropped a kiss on her lips. “Agreed?”
“Okay,” she said. “And I’ll definitely think about it.”
I smiled, trying to mask my concern. Los Angeles didn’t have thunderstorms very often, but a rumble in the distance told me unless I could change her mind at some point, we weren’t going to last very long.
Twenty
Lana
The metallic taste of blood hit my tongue, and I pulled my thumb out of my mouth to see the skin by the side of my nail bleeding. Shit. I stopped pacing and tried to concentrate on the ocean as the voice on the other end of the phone kept talking about talent and meetings and New York.
“So can you make a meeting next Thursday?” Beatrice Gravel, the senior buyer at Barneys, asked. It was the second time and I couldn’t put off my answer any longer. This was exactly what I’d been aiming for when I’d sent my drawings and photographs of the cuff I’d made to a contact of Mr. Butcher’s two weeks ago.
“That would be in Manhattan?” Of course it would. Where else would it be? I hadn’t been back since college. But the possibility of having a jewelry line in Barneys? Was I really going to pass that up because of my ex?
“Yes. We can have lunch, talk about next steps and show you some of the other designer jewelry we have in the store. We think your designs would be a beautiful fit.”
If Ruby was here, she’d rip the phone from my hand, accept on my behalf and then tell me it was going to be okay. So would Matt, for that matter. I took a deep breath. I could always pull out later if I totally freaked out. But as I stood on my deck, overlooking the ocean, sheltered from the storm that I could feel was just a few minutes away, I felt brave. Powerful. Like I was standing on the edge of my destiny. “That sounds great.”
“Wonderful. If you have any more designs, bring them with you. We love the Bastet collection and we definitely want to start with that, but we absolutely want to see anything else you’re working on.”
I pressed my forefinger against my bleeding thumb. “I’ll see what I can find.”
“Great. Well, I can’t wait to meet you in person after all these phone calls.”
“Yeah, it will be …” I searched for the right words. Why was I so awkward when people were being complimentary? “Nice to
meet you, too.”
I cringed, but we said our goodbyes and I hung up, wondering what I’d gotten myself into.
I jumped, my phone buzzing in my palm. I grinned as I saw who was calling and then swiped the screen. “Hey, Mr. Movie Star. How’s Italy?”
“Hey, beautiful,” Matt replied. “I just got to the airport.”
I couldn’t hear the normal hustle and bustle of airport noise in the background, but then he was probably in some kind of VIP lounge.
“Sweden next?”
“Yeah, I think so. Although, at this point, I really have no idea.”
He sounded exhausted, which made sense. He was getting close to the end of his publicity tour and every time we spoke he came across a little less enthusiastic about his job.
I laughed. His schedule was ridiculous. I’d flown to London a couple of weeks ago and we’d spent a few days together holed up in the Dorchester hotel, but he hadn’t had much time off.
“How did your call with Barneys go?” he asked.
I bit back my lip, pleased he’d remembered.
“I’m going to meet them in New York on Thursday for a meeting.”
“That’s great,” he yelled, and I had to hold the cell away from my ear.
“I figure I can always cancel.”
“Hey, don’t do that. This is a fantastic opportunity.”
“I know, I just …” I leaned over the railing toward the ocean. I knew it was time to put to rest all my old ghosts. But that didn’t mean I was looking forward to it. “I won’t cancel. I just need to prepare myself.”
“You’re stronger than you think you are,” he said. “Don’t underestimate yourself. And hey, I’ll see what I can do to fly back.”
“Your tour doesn’t finish until that Friday, and anyway I’ll be okay.”
“You can stick around for the weekend and I could meet you there? I’ll check my schedule and talk to Brian and let you know.”
“It would be good to see you.” During my trip to LA, things had solidified between us and we had transitioned from a summer affair to a relationship where we spoke every day and tried to see each other as often as we could. But he wanted more—for us to go public. I understood and I knew I wanted to be with him. I just didn’t know how it would work. I hoped he’d give me the time I needed to figure it out.